martha dumptruck 🚚🥤 @sa1martha
prepare to be overwhelmed twitter.com/search?q=from%… Joined February 2014-
Tweets89K
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Followers8K
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Following3K
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Likes178K
martha dumptruck 🚚🥤 retweeted
3pm? sorry that’s my time to be the most tired I’ve ever been in my life everyday
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I saw an old truck with a garbage bag instead of a door and I really related to that
How are yall getting onto "holding fish" dating profile algorithm because I'm somehow on "blurry serial killer pic taken in cell" algorithm and I need a change
I forgot how much I talk to myself while I work... but everyone is this McDonald's who thinks I'm insane has reminded me
Don't forget to spray-n-wash your crotch panties, girls
martha dumptruck 🚚🥤 retweeted
Typing “general bad vibes” into WebMD.
Amazon needs to stop sending me ridiculous ads for things like fringe pants because I swear to go I'm one bad day away from clicking purchase
If the hangout starts at 8, I'm gonna start eating the snacks at 8. It matters not to me that you're my guest and not here yet.
I'm not classy enough to wear a belly shirt and slides to olive garden. Unlike the girl I'm staring at.
martha dumptruck 🚚🥤 retweeted
martha dumptruck 🚚🥤 retweeted
Told my doctor my symptoms and I think he got the ick.
martha dumptruck 🚚🥤 retweeted
I want AI to fold the laundry and pack the leftovers in the fridge after dinner, not write the books.
martha dumptruck 🚚🥤 retweeted
Dear credit card companies, Please make the card activation label as sticky and difficult to tear off in one piece as possible. Thank you. Love, Everyone
Your dating profile pictures are your opportunity to make an impression. Your best choices are: blurry, taken from under the chin, and with a complete pigstye behind you.
When our neurodivergent sensory needs align, we are too powerful as a family When they are misaligned, everyone is in danger
martha dumptruck 🚚🥤 retweeted
First (east coast guy with a coffee)
martha dumptruck 🚚🥤 retweeted
Forever stuck in a limbo between ‘taking a shower’ and ‘getting up from the couch’.
I think my thigh pubes add a unique flourish to my bathing suit actually
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Home Goods simply does not miss
🤣🤣 Accurate. 🤪
Ben wins the Internet.
Putting myself in the taco bell cage after I scare the hoes with my lore
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We’re at the LA premiere for ‘KNUCKLES’ at Paramount Studios! Red carpet interviews coming soon...
Told my doctor my symptoms and I think he got the ick.
I want AI to fold the laundry and pack the leftovers in the fridge after dinner, not write the books.
Back on my bullshit picking up donuts again. