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Tweets79K
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Followers43K
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Following19K
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Likes240K
That’s right, rain…wash my car bitch!
Omg, you guys, the Jehovah's Witnesses just showed up at my door, and I guess I've been living alone for too long because I talked so much they finally had to excuse themselves.
Woke up out of sheer spite again
You can’t find happiness in another person but you can find it in potatoes
For my next magic trick I’ll turn this 6 pack of beer into 8 hours of uncontrollable pissing
Nobody kills time. Time kills you.
Starting to think “brain fog” is just my normal brain
Welcome to 40...that jar opener at the store is looking more and more tempting.
I'm a multitasker: I can think about what I did wrong and not give a fuck about it at the same time
I don't dance to seduce, I dance to scare people away
My neighbors started fighting and I can hear everything, so yes my life has a meaning again
Hear me out! An adult happy meal with Xanax, cocaine, and a whiskey shot. Who says no?
Remember kids, if you start to think people aren’t so bad, just visit a grocery store on the weekend.
I’ve been cooking for over 20 years and I still can’t make the right amount of pasta
I love being a cat owner. They’re such easy pets to- STOP ATTACKING THE CURTAINS! QUIT EATING THE PLASTIC BAG YOU ALMOST DIED LAST TIME- but like I was saying very low maintenance pets
Shittier music than yours coming up.
Overhearing 2 sailors at the store calling each other numb nuts - are they brothers?
Trey @treydayway
41K Followers 6K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1XBöb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVphSalty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric
27K Followers 9K Following Gen X Superhero. Old people jokes for my old people followers. 90’s Kid Alumni. #cheeseburgersinspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUaBoyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBVsixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvonice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzMatty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsndFulkery, A Parody Wra.. @Fulkery1
11K Followers 10K Following Ruminations from a human that errs. Not 'available' so move along.Alfie @DownFrontArtist
54K Followers 48K Following There is no show without business. https://t.co/X2EN341vnkDudely @dudelymofo
238 Followers 267 Following I Wish Everyone Everywhere Good Health and Happiness and....DON'T EVER EVER EVER EVER LET SOMEONE WIPE THE SMILE OFF YOUR FACE :))Sha do @Shadi14850
3 Followers 34 FollowingSelfDiscovery With Ni.. @SelfDiscovery05
1 Followers 38 Following I'm Nickivera, and I'm passionate about guiding you on your journey of self-discovery and personal growth.☮ @bosquitoburrito
2K Followers 3K Following She/Her, Navy Ma⚓, Pissed off Democrat, Amateur Ninja/Contortion Hobbyist, hEDS/AS Advocate🦓, Cane User👩🦯#BLM #BLUEWAVE🌊🐕🐕 No DM'sandy F @thereitgoes2day
481 Followers 905 Following I practice disc golf everyday, so I can gain an unfair advantage over youNick @historywithanh
274 Followers 554 Following Graduate Student Aspiring for my PhD in Late Antiquity/Medieval History, Retired US Army Soldier, Tech Nerd, Cat Enthusiast, Animal LoverByron @Johnnyboyapril
10K Followers 10K Following Georgia Democrat, Gay, Happily Married. Atheist. My dog knows what I’m going to do before I do. No DM 🏳️🌈GEN X PRIME 🐭 @MauiMntl
319 Followers 857 Following An idea is like a virus, resilient, highly contagious. The smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you. #MauiStrong #MouseArmyDog Mom @Judiam
3K Followers 6K Following Proud mother and grandmother, voting blue always no DM will get you a block , no porn I will block no maga we have nothing to say to one another.ALL247 @towersnine
