Ashlyn @Pazifer
if you laugh at my jokes we're now close friends it doesn't concern u Joined March 2009-
Tweets5K
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Followers2K
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Following197
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Likes5K
Nobody writes a good product jingle for tv commercials anymore, it's all just prescription drug ballads
Ashlyn retweeted
“What do you know about Bonsai trees?” “Very little.”
I put in my 2 weeks yesterday. Husband has a 101 fever today. Should I make out with him or
I know & accept that electric cars accelerate faster than gas cars. But you gotta understand, half the thrill of flooring a gas car is wondering if it's gonna blow up or not
I'm a big rule follower. Love a good set of instructions to guide me. with one exception. Frozen pizza DOES NOT GO directly on oven rack wtf
Sitting down to make a grocery list but all I really want is more tattoos
Okay so if I can use my HSA on dependents why can't I use it at the vet
I wish I had the balls to go up to someone blasting tiktoks in a public space and say "your earbuds aren't connected"
Took my dog to the vet today and they brought out the big guns (spray cheese)
PERPLEXED at the AI generation on the back of my new pet water fountain packaging
Forget magazine subscriptions, someone give me a year of sub to my favorite patreons
I firmly believe that everybody has that one random thing they're in the 99.999th percentile for Mine is number of consecutive years post-braces that I still wear my retainers (20 and counting)
This site is not mobile friendly in fact it is mobile hostile
My dog just squeaked his tennis ball and from the other room my husband goes "what'd you say?"
Rode my bike home tonight wearing a scarf, but not flowing free, no. Tucked into my jacket... I've seen the Incredibles 1
Katie D @KatieDeal99
19K Followers 2K Following Bios are hard. On Instagram as katiedeal99 https://t.co/iMruSPyTav
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
31K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Lottie-pop 🍭 @Lottie_Poppie
37K Followers 3K Following Tattooed mum & coffee enthusiast. Living life from one snack to the next.
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
24K Followers 9K Following You'll never find more people smoking than outside of a hospital 🇨🇦 https://t.co/NcqURETrPU
gas station dream gir... @cheygoulet
33K Followers 4K Following kind of like a goomba, but with slower reflexes
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
16K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
Matty @bestestname
16K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Fomo Simpson @HaliPhacks
8K Followers 3K Following Keeping it funny on Twitter since its early days as a radio show. My tweets ➡️ https://t.co/qLDJZH3oFp
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
25K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
tazz @noneofyours99
78K Followers 42K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥
NicholasG @Dad_At_Law
21K Followers 4K Following Protagonist for the People in court. Yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
Emily @2Eo9zKExXtg43
19 Followers 739 Following
Case @Cactuscali1991
11K Followers 5K Following sparkle goth. professional goober. halfie. heina. sorry my dms don't work, still.
Perrin Manon @PerrinManon10
29 Followers 588 Following CONGRATULATIONS 🎉Your FACEBOOK profile has just been selected among the new winners of this month with an exceptional prize.such as:$600,000,and a range rover*
Marshall bruce @marshalbruce566
975 Followers 7K Following This ain't imposters account, here's my page for all my fans I will be glad if I can go to know more about my fans, love y’all❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Saltanat_imraniya(PTI... @Saltanat_PTI
67 Followers 457 Following
Sambo Son @SamboSon326579
1 Followers 60 Following
AYAN TOBI @ayan_tobi127
0 Followers 18 Following
Drashi @DrashiBtE
42 Followers 4K Following
jinelly @skinsuitdouble
2K Followers 1K Following I’ve been eating beans by candlelight for a decade
JodingersCat-astrophe @JMoneySlimer
2K Followers 2K Following If you think I post a lot of crap, you should see what I delete: Ghost account for @JodingersCat
NeuroMuse @MuseNeuro
3 Followers 18 Following She/Her| AudHD 🧩| Artist (Multimedia) Here to share my thoughts & hopefully connect with similar minds 🫶 My Etsy shop is super cute btw, take a peep 👀
Sanky Wu @HotSkunk_Ent
2K Followers 5K Following
SUCCESSFUL KID @SUCCESSKID5671
11 Followers 90 Following Life is full of drama enjoy the little time you have on Earth 🌎
lozitos @lustfullyours69
85 Followers 1K Following
jose antonio martinez... @joseant25739428
335 Followers 5K Following
Jim Rockwood @gaucheboy
376 Followers 1K Following I used to seek transcendence. Now I drink & lie about being a roadie for ABBA. Currently: writing things & punishing a Telecaster like it shot the Pope.
Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler
20K Followers 10K Following Before Twitter I used to hang out in a lighthouse and flash my thoughts using an Aldis lamp.
♡ Eve ♡ @evecullen610
34K Followers 16K Following gently, touch me with your words (my tweets...my words)© •she/her•
Jennifer Parker @Mrs_JParker
2K Followers 711 Following Making two tiny humans laugh one fart joke at a time.
