He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! @SchmuckOnAHorse
Mild-mannered CPA by day, miserable curmudgeon by night. Followed by @mrsdash. twitter.com/search?q=from:… Parts Unknown, USA Joined October 2016-
Tweets106K
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Followers7K
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Following5K
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Likes156K
Maybe if Herb got laid once in a while, he wouldn't be so bitter. Feel free to share that at your Passover seder tonight.
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He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
She's a 10, but in £'s.
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
Have you considered running away from your problems? *me as a therapist
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
I hate it when I'm at work and someone asks "are you at free at the moment?". Please expand further so I can know if I'm free or not.
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
I've developed a dating app for lumberjacks looking for love, I'm calling it Timber.
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
The best part of being an adult is being able to decide when your bedtime is, and the worst part is everything else.
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
It's all about the chemistry of connection and the delightful ease of conversation.
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
Spanish Inquisitor: “None are as feared as I am!” *gets unexpected 15 minute Zoom meeting invite with HR *fearful cries and wailing noises
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
Be weird, not mean.
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
Your worth demands celebration even on the darkest days
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
There’s several hours yet til it’s Monday. Stop being a pussy and tap that keg!!
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
Live, Laugh, Leave your job and join the Circus.
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
being happy and hungry simultaneously is very emotionally confusing
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
on dandelion puffs my wishes take flight carrying the whisper of your name
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
Whenever I’m feeling down on a Sunday morning, I brush my teeth and drink a tall glass of orange juice with extra pulp as a reminder that shit could be worse.
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
You're the fucking story playing, in my heart....
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
My voice, a whisper in the crowd. Yet in my heart, I'm quietly loud
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
i’ve searched in libraries throughout, read texts ancient and new, searched the heavens to understand how she can exist. still, there are no words to describe her beauty, her way. may it not be uttered by a tongue then, may it only be expressed in pure devotion.
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
DIY stores are really missing a trick by not hiring divorce lawyers. They’d make a killing.
He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! retweeted
If we are at a diner and I DON'T order French toast and sausage links, call the authorities cause I've been kidnapped.
Midge @mxmclain
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Paul W @pauldwhitney
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231 Followers 678 Following But whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. - Mt 5:22
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Lil MissGuided 🇨�.. @Guided_by_Sue
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We 86'd chump!!! 🍾.. @psrmiami
1K Followers 5K Following Love: Dogs🐶🐶, Beaches🏖️🌅, Books📚, Beer🍻, Running🏃🏻♂️, Tacos🌮🌮 Hate: TFG & his family, complicit GOP, lima beans, olives, coffee.
Midge @mxmclain
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SneezingWithWetMascar.. @WetMascara
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.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
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Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
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PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
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Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
💀SpookyLittleComic.. @CunniLinguist77
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Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
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President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
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poetry @verseweave
2K Followers 636 Following when life shackles, i turn to intoxication. in art, in beauty, in ecstasy, in poetry.
HunnyHiive @HunnyHiive
293 Followers 1K Following Tasks of Parenting is WILD FYI you're not alone on the journey.
Melanie @MelsAlterEgo
2K Followers 4K Following A kiss is a conversation without words. Let's see how you talk to me.
Redheads have more fu.. @Nicebutcrazyred
27K Followers 3K Following Big fan of tequila, laughter and sleep. Bi wife to one amazing husband. Living life one day at a time. Olympic eyeroller. 🙄 Don't be an asshole.😈😘🌈
