Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK twitter.com/search?q=from%… California Joined April 2009-
Tweets120K
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Followers17K
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Following4K
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Likes179K
Jason Not Evil retweeted
Emails be like unsubscribe here and then they send you an email to tell you you’ve unsubscribed.
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Jason Not Evil retweeted
Thinking about how my family passed down alcoholism instead of generational wealth
Surely this airport salad will make up for all previous gluttony
Jason Not Evil retweeted
Depression in midlife is like "what if I took a nap on the floor"
Jason Not Evil retweeted
I would die for you because I love you and I also want to die
Jason Not Evil retweeted
no one: my 6yo at bedtime: what would happen if all your bones disappeared
Jason Not Evil retweeted
I dont get many likes because my followers are busy doing cool shit like fucking and microwaving fireworks
Jason Not Evil retweeted
I had to stop drinking because I found out these twins I drank with were the same person
Jason Not Evil retweeted
Managing expectations
Jason Not Evil retweeted
Just stick the q-tip in your ear. God has abandoned us.
Jason Not Evil retweeted
THIS WAS AN ACT OF GOD I CAN'T POSSIBLY DO MY TAXES
Jason Not Evil retweeted
going into the city to see a marching band with my dad today, I really hope we have a nice time and he doesn’t ask me any super intense questions about when I grow up
Jason Not Evil retweeted
me: did you see the video I sent you my husband: me: my husband: I saw that you sent it
Jason Not Evil retweeted
it used to be a window and one day it hopes to be a house
Jason Not Evil retweeted
sharks I am asking for $7544 so I can get Five Guys for lunch
Jason Not Evil retweeted
Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour
Jason Not Evil retweeted
if i text you "🤩" it means i have a starfish over each eye
Jason Not Evil retweeted
stanley cups: a thread
Jason Not Evil retweeted
I hope my next gf doesn’t ever say she loves gorillas. I ain’t tryna fight every gorilla.
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@hunkybloodydory @Burlesque_Ives @JasonNotEvil @ADHDeanASL @SimoneSpringer @Tobi_Is_Fab @_gorydetails @Girl15Gone @jessiejess1228 @AbleLikes @manda_tee1 @bbeau92 @Capt__Smirk Yeah, I don't know if it's just me, but it doesn't seem the same. 😔
@stewiecoffee @Burlesque_Ives @JasonNotEvil @ADHDeanASL @SimoneSpringer @Tobi_Is_Fab @_gorydetails @Girl15Gone @jessiejess1228 @AbleLikes @manda_tee1 @bbeau92 @Capt__Smirk We used to have a lot of fun on here didn't we!
@AbleLikes @Tobi_Is_Fab @Burlesque_Ives @JasonNotEvil @ADHDeanASL @SimoneSpringer @_gorydetails @Girl15Gone @jessiejess1228 @manda_tee1 @hunkybloodydory @bbeau92 @Capt__Smirk You're welcome hun! It was pretty awesome back then.
@Tobi_Is_Fab @Burlesque_Ives @JasonNotEvil @ADHDeanASL @SimoneSpringer @_gorydetails @Girl15Gone @jessiejess1228 @AbleLikes @manda_tee1 @hunkybloodydory @bbeau92 @Capt__Smirk We're doing ok thanks hun! How you doing?
I saw a thread saying post an old selfie and make it blah blah... So I looked back through my old tweets and discovered that twitter was fucking beautiful 5 years ago. This was the old thread. Go and have a look and see if you were on it and say hi again x.com/stewiecoffee/s…
✨ Saturday Sparkle Selfie Call ✨ A great chat with your bestie who just gets you and has your back at all times can rid you of your anxiety in a heartbeat! Thank you! You know who you are and you've put the sparkle back in my eyes! Let me see all your sparkles...
@itssherifield @reallifemommy3 @eleniZarro @mxmclain @KatieDeal99 @michimama75 @dadmann_walking @fozzie4prez @oneawkwardmom @JasonNotEvil @justinmatic5000 Thanks for the shout Sheri!
Don’t unsubscribe to these funnies @reallifemommy3 @eleniZarro @mxmclain @KatieDeal99 @michimama75 @dadmann_walking @BrickMahoney @fozzie4prez @oneawkwardmom @JasonNotEvil @justinmatic5000
Emails be like unsubscribe here and then they send you an email to tell you you’ve unsubscribed.
They should put silica gel packets in bagged lettuce to keep it crisp
I feel like I never get credit for the things I *don’t* hit with my car.
i haven’t taken my dog to build-a-bear yet bc i know she’ll embarrass me by not answering their questions about what she wants.
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