krista pacion @kristabellerina
Writer; traveler; mom; politico; lover of semi-colons, tea, and coffee. Tweets lovingly handcrafted in small batches. twitter.com/search?q=(from… Arizona, USA Joined May 2008-
Tweets68K
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Followers15K
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Following6K
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Likes81K
Your things are precious but not more than the people you have✨
There's a woman I worry doesn't like me, and so I awkwardly overcompensate and I just gave her a weird thumbs up. There's no telling what I'll do tomorrow. Salute? Finger guns?
i hope nobody at work notices my shoes and passes judgment
My 6yo is upset with my wife and I and promised to never talk to us ever again because we were both ignoring her as she was talking to us. At 6AM. While we were both still sleeping.
My whole vibe is “At that time it seemed like a good idea”.
The first rule of dinner is: you do not ask what’s for dinner. The second rule of dinner is: you DO NOT ask what's for dinner! Third rule of dinner: don't ask what time dinner will be ready.
It’s not death itself I fear. It’s the inevitable articles about the woman who died eating raw cookie dough.
what’s wrong babe you’ve barely not all men’d me today.
Don’t tell me not to eat raw cookie dough because there is literally no other reason for me to buy it.
We should invent a word for stupid but stupider
Maybe a magpie thinks to itself... "Good morning, Mr. person" if they see only one of us. You don't know...
idk you only have to scroll for like 5 seconds on any form of social media to see an example as to why women would choose the bear.
Crossing my DNA with a cicada so I only have to see people every 17 years.
I am very good at throwing things away, and this includes people, so talk to me right.
Bruh, do you ever use a few envelopes to redirect a live bee or flying bug back outside of the house?
I was bullied by a cheerleader in high school and she used to tan every day so I stayed out the sun for 34 years and now I look 10 years younger than she does. WHO’S CHEERING NOW BRITTNI?
Oh i'm well aware I made it weird but it's part of my charm and it will happen again
Eggwater would be a really pretty name for a baby girl
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKmeghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link belowmom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzNicholasG @Dad_At_Law
23K Followers 4K Following Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
14K Followers 974 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsndOne Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom
14K Followers 942 Following wife || mom of three || perpetually late || relatively unsociable || my tweets ➡️ https://t.co/zTOnobXohjA Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My incessant ramblins in the link below ⬇️Laura Marie @lmegordon
25K Followers 2K Following I'm a mom, a nationally-ranked complainer, and an aspiring novelist.The Nostalgic @TheNostalgicCo
43K Followers 6K Following We all have stories where the contents are way better than the cover. type1diabetes celiac advocate for a cure. insulinshouldbefree𝐀 𝐌 𝐀 𝐍 �.. @littlegiinge
66K Followers 18K Following I'm a silly kinda weird.. Coffee please? -`ღ´- https://t.co/OMVnn385QHLottie-pop 🍭 @Lottie_Poppie
28K Followers 3K Following Tattooed mum & coffee enthusiast. Living life from one snack to the next.McDad @mcdadstuff
9K Followers 2K Following I like dad jokes and I cannot lie. https://t.co/bbtLUiYKKg Find more of my tweets here ⬇️Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1MKatie D @KatieDeal99
16K Followers 2K Following Bios are hard. On Instagram as katiedeal99 https://t.co/iMruSPyTavSd @Sd24725397Sd
41 Followers 5K FollowingMatthew @Matthew97725434
3K Followers 5K Following But where danger is, grows The saving power also. That which you have overcome will bring you closer to God.Drew (some assembly r.. @dmc1138
7K Followers 2K Following if it wasn't for this nonsense, I'd have no sense at all.LB RU @RuleLex88893
0 Followers 35 FollowingDavid Sheffield @dsheffield206
774 Followers 705 Following I make #data fun. Google Analytics for Evanta, a Gartner Company, founder @PigskinNerd, LSU grad, Who Dat ⚜, Friar Faithful, LUFC MOT.mahedi @mahedi856831582
37 Followers 306 FollowingClaire Behind The Hai.. @urmumsausername
