Brother Ben @SentenceReduced
#BillsMafia Gooble Gobble, One Of Us... https://t.co/WSm1eoBPQs) Joined July 2019-
Tweets47K
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Followers11K
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Following10K
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Likes60K
Brother Ben retweeted
You can’t scare me, I grew up on ‘80s horror movies and still took a job as a camp counselor on a lake.
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Brother Ben retweeted
That scene from Office Space where they drag the copy machine outside with a baseball bat… only it’s me and my Twitter search link.
Brother Ben retweeted
This is the worst filmed stage play I have ever been in.
Brother Ben retweeted
If this world devolves to the point that they reboot Goodfellas I'm gonna just shed a tear or two and eat the barrel.
Brother Ben retweeted
Let's relay messages through pieces of glass connected to networks I'll never understand and call it intimacy.
Brother Ben retweeted
You’re not OCD because you have an organized kitchen, Brenda. Let’s talk when it has taken you hours to leave your house because you need to keep checking doors and appliances.
Brother Ben retweeted
Big Bird’s friends refusing to believe in Mr. Snuffleupagus introduced stress and anxiety into my life at an early age, so thanks for that, Sesame Street.
Brother Ben retweeted
Cats know nothing of daylight savings… they just think I’m late with breakfast. Again.
Brother Ben retweeted
Not big on resolutions but I’m going to do everything I can to get back into those pants again. I’m talking about your pants.
Brother Ben retweeted
Been married 26 years and the wife sent me a sext: It said “don’t forget to go to the grocery store you asshat.” But I know what she really meant.
Brother Ben retweeted
I’m ready to take this marriage to the next level *moves into guest room
Brother Ben retweeted
I see you’re tweeting again so I guess it’s over
Brother Ben retweeted
Which insomniacs are gonna usher in 2022 with us Aussies and Kiwis?
Brother Ben retweeted
dear 2022, let this be the year we laugh more, fuck more, and mentally struggle less
Brother Ben retweeted
I got a souvenir from the museum. Not the gift shop. They have really good toilet paper.
Brother Ben retweeted
[AT WORK] Coworker # 1: Good morning!! Me: [*Swipes left] Coworker # 2: Guess what I’m doing this weekend? Me: [*Swipes left] Coworker # 3: Can I get you coffee and a donut? Me: [*Swipes right]
Brother Ben retweeted
When my boyfriend gives me a hug during an argument, it looks loving, but I'm just patting him down to make sure he's not wearing a wire.
Brother Ben retweeted
I’d trade this stupid pile of amazon boxes for happiness if I could
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That scene from Office Space where they drag the copy machine outside with a baseball bat… only it’s me and my Twitter search link.
This is the worst filmed stage play I have ever been in.
All of my friends are having to self-isolate right now, so I guess I am going to have to get drunk and preform the blood ritual to open the gates and welcome in the dark reign on my own this New Year's.
If this world devolves to the point that they reboot Goodfellas I'm gonna just shed a tear or two and eat the barrel.
Let's relay messages through pieces of glass connected to networks I'll never understand and call it intimacy.
You’re not OCD because you have an organized kitchen, Brenda. Let’s talk when it has taken you hours to leave your house because you need to keep checking doors and appliances.
Big Bird’s friends refusing to believe in Mr. Snuffleupagus introduced stress and anxiety into my life at an early age, so thanks for that, Sesame Street.
Cats know nothing of daylight savings… they just think I’m late with breakfast. Again.
Not big on resolutions but I’m going to do everything I can to get back into those pants again. I’m talking about your pants.
Been married 26 years and the wife sent me a sext: It said “don’t forget to go to the grocery store you asshat.” But I know what she really meant.
I’m ready to take this marriage to the next level *moves into guest room
I see you’re tweeting again so I guess it’s over
Which insomniacs are gonna usher in 2022 with us Aussies and Kiwis?
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