He's Back And He's Schmucktacular! @SchmuckOnAHorse
Mild-mannered CPA by day, miserable curmudgeon by night. Followed by @mrsdash. twitter.com/search?q=from:… Parts Unknown, USA Joined October 2016-
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Maybe if Herb got laid once in a while, he wouldn't be so bitter. Feel free to share that at your Passover seder tonight.
She's a 10, but in £'s.
Have you considered running away from your problems? *me as a therapist
I hate it when I'm at work and someone asks "are you at free at the moment?". Please expand further so I can know if I'm free or not.
I've developed a dating app for lumberjacks looking for love, I'm calling it Timber.
The best part of being an adult is being able to decide when your bedtime is, and the worst part is everything else.
It's all about the chemistry of connection and the delightful ease of conversation.
Spanish Inquisitor: “None are as feared as I am!” *gets unexpected 15 minute Zoom meeting invite with HR *fearful cries and wailing noises
Be weird, not mean.
Your worth demands celebration even on the darkest days
There’s several hours yet til it’s Monday. Stop being a pussy and tap that keg!!
Live, Laugh, Leave your job and join the Circus.
being happy and hungry simultaneously is very emotionally confusing
on dandelion puffs my wishes take flight carrying the whisper of your name
Whenever I’m feeling down on a Sunday morning, I brush my teeth and drink a tall glass of orange juice with extra pulp as a reminder that shit could be worse.
You're the fucking story playing, in my heart....
My voice, a whisper in the crowd. Yet in my heart, I'm quietly loud
i’ve searched in libraries throughout, read texts ancient and new, searched the heavens to understand how she can exist. still, there are no words to describe her beauty, her way. may it not be uttered by a tongue then, may it only be expressed in pure devotion.
DIY stores are really missing a trick by not hiring divorce lawyers. They’d make a killing.
If we are at a diner and I DON'T order French toast and sausage links, call the authorities cause I've been kidnapped.
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbKnice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzmom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd💀SpookyLittleComic.. @CunniLinguist77
17K Followers 8K Following failed librarian🖤💀🫀🎃avid mourner🪦🥀⚰️enthusiastic weeper•town crier•inward groaner•proud oddity🎭🎨📚animal cruelty≠joke🫥🗿🏰🌧🌳🍕🍪🪻🪺🪷🦦🫧NoDMs🏳️🌈Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
18K Followers 2K Following DM Room cheerleader & typo goddess. 56% funny. TH: @Conchvegas1 . Avi by ToonMe. Header: @dimplesticks. https://t.co/dRgjRopfudA Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My posts in this link ⬇️The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUaPresident Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration infoADHDean @ADHDeanASL
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79 Followers 448 Following Mama of 2; Director of Special Education; Starting over peacefullyCuddables.in @cuddablesin
40 Followers 132 Following Join us in embracing a nurturing journey where every cuddables is an expression of care and purity .#Cuddables #BabyCare #Vegan #ToxinFree #NaturalIngredientsSodapop Stardust @sodapopstardust
96 Followers 257 Following Never let anyone know what you're truly capable of. Being underestimated gives you a tremendous advantage. Having knowledge does not excuse you from hard work.Hellish Jay @ThaRealJRob
169 Followers 1K Following Hellish Jay From Ellijay/They must have amnesia/They forgot that I’m him/Garfield enjoyer/My friends call me “Loc Dogg”Salimang Kujabi @KujabiSali57616
3 Followers 139 FollowingTanya Cliff @TanyaCliff1
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0 Followers 358 Following follow my Instagram - aliyaroseofc 🤍 22 year old BRITISH 🤍 trans 🏳️⚧️ what are you waiting for? come chat with me below ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️🌸 Roxanne is screa.. @roxannadanna831