85 Followers 305 FollowingDarlene @Darlene92141542
1K Followers 6K Following was born in Canada🇨🇦but live in New York City 🏙.I’m a clinical psychologist 👩⚕️also work in drug rehabilitation center☺️. A mother of one ☝️,a widow 🥲…Hail Mary Happiness @hailmaryhappi
28 Followers 71 Following It’s a Hail Mary Baby! Trying to get my life together ASAP before the world ends! Let’s find success this year (maybe)! Join me!THOMAS FRED @thomasfred_
22 Followers 2K Following I am a Powerball winner of $390.7M,I’m using this medium to appreciate the society by giving out $3500 each to my first 2k followers &support needy❤️Kelly Etinosa @novaetinosa
118 Followers 727 FollowingBella_23 @Angelin17051970
240 Followers 2K Following Lover of Supernatural Crime and Sci-fi Show obsessed Love to cook! love United States 🇺🇸𝐕𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐲 .. @VampyAnji
14K Followers 11K Following Writer of Vampires 🖊 Beware of entering my DM; I bite and hide unsavory bodies in cheap coffins. Link to my writing is below🌹Forrest Scarbrough @Sca9122Forrest
24 Followers 579 Following smmsellshop is a top quality, trustworthy social media marketing service provider that helps businesses growPerry Wade @perrywade47
133 Followers 2K Following i am caring,kind,friendly very easy,social,romantic,passionate,smart,intelligent,cool headed,adaptive,have a big heart and i do believe in love,Loyal, TruthfulJared Goerke @JaredGoerke
50K Followers 38K Following Gen Z | VP @Nassauyds | Chair @NYSYDJC | Comm Dir @YDAjewishcaucus | Deputy Finance Dir @YoungDems | MA Gov & Politics | #Isles fan |Maryland Thomasloud @thomaslou25050
8 Followers 106 FollowingKevin Pearson @electrikev
13K Followers 11K Following Electrician-Conservative-Husband-Father- ❤️❤️🇺🇸🇺🇸- ❤️❤️Freedom-MAGA-Patriot- ❤️❤️GOD-FJB-TRUMP WON- ❤️🏈Dallas Cowboys🏈June B @Rockseaview
674 Followers 2K FollowingJIM-01 @StevenZH_LA
83 Followers 3K Followingarif ch @arifch183809
253 Followers 1K FollowingPeter Obatokun @PObatokun
0 Followers 15 FollowingElon Musk X-Global @elon_xglobal
31 Followers 504 Following He is the founder, chairman, CEO, and CTO of SpaceX; angel investor, CEO, product architect Teslahecto @hecto722207
9 Followers 102 Following I'm iptv Services provider. I provide service specially UK,USA ,CANADA , IRELAND and all over the world. message me on whatsapp https://t.co/infQ4H5CxmTAMAR'A @btctams09
3K Followers 2K Following A Keeper of the FAITH. Real talk. Freedom, Liberty, Serenity,Zen, Peace.🌎✌🙏 #Bitcoin for Humanity 🕯 Active Truthseeker.Friend. 🥂 #Bitcoin is FREEDOM ✍NFAIbrahim @Ibrahim72003715
39 Followers 434 FollowingJay Ray @RayJay37322
1 Followers 25 FollowingFred Cilurso @fcilurso
2K Followers 4K Following Planning Editor at Spectrum Bay News 9. News hound who loves sports, classic music, and classic TV. Opinions are my own & not necessarily those of my employer.Debby @Debby_210
303 Followers 3K Following I'm thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn't have stumbled Across my strengthmalak fahim @malakfahim57059
196 Followers 856 FollowingElon musk Reeve @__elon_reeve
574 Followers 8K Following Blades Of Glory 𝕏.corp/@teslamotors @spacex@boringcompany NeuralinkOTara Munson @TaraMunson
668 Followers 2K Following Disabled Writer, Medical Researcher (EBV,CSFleak, HT,Spine Disabilities) Feminist,AntiEpidural,Nozempic #OPTOUT of epidural&spinal anesthesia during childbirthTasha Bailey @TashaBailes
121 Followers 261 Following i like to tweet whats on my mind while drinking lots and lots of coffee 💕☀️🦋 lover of the sun, laughs at everything ♌️♏️♐️happy great @hg2975069
2 Followers 64 FollowingBrooke Rowland @brookerowland
102 Followers 406 Following 👩👦👦 Mama to Boys 👩🏫Public School AdministratorTrey @treydayway
41K Followers 6K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1XBöb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVphSalty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric
