Adam @adamgreattweet
Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him twitter.com/search/from:ad… Richmond, VA Joined September 2019-
Tweets200K
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Followers63K
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Following3K
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Likes275K
me: going to the bookstore just to look also me: not buying these books would be financially irresponsible
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Adam retweeted
*reading the food nutritional label* oh i’ve made a huge mistake
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i don’t yell at the tv often but when i do it’s because i’m watching a cooking competition
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my kid announced she is writing her New York Times bestseller “Dumb Ways to Swing.”
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I’m in my prime! (I turned 43 today)
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National Lingerie Day. Now there’s a holiday I’m happy to observe.
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“You know, I could just grab a fish.” “That's not the point, Gerald.”
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and then one day adult beverages means metamucil and pepto bismol
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Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.
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Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.
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[First date] Me: I'm gonna need to hear how you think the word "loser" is spelled.
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Me and who trojan horsing our way into this home goods
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“Hey, who’s the new girl?”
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My 7yo said she hurt herself, and when my 9yo asked her to describe the pain, she just yelled, "AAAAAAAHHHHH" 😭💀
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Probably not because those are stars
Probably not because those are stars
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They say if you feel overwhelmed, it's important to ask for help. *Husband immediately loses the list of things I asked for help with*
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Female spider: I give up. Every profile has a photo of them holding up the biggest bug they've caught. Female spider 2: I wouldn't worry about it. If the date is bad you can just eat him and the bug and move on.
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My mental health has improved greatly over the last week. No, I’m not taking medication, I just stopped reading the comments on Facebook.
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In this economy buying something necessary feels like a treat.
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No illin’ Just chillin’
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Elon Musk TeslaPay @Elonmuskteslaht
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That Mom Tho @mom_tho
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NicholasG @Dad_At_Law
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mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
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Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 964 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
SneezingWithWetMascar.. @WetMascara
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nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
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Alison the Read @alisontheread
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L @Ann_Hedonia1
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Saltburn Slurp 🏳�.. @eb_geebies
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Kyle Legg @kleggy
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Neener Neener Neener�.. @neenertothe3
3K Followers 2K Following Banner is Twitter and a few of the missuses
Goldfish and Chicken .. @gfishandnuggets
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👨🏻 Gordon, like.. @sailorgordo
15K Followers 3K Following Back by unpopular demand. Still trying to avoid relapsing into my emo phase. Ask me about my cats. 日本語いつでもどうぞ。 PSN: moonlitgordo Switch: SW-4395-6988-4191
Bella 🌺🏖 @BellaBeBeaching
1K Followers 994 Following Somewhere between heaven and hell I found myself.
George Takei @GeorgeTakei
3.3M Followers 1K Following I am a parody of myself, if anyone wonders if this is really me.
Andi @smiles_and_nods
413 Followers 242 Following Andi 2.0 Lost everyone during my Twitter sabbatical. please follow again.
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5K Followers 3K Following 🏳️🌈 Chief Meteorologist, WCBI-TV. Instructor at Mississippi State.🍷Enthusiast. 🧡 Orange Theory Stan. Live Life All Out. Roll Tide.
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Pivo @bautanist
1K Followers 632 Following Peers detect there's something unnameably off about him More overwhelmed by all this than he appears Avi splash by @RiotGrlErin also @bautanist.bsky.social
JodingersCat-astrophe @JMoneySlimer
2K Followers 2K Following If you think I post a lot of crap, you should see what I delete: Ghost account for @JodingersCat
Brandon Remmert @Bremmert
232 Followers 348 Following
jared @jaredcanread
467 Followers 1K Following ✨Insta: jxred.13✨ International/Political Affairs major. BLM. Aries. ♈️
Kerri Rawson @KerriRawson
36K Followers 1K Following Writer. Survivor. Fighter. Advocate. NYT Best Seller: A Serial Killer’s Daughter. She / her. Views are my own. [email protected]
Matthew @DLthings
10K Followers 1K Following I do not update this account anymore as this site is a sad shell of its former self. I hope you understand. Please find me on b l u e s k y, same username!
