Pru @prufrockluvsong
humorisht | situation misunderstander | word maker upper | bit prolonger twitter.com/search?q=from:… Joined February 2013-
Tweets47K
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Followers20K
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Following2K
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Likes104K
You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back
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I'm gonna need y'all to stop making up new slang words I am exhausted
Pru retweeted
Same. And I’m not even gonna knock
Once all social media gets banned I'm gonna start peddling my jokes door to door
Pru retweeted
I literally bought 1L of bodywash for €5 and went like "I'm going all out today I see 😼"
I literally bought 1L of bodywash for €5 and went like "I'm going all out today I see 😼"
Pru retweeted
“Why the hell are these guys so mad at my fetch toy?” -Dog at a tennis match
Pru retweeted
In this economy buying something necessary feels like a treat.
Pru retweeted
My mental health has improved greatly over the last week. No, I’m not taking medication, I just stopped reading the comments on Facebook.
Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!
Pru retweeted
fast-forwarding through the ads was the best system and we fucked up. we fucked up bad
Just me looking at the Skarsgård family then at my own family then back at the Skarsgård family and getting really sad
Pru retweeted
Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood
You say you want a deep tissue massage and then get mad when I press kleenex boxes into your back.
Pru retweeted
My favorite coworker is the one who speaks the least.
You don't have to say "tortured poets" you can just say "poets"
Pru retweeted
me core 😭
Pru retweeted
My wife and I like to watch House Hunters episodes from 2005 so it seems like we can afford the houses.
Sometimes my body is a temple, sometimes it's a rundown railroad shack with a clanging crossing sign that reads FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, EAT A VEGETABLE
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
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Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
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jo @whatsJo
48K Followers 968 Following b-side. I eat popsicles for breakfast. Trial ft error. 🤖rights. crusha bit, lil bit✨
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
fredesque @FredTaming
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Adrenalin @adrenalindenver
26K Followers 818 Following Local pop punk band in Denver. DM for booking info! Guitar/vocals: @Woody_B_ Bass: @dave_cactus Drums: Ripcord Lead Guitar: Duncan
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
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dick snickers @smithsara79
42K Followers 830 Following My name isn’t really sara; I just don't want my students googling me & finding out I say fuck. (any pronouns, just don’t be an asshole)
Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 653 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIb
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
Wilde Thingy @wildethingy
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Rads @_radsy
35K Followers 943 Following Everything in moderation, except for snacks. https://t.co/5nYXnwFkTs
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
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sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist
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Aleem @chev1867
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Hey Puffy😎 @Butterpufff
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851 Followers 5K Following Myself/Mom/Wife/Cinephile 🙋♀️➡️ Pop Culture, Mom Life, Films, Celebs, Hollywood, Music, Travel, Food, LA, London, Fandoms, History, RJP, MLB
Martin #KEEPPUSHING (.. @MartinP766
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Wax Giant! @realwaxgiant
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Annabelle @Tess538869
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🌸 Roxanne is screa.. @roxannadanna831
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Jeffrey Gross @Klassical_Kat
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Mohd. Imran (乇мմ�.. @TheSoulfulEMU
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𝓔𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓼�.. @uglylittlebird6
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ت @lavende3rr
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kevin @kevinslqter1234
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limbostate @limbostate1
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gladys @1robinsongladys
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NFR @NeilWRhodes
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Alison the Read @alisontheread
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Gerard Livingstone (@.. @TheoLivingstone
525 Followers 1K Following Philosophy teacher (Open Univ etc., retired); D.Phil.(Oxf); phil lang/logic Politics: Eur, M & Far East,Caucasus, C Asia. UK Rejoin EU. Music: Greek, Americana
HunnyHiive @HunnyHiive
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Tumbril @Tumbrilcart
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doing what works for .. @whocares1339
33 Followers 110 Following posting humorous (at least to me) stuff, plus the occasional #autistic related info || #AuDHD
X-NotMyName @Whisssstler1
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Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
jo @whatsJo
48K Followers 968 Following b-side. I eat popsicles for breakfast. Trial ft error. 🤖rights. crusha bit, lil bit✨
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
fredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 891 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |
Adrenalin @adrenalindenver
26K Followers 818 Following Local pop punk band in Denver. DM for booking info! Guitar/vocals: @Woody_B_ Bass: @dave_cactus Drums: Ripcord Lead Guitar: Duncan
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 826 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
dick snickers @smithsara79
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Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 653 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIb
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmo
Wilde Thingy @wildethingy
31K Followers 2K Following I have nothing to declare except my top tweets - https://t.co/YApmhRImR4
Rads @_radsy
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Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
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sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist
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Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4
116K Followers 6K Following I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm
redyellowgreendance �.. @RYGdance
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JodingersCat-astrophe @JMoneySlimer
2K Followers 2K Following If you think I post a lot of crap, you should see what I delete: Ghost account for @JodingersCat