27K Followers 9K Following Gen X Superhero. Old people jokes for my old people followers. 90’s Kid Alumni. #cheeseburgersinspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUaBoyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBVsixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvonice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzMatty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsndFulkery, A Parody Wra.. @Fulkery1
11K Followers 10K Following Ruminations from a human that errs. Not 'available' so move along.Alfie @DownFrontArtist
54K Followers 48K Following There is no show without business. https://t.co/X2EN341vnkRobert Erickson @RobertE78158465
1K Followers 2K FollowingDog Mom @Judiam
3K Followers 6K Following Proud mother and grandmother, voting blue always no DM will get you a block , no porn I will block no maga we have nothing to say to one another.Ebeneezer Cheezweezer @SuperG_l8n
342 Followers 643 Following Coolest guy u know. tryna let my Soulshine. All boobs matter! My granddaughter is my profile pic and (obviously) she’s not happy with you guys! jsIzzy 🖤🏴☠�.. @Nevermore17666
457 Followers 316 Following Just that weird, INFJ, Wine drinker, Black Cat worshipper, Sunset lover, inked, Gen X woman 🏳️🌈 #MentalHealthMattersPeaches Porkotsky @PeachesNPork
557 Followers 5K Following Compulsive retweeter.Normie. Retweets ≠ endorsements . 🍑∆🐷 Disclaimer : This acc is the Twitter equivalent of a Finsta . #TwitterPolls #PlantTwitteraryas granny @AryasGranny
6K Followers 7K Following 1 angry mammabear w/ nothing to lose, that will not allow my 'dil' to have any peace for the rest of my time here on earth, nor into the next life. andrea HEARDDavid (NAFO Fella) @David_in_Ohio
1K Followers 678 Following He/Him/It, Totally WOKE and Proud of it. Supporter of Ukraine. I generally do not read DM's.Jason Jordan @LoganW1974
455 Followers 1K Following Citizen of Earth 🌎 Sarcasm is only my First-Line Defense 😏 Movie Line Expert: History, Music, Politics, Sports: Varsity Husband, Father: Opinions Are My OwnRico Redenbacher @brawnydasco
307 Followers 473 Following Orville's nephew. Inventor of the "hole in the popcorn bucket" move.Dennis Olympios @DennisOlympios
521K Followers 517K Following LinkedIn's Top Social Media Marketing Voice | 5 Million Social Media Followers | International Best Selling Author | Social Media & PR Strategist | SpeakerMary Gardner @MaryGardne51031
923 Followers 716 Following Started Living At 62. Started ⛸ at 64. Started Winning ⛸At 65. I think for myself.Daddys Favorite @Mommas_Favorite
1K Followers 4K Following Tweet Observer. Occasional Engager. #WellnessProfessional #PromoteHealth #Yoga #HealthCoach #DogMomM109A2Vet @M109Vet
2K Followers 3K Following For Humanity & Nature. HRC, IT Manager, Army vet, CDL-A: NT, Independent, Everyone is a person, Husband to @Blue_Crone, Dad, Pagan, Foodie, Love Dogs, NO DMs!MichaelMcGarry @Michael60691908
4K Followers 5K Following 🍀🇺🇸🇺🇦Proud D, Husband, Dad, Brother, Resister, Friend, Magats blocked, Deadhead, lifelong CUBS fan. No bio, no follow.Emma Frost @fmar6654
252 Followers 232 FollowingCheshire Adams @cheshire_adams
247 Followers 312 Following Outspoken singer-songwriter and ailurophilic humorist. xe/xem/xeir, or I/me/my if you're nasty. Meet me on the left, & smash the patriarchy! {assorted emojis}Insert a witty name h.. @Thehotstoner
5K Followers 3K Following Just like weed, I make everything better. Doll, Baby Girl,Sweetheart,Goddess 💍 Stay out of my DM's with your pee pees 1117M❍n❍t❍ne❍fBil.. @MonotoneofBill
106K Followers 107K Following Ernie (not Bill). Retired trombonist/music administrator in southern Maine. #Puns #Blue #Boston @[email protected]Mark @millermarkg
1K Followers 5K Following I wouldn't miss this "great experiment in democracy" for all the chai in Tina. No DMs, pleasejim Hufnagel PE @hufnagel_Cowboy
3K Followers 5K Following Son, husband, father. Organic gardener, bee keeper, cook, baker. Caregiver, sober, spiritual. Born a farmer. Converted to an Electrical Engineer, back to farmella (tiktok: @blonde.. @blondehotcoffee
