Matty @bestestname
Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you. twitter.com/search?q=from%… Portland, OR Joined June 2011-
Tweets72K
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Followers13K
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Following6K
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Likes120K
Matty retweeted
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but they faked little house on the Prairie
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Matty retweeted
I just spent $72.35 on Temu, so I regret to inform you they are sold out now.
Matty retweeted
I asked the librarian where the self-help books were and she told me to figure it out myself.
Matty retweeted
Today is an absolutely terrible day to be on Twitter if you hate thinking about dogs dying
Matty retweeted
employer: what are your weaknesses me: crab rangoon
Matty retweeted
The little dog is irritated with me and wants to go to bed.
Matty retweeted
ball peen is an absolutely crazy name for a hammer
Matty retweeted
I think we can all agree. All dogs deserve to be loved and cared for. ❤️
Matty retweeted
Guru: [at the top of the mountain] ask me anything Me: [out of breath, holding some Beck albums] wtf is this guy talking about
Matty retweeted
“but it’s so beautiful outside!” ah but you see. it is also so beautiful inside
Cell phone signal when I need it: . Cell phone signal two blocks away: 📶📶📶📶📶📶📶📶📶📶
Matty retweeted
Turns out that murdering puppies is not popular. There’s a reason Charles Schulz never released “You Shot Snoopy In A Gravel Pit, Charlie Brown”
Matty retweeted
Gov. Kristi Noem stood & cheered at the end of “Old Yeller”.
Matty retweeted
They should invent something that is good for you.
You say sarcastic, but everyone else says unfunny asshole
Matty retweeted
Pirate: oh no, the song of the siren Siren: Eeeooo Eeeooo, beep beep beep AWOOOOGAHHH Pirate: [pulling over]
Matty retweeted
fuuuuuuuuck! columbia house found me!! does anyone have $12,726.82 i could borrow?
PieGuy @ilovepie84
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meghan @deloisivete
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Aitch; Wolo G @Emersonist
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ALIYAH🤍 600k🤍 @tsaliyahj
0 Followers 358 Following follow my Instagram - aliyaroseofc 🤍 22 year old BRITISH 🤍 trans 🏳️⚧️ what are you waiting for? come chat with me below ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
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SneezingWithWetMascar.. @WetMascara
20K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below.
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
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Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
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mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
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140 Followers 471 Following It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people's minds.
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