Steve V and 75 others @Steve_Van_Hagen
231 Followers 678 Following But whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. - Mt 5:22
Aunt Large Marge @AuntTsunami
287 Followers 550 Following I love drama, just not my own. I like to put my foot in my mouth (not literally). No DM’s.
Harry’s🔥Hotpants.. @hotttttotrot
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yer mom. 🤨 @mersadaisy
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JB 💓 @cornfedh0e
183 Followers 205 Following 𝕄𝕒𝕞𝕒 𝕥𝕠 𝕒 𝕓𝕠𝕪 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕨𝕠 𝕕𝕠𝕘𝕤. 𝔽𝕦𝕟𝕟𝕪 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖𝕤, 𝕨𝕚𝕗𝕖, 1*💙🖤 lover of reading, cider beers, and anything crafty
Troy Metheny @TroyCMetheny
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NotTheDadBodYou'reLoo.. @DadBodLife69
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redyellowgreendance �.. @RYGdance
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sister golden hair su.. @notbetty4ever
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♡ Eve ♡ @evecullen610
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Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
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Matthew Dangerously @pulcher_primus
461 Followers 2K Following former US Navy FMF Hospital Corpsman ¤ Iraq Veteran ¤ Electromagnetic Field Operation Service Technician ¤ Iraq War Journal at link below
She Ginger @Sheginger
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Jim @baleguy
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aniel-ani 🇮🇳 @ani__royal007
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Crusty 🪥🧻🥦 @SmokedMullett
702 Followers 326 Following ⭐🦮🥇Brush your teeth, wipe your butt and eat your vegetables. https://t.co/bTwvhpwFVm
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Dreamboat Dave 🚢 @TurnLeftElise
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THEE DiscoWitch 🏳�.. @gothicdisco
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Cady Miller @cady_miller
2K Followers 3K Following
Pussywillowdottie @thsisbsitstinks
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Ron B. @Apologia315
721 Followers 2K Following Father of six and happily married and an entrepreneur. Former Christian hater and non-believer. Used critical thinking and reason to discover the truth.
ΔŇǤ€Ł ₣ΔŁŁ.. @Angels_fall5
12K Followers 4K Following I write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect. ————————————— don't play follow unfollow with me.. I am the kindest rude you've ever seen.
JoeCeePhus @jayceepee
367 Followers 968 Following Hoping not to outlive civilization. Good lefty (politics and dexterity). 50. Loungewear influencer. Terran exceptionalist.
Psychotic Potato 🍄 @DenisTypeI
2K Followers 2K Following A day at a time...🙏 #Progressive #Atheism #JDA #Diabetes #HeartHealth #transfriendly #StonerFam #fungi #mushrooms #MmemberVille 💨💨
Liv @LivnPumpkins
300 Followers 838 Following 30s. Swamp Hag. Lover of Halloween, True Crime, Bad Weather, Godzilla, Puppets, and All Things Spooky. Multiple fandoms but post random crap.
𝔏𝔞𝔲𝔯𝔞 .. @pinkmagiclala
91K Followers 11K Following @jakethegr86 is the love of my life ❤️🔥 mother of cats♡ ily Layla🐾 80s hair bands, sports, spicy food, animals, and ASMR are my true loves ~ destiny is all
Jenny and the Bets @colourmesadder
18K Followers 877 Following i like big butts and I lie all the time
Jennifer Wright @Lexley816
477 Followers 4K Following One of the most cowardly things ordinary people do is shut their eyes to the facts. -C.S. Lewis
Barefoot & a bottle o.. @_Sup_Bitch_
5K Followers 3K Following Coloring books & crystal meth are my hobbies @mygraybubble holds my boobs, reply girl aficionado
Simon The Cat @dambuster633
15K Followers 7K Following Arsenal, Rockabilly, Belgian Beer what more do you need? I'll follow back if you're not too deranged. 18+ would probably be for the best.
Nom De Plume @DeonMumple
1K Followers 1K Following Writer, Poet. Former Dreamer. I may or may not be joking. If you don't want an answer, why ask a question?
if you love me get it down i feel it more than you express it
*me, taking on Monday morning
Have you considered running away from your problems? *me as a therapist
I hate it when I'm at work and someone asks "are you at free at the moment?". Please expand further so I can know if I'm free or not.
I've developed a dating app for lumberjacks looking for love, I'm calling it Timber.
The best part of being an adult is being able to decide when your bedtime is, and the worst part is everything else.
It's all about the chemistry of connection and the delightful ease of conversation.
Spanish Inquisitor: “None are as feared as I am!” *gets unexpected 15 minute Zoom meeting invite with HR *fearful cries and wailing noises
she never stops tilting her neck, …He never stops kissing it
Your worth demands celebration even on the darkest days
There’s several hours yet til it’s Monday. Stop being a pussy and tap that keg!!
i never thought i would use the phrase, "what in the gender-pokemon is that ?", before visiting thailand
Live, Laugh, Leave your job and join the Circus.
being happy and hungry simultaneously is very emotionally confusing
on dandelion puffs my wishes take flight carrying the whisper of your name
Whenever I’m feeling down on a Sunday morning, I brush my teeth and drink a tall glass of orange juice with extra pulp as a reminder that shit could be worse.
You're the fucking story playing, in my heart....
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