208 Followers 1K Following 𓅓 Call me Rox. 🔞 Cthonic woman. God's Least Favorite. Fueled by spite & animal crackers. Native Brooklynite stuck Upstate, please send help and bagels.🥯Almost There @ShawnBaxterAZ
773 Followers 803 Following Ex junkie grease monkey winner of the fight. Pretty much true. With stuff in between.Scott Forbes @ScottFo75249068
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306 Followers 2K Following Plenty of room in Eastern Washington! DMs OK on technical topics (this is broad), and bicycling.Naïve American @nahdude83
399 Followers 678 Following I'm a middle aged man restarting life. I also need help. See my GoFundMe or I can make something for you through my Etsy shoppe below 👇🏽 DM for custom art!Network Sportsball An.. @fakesportsceleb
666 Followers 169 Following Taking care of my chickens and my mentals. #letsgobuffaloCaliplug @smile258555
47 Followers 830 Following treatment for anxiety and depression!! clients satisfaction is our priorityMelanie 🌨️₊˚... @melaniebshizzle
683 Followers 5K Following #Boss ♥️Mum♥️ 28.6.1949-25.5.2017 😇♥️♥️livin' in the uk 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧born & raised british!!🇬🇧🇬🇧poetry @verseweave
2K Followers 636 Following when life shackles, i turn to intoxication. in art, in beauty, in ecstasy, in poetry.James @SamuraiJ11
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63 Followers 725 Following The Goodest Will is a unique online thrift store that sells new and pre owned goods and clothes at unbelievable discounts! With new items every day! ENJOY 😉Pixtoria @AmirAzizpour777
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1 Followers 29 FollowingChiarielloupholsterin.. @ChiarielloUPH
1K Followers 2K Following Owner of Chiariello Upholstering located in Livingston NJ. Specializing in all home furniture decor in essex/morris county and north NJ.Ƥαυℓ ♥️🐝 @ghoti00
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51 Followers 66 Followingiam_vicko @conceptnigltd
9 Followers 197 FollowingMelanie @MelsAlterEgo
2K Followers 4K Following A kiss is a conversation without words. Let's see how you talk to me.Redheads have more fu.. @Nicebutcrazyred
27K Followers 3K Following Big fan of tequila, laughter and sleep. Bi wife to one amazing husband. Living life one day at a time. Olympic eyeroller. 🙄 Don't be an asshole.😈😘🌈Steve V and 75 others @Steve_Van_Hagen
231 Followers 678 Following But whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. - Mt 5:22⛲ Susan ⛲ @onascaleof1210
5K Followers 4K Following My strength is seeing the errors in my thinking, then working to correct them.serhatdoganpoetry @sdesk98
372 Followers 1K Following Poet who use simplicity and brevity to describe thingsAunt Large Marge @AuntTsunami
287 Followers 550 Following I love drama, just not my own. I like to put my foot in my mouth (not literally). No DM’s.Lil MissGuided 🇨�.. @Guided_by_Sue
2K Followers 4K Following It’s only Twitter ffs so no DM’s pleaseElon musk @EMusk_Tesla_ceo
326 Followers 3K FollowingRobert and Janet @janet_orenstein
4K Followers 5K Following Everyone on here, Im a guy! I have to use my wife's account after getting suspended. Lover of books (any), Movies (A, but prefer horror films), No DMWe 86'd chump!!! 🍾.. @psrmiami
1K Followers 5K Following Love: Dogs🐶🐶, Beaches🏖️🌅, Books📚, Beer🍻, Running🏃🏻♂️, Tacos🌮🌮 Hate: TFG & his family, complicit GOP, lima beans, olives, coffee.Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbolSneezingWithWetMascar.. @WetMascara
20K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below..:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbKnice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzmom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd💀SpookyLittleComic.. @CunniLinguist77
17K Followers 8K Following failed librarian🖤💀🫀🎃avid mourner🪦🥀⚰️enthusiastic weeper•town crier•inward groaner•proud oddity🎭🎨📚animal cruelty≠joke🫥🗿🏰🌧🌳🍕🍪🪻🪺🪷🦦🫧NoDMs🏳️🌈Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
