My Life As Dad @milifeasdad
Dad. Real silly. Davidoff Cool Water activist. Posts seen on @Buzzfeed, @HuffPost, @TODAY_Parents & more. I.G. 👉 https://t.co/f1BzpG3AnQ . My tweets in 🔗 below. twitter.com/search?q=from:… Michigan, USA Joined October 2021-
Tweets24K
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Followers6K
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Following896
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Likes26K
My Life As Dad retweeted
Every so often my wife sends me these cute texts like "Heyyy" and "Come upstairs, your kids clogged their toilet".
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My Life As Dad retweeted
The gift of a non severe evening thunderstorm.
My Life As Dad retweeted
Every time I try to do a jumping jack, it's like my boobs are playing their own game of peek-a-boo. Guess they wanted to play ‘bounce and seek’?
My Life As Dad retweeted
Can’t-Getting high off puffer fish with dolphins. Dude…
My Life As Dad retweeted
When you're hungry and hear an ad for Nucala and think "Good to know Nutella will help me breathe better".
My Life As Dad retweeted
SOME great news: the priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.
My Life As Dad retweeted
In an unexpected turn of events yesterday, my husband tested the child locks on the car doors. “Laura, can you come and let me out?”
My Life As Dad retweeted
My girls were being complete wild raccoons and some dude said enjoy every moment it goes by fast so I told them to attack.
My Life As Dad retweeted
Me: *places a hold on a book in the Libby app* Libby app: There’s a 36 week wait on this book. Me: *starts another book while I wait* *two hours later* Libby app: Your hold is ready.
My Life As Dad retweeted
Hey I'm bringing velour track suits back everyone
My Life As Dad retweeted
Day 10,659 of my husband acting shocked and surprised when I remind him he needs to pick up after himself
My Life As Dad retweeted
Haggis- the meal you have to stomach twice
My Life As Dad retweeted
too young to die too old for carbs
My Life As Dad retweeted
The fun thing about having kids is you get to relive all your childhood illnesses from strep throat to athletes foot
My Life As Dad retweeted
Me: buttering me up won’t work Also me: so how cute did you say my smile is?
My Life As Dad retweeted
Me getting up to go to the bathroom: My two dogs: You son-of-a bitch, we’re in
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M͜͡&͜͡M͜͡ @TheSoulShadow
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Balderdash @wx388
7K Followers 5K Following Doesn’t matter what the problem is. The answer is always 🧀 #Chiefskingdom #ForeverRoyalEvery time I try to do a jumping jack, it's like my boobs are playing their own game of peek-a-boo. Guess they wanted to play ‘bounce and seek’?
Can’t-Getting high off puffer fish with dolphins. Dude…
When you're hungry and hear an ad for Nucala and think "Good to know Nutella will help me breathe better".
SOME great news: the priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.
In an unexpected turn of events yesterday, my husband tested the child locks on the car doors. “Laura, can you come and let me out?”
My girls were being complete wild raccoons and some dude said enjoy every moment it goes by fast so I told them to attack.
Me: *places a hold on a book in the Libby app* Libby app: There’s a 36 week wait on this book. Me: *starts another book while I wait* *two hours later* Libby app: Your hold is ready.
Hey I'm bringing velour track suits back everyone
Day 10,659 of my husband acting shocked and surprised when I remind him he needs to pick up after himself
too young to die too old for carbs
I'm going to get all the carts at Aldi's and then rent them out for 50cents.
Have you ever had your gas pumped by an attendant?
@milifeasdad The one that terrifies me the most is “how much do you love me”
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