Licensed to Dad @LicensedtoDad
husband | dad of 4 | xennial | allergic to cats twitter.com/search?q=from:… NE Ohio Joined February 2022-
Tweets3K
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Followers500
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Following320
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Likes5K
No one said getting kids to brush their teeth from ages 0-moved out would be easy
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Licensed to Dad retweeted
I quit my job 6 times in my head today
I lied and told my kids they would experience gamers dent if they don’t stop wearing headphones so much during their younger years. They’re over here not taking them off but repositioning them periodically. The dopamine is strong on these screens
Licensed to Dad retweeted
Whoever invented the junk drawer really understood humans.
Licensed to Dad retweeted
I just need a nap, a day off and a $52,000 gift card to the garden center.
Licensed to Dad retweeted
Welcome to our home. Excuse the mess and broken items, we’ve decided not to fix or replace anything until the kids have moved out.
Wife: hunny our iCloud storage is low Me: one of the kids must have taken a few thousand pictures again
Let’s get married and have kids so there’s no possible chance we end up walking our cat around the block in some weird vented backpack
Licensed to Dad retweeted
It's just like my Mom used to say, "Which one are you, again?"
Licensed to Dad retweeted
Is it “flick you the bird” or “flip you the bird?” I’m trying to get this resignation letter just right.
Licensed to Dad retweeted
Getting a cardboard cut out of myself made for meetings.
#NewProfilePic having a bit of an identity crisis lately. Going back to original profile name. Recent handles include Ned neighborly and dad overtime.
Licensed to Dad retweeted
Michael Keaton. Best Batman. Fight me.
Might as well let the neighbors know early
Licensed to Dad retweeted
I’m in my mid 40’s so obviously I’m gonna stop swiping to watch this dry-wall video real quick.
Licensed to Dad retweeted
instead of buying me flowers it would be so cool if you got me some seeds, a cute little pot, and a small bag of soil
Licensed to Dad retweeted
I practice gentle parenting with a twist, and the twist is called yelling.
Licensed to Dad retweeted
Nothing in the world is more important to a child than seeing what you just showed another adult on your phone.
Here me out… Antonio Banderas as ‘Salsa King’
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Shit I tell my toddle.. @Toddler_talkin
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your other mom @difficultpatty
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142K Followers 589 Following Welcome to the club. 🔥 https://t.co/E3irT7D7mM 🏆 https://t.co/EFPhC0SEeE 🎮 @thedadgaming
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Daddy Drinks (You wou.. @Greg_the_Brave
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Wadsworth’s Sociali.. @Wadsworth_Wife
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Garrick @8ntmuch
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Jim...Unmasked @ItMightBeJimbo
8K Followers 7K Following Emotionally exhausted and morally bankrupt. In case we lose each other here… https://t.co/g3fr3ENb24
Melissa @BallQueenHammer
776 Followers 443 Following If I could be sweet, I wouldn’t be here. Mother, wife, but also a secret third thing.
@LicensedtoDad Oh I’m not saying it’s unimportant, just not fun enough to entice kids.
@LicensedtoDad Whenever someone seems surprised about this idea, I wonder “do you really love brushing your teeth as a grown-up?” I mean, it’s not like a super fun thing to do.
Went and saw another Easter bunny today! As well as a few other fun activities
This is the look he gives me when he knows I'm leaving and he wants me to take him. 😁
Jasmin Paris becomes first woman to finish four loops @ #BM100 But...... she was over the time limit.
Greig Hamilton finished loop five of the #BM100 in 59:38:42.
Jasmin Paris @JasminKParis finished loop five of the #BM100 in 59:58:21.
The 2024 Barkley Marathons has ended. There are five finishers. #BM100
You can’t scare me. You’re not my daughter taking off her soccer cleats in the car after a game.
If it looks like a scam and it sounds like a scam, you should probably give them your money.
Jalapeños and Habaneros in > Jalapeños and Habaneros out
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