18K Followers 2K Following DM Room cheerleader & typo goddess. 56% funny. TH: @Conchvegas1 . Avi by ToonMe. Header: @dimplesticks. https://t.co/dRgjRopfudA Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My posts in this link ⬇️The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUaPresident Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration infoADHDean @ADHDeanASL
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19K Followers 825 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth ThingBlue Berrymore @BerrymoreBlue
18K Followers 4K Following Sarcasm and Anxiety. I love dad jokes and mom bods.poetry @verseweave
2K Followers 636 Following when life shackles, i turn to intoxication. in art, in beauty, in ecstasy, in poetry.HunnyHiive @HunnyHiive
293 Followers 1K Following Tasks of Parenting is WILD FYI you're not alone on the journey.Melanie @MelsAlterEgo
2K Followers 4K Following A kiss is a conversation without words. Let's see how you talk to me.Redheads have more fu.. @Nicebutcrazyred
27K Followers 3K Following Big fan of tequila, laughter and sleep. Bi wife to one amazing husband. Living life one day at a time. Olympic eyeroller. 🙄 Don't be an asshole.😈😘🌈Steve V and 75 others @Steve_Van_Hagen
231 Followers 678 Following But whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. - Mt 5:22Aunt Large Marge @AuntTsunami
287 Followers 550 Following I love drama, just not my own. I like to put my foot in my mouth (not literally). No DM’s.Harry’s🔥Hotpants.. @hotttttotrot
5K Followers 4K Following 𝕏 Make your life SPECTACULAR! Joie Vivre SHARP!🚫CALL/DM! 💯Real Curiousity & Integrity & Love 🇦🇺🦄Truth&Free Speech. Be Courage. Be Light in The Dark Dork𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒂.. @mysterynips3000
2K Followers 4K Following Oh hi!💋I'm fkn dark, twisted & full of inappropriate thoughts🦋mental health ( • ) ( • ) I love horror!! 🖤 Prob eating garlic bread! Fetch is fetch AF!🧚♀️yer mom. 🤨 @mersadaisy
350 Followers 1K Following Wife. Mom. Usually tired. Perpetually skeptical. #Spartan by blood; #Tarheel by marriage. ⚾️🚲💚📚 #bikedc #HandsOffDC #k1p2JB 💓 @cornfedh0e
183 Followers 205 Following 𝕄𝕒𝕞𝕒 𝕥𝕠 𝕒 𝕓𝕠𝕪 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕨𝕠 𝕕𝕠𝕘𝕤. 𝔽𝕦𝕟𝕟𝕪 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖𝕤, 𝕨𝕚𝕗𝕖, 1*💙🖤 lover of reading, cider beers, and anything craftyTroy Metheny @TroyCMetheny
1K Followers 849 FollowingNotTheDadBodYou'reLoo.. @DadBodLife69
1K Followers 1K Following Just a dad, trying to hold it together, raising some kiddos. Friendly, chatty, always open for some conversation. I won't bite, unless you ask me too ! #dadbodredyellowgreendance �.. @RYGdance
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29K Followers 9K Following gently, touch me with your words (my tweets...my words)© •she/her• #oneforever🥁The Lonely Side o.. @S00n3r_B0rn
383 Followers 259 Following Lover of music. NSFW. I’m as comfortable as your favorite sweater on a cold, dreary morning, except more flattering. Percussive Dweeb. Drop in and sit a spell.Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilariousMatthew Dangerously @pulcher_primus
461 Followers 2K Following former US Navy FMF Hospital Corpsman ¤ Iraq Veteran ¤ Electromagnetic Field Operation Service Technician ¤ Iraq War Journal at link belowShe Ginger @Sheginger
10K Followers 9K Following Pale as Wonder Bread. Laughter IS the best medicine! Writes stuff. https://t.co/MCQmU7lU88Jim @baleguy
1K Followers 5K Following Just watching the good, the bad and the ugly from my little corner of the planet. No DM'S Married.aniel-ani 🇮🇳 @ani__royal007
823 Followers 799 Following @ani_royal007 is Suspended on 18k currently on YouTube: aniel ani … Got Millions two times ..ColleensDragon @ColleensDragon
4K Followers 1K Following Married 💍, Whovian, owned by rescue cat, #DnD #DDPY #Resist It gets weird around here. You have been warned!Crusty 🪥🧻🥦 @SmokedMullett
702 Followers 326 Following ⭐🦮🥇Brush your teeth, wipe your butt and eat your vegetables. https://t.co/bTwvhpwFVmOintmental @Ointmental
