nice things I say to myself @meantomyself
Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz mobile.twitter.com/search?q=from%… Joined August 2009-
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nice things I say to myself retweeted
me, trying to order a floral arrangement by phone: Hi, what is the price of something…flowery? Yes, I’d like a floral arrangement made of flowers. Do I have any preferences? No….just something floral….like, with flowers. Something with petals. Thank you. 🥴
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I can't wait to get through a whole day of work I don't get paid enough for just to go home and do a weekend worth of work I don't get paid anything for
nice things I say to myself retweeted
Sorry I can't make it. I'm busy being depressed.
nice things I say to myself retweeted
"Get me some ice cream, I gave blood today" Him: "You can't say that every month!" {Clutches ovaries} "GASP"
nice things I say to myself retweeted
You can keep your money I got some hot babes with new accounts liking my tweets left and right
I didn't realize the rubber ducks in Jeeps was a common Jeep owner thing until very recently; I just thought I kept seeing one weird dude with a Wrangler and a serious fetish
nice things I say to myself retweeted
does anyone know when the tax deadline is for girls?
nice things I say to myself retweeted
Maintenance, Scheduled Maintenance.
nice things I say to myself retweeted
Well, I suppose an apology is in order. I mean, I'm not going to provide one, I just wanted you to know I was aware it would be appropriate
nice things I say to myself retweeted
i’ve hit play on this like six times since i saw it yesterday. what the fuck was it like to hear this almost 30 years ago
i’ve hit play on this like six times since i saw it yesterday. what the fuck was it like to hear this almost 30 years ago
nice things I say to myself retweeted
(me to my fellow fbi agents as we raid a counterfeiting operation) Well, somebody's making money off of this! You guys get it? Because this is where they do the money copying? Did you guys hear what I said? Should we...let's bust in again and I'll say it again
nice things I say to myself retweeted
Just imagine how much money coat manufacturers made during the Cold War.
nice things I say to myself retweeted
Old money ? Sure, I have some! Most of us do here. They're worthless
nice things I say to myself retweeted
bettor: i’d pay even money me, with a $1 and a $5 bill: what
nice things I say to myself retweeted
[dumping jar of pennies in front of the IRS] How much not jail can I get with this many moneys?
nice things I say to myself retweeted
Winnie the Pooh: SHOW ME THE HONEY!
nice things I say to myself retweeted
bank account: LOW LOW LOW! me: shut up! shut up! shut up! I need this porcelain zebra with colorful stripes and bird head.
nice things I say to myself retweeted
“Cash , me outside.” - Yoda, at Johnny Cash’s front door i guess idk it’s not like i was there
nice things I say to myself retweeted
With ribeyes $39.99/lb at the local supermarket even if the milk isn’t free who can afford to buy the cow?
nice things I say to myself retweeted
Money doesn't make me happy. All the shit I buy with it makes me happy.
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me, trying to order a floral arrangement by phone: Hi, what is the price of something…flowery? Yes, I’d like a floral arrangement made of flowers. Do I have any preferences? No….just something floral….like, with flowers. Something with petals. Thank you. 🥴
TIL the Hot Ones guy does corporate events!
Happening in 15 mins!! @SASsoftware CTO Bryan Harris is about to turn up the tech heat with Sean Evans of Hot Ones at #sasinnovate
Happening in 15 mins!! @SASsoftware CTO Bryan Harris is about to turn up the tech heat with Sean Evans of Hot Ones at #sasinnovate
I can't wait to get through a whole day of work I don't get paid enough for just to go home and do a weekend worth of work I don't get paid anything for
Sorry I can't make it. I'm busy being depressed.
Muting myself on the Zoom so I can succumb gracefully to the coughing fit that probably looks pretty cool on camera
"Get me some ice cream, I gave blood today" Him: "You can't say that every month!" {Clutches ovaries} "GASP"
You can keep your money I got some hot babes with new accounts liking my tweets left and right
I was dating this guy who took me home to his parents' house for the weekend and his mom was learning taxidermy and I slept in a room with all her practice chickens
does anyone know when the tax deadline is for girls?
Maintenance, Scheduled Maintenance.
Well, I suppose an apology is in order. I mean, I'm not going to provide one, I just wanted you to know I was aware it would be appropriate
i’ve hit play on this like six times since i saw it yesterday. what the fuck was it like to hear this almost 30 years ago
Hum Stars Conan O’Brien 1995
(me to my fellow fbi agents as we raid a counterfeiting operation) Well, somebody's making money off of this! You guys get it? Because this is where they do the money copying? Did you guys hear what I said? Should we...let's bust in again and I'll say it again
Just imagine how much money coat manufacturers made during the Cold War.
Old money ? Sure, I have some! Most of us do here. They're worthless
bettor: i’d pay even money me, with a $1 and a $5 bill: what
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