Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt
24/7/365 Observer. Frequent participant. Occasional make-happener. Clouds. twitter.com/search?q=from%… Gunbarrel, CO Joined October 2013-
Tweets182K
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Followers22K
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Following12K
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
With the 15th selection in the 2013 NBA Draft the Milwaukee Bucks select Giannis Antetokounmpo. #BucksDraft
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Pronouncing Grimace like Versace so the people at this McDonald’s think I’m sophisticated
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
First sunrise of summer 🌄
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
pee-wee herman movies are kinda like david lynch but for 8 year olds
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
I gotta be honest we’d probably be better off if Y2K had actually ruined all the computers back in 2000
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
If you click your BBQ tongs three times today, a dad shows up and tells you the best temperature to cook your brisket.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
I just went down a rabbit hole where people don't "believe" in cancer. As in it's just made up and not serious. We really are in trouble
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Morgan Freeman was 52 when he got his breakout role in Driving Miss Daisy (RIP Jessica Tandy). You’ve got time to reinvent yourself if you want to.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
I literally don’t play soccer
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Weed smokers have to defend their entire existence while alcoholics get invited to brunch.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Mickelson looks like he’s about to tell James Spader someone let a poor kid on the course.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
I'm a survivor of my own destruction.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Things that didn’t exist for ~98% of human history: hallways spaces between words the teenager anesthesia the concept of rights zero and negative numbers marrying for love weekends left and right shoes solitude indoor showers What a time to be alive
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
even terrorists Bo-lieve
🚨HOLY CRAP!!! ICE just caught a COMMANDER of two foreign terrorist organizations living in SMALL-TOWN North Carolina... ...and he was HOLDING HIS OWN WIFE HOSTAGE!!! His name is Felipe Dell Aquilla, a commander of the PCC and Comando Vermelho, the two largest criminal empires
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Back in my day you could go to Walmart at 2:00am and buy a shotgun and a live lobster
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
I ended up naming my depression “Brad” so I can say, “Not now, Brad” and feel like I’m setting boundaries with a divorced accountant
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
in the US, about 95% of men identify as straight. so 5% are not straight. there are ~2,400 active players in the big 4. basic math says there should be ~120 non-straight players then. and yet there are 0 OPENLY gay/bi players. maybe pride is a little more necessary than you think
MLB does not have an active openly gay or bisexual player. Meaning all this gay propaganda has nothing to do with supporting their players. It has everything to do with breaking up the nuclear family and targeting Christian values.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
I was on the cover of Sports Illustrated at 20 years old before I'd played a full season in the big leagues. I walked into my local 7-Eleven one morning, put a honey bun and a quart of milk on the counter, looked down, and saw my own face staring back at me. I walked out without buying either one. What followed was 10 years of trying to live up to something I hadn't earned yet. I wanted to please everybody in the stadium. Make every scout right. Justify the cover. Turns out that's the fastest way to please nobody, including yourself. By the time I became a manager, there wasn't much a player could bring into my office that I hadn't already walked through myself.
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Knicks fans, celebrate ya chip with hats & jerseys but please wait for "post-championship clarity" before buying anything crazy. I own a Chicago Cubs commemorative championship light-up Wrigley Field baseball table? Da fuq for?!😂
as someone who regrets not buying every single thing after the raptors won in 2019 my advice is to buy everything
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
If a toddler offers u an unwrapped piece of candy from his sticky hand, that’s a sign of great respect in their culture
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