44K Followers 6K Following PayPal➡https://t.co/Kf0eVciHmW tweets➡ https://t.co/EJvcH671EQBrian Walker @bwalkerb
235 Followers 649 Following Leader, https://t.co/bKe0sgcFlB contributor, having an awful lot of fun finding better ways to get it done every dayʜᴇʟʟᴀᴋɪᴛ�.. @Celestephase
12K Followers 8K Following sith-y heathen. frog enthusiast. slut for science. feminist bitch. TERFs fuck off. she/her🩷💜💙Trygge 🌈 🐕 🐈.. @DianaKepner
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1K Followers 7K Following 25 he/him Looking for a FWB however I DO NOT travel!Ellie Hedges @elle_hedges
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370 Followers 4K FollowingVanisha Sukdeo @VanishaSukdeo
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41 Followers 134 Following BTS oldest fan, addicted to kdramas. Love to paint even though I’m not very good. Much better gardener. Love all music, most humans. No DMsShawn Snowden @gnarlysandwichs
177 Followers 358 Following “When life leaves you blind, love keeps you kind” - Chester BenningtonMike Rodgers @Mickrodge
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439 Followers 892 Following Jersey boy gone coastal. Changes in latitude changes in attitude. Still holdin true to my #Mets #Knicks #Giants 😎🌴✌🏽Pamela Morrison @PamelaM11264716
70 Followers 92 FollowingJohn gibson come on E.. @jongibson69
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1 Followers 282 FollowingPenelope_ @Penelop52783453
33 Followers 2K FollowingElon Musk X-Global @elon_xglobal
52 Followers 599 Following He is the founder, chairman, CEO, and CTO of SpaceX; angel investor, CEO, product architect TeslaCarlos @carlostrad3s
423 Followers 1K Following Kingdom driven 🕊️✝️ I love writing, fitness, trading, Twitch streaming and real estate.ResilientSons @ResilientSons
378 Followers 949 Following Jeff Nelligan is the father of three military officer sons. His blog and book, "Four Lessons from My Three Sons", are at https://t.co/iDQlemzI8aIrene @Ireneamwriting
453 Followers 2K Following Back in the query trenches after long hiatus. Mom of 5 year-old CEO, Advising Supervisor, and reader/writer in all spare minutes (ok, maybe not all minutes)Myke C @MykeC382023
163 Followers 394 FollowingRyan 👽🐺🏴�.. @budracing68
537 Followers 791 Following Clyde in the Nine, Who Dey/Reds Country, Fire and Blood, A7X, Fur Missiles, Former infidel/Infantryman OEF/OIF, current tire retreader. Parody of myself 👽owens Johnson @JohnsonOwe81114
31 Followers 358 FollowingUnsungHero™ @DennisKaymer
8K Followers 7K Following A happy-go-lucky. ..Sorta Sarcastic. .. B?tt?r Saf? Than Sorry. .. .Benevolent and Resilient-to a fault. ..Arsenal FC ..Leo.Gary Bernard @GaryBhotelguy
610 Followers 1K Following Hi Rise General Manager- Condos- HOA 9 years. #Purdue Grad 25+ years of Hotel Sales, Operations,Recruiting and Consulting #BoilerUpReal Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKmeghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link belowmom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzNicholasG @Dad_At_Law
23K Followers 4K Following Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
14K Followers 974 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsndOne Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom
14K Followers 942 Following wife || mom of three || perpetually late || relatively unsociable || my tweets ➡️ https://t.co/zTOnobXohjA Dad Influence @gbergan
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25K Followers 2K Following I'm a mom, a nationally-ranked complainer, and an aspiring novelist.The Nostalgic @TheNostalgicCo
43K Followers 6K Following We all have stories where the contents are way better than the cover. type1diabetes celiac advocate for a cure. insulinshouldbefree𝐀 𝐌 𝐀 𝐍 �.. @littlegiinge
66K Followers 18K Following I'm a silly kinda weird.. Coffee please? -`ღ´- https://t.co/OMVnn385QHLottie-pop 🍭 @Lottie_Poppie
28K Followers 3K Following Tattooed mum & coffee enthusiast. Living life from one snack to the next.McDad @mcdadstuff
9K Followers 2K Following I like dad jokes and I cannot lie. https://t.co/bbtLUiYKKg Find more of my tweets here ⬇️Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1MKatie D @KatieDeal99
16K Followers 2K Following Bios are hard. On Instagram as katiedeal99 https://t.co/iMruSPyTavHelleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard
56K Followers 3K Following 🥪 take these broken wings and learn to fly 🏔Drew (some assembly r.. @dmc1138
7K Followers 2K Following if it wasn't for this nonsense, I'd have no sense at all.Claire Behind The Hai.. @urmumsausername
44K Followers 6K Following PayPal➡https://t.co/Kf0eVciHmW tweets➡ https://t.co/EJvcH671EQJenny Lee @keyOfIsis
3K Followers 6K Following ᵢ wₐₙₜ yₒᵤ ₜₒ fₒₗₗₒw ₘₑ ₐₙd ᵢ wₐₙₜ ₜₒ ... ᥎꫶ׁׅěštׁׅěꪀׁׅí I am ɑׁׅ֮ᥣׁׅ֪ᥣׁׅ֪ɑׁׅ֮hׁׅ֮꯱ׁׅ֒꯱ׁׅ֒υׁׅꪀׁׅ 🌑🌒🌔🌔🌕🌖🌗🌗🌘🌑Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence
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12K Followers 4K Following Feral essayist. Genderclear. They/Thembo. Professor: @MorganStateU Words: @MarieClaire_sa @Guardian @The_Rumpus @VICE🖖Fern Renee @Greyhaime
2K Followers 1K Following Poet,artist,liminal walker,Aes Sedai,Pirate. https://t.co/HloQjuYX25 my words found☝ https://t.co/rpUsoDnOYHDianna 💜🦕 @diannasaurusr3x
16K Followers 3K Following My therapist says I'm funny. | writer, ish | artist, kind of | musician, wannabe | accidental murder hobo on @CritStupid | #billsmafia | she/her | 🌊🌜𝓥𝓪𝓶𝓹�.. @vampireskwrl
1K Followers 572 Following she/her. yapologist. hi/hey dms pay a fee. no pet names/nicknames/honorifics all dms subject to posting. my dms aren't your safe space 🫶🏻 minors DNIʜᴇʟʟᴀᴋɪᴛ�.. @Celestephase
12K Followers 8K Following sith-y heathen. frog enthusiast. slut for science. feminist bitch. TERFs fuck off. she/her🩷💜💙shark queen (@mbfias) @se_ransdell
8K Followers 3K Following CCO Studio Metropolis Inc https://t.co/gz0MT6m62x 🦈 writer/voice work Creator- My Boyfriend is a Shark. 🇨🇦🏳️🌈. https://t.co/Q0jMmBzUqSBIG BAT LOVING BITCH @starfirefly1001
226 Followers 281 Following sugar✨️spice✨️and everything nice✨️ This is where I come to be equally horny, sad, and nerdy🤷🏽♀️Velvet Heaven @Velvet_Crushed
3K Followers 3K Following I've got a date at midnight with Nosferatu 🖤💚 |*Writings are my own*|Disgraced Cosmonaut| Pan 🏳️🌈reenafriedmanwatts @reenareena
5K Followers 5K Following Host of The Better Call Daddy Show, I help entrepreneurs get seen! Ex-Springer Producer, wife of #smartgrid enthusiast #bettercalldaddy #daddysgirlTrad Hag Jess @BogHagJess
3K Followers 1K Following Little Edie alt ego account. Probably has cats. Hundreds of them. Team Ursus 🐻 #IIH (dx 2020).Jenji @Jenjiy0
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4K Followers 3K Following sr art director. experimental artist. analog synthesizers are cool!! chaotic good. she/her.J 🌹 @Today_June_says
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10K Followers 9K Following making parlays & petting strays • 𝐣𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞Kat C @ThePolitiKat
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462 Followers 414 Following Lab Director, DFW Environmental Laboratoriesnottinghilldaddy @nottinghilldady
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303 Followers 269 Following Mom, Programmer, Gamer, Twitch Affiliate. #GenX One day, I am gonna grow wings... a chemical reaction... hysterical and useless.tim myers @denvercoder
26K Followers 10K Following Looking to help 12 people realize their dreams by investing in my Crypto scam | I have never NOT intended a pun. | I believe in one less God than youZac's Money FAQs @ZacsMoneyFAQs
3K Followers 3K Following Financial Media Creator. https://t.co/cITviauKVR https://t.co/t4SGM2WFAu https://t.co/bjUBxfm4xZMonetization Coach @monetization_x
9K Followers 3K Following Helping content creators through the 𝕏 monetization minefield. 🫡@moodwing_23 @kristabellerina Well that kind of adulting, I can handle 😊
@SoAwkwardShar @kristabellerina Nooo you can get your own piece. And also have gelato if you want. And then a second piece too. This is textbook adulting.
@moodwing_23 @kristabellerina I’ll trade you my gelato for your slice of carrot cake 🍰
@kristabellerina I will eat the unclaimed piece of carrot cake and also a stop for gelato is fine.
@kristabellerina Just don't eat it in summer. You will swell up.
@kristabellerina Hell no. People have to defend carrot cake from me.
@milifeasdad @kristabellerina Tell her she has to do a really good job at waking you up at that time of day. 😁
@kristabellerina I’ve consistently been a workplace fashion icon and I should get a break every now and then without repercussions.
@kristabellerina This is disrespectful and bordering on blasphemy…
@kristabellerina I eat the carrot cake AND stop for gelato on the way home.