I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇 twitter.com/search/from:@i… Canada Joined October 2021-
Tweets51K
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Followers20K
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Following1K
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Likes57K
Some things stay the same
20s: would never leave the house in pyjamas 40s: will only leave the house if I can wear pyjamas
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
I Swore I’d Never Do These Things When I Had Kids. Then I Had Kids. By @IHideFromMyKids Anyone can be a gentle parent until they pull a knife on you medium.com/frazzled/i-swo…
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
It's strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That's just watching paint that's already dry.
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
Me on my way to yell at my husband for being on his phone after I got bored of using mine
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I'm loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen "to get something."
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
I hope this middle finger finds you well.
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
Emails be like unsubscribe here and then they send you an email to tell you you’ve unsubscribed.
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
Tore a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing
Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
“Meeting expectations since 1994.”
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
Why is the cow the only animal that gets a bell? If a cow sneaks up on you undetected, you lowkey deserve what you get,
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
I always fear that oneday I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
tortured poet’s department except it’s just me off my meds.
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
Got flagged by airport security because my son had a Magic 8 Ball in his backpack. Two TSA agents debated whether it was ok. My husband said, “If only we had a simple way to answer a yes or no question…” Crickets.
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
me: *relaxing* my brain: what if i ruined that
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
Last night I was lying in my 3yos bed as he was falling asleep and he reached out to me in the dark, put his hand on me and said “ahhhh, big belly, tiny head, that’s my mama”
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
What position is it in soccer where my kid tries to find a four leaf clover?
I Hide From My Kids retweeted
Who you are after midnight is the real you.
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252K Followers 2K Following typical fucking scorpio - header art: @sasa_elebeaJumpin into the weekend jumpsuit 💥
@IHideFromMyKids Or---never leave the house?
@IHideFromMyKids Clothes need to be comfortable not fashionable. Pyjamas are life!
@IHideFromMyKids buying clothes that look like pjs and pjs that look like clothes to really blur the lines
@IHideFromMyKids "...leave the house...."🤔🤔
@IHideFromMyKids Awesome inner growth!!! Realizing you are the event, not what you wear to it!!
@IHideFromMyKids Curious though, Like, do you wake up and change into your day pajamas from your night pajamas? 🤪😂
@IHideFromMyKids Most people aren’t worth putting pants on for
@IHideFromMyKids If you ever come visit, jammies are fine in my house! *sets up Cards Against Humanity*
Enjoy the healing power of the best tweets of the week at the Picayune Sentinel. Nominees: @IHideFromMyKids @JayTorch1031 @YSylon @Ruth_A_Buzzi @JohnLyonTweets @kryzazzy @mariana057 @YSylon @Shader70 @FScottFitzJesse ericzorn.substack.com/i/143697649/th… Subscribe & don't miss a single poll
If You Give a Kid an iPad… By Hollie Harris You might regret it later medium.com/frazzled/if-yo…
@FrazzledHumor @IHideFromMyKids "Stop yelling" is my favorite thing to yell.
I Swore I’d Never Do These Things When I Had Kids. Then I Had Kids. By @IHideFromMyKids Anyone can be a gentle parent until they pull a knife on you medium.com/frazzled/i-swo…
It's strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That's just watching paint that's already dry.
Me on my way to yell at my husband for being on his phone after I got bored of using mine
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