𝚁𝚊𝚌𝚑, 𝙴𝚜𝚚. @thebgcomplex
Danny Devito is my spirit animal (she/her) twitter.com/search?q=from%… Boston, MA Joined April 2011-
Tweets17K
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Followers5K
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Following2K
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Likes103K
“That strange man told you to calm down” I gently whisper into my bra.
Please, somebody marry me and take me off my hands
Glad I’m just the right shade of traumatized to not automatically be a Taylor Swift fan
If I was a woman I think I would either be a siren or a bog witch.
Inspector Gadget is the only defensible exception to ACAB
I’m sick of the govt putting lead and fluoride in the water… gimme drugs!
I was once happy and carefree… It was on August 27, 1988. I believe it was a Saturday. That was a pretty good day.
i was born in the 1900’s you’re going to have to speak up, child.
I've loved pizza more than I've loved most men.
The name Ron is short for Wrong
Celine DiOn *claps twice* Celine DiOff
Your 2024 campaign slogan is: Your name 2024, the last text message you sent I’ll go first. Rachel 2024, Seems fine enough
ZOOKEEPER: So this snake is 3.14 metres long ME: *way too loud* A pi-thon ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
I told Satan “not today,” & scheduled him in for next Tuesday
Going to bed for the 14,600th time or so. Hopefully tonight is the night I figure out what to do with my arms.
oh you LOVE the earth? Name 3 of her layers
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbolMad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzPieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbKnatalayhehoo @highprobably1
38K Followers 3K Following This is not the profile you’re looking for. Gemini and Vol for life. Taken not stirred.meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link belowStabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmoA Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My incessant ramblins in the link below ⬇️Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
18K Followers 2K Following DM Room cheerleader & typo goddess. 56% funny. TH: @Conchvegas1 . Avi by ToonMe. Header: @dimplesticks. https://t.co/dRgjRopfud@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKHelleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard
56K Followers 3K Following 🥪 take these broken wings and learn to fly 🏔DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!Daveastated @Daveastated
7K Followers 1K Following Now I am become Dave, the destroyer of words. *Inventor of the flinglong* I only sleep to give my phone a breakperpetually lost @lostvalley0
2K Followers 4K Following fondling my pains and in relationship with words and my mirror soul https://t.co/pXWlE7EqszPerjan Duro (✈️ W.. @PerjanDuro
3K Followers 661 Following 👨🏻💻Founder & iOS/visionOS @appMoneyCoach, @RTScreenTime, https://t.co/hkWs1zy0W8 📱 Making apps since iOS 4 📈 #iOS #appoftheday #spatialComputingMrs. Betty Backster @Betty_Backster
11K Followers 579 Following Vintage-inspired in retro dresses, lingerie, and stockings. Slightly sarcastic, potentially complicated.Dairy McQueen @_eric_alexander
3K Followers 2K Following Thank you Mario! But our pussy is in another bio.carl @dm1000121
70 Followers 649 FollowingTanya Cliff @TanyaCliff1
9K Followers 8K Following Storyteller • Dreamer • Survivor • Human ~ 🎓BBA - Marketing Research @UWMadison 🎓MFA - Creative Writing @EmersonCollegeGuy Incognito (itiner.. @ShutUpThatsWho
6K Followers 3K Following love me for who I am... but... you know, anonymously - avi is from @fro_vo, header is from @FrogAvalancheTooTenseLenny @TooTense
86 Followers 360 FollowingAmelia ✨forever✨ @amelia_squealia
302 Followers 5K Following everyone i follow endorses me soda junkie 20 year old music goddess i love youMR. BIGGS @privatefigure83
1K Followers 5K Following Simulating my thoughts and experiences. There will be stories, memes, videos, ol' talk, sex talk and opinions. Contains content of an adult nature.Juliana/Juju (I am up.. @immerse_ur_soul
35K Followers 22K Following ❤️🩹#BeKind 🌌look🆙#samesky #mentalhealthmatters ✍🏼📸 #Radiohead #Swiftie #musicislife #nature “That’s a real fukking legacy to leave” 🫶 🥀Harris @GrandpaHarris65