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilarious
ItWorked @JamtaayKa
195 Followers 437 Following below average guy. wannabe pseudo-intellectual. poetic soul. Overall, good egg. almost.
LL Gabagool Jay @LLGabagoolJay
3K Followers 2K Following Passionately apathetic. Not a lover nor a fighter but a secret third thing
The Inebriated Misfit @TheSpotter8
2K Followers 623 Following All tweets done from my office air-ducts and crawlspace.
wfhDad @IN_here_Dad
302 Followers 1K Following Dad working from home - DC native in TX - Quaid Army - Lifelong O’s fan with longstanding rivalry with AZ DBacks fan and comedian Michael Longfellow
PieGuy @ilovepie84
28K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin
17K Followers 7K Following
Mumnipotent Ruler @MumOfTw0
4K Followers 1K Following Mum of 2 under 2 in 2022. Here for the laughs on all things parenting and marriage!
Daniel montoyam @samuel717696603
157 Followers 1K Following I’m single and I’m looking for serious relationship not fake relationship and if u are not ready don’t waste my time please
David Lucia @Davidlucia290
172 Followers 3K Following Flowers grow back even when they are stepped on. Good times and tan lines.
Ultraindigo @Ultraindigo8
150 Followers 396 Following
meghan @deloisivete
23K Followers 3K Following surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Katie D @KatieDeal99
19K Followers 2K Following Bios are hard. On Instagram as katiedeal99 https://t.co/iMruSPyTav
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
31K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
your other mom @difficultpatty
41K Followers 939 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here.
@sherisayssit @sherisayssit
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e55qc
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
51K Followers 6K Following Gen Xer with opinions, observations, and a sense of humor. Loves animals more than most people. LA 📍
gas station dream gir... @cheygoulet
33K Followers 4K Following kind of like a goomba, but with slower reflexes
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK
10K Followers 5K Following This is a page of silly and fun, enjoy fav tweets - https://t.co/ZTBRD9FUz8
The Nostalgic @Thenostalgic
49K Followers 6K Following Content creator, audiobook narrator, the best good-bad dancer on X, field frolicker, and professional grass touching expert.
Larry’s Twin 99 @LarrysTwin99
35K Followers 24K Following I am not leaving my wife. Unless something better comes along. Which I hope is tomorrow. $69 unblock fee. Meet ups for eating only.
Big Daddy Jonesy 🇨... @CartoonJonesy
10K Followers 3K Following I’m a cartoonist. See my work at https://t.co/1kC1RZZb6A or https://t.co/NFL3L55DYK
🌜🤷♂️ �... @raoulvilla
5K Followers 2K Following Husband, father of 4. Parody, not a real moon. As seen on MySpace, Facebook and in the weekly church bulletin https://t.co/FygTBNNF3G
Destry @DestryBrod
19K Followers 15K Following Not quite cool enough to be Canadian.I live close enough to Canada to smell the healthcare. Pretty liberal, pretty democratic not that pretty tho. pro choice.
Steve, dad of The Bes... @ScottsdaleVeins
3K Followers 4K Following Support crew for two sibling Jack Russell Terriers. Also their dad. They get their great looks from the maternal side of the family.
Sarcastic Sweetheart ... @happymilly1
28K Followers 10K Following Sarcasm always. I always bite back. No DM please. I belong to @tommy_charm ❤
🌺Flower Fancy Pant... @FlowerFancyPant
24K Followers 20K Following My name is Flower!Someone stepped on me,crushed my pelvis & dumped me on the road with 4 siblings. We were rescued!Now,I live with 10 more rescued cats & 2 dogs
Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt
21K Followers 12K Following 24/7/365 Observer. Frequent participant. Occasional make-happener. Clouds.
AllAmerican @steveffootball
23K Followers 11K Following Retired Attack Helo Pilot, DS & OIF Veteran, Father, Patriot. Tx A&M. Runner. Spartan, Inked https://t.co/oqTgWwn3xu
Fillmore Wilbury 🎶 @RussRoth4
3K Followers 3K Following power pop treasure hunter, dot connector, mustachioed dad of 3, favorite misheard lyric: "we're all such silly people" (Marvin Gaye, Let's Get It On)
M❍n❍t❍ne❍fBil... @MonotoneofBill
102K Followers 106K Following I'm Ernie from southern Maine. Mostly post wordplay in retirement. Like streaming, the ocean, early jazz & the Boston teams. Sorry - DMs broken. #F4F
🇦🇺MY MOM SAID I... @M_I_K_E_68
2K Followers 4K Following we are all struggling with something. ad astra 🌌 https://t.co/dEPE46Ifjt
'Ice Cube Tony' @0DegreesCelsius
86K Followers 79K Following Now an Author ¯\_(ツ)_/¯Fitness4Life*ENTJ*MindBodySoul*Fishing all my life*Muscle*I swim like a Fish*Life's too short not to smile*City*UK*Avi is me*🏳️🌈Ally
Kayla Chow Show @KaylaChowShow
47K Followers 14K Following 💙 Survived my mid-mid-life crisis. //SUPER MARRIED//BOY MOM//CATS//TACOS//SUNSCREEN//BEER//MURDERINO//LACTOSE INTOLERANT// 💙
SquishyAcePilot @SquishyAcePilot
194 Followers 171 Following Here's to know a little about me •90s kid •Music Lover •Casual Gamer •Wrestling Fan •Love Comicbooks and Anime •Discord ID: .𝒮𝓆𝓊𝒾𝓈𝒽𝓎𝒜𝒸𝑒𝒫𝒾𝓁𝑜𝓉.