Andi @smiles_and_nods
415 Followers 243 Following Andi 2.0 Lost everyone during my Twitter sabbatical. please follow again.
CanadianLitChick🇨�.. @ConnieLukey
26K Followers 23K Following I am Pavlov's Hashtag dog. Mother of boys, passionate reader, writer, funny fitness fanatic, CPA. Happily married and older than dirt.
TheCrankyTherapist @JessSprengleLPC
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Andy Kindler @AndyKindler
135K Followers 7K Following A Comedium. Mort on #BobsBurgers Podcast: @thought_spiral with @JElvisWeinstein https://t.co/DLxHtjMc5n #FOT he/him
Gary Muppet @GaryMuppet
3K Followers 3K Following Just a Muppet Whatnot and whatnot. So what? Inspired by a true story.
Katie @_ugh_whatnow
4K Followers 2K Following Currently eating waffles or nachos depending on the time of day. These are all jokes. Unless I'm talking about food. The food stuff is DEAD SERIOUS.
Molly @HappyHijabbi
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Erin Overbey @erinoverbey
45K Followers 12K Following Archive Editor, @NewYorker + Classics newsletter editor. NYer archivist since 1994. IG & Threads: erin.overbey https://t.co/sCm7ghjIVP
Draggin Father Behind @DragginFatherB
2K Followers 1K Following Dad of 3 under 10 whos at most a 6 with an 11 scale wife just keepin it comical & muddlin thru. Fueled by 🥃 & ☕. Featured on @TheDad, @todayshow, @huffpost
💋 Cherry Boom 🐾 @AZHORSEMOM77
28K Followers 7K Following Your Rules Don't Apply. No time for drama. Move along ⚔
I Might Be Funny @imightbefunny1
8K Followers 326 Following Mom ❤ Humorist 😄 Author 📚 I pour the milk before the cereal. I thought a sloth was a mythical creature until I was 42. I’ll understand if you leave right now.
WhoHaha @whohahadotcom
12K Followers 3K Following We are here to support women in comedy every day! Join our community of comics, artists, performers and creators. Celebrate the Who behind the Haha.
Late to the party Lau.. @ericamorecambe
4K Followers 1K Following I’m not sure that it’s me who’s late or you who is early. On IG with same name. Also https://t.co/JnR26LsGSQ
Jeffrey Compton @JeffComOne
10K Followers 11K Following
SingleBabyMama @_SingleBabyMama
31K Followers 5K Following Mom to the most amazing little human! https://t.co/WSVzjzd1NJ) #fuckcancer
Laura O.G. @lgbk44
6K Followers 3K Following BACK in the NY groove. Beef Jerky Enthusiast, Sleeping with two cats, Will battle rap for a Brooklyn bagel, Very small hands. With my mate @chazcasual
Stone Cold Jane Auste.. @AbbyHiggs
12K Followers 4K Following Feral essayist. Genderclear. They/Thembo. Professor: @MorganStateU Words: @MarieClaire_sa @Guardian @The_Rumpus @VICE🖖
DonutHawk @StruggleDisplay
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Silver Facts @mhazaaaaaa
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Topher @toe_toph_tofu
422 Followers 493 Following Do my fellow imaginary creatures also struggle with crippling self-doubt? https://t.co/6xusy9Z5h4
jim rose circus @jimrosecircus1
159K Followers 106 Following Pop culture moron, circus performer, actor, author of 2 best selling books, Weekly TV. show on Travel Channel "The Jim Rose Twisted Tour". 🚫PLEASE NO DMs🚫
AltGrlErin @AltGrlErin
889 Followers 742 Following
A̸n̶d̶r̸e̶y̷a̵.. @AndreyasAsylum
11K Followers 8K Following I read books. Horror is my jam. Verified lesbian. I have a menagerie. Dead end Twitter account. Swipe left.