10K Followers 10K Following husband | father | grandpa | democrat | humor | sarcasm | grumpy old man | gardening | memories | music | stupid stuff | you dm, i blockuser420 @420noname_666
101 Followers 799 FollowingRAE @RaeLeeShel
56 Followers 143 Following Just a girl, skirting the spectrum. A boy mom. Early childhood special education. Multi level elementary teacher.HunnyHiive @HunnyHiive
290 Followers 1K Following Tasks of Parenting is WILD FYI you're not alone on the journey.Marti @MartiZenith
4K Followers 2K Following I'm colder than snow season when it’s 20 below freezin’ 🥶🥶| None of this is canon | #musician #developer #authorInsert a witty name h.. @Thehotstoner
5K Followers 3K Following Just like weed, I make everything better. Gorgeous, Baby Girl, Good girl, Goddess 💍 Stay out of my DM's with your pee pees 1117Courtney Wainscott @cmwxoxox
41 Followers 175 FollowingStrzyga @Strzyaga
1K Followers 1K Following Mother. Nerd. Animal lover and theropod enthusiast. ER/ICU nurseBStylin @chicketypoo22
3K Followers 2K Following Marketing analyst. Single momma of a toddler 👶❤ Polyam, 1 rescue dog (RIP tete and fiona😭) 🏳️🌈♋☀️ ♌🌜♏⬆️ 🎮🌳🌻Heather🌻 @BoobsNAnxiety
12K Followers 11K Following #NSFW! 🚫Minors. 420💨 Married to @chrisismyname87💍#NFL #CowboysNation⭐ #ChiefsKingdom 🏈🚫DM #WWE #RKO #Rhea💪I repost A LOT! #Taurus ♉ #Liberal🌊z @cyrillbiebs
85 Followers 3K FollowingNick Allen @NVisneskicomedy
814 Followers 2K Following 29, lead vocalist of #Morosary. Huge @AEW fan Cake and cookies = diet. **Not any sort of insight as to how I will perform in a working environment.**Jonathan Overton @urduecksalesguy
105K Followers 41K Following Commissioner of The Legendary Football Pool * x World Famous Car Salesman ⚡️https://t.co/paDcnRty8S⚡️ @MediSpa_LaBella #Just_Du_eck #PickLegendaryGriffin AKA Mr. Hundr.. @215griff
136 Followers 156 Following self deprecating yet vaginally confidentHollie Harris @allholls
529 Followers 182 Following Writer. Mom. Storyteller. #GenXer. And apparently the person in charge of what's for dinner until the end of time.ella (tiktok: @blonde.. @blondehotcoffee
2K Followers 2K Following i only tweet when i’m high or manicJP TheRealSingingDad @JP_TheRealDad
501 Followers 869 Following Super Dad. Collector of hurt feelings. I play, I sing, I cook, I laugh, I cry, I live life to the fullest..but I really love to sing. DM's open #FuckcancerRedkat5000 @Redkat5000
116 Followers 487 FollowingDifferent Mike @localareamike
441 Followers 2K Following Dad (FT) ▪ Government Hack (FT) ▪ Super-hilarious (PT) ▪ Nobody here can dance like me🏳️🌈SourPat.. @snide_sally
17K Followers 17K Following USAFBrat🇺🇸VetFam •Unapologetic Atheist •AutoImmune-Chronic Pain-Cannabis Patient •Empathetic Sarcasm •AutistMomSam @333666bbb
7K Followers 7K Following A quiet man with the loudest fucking mind. 2nd account @3366bbJohnny Johnson @jej_jr
101 Followers 506 FollowingConleth Byrne @ConlethByrne1
392 Followers 826 FollowingMoBiWan @MobiWanYT
657 Followers 513 Following That dude from TikTok // Art // Movies // Commentary // Comedy // Unofficially @aflgirl126 is my TCDe La Joe Is Dead @perryperihelion
882 Followers 1K Following I’m up here for the weirdo swarm. Physical media collector. Saints/Pelicans/Reds fan.Calm Trueno @tropical_xiezhi
43 Followers 271 FollowingYEAR ZERO @MEESTERIDLE
827 Followers 702 Following misanthrope, nontheistic satanist, Apple aficionado, *NIX gunslinger, poodle dad, metalhead, horror movies, POP VinylsKitana Dylan Kinkade @Kitana_Kinkade
136 Followers 352 Following Femboy Fantasy & Fun (Transfem) 21+ ONLYJustAnotherGuy🇿�.. @jcmzngy6yk
690 Followers 2K Following Make the mind tougher by exposing it to adversity.Vernon Briscoe Woke B.. @VernonBriscoe
1K Followers 2K Following A Remainer (living in the moonlit downlands). Interested in politics, music and comedy. Love all animals. Woke between naps.Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo
3K Followers 749 Following Comedian/influencer. Bio in the bio! Two comedy specials. YouTube show. Becoming more powerful by the second.Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbolMad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzPieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbKnatalayhehoo @highprobably1
