SmartassChef @SmartassChef
Beverage enthusiast, raconteur, chef. Culinarily promiscuous. Come for the food. Stay for the snark and smartassery. NOLA Joined March 2013-
Tweets23K
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Followers14K
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Following5K
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Likes50K
I've been blowing this rape whistle all morning and gotten no takers yet. I think it's defective.
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Restaurants, if you claim something you serve is "award-winning" , please list the award. I'm highly skeptical that there is an onion ring contest floating around somewhere.
SmartassChef retweeted
When butter was demonised, Unilever sold margarine. When tallow was demonised, Procter and Gamble sold Crisco. When eggs were demonised, Kellogg's sold cereal. When red meat was demonised, Cargill sold soy. When raw milk was demonised, Nestle sold infant formula. When leather was demonised, BASF sold PVC. When wool was demonised, ExxonMobil sold polyester feedstock. When animal fat was demonised, the seed-oil industry grew from a niche product to the most consumed food ingredient on earth. Every demonisation of an animal product made a specific group of shareholders very rich. Every one of those products had been eaten by humans for thousands of years without incident. The science changed the moment a substitute existed to sell. Follow the money. The advice will start to make a lot more sense.
SmartassChef retweeted
Applebee's should microwave the food right at your table like a Benihana.
How does one go from "Space Cowboy" to "The gangster of love" to "Maurice" all in one song?
SmartassChef retweeted
“Come see my junk” is not a good garage sale invitation.
SmartassChef retweeted
Some jerk called me ignorant and indifferent. I don't know what that means, but I guess it doesn't matter.
@LAStatePolice The deadly Altima strikes again.
@LeadingReport Sounds exactly like what a pedo would say
@rustygunters Every sack needs some sunshine from time to time 🤣
SmartassChef retweeted
*holding gun to head, about to pull trigger* *reads your inspirational tweet* *pulls trigger anyway*
SmartassChef retweeted
I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "eat right and exercise" scams.
SmartassChef retweeted
*puts on ski mask* *rappells off roof and into your bedroom window* *gently wakes you up* "Hi, you didn't respond to my text."
SmartassChef retweeted
For only $250 and a bottle of mid grade bourbon I'll come to your house for dinner and pretend to like the food.
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