SimplySerg 🍭 @SergSimply
1K Followers 5K Following Special ability: Instantly forgetting whatever you just told me ~~ 26 and Clueless ✨🏳️🌈🇵🇹🇦🇴 (He/Him)
preston @prestonnleee
18K Followers 3K Following World traveler, boxed wine drinker, fitness enthusiast & foody
mother teresa of nude.. @__perrynoid
2K Followers 1K Following just tweeting my thoughts and being pretty | they/he | ig: __perrynoid
Nick hahaha @NickAltishin
2K Followers 499 Following laugh at my jokes and tell me I’m hot 🥺🏳️🌈 he/him bottom, IG is @nickaltishin for stand-up info
Jason Hadley @Jhadley_2015
786 Followers 2K Following UMU '19 Pediatric RN. Share happiness, show kindness. 💛He/Him
Not-so-slick Rick @realisticrick85
1K Followers 1K Following Freckles Appreciation Account. Made of star stuff and sarcasm. I don't think like a normal person. Incorrigible. Pretty in the pants.
Dylan Lyons @dylanlyons91
2K Followers 5K Following (he/him) Politics, NYC, 📺,📚,🏳️🌈 | HBO Sundays 9pm stan | Founder, @lavrhinobooks | Member, @nywfp @jfrejnyc @fourfreedomsnyc | Views = my own
구미호 @BougieRice
188 Followers 142 Following $23 entry fee - cash app: $ckirbydream - put your handle in the payment note. || alt for kirbs
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Chris @cdmukasa
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jlestos @jlestos
641 Followers 612 Following decidedly NOT better than Ezra. or kale chips, for that matter. https://t.co/H0TXd97wwQ) !
Mark @holm97a
39K Followers 19K Following 27 🏳️🌈 He/Him | Insta & TikTok: @holm97a | Snapchat: @mholland1997 | Switch: SW-5568-1972-2201
🍨Katie🍨 @_TheMilkWitch_
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Lee Travis @LeeTravis_
3K Followers 2K Following Senior Social Media Manager for @Nerdist I He/Him I Views are my own
Mark Byrne @markyb_88
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16K Followers 6K Following Beverage enthusiast, raconteur, chef. Culinarily promiscuous. Come for the food. Stay for the snark and smartassery.
Could be unpopular but I believe the children are our future
Absolutely no one: My 11 year old: so…do you and dad have recreational sex regularly?
Me at 1pm: I have so much self control, this diet is gonna be easy Me at 1am: crap, I ate all the candy again
One of the biggest challenges in the workplace is trying not to eat your lunch before 10 am
Sometimes you gotta fill the bathtub with rice and sit in it to fix yourself.
Judge: You're being tried for murder Crows: Your Honor, we can prove justifiable caws
If you’re pansexual, but monogamous. that makes you somebody’s personal pansexual
I don't need a nap, I need a casual coma at this point
It's 5 o'clock somewhere, probably the back of this truck
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be men that wear shark tooth necklaces in their 40's.
“Why the hell are these guys so mad at my fetch toy?” -Dog at a tennis match
If you’ve ever enjoyed sex while you’re dead inside, wait till you’re dead on the outside too
If you can’t handle me at my hitting curbs, you don’t deserve me at my hitting mailboxes.
I've been listening to "hold music" for over an hour. Now I need a hug.
The biggest lie 90s dudes told was that there was something in that wallet that made it worth chaining up
God: no one will ever have to clean if we make space a vacuum Angel: lol what
Captain Caveman implies the existence of Major Caveman and First Lieutenant Caveman.
Take that, mother’s love
You know you're getting old when you find yourself genuinely thrilled about your favorite dish sponge coming in a few new colors.
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