1K Followers 1K Following 'Cartoon, Camera, Caffeine' freak with an awesome hental mealth. I may be older, but I am certainly not wiser. Don't believe a word I say unless you want to 😾Dreamboat Dave 🚢 @TurnLeftElise
1K Followers 1K Following Riding the M6, waiting for you... Thoughtful fragments... ...THEE DiscoWitch 🏳�.. @gothicdisco
3K Followers 5K Following Expat New Englander. Book, horror, history nerd. Tie-dyed glitter goth witch with a sense of humour blacker than my clothes. She/her. #KHive #ConstantReaderCady Miller @cady_miller
2K Followers 3K FollowingPussywillowdottie @thsisbsitstinks
7K Followers 7K Following Perpetually pissed off...everywhere I look I see a problem. It's true, I am a bitchologist and I hate goodbyes😭. Not so nice jew-ish girl..🤷🏻♀️Ron B. @Apologia315
721 Followers 2K Following Father of six and happily married and an entrepreneur. Former Christian hater and non-believer. Used critical thinking and reason to discover the truth.ΔŇǤ€Ł ₣ΔŁŁ.. @Angels_fall5
12K Followers 4K Following I write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect. ————————————— don't play follow unfollow with me.. I am the kindest rude you've ever seen.JoeCeePhus @jayceepee
367 Followers 968 Following Hoping not to outlive civilization. Good lefty (politics and dexterity). 50. Loungewear influencer. Terran exceptionalist.Psychotic Potato 🍄 @DenisTypeI
2K Followers 2K Following A day at a time...🙏 #Progressive #Atheism #JDA #Diabetes #HeartHealth #transfriendly #StonerFam #fungi #mushrooms #MmemberVille 💨💨Liv @LivnPumpkins
300 Followers 838 Following 30s. Swamp Hag. Lover of Halloween, True Crime, Bad Weather, Godzilla, Puppets, and All Things Spooky. Multiple fandoms but post random crap.𝔏𝔞𝔲𝔯𝔞 .. @pinkmagiclala
91K Followers 11K Following @jakethegr86 is the love of my life ❤️🔥 mother of cats♡ ily Layla🐾 80s hair bands, sports, spicy food, animals, and ASMR are my true loves ~ destiny is allJenny and the Bets @colourmesadder
18K Followers 877 Following i like big butts and I lie all the timeJennifer Wright @Lexley816
477 Followers 4K Following One of the most cowardly things ordinary people do is shut their eyes to the facts. -C.S. LewisBarefoot & a bottle o.. @_Sup_Bitch_
5K Followers 3K Following Coloring books & crystal meth are my hobbies @mygraybubble holds my boobs, reply girl aficionadoSimon The Cat @dambuster633
15K Followers 7K Following Arsenal, Rockabilly, Belgian Beer what more do you need? I'll follow back if you're not too deranged. 18+ would probably be for the best.Nom De Plume @DeonMumple
1K Followers 1K Following Writer, Poet. Former Dreamer. I may or may not be joking. If you don't want an answer, why ask a question?if you love me get it down i feel it more than you express it
*me, taking on Monday morning
Have you considered running away from your problems? *me as a therapist
I hate it when I'm at work and someone asks "are you at free at the moment?". Please expand further so I can know if I'm free or not.
I've developed a dating app for lumberjacks looking for love, I'm calling it Timber.
The best part of being an adult is being able to decide when your bedtime is, and the worst part is everything else.
It's all about the chemistry of connection and the delightful ease of conversation.
Spanish Inquisitor: “None are as feared as I am!” *gets unexpected 15 minute Zoom meeting invite with HR *fearful cries and wailing noises
she never stops tilting her neck, …He never stops kissing it
Your worth demands celebration even on the darkest days
There’s several hours yet til it’s Monday. Stop being a pussy and tap that keg!!
i never thought i would use the phrase, "what in the gender-pokemon is that ?", before visiting thailand
Live, Laugh, Leave your job and join the Circus.
being happy and hungry simultaneously is very emotionally confusing
on dandelion puffs my wishes take flight carrying the whisper of your name
Whenever I’m feeling down on a Sunday morning, I brush my teeth and drink a tall glass of orange juice with extra pulp as a reminder that shit could be worse.
You're the fucking story playing, in my heart....