Kalista @kalistacat
19K Followers 18K Following Mama. Juris Doctor ⚖️ Survivor. edtwt. ENTJ. Author. 💕💜 #WritingCommunity Order my poetry books on Amazon now!
Silver Facts @mhazaaaaaa
7K Followers 6K Following Musings of H.S. math teacher. Relatable observations & observable aggravations. Prematurely WHYYYYY!!!!! 😆
Aaron King @A_AronKing
5K Followers 5K Following Ya done messed up, A-Aron! I self identify as a crazy cat lady who prefers dogs. huh/what. Avi is me. Happily taken by @gingerbrigade1
ᛕꪖ᥅ꪖ @KayEmily2
15K Followers 7K Following 🌈Gamer, Fighter, Dreamer, 🐱🐶Rescuer🌈 CRPS ♿️🇩🇪 Du bist nicht alleine!😘💨💨💞
The B. @anerdonfire2
41K Followers 12K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
Sleepy Gz 😴 @168GZd
1K Followers 1K Following I like to drink Beer and think about my bad life choices.
Michael @michaelo2016
6K Followers 4K Following I tried to not be a dork once, that didn’t work out too well. out of circulation. Adopt a shelter pet!!
Víkrám @gvicks
43K Followers 28K Following Everyone's underpaid and nobody's irreplaceable. I do this for a living. https://t.co/KBy8nlwk4G
Suds @stacywawa1
18K Followers 6K Following I work, play, mom. In it for the (in)sanity and laughs. https://t.co/lInVHpd2ni
Lori @Cornjerker78
9K Followers 3K Following
JodingersCat-astrophe @JMoneySlimer
2K Followers 2K Following If you think I post a lot of crap, you should see what I delete: Ghost account for @JodingersCat
jinelly @skinsuitdouble
2K Followers 1K Following I’ve been eating beans by candlelight for a decade
Sanky Wu @HotSkunk_Ent
2K Followers 5K Following
Jim Rockwood @gaucheboy
375 Followers 1K Following I used to seek transcendence. Now I drink & lie about being a roadie for ABBA. Currently: writing things & punishing a Telecaster like it shot the Pope.
Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler
20K Followers 10K Following Before Twitter I used to hang out in a lighthouse and flash my thoughts using an Aldis lamp.
Dad Named Matt 🇺�... @mahnamematt
6K Followers 1K Following Dad. Husband. Veteran. Coffee. Baseball. Memphis.- -Best ⬇️ - latest ➡️ https://t.co/IipngUg6X6
The Real Rodney Lacro... @RealRodLacroix
45K Followers 8K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmLu5i | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/F2vUtf3nx6
Uptown Schmuck @SchmuckOnAHorse
8K Followers 5K Following Mild-mannered CPA by day, miserable curmudgeon by night. Followed by @mrsdash. https://t.co/FLKTeHseS3 on the other thing that I don't really use.
𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗸'... @BrickMahoney
4K Followers 2K Following Hey man I don't want any trouble I'm just here for the cat gifs. Click this link - hilarity ensues 👇
Dx: Moonstruck @moonstruckinnyc
5K Followers 2K Following Here I come, marching to the beat of my own dumb
Upside Dad @UpsideDad
3K Followers 2K Following Father of 9 at last count. Fan of The Office and Oxford commas. Seen in @HuffPostParents @Cheezburger @TODAYshow @BuzzFeed @BoredPanda and more. My tweets ⬇️
Cody Wimmer @Cody_Wimmer
7K Followers 1K Following Half the hair, twice the heart. Comic. Actor. Writer. IG: @cody_wimmer (he/him) *bisexual flag emoji*
That bitch with the b... @tashaneedshelp
4K Followers 1K Following Im not sure if I’m living the dream, or if it’s some sick twisted nightmare. https://t.co/JBrys261On
Olaf Falafel @OFalafel
70K Followers 880 Following Funniest Joke Edinburgh Fringe 2019-2022. my joke book, A Poo On A Pogo Stick is out now! https://t.co/DTeKNE1Q9dYou might like
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