PieGuy @ilovepie84
My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK North pole Joined June 2011-
Tweets8K
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Followers30K
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Following6K
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Likes181K
My husband accepted an invite to a bbq for us and said we would bring a salad, like “we” has anything to do with it.
me: I don’t like other people’s kids them: how old are yours? me: I don’t have any
Ass so fat it got prescribed ozempic
Few things are sexier than when a guy stares deep in your eyes and whispers "I need to drain the main vein" then runs away
*reading the food nutritional label* oh i’ve made a huge mistake
Friend: How was your job interview? Me: I think I hugged him too long.
I don't want to criticize anyone for the way they laugh because that's their pure nature, so I just distance myself from them socially
The grocery store is all out of thyme. Feels spooky 👻
You don’t wave at dogs in cars? What’s it like not to have a soul?
It's okay, facial recognition. I don't recognize myself anymore either.
Bug: sometimes I feel like I can’t be fixed Therapist, who is also a computer programmer: I think I can help
(Falling asleep) My body: hey let's play whac-a-mole except with an itch
Not to brag but my nap was so long I was late for my bedtime
Nothing worse than leaving home without your small talk flash cards.
Female spider: I give up. Every profile has a photo of them holding up the biggest bug they've caught. Female spider 2: I wouldn't worry about it. If the date is bad you can just eat him and the bug and move on.
My mental health has improved greatly over the last week. No, I’m not taking medication, I just stopped reading the comments on Facebook.
In this economy buying something necessary feels like a treat.
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
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306 Followers 472 Following Orville's nephew. Inventor of the "hole in the popcorn bucket" move..:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
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@ilovepie84 @adamgreattweet I admire the commitment
@ilovepie84 Well fucking done, Sir. Well. Fucking. Done. 👏🏼
You might be redefining petty here🤔😂
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
😭😭😭😭😭 puh-leez
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
Sweet Jesus.
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
The way I would actually do this… 🫢
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
😂😂
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
Petty? No. You’re a Netflix limited series.
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
These kinds of people terrify me, but in a I want to build a fandom around them kinda way. 😂
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
This just gave me purpose.
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
I wish I had the energy; nay, the creativity; to be this level of petty.
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
What if I said modern Wangxian meet cute?
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
please
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
And I thought I was petty😭
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
Me
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on
its giving "you should have never called me a fat ass kelly price"
Am I petty? In 2019 someone commented “not funny” under my tweet I’ve catfished him for 5 years. Made him fall in love with me He’s meeting me at a restaurant for the first time tonight (I won’t be there) The waiter will give him a note that’s just my tweet he commented on