wfhDad @IN_here_Dad
a Dad of 4 working from home. I’ll be in my office. Sometimes I’ll smoke a brisket Austin, TX Joined April 2022-
Tweets2K
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Followers282
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Following811
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Likes1K
Guilty pleasure. Driving by myself blasting REO Speedwagon. Judge me. I don’t care
What I want people to do at my funeral… read through our texts and share funny shit I said
It’s time we built the thunderdome… for all the radical jihadist leftists and alt-right proud boy lunatics It should be easy to trap both groups. Just say there’s a rally to protest an International Space Laser Heritage conference or something… Is the Astrodome avail?
George Carlin said “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that”
Muggles: “The battle for good vs evil should never be fought at academic institutions” Potterheads: “Hold my wand…”
Why does every generation think that they are the last generation of humans and that the world will come to an end with them?
Grandmaster means you’re either a super racist or really smart at chess
Jk I didn’t, but I think it’s a funny idea
All these young tech billionaires and no Batman? No Ironman? Just a bunch of Lex Luthors.
Gen X and Millennials - we fought to have gender equality in the workplace for the next generation Gen Z - we reject the idea of gender and the need for a workplace
I have Irritable Bowl Syndrome… so my gut says “watch it with the fucking lunch plans” Better?
I have Irritable Bowl Syndrome… so my gut says “watch it with the fucking lunch plans” Better?
I know what you’re thinking, and yes I bought THC gummies from him on Facebook marketplace
I know what you’re thinking, and yes I bought THC gummies from him on Facebook marketplace
Or is “Andrew? Ginny?” A better punch line?
Did anyone else have to show their kids Beavis and Butthead clips so they would understand the cultural significance of the Gosling sketch last weekend? Just me?
When I was younger, I really knew how to take action. I still take action but I have to pee first.
Caitlin Clark is like Link in OG Legend of Zelda. The Indiana Fever were a WNBA team no one knew existed until yesterday… shrouded in darkness… she’s bringing the light and unlocking new levels
15 April 1947: Jackie Robinson, the first black #baseball player in the major leagues, debuts for the #Brooklyn Dodgers at first base. He would mostly play at second base during his storied career. #MLB #History #firsts #OnThisDay #ad amzn.to/3el4gpl
My 7 yo asked us at dinner last night when Covid is coming back… Was “like my anger, it has never really left but we’ve figured out how to accept and live with it” an appropriate response?
“We are a lesbian couple looking for a gender neutral name. We like Avi or Ariel but would like something more unusual.” How about Andrewgyny?
NicholasG @Dad_At_Law
23K Followers 4K Following Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*
Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish
8K Followers 3K Following Warning: alcohol leads to kids leads to lots more alcohol.
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
My Life Is The Pitts .. @LifePitts
5K Followers 2K Following Super awkward, like with a cape. Surprising amount of kids for someone who couldn't keep Tamagotchis alive.
Draggin Father Behind @DragginFatherB
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A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My incessant ramblins in the link below ⬇️
New_England_Dad @new_england_dad
1K Followers 806 Following Zach Gobeil | Boy Dad | Featured on Today Parents, Momsplaining, Masslive, The Dad, Scary Mommy, The Chive
Ffessmeighsh @Ffessmeighsh8r
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Corinna Palisano @CorinPalisan
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Fleanart @Fleanart8zeNIH
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Ainsley Dibartolomeo @AinslD
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PennyIV. @2fZM4eJ12i3UQn
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Arielle Broering @broer_arie
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McBetee @BeteeMc7697
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Lynda Becerril @lynda75666
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Fiorella Krausmann @FKrausmann60803
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Mollie Sadger @MollieSad
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Emery Clermont @ClermoEm
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Elisa Luscavage @ElLuscav
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Courtney Deuell @CourtDeue
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Lise Shirakawa @LiseShirak90881
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Cherryl Edelblute @CherrylEde31391
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Bonny Yazzie @bonny_yazz
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Renae Hyatt @HyaRena
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Miraal Tellis @TelliMir
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Laurence Zellner @LaurenceZe40953
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Florence Schepker @FlorenceSc30661
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Bertie @bertienaughton3
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Lina Bernstrom @BernstromL39360
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Taylor Steele @tayl_ste
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Allegra Hindin @hind_alle
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Freda Siemer @FrSiem
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Jane 😜 @Jane_Brooke830
3 Followers 495 Following Irrеsistible temрtrеss igniting раssiоns with hеr smoldеring gaze
Enya Corradini @CorradiniE51721
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Ivy-rose Manalang @rose_manal34407
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Eternal love for Hele.. @EternalC99557
87 Followers 533 Following If you're a die-hard Helena Bonham Carter fan, LIKE our twitter!
Farrah Kashner @kash_far
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Hazel Maez @hazel_maez31923
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NicholasG @Dad_At_Law
23K Followers 4K Following Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇
Laura Marie @lmegordon
25K Followers 2K Following I'm a mom, a nationally-ranked complainer, and an aspiring novelist.
Simon Holland @simoncholland
171K Followers 1K Following My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.
Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest
9K Followers 1K Following There is no Mommy, only Zuul.✨Be excellent to each other✨Folllow me everywhere https://t.co/ItaeRTMeC2 Peep my tweets in the link below 👇🏻
The Dad @thedad
142K Followers 592 Following Welcome to the club. 🔥 https://t.co/E3irT7D7mM 🏆 https://t.co/EFPhC0SEeE 🎮 @thedadgaming
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish
8K Followers 3K Following Warning: alcohol leads to kids leads to lots more alcohol.
Twinstant Family | Li.. @twinstantfamily
4K Followers 1K Following Twitter is just like real life. I talk about my kids and our life only to find out I’m just talking to myself. 100% mom, wife, mess. #IVF #ASD
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
59K Followers 987 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)
My Life Is The Pitts .. @LifePitts
5K Followers 2K Following Super awkward, like with a cape. Surprising amount of kids for someone who couldn't keep Tamagotchis alive.
Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
14K Followers 975 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!
Draggin Father Behind @DragginFatherB
2K Followers 1K Following Dad of 3 under 10 whos at most a 6 with an 11 scale wife just keepin it comical & muddlin thru. Fueled by 🥃 & ☕. Featured on @TheDad, @todayshow, @huffpost
Emily ™ @emily_tweets
253K Followers 2K Following typical fucking scorpio - header art: @sasa_elebea
🖤 Just Heather �.. @weedswildflowrs
10K Followers 3K Following Not just a Mom. Still figuring out the rest. #artist #scoliosis #spinalfusionsurgery #Neurodivergent af #Geek #LGBTQ+ #tattoos
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following She may not look like much but she can catch a man, said someone trying to insult me. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Back to the Future Th.. @bttfmusicalfans
2K Followers 109 Following Fans of @BTTFmusical. You can also find us on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. Posts by @tonyruscoe and @Angela_x. See our website for links! https://t.co/MHhImQwBZB
Alex Edelman @AlexEdelman
40K Followers 2K Following Comedian. JUST FOR US on @HBO on April 6. 🎟️s for LA in link.
Today In History @URDailyHistory
434K Followers 46K Following Letting you know what happened today, in the past. Posts are made on West Coast US time. #history #OTD. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
greg @greg16676935420
807K Followers 525 Following im greg I like football and stocks and my birthday im from kentuckey. I'm a investor. I like to golf at the golf course @gregmultiverse • subscribe for $1 ⤴️
Delorean Rental @deloreanrental
331 Followers 131 Following Rent a Delorean Time Machine for your next party or event! Available Nationwide📍Birthdays, Weddings, Expos, Photoshoots, and more. Get a quote today.
Eleanor Margolis @EleanorMargolis
5K Followers 1K Following Freelance writer: exactly the publications you’d expect. Gaylord. Jewess. Aunt. Writes newsletter about weird stuff. She/her [email protected]
Clancy Brown @RealClancyBrown
161K Followers 445 Following Married father of two amazing children. The guy on that show and in that game. Also in some movies. #Scrambled #JW4 #DexterNewBlood #SpongeBob
Collect BTTF @collectbttf
1K Followers 71 Following Your Back to the Future digital time machine! #backtothefuture #bttf
Back to the Future @BTTFmusical
23K Followers 92 Following It’s time to change musical history! The official account for #BackToTheFuture The Musical - Now playing at London’s Adelphi Theatre⚡️
Pierce Brown @Pierce_Brown
46K Followers 472 Following Author of #1 NYT Bestselling Red Rising Saga. 6 books, 3 graphic novels, 33 languages, 1 happy Martian.
Billy Crystal @BillyCrystal
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seth @dudewithsign
290K Followers 71 Following If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.
Sam Evans @ReallySamEvans
4K Followers 1K Following You can call me flower if you want to! Standup album “Sweet Baby Boy” https://t.co/3IHxyyi4ln…
Chemistry News @ChemistryNews
421K Followers 45 Following Breaking chemistry news from only the best sources. Connecting chemists, students and researchers worldwide. Followed by @NobelPrize
Dad and Buried @DadandBuried
47K Followers 3K Following I don't hate my kids, I hate parenting them! PRE-ORDER MY BOOK! https://t.co/6fqLgZx00R
themomessence @themomessence
3K Followers 2K Following Welcome to this moms brain 🧠Occasionally I’m funny. Doing my best to normalize the struggles ❤️
Yoni Leviatan @songsofyoni
10K Followers 961 Following I write songs & articles. Music licensed to @MTV @ESPN @CNN @PBS. Words in @TimesofIsrael @Newsweek @jdforward. UK-born/US-raised/Israeli-blooded Zionist Jew.