zach reinert @zachreinert0
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Mistress Malevolent @MistressMalevo2
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Ivana Knapp @Ivana_Knapp
11K Followers 6K Following Well-tolerated kook. Selectively social & enjoying a quasi-hermit lifestyle. https://t.co/XgizCfKTOL
@thefishpants.bsky.so.. @thefishpants
4K Followers 4K Following 𝕺𝖇𝖘𝖈𝖚𝖗𝖊 𝕽𝖊𝖋𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖘, 𝕱𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝕵𝖔𝖐𝖊𝖘, & 𝕾𝖜𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖘😆🤓🤬 Political/News Jokes🏛 ➡️: @theresistpants Schemes & Nonsense✒➡: @thecultpants
Pull My Pinkie @ItsACornNut
2K Followers 2K Following A little out there. A whole lotta fun! It's all about the giggles. Pro Choice! NO LISTS PLEASE. INFP Threads @pullmypinke
Melissa @JustAMomNamedMM
93K Followers 42K Following #BLM #LOVEISLOVE 🌈 Progressive/Survivor/Mom of teens/Sometimes writer #mentalhealthmatters I will never shut up. CR has my ❤️.
LL Gabagool Jay @JayTorch1031
3K Followers 2K Following 404 Error - Bio Not Found to be Funny or Interesting Enough
Taco Biscuits @bgschnikelfritz
6K Followers 1K Following What’s the scuttlebutt? Seen on HuffPost https://t.co/hkCIhZOvyb
Nathan W Pyle @nathanwpyle
301K Followers 3K Following Married to @tayloralexypyle / #1 NYT Bestseller: Strange Planet / NYT Bestseller: NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette / formerly @BuzzFeed / I follow Jesus
Shen @darcygrl1971
6K Followers 5K Following Just a cow lady. And chicken. And duck. And goat. Shit. I'm a farm.
Charlie Alzamora @chalzamora
5K Followers 5K Following Hack writer or pseudo revolutionary? Take your pick.
Julie Burton @ksujulie
9K Followers 3K Following Mom. Writer. Bacon-hater —please don’t drop me as a friend.
@prufrockluvsong I believe the kids are calling that jented
@prufrockluvsong @JudeAtwood And you’re not even old enough to complain 🥹
@prufrockluvsong Solving serial murders juust a little bit higher toward my shoulder blade.
Drank a boatload of caffeine on an empty stomach, so naturally I'm somewhere between a raging bull and a chihuahua.
I’d put you at the top of my MySpace friends list, baby.
*me as a podcast host* Please follow my guests, I'm not certain they continue to exist when they aren't being perceived
Interviewer: Can you give me a recent example of when you faced a difficult task that you worked through? Me: Recent? I: Yes, within the last six months. Me: *knowing the most recent one is I had to saw off a toilet seat to put the new on one* Sigh.
Buying muffins at Costco like July doesn’t exist
In my day we walked uphill to school both ways in flip flops from Old Navy and toe rings.
me: oh cool this concert is only $25 ticketmaster: bitch you thought
Homeowners: we want some crown moulding in the dining room, and a bunch of holes in the outside of the house Carpenter Bees: [nodding] sounds good
People are worse than ever right now. This has to be rock bottom right?
I once bought a $40 souvenir book from an art exhibit about anti-capitalism 📚
“Where seldom is heard a discouraging word” so, the opposite of Twitter, then
Just so we're all clear, the plural of Roomba is Roombae Receptionist quietly into phone: Security? Yeah. He's back
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