38K Followers 3K Following This is not the profile you’re looking for. Gemini and Vol for life. Taken not stirred.meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link belowStabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmoA Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My incessant ramblins in the link below ⬇️Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
18K Followers 2K Following DM Room cheerleader & typo goddess. 56% funny. TH: @Conchvegas1 . Avi by ToonMe. Header: @dimplesticks. https://t.co/dRgjRopfud@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfKHelleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard
56K Followers 3K Following 🥪 take these broken wings and learn to fly 🏔DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!Daveastated @Daveastated
7K Followers 1K Following Now I am become Dave, the destroyer of words. *Inventor of the flinglong* I only sleep to give my phone a breakbrandon noah ✨ @streeeeep
2K Followers 878 Following he/him • probably tweeting about movies or Meryl Streepbelt sanderson @avoidthehanoid
2K Followers 1K Following if your name is max too please dont embarrass meTheonewhocums @Theonewhocums_
469 Followers 279 Following makin memes me being rude and nude at @secret_cum_Dairy McQueen @_eric_alexander
3K Followers 2K Following Thank you Mario! But our pussy is in another bio.Tangler @NDen42
2K Followers 3K Following Sarcastic & irreverent. Reader. Always looking to learn fuck outta here with your red hatRAE @RaeLeeShel
56 Followers 143 Following Just a girl, skirting the spectrum. A boy mom. Early childhood special education. Multi level elementary teacher.Harris @GrandpaHarris65
10K Followers 10K Following husband | father | grandpa | democrat | humor | sarcasm | grumpy old man | gardening | memories | music | stupid stuff | you dm, i blockInsert a witty name h.. @Thehotstoner
5K Followers 3K Following Just like weed, I make everything better. Gorgeous, Baby Girl, Good girl, Goddess 💍 Stay out of my DM's with your pee pees 1117BStylin @chicketypoo22
3K Followers 2K Following Marketing analyst. Single momma of a toddler 👶❤ Polyam, 1 rescue dog (RIP tete and fiona😭) 🏳️🌈♋☀️ ♌🌜♏⬆️ 🎮🌳Strzyga @Strzyaga
1K Followers 1K Following Mother. Nerd. Animal lover and theropod enthusiast. ER/ICU nurseGriffin AKA Mr. Hundr.. @215griff
136 Followers 156 Following self deprecating yet vaginally confidentHollie Harris @allholls
529 Followers 182 Following Writer. Mom. Storyteller. #GenXer. And apparently the person in charge of what's for dinner until the end of time.ella (tiktok: @blonde.. @blondehotcoffee
2K Followers 2K Following i only tweet when i’m high or manicJP TheRealSingingDad @JP_TheRealDad
501 Followers 869 Following Super Dad. Collector of hurt feelings. I play, I sing, I cook, I laugh, I cry, I live life to the fullest..but I really love to sing. DM's open #FuckcancerDifferent Mike @localareamike
441 Followers 2K Following Dad (FT) ▪ Government Hack (FT) ▪ Super-hilarious (PT) ▪ Nobody here can dance like meJohnny Johnson @jej_jr
101 Followers 506 FollowingMoBiWan @MobiWanYT
657 Followers 513 Following That dude from TikTok // Art // Movies // Commentary // Comedy // Unofficially @aflgirl126 is my TC𝕆𝕟𝕖 𝕋𝕠.. @wolfsingleton
342 Followers 323 Following There's gonna be lots of wordplay and foreplay involved. Strap in fucker.Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo
3K Followers 749 Following Comedian/influencer. Bio in the bio! Two comedy specials. YouTube show. Becoming more powerful by the second.Guy Incognito (itiner.. @ShutUpThatsWho
6K Followers 3K Following love me for who I am... but... you know, anonymously - avi is from @fro_vo, header is from @FrogAvalanchetacomoose @TXtacomoose
326 Followers 685 Following peddler of sarcasm, lover of tacos and large furry woodland creatures, let’s poke fun at political polarization. I have fat thumbspetfinder names @petfindernames
377K Followers 9 Following animals with unconventional names / created by @420insidejob & co-managed by @nicolejusttweet / DM submissions. / Business Inquiries: [email protected]''CrazyHorse'' Chris .. @CrazyHorseCB
1K Followers 2K Following Video games, football, wrestling. Father, Lvl 34. #ForTheShoe forever. #RoboticGang Back after a long time. Never forget, you're awesome.Jesse @jverona77