2K Followers 2K Following i only tweet when i’m high or manicCrumworth Raines @sneedindeed
549 Followers 550 Following French jazz club-goer and potato observer.The Regal Brabbit �.. @Falcon61372336
644 Followers 766 Following not man or woman not black nor White not gay nor straight not Christian or Muslim. I'm just A. Hugh Manbeing. no DMS or I will unfollow in a second.Chris Nessen @ChrisNessen
228 Followers 770 Following I live in Wash st. Love watching sports and am a big nascar fan. Go seahawks, huskies, and Stewart/Haas racing 12th man for life! I follow backMistress of Mayhem/Ch.. @convrsatnpiece
1K Followers 997 Following I am a travel and sports junkie, lil snarky, a procrastinator, a Sagittarian, a pluviophile, and lots of other awesome things I can't fit in this little space.CainMac.com | Cain Ma.. @Cain_WTF_
6K Followers 4K Following Music @ https://t.co/dhZVKcibq3 Genre: I make music about things where words fail. Politics: https://t.co/brteu13GbUalohaMySpace✨ @alohaMySpace
3K Followers 3K FollowingJason @jaythebull99
781 Followers 783 Following Bacon aficionado. Muskrat poacher. Doctoral student. Fugue StateTorpedo @solarseaman
3K Followers 5K Following P&T Disabled Veteran; SDTP Grad '23; PRWP '22; SARRTP x4; (SS) 17MAY01; CPTSD, MI, etc. I served, thanks for yer tax bux so I can suffer. TD;IUKen Preston @unKleBING
401 Followers 199 Following Me? a HEARTmonger, a Nutmegger nesting in The Burg. I may be shy, but I'm definitely not quiet. #ProMindYourOwnBusiness #DoSayGay #BleedBluePuck 💙🍷🏒🏈.. @Puckbunny13
10K Followers 10K Following BEACH GIRL🏝Feed me nachos and tell me I’m pretty😁 @commanders @NHLFlames @dallasstars 🇺🇸Married to a 🇨🇦 🌊 🚫NO MAGA🚫 🖕🏻fRump. 🤘🏻🤘🏻Shawn nonya @ShawnSurrett
836 Followers 943 FollowingBeautiful_Disaster @DisasterBabydol
519 Followers 599 Following Standing knee-deep in a river and dying of thirst...❤Louise @luluosullivan
4K Followers 4K Following You are the one person you never get away from !!! be at peace with yourself ✌️✌️❤️❤️JB @wishful_desires
209 Followers 543 Following Enjoying the good times, still learning from the hard times and not being a shit human. Everything I write will probably have a typo.Graci Caroline @CarolPi75481798
1K Followers 2K Following Honest, Freedom Fighter, Christian, Conservative, Stars and Stripes, Purple and Gold💜💛, Geaux Tigas , DM equals blocked. No DM’s.Jovany @Twitt3rBeast
428 Followers 2K Following🫸🏻Mike🫷🏻 @persnickety102
480 Followers 1K Following Navy vet. Father of 2. Humbled. Bengals fan. Music snob. ♋️ Still searching for my path. Dog lover.CQ 🐓👑 @Chicken__Queen
29K Followers 7K Following Just a Conservative , chicken loving gal. 🇺🇸🐓 Talking shit is my kink. 😈 Outlaw country is my jam. 🎶 Memes are my love language. Dark humor friendly. 🖤Sammy Tampubolon @sammytampubolon
2K Followers 4K Following Guitarist, Singer, Architectural Designer, Immigrant and has a privilege to be an AMERICAN, God fearing free thinker. No DM whatsoever. Find me at Truth Social.@Tbone7219 I guess yours didn't fall on your head every so often.
@Tbone7219 I'm crazy enough to sell $80+ pillows to saps worldwide.
@Tbone7219 Ah, he wears his heart on his sleeve. To be fair, though, I wouldn't recommend doing that.
@Tbone7219 Facts. The only way for me to recreate this now is to crank the ac in a mid price hotel down to 5 degrees overnight.
@Tbone7219 The heavy click clack of the knobs or buttons and the great whitenoise whoosh and hum it made was unreal. Efficiency be damned, one of these and you'll sleep like a baby.
@Tbone7219 Except for that one the fell out of the wall.
@Tbone7219 Damn dude you’re just like my brother… F&B is his job 🤣
@Tbone7219 Maybe, but they're damn liars. I still haven't gotten the treasure the last one promised me, and I've brought it six children and counting
@Tbone7219 Me after getting a glass of water. Should just Uber eats it.