The Levine Machine @Eitanthegoalie
5K Followers 3K Following Comedian/Writer. If you can dream it, you can Levine it. Aggressively Jewish. Work seen in NY Times, NY Mag, Colbert, etc. Host of Game Breakers on Prime Video
Jason Kelce @JasonKelce
588K Followers 48 Following Authenticity is hard to find, come get your dose of real. Posts are indicative of my values, opinions, and stories. @newheightshow @underdog_phl
Cillian Murphy @CillianMurphyOG
40K Followers 1 Following Oppenheimer is yours to own on 4K, Blu-ray™, and Digital November 21
James Gunn @JamesGunn
1.7M Followers 1K Following I like people to know when I'm drinking coffee, so I joined Twitter. IG: jamesgunn Mastodon: https://t.co/jN98hfNTer
Michael Caine @themichaelcaine
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Kevin Bacon @kevinbacon
917K Followers 233 Following Trying to do what I can with what I’ve got @SixDegreesofKB
leekern @leekern13
97K Followers 1K Following 🇬🇧🇮🇱Oscar nominated (Borat2)🥇WGA BestScreenwriter🏅Golden Globe winning film. Spurs🐓 Boxing 🥊 Jew ✡️ poetry📚pies🥧 subscribe free or paid to my Substack
College HUNKS Hauling.. @CollegeHunks
3K Followers 2K Following H.U.N.K.S.-As seen on TV 📺 - SharkTank, A&E, HGTV, & Oprah! Home Moving 🏡 Office Moving 🏢 & Junk Removal 🚚 Franchise Opportunities 🌎💸 #CollegeHunks
Taylor Swift @taylorswift13
95.4M Followers 0 Following All’s fair in love and poetry... New album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT. Out now 🤍
Travis Kelce @tkelce
1.4M Followers 1K Following Always remember WHO you are.... and WHOSE you are!! #HeightsRaised
Zach Braff @zachbraff
1.8M Followers 74 Following
jeff winger out of co.. @wingeroocontext
18K Followers 36 Following “Profound but technically meaningless” // out of context + memes of jeff winger // not affiliated with nbc or yahoo! screen // tweets are queued in advanced
Megan Ganz @meganganz
89K Followers 708 Following The Onion, Community, Modern Family, It's Always Sunny, The Last Man On Earth and now MYTHIC QUEST. I also do children's parties.
Ken Jeong @kenjeong
983K Followers 4K Following @maskedsingerfox Quarter Finals are Wednesday, 5/8! Catch up on previous episodes and seasons on @hulu!
Community @CommunityTV
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Community (TV Show) F.. @CommunityyFans
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Pierce Hawthorne @HawthorneWipes
16K Followers 10 Following Invented the Hawthorne Wipes moist towelette. 47 years old. Sign up for my Women's Pilates class.
Capt. Andrew Luck @CaptAndrewLuck
441K Followers 2 Following Retired soldier. Colt. Simple man. (Parody account.)
Prof. Feynman @ProfFeynman
1.4M Followers 0 Following A universe of atoms, an atom in the universe. Tribute to the great explainer. Tweets about Science and Wisdom. Portrait by L.V Patten.
philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_
399K Followers 3K Following detroit native. deputy editor @huffpost. subscribe to my free newsletter below! 👇🏾
The Walking Dead @WalkingDead_AMC
6.1M Followers 521 Following @AMC_TV’s #TheWalkingDead, #DeadCity and #DarylDixon. For more of The Walking Dead go to the TWDUniverse Channel on AMC+.
The Walking Dead @TheWalkingDead
1.6M Followers 3K Following The official home of all things #TWD from @RobertKirkman’s @Skybound Entertainment. #BlackLivesMatter #StopAsianHate
They should just combine Reynolds and Gosling into one Ryan.
Why does every generation think that they are the last generation of humans and that the world will come to an end with them?
@AOC Because we see history repeating.
This is what a red flag for an abusive parent looks like.
I took my daughter to her yearly physical today (she’s still a minor) and the cheery nurse told her she will need a urine sample and oh since she’s over 15 they will need to get her cell phone number so they can call with any results and handed her the laptop to type it in. I…
Not to brag but I live in a beautiful place
What’s the smallest amount of money you would reach into a toilet to get?
15 April 1947: Jackie Robinson, the first black #baseball player in the major leagues, debuts for the #Brooklyn Dodgers at first base. He would mostly play at second base during his storied career. #MLB #History #firsts #OnThisDay #ad amzn.to/3el4gpl
16 April 1889: Hollywood actor and legend Charlie Chaplin is born in London, England. #history #OTD #Happybirthday #ad amzn.to/3ahDs9 Please support URDailyHistory by clicking on our Amazon link above before shopping. Thank you so very much. 👋👋👋
Sounds like something OJ would say
Only on 𝕏 can you give alpha on saving money and get 30 million views and 20,000 very supportive comments in a day
Saving just 50 cents a day will get you $18,250 in a year. Let that sink in
The sunset is beautiful tonight
I’m getting a feeling that the “Stable Genius” is about to file for his 7th Bankruptcy.
What are hash browns but beautiful golden potato confetti for the celebration of breakfast?
why does Timothée Chalamet remind me of this kind of medieval shoe
The first time you change the sheets on a bunk bed is when you realize what a terrible invention they are.
So… what are we eating for dinner? -Said my son after eating a Thanksgiving feast.
My morning started out with my 7yr old and 10yr old blasting Gangnam Style. In other words I need more coffee.
My wife just incorrectly used the term “mansplaining” and I don’t know what to do.
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