16K Followers 15K Following dad of 2. blue voter, always….also @jverona77 on BlueSky but never there - Occasionally funny.dADDisms @Beagz
16K Followers 8K Following Finding humor in marriage, fatherhood, ADD, adoption and autism. Wifey: @missusmelis TikTok: @realbeagswhalefact @awhalefact
193K Followers 392 Following whale fact for you. Black Lives Matter. contact:[email protected] | 160K on insta. twitch:https://t.co/nkg9i6Bn21 | merch:https://t.co/JkeeVQnEeiChronicIllnessHumor @HumorChronic
995 Followers 3K Following Chronic Illnesses + Autoimmune Disorders R no laughing matter but my humorous posts will make U feel better for a while. #chronicillness #autoimmune #funnyFunny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilariousMaybe Chris Hemsworth @MaybeNotChrisH
2K Followers 1K Following Hi, I am possibly Chris Hemsworth, a famous, jacked movie star who enjoys parody and who women fawn over. Captain of my own ship.SeaShell @DianeP89
26K Followers 12K Following Back home 🇨🇦 after living on the other side of the oceanThe Boston Globe @BostonGlobe
797K Followers 972 Following New England's leading source for breaking news and analysis.dianarama @dirtybirdie_
2K Followers 3K Following I enjoy really smart folks with really dumb jokes. In like 4 gangs. Funk Soldier. Cat lady. #IStillOwnStupidHashtags. Ex-Seattleite. Blocked by Rudy Giuliani.Geraint @geraintgriffith
10K Followers 2K Following We were just on the edge of Barstow when we decided that glamourising drug use was reckless and irresponsibleSuccessfully Chaotic @SuccessfullyCh1
17K Followers 17K Following Wife. Mama to 7 kids. Biz owner. Accidental Podcaster. Speaker. Sarcastic hot mess who is just trying to get through the dayMo🤦🏻♂️�.. @Mo_Ajudgemind
3K Followers 2K Following Prosecutor mind 🏛. My real curse is that I notice everything.Maxaminion @maxaminion
1K Followers 2K Following Recovering Accountant. Bard with an addiction for adventure, whiskey, women and gambling. Ordained minister.leisha @leisha1196
2K Followers 961 FollowingSourdeath Sam @SourdeathSam
6K Followers 4K Following Hate to see it. Host of 49ers Public Access (Weds at 7PST on YouTube).åπd®ew 🐢🐢�.. @Andrew__Boley
2K Followers 1K Following Film/TV editor • Stan of The Mentaculus • Can Rent Cars • KFBR392 • Jokićian •12:30 Flight @WillfulChild_xo
1K Followers 1K FollowingSometimes Ya Gotta Be.. @FSchadenfreude
1K Followers 2K Following Pronounced like Wii. 🎮 I laugh at a lot of things I probably shouldn't.flowrface 🌸 @itsflowr
738 Followers 2K Following vlogs & games & coffees | livetweeting life on planet earth | SAC: "flowrface" (Epic Partner) https://t.co/BFJUkDzjfWMike Abrusci @mikeabrusci
8K Followers 724 Following God’s Perfect Man™️. Listen to @ALittleTimePod. Sign up for my newsletter below ⬇️⬇️⬇️@benedictsred @dumbledonk wake up new creuset colours just dropped
@benedictsred I don't know, Nana used to be a bit of a pineapple girl back in the day...
Do you guys remember being afraid of acid rain as a child?
I was bullied by a cheerleader in high school and she used to tan every day so I stayed out the sun for 34 years and now I look 10 years younger than she does. WHO’S CHEERING NOW BRITTNI?
कभी मन्दिर पर बैठते हैं, कभी मस्जिद पर बैठते हैं,, वो इसलिए कि इन परिंदों के "नेता" नही होते..!!
Is it just me or does coffee taste different when you’re not off of work and it’s not a sunny holiday? 🤔☕️
I’m a 77 year old who wonders at what age will I become elderly.
First date idea: A tour of the medicine cabinet.
If the dessert options are carrot cake or nothing, you say no thanks and stop for gelato on the way home. Those are the rules.
Recommending YouTube channels is my love language ❤️ Tell me something you like and I’ll show you a channel you might like
We all need at least one friend to whom general rules don’t apply.
If a woman tells me I'm wrong are we dating?
“That strange man told you to calm down” I gently whisper into my bra.
My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.
prosciutto aguilara
"Damn girl are you?" -Existentialist pick-up line
My 9 and I did a lil low country boil for dinner and y'all, we put away 2lbs of shrimp like it was a SNACK
People that back into parking spaces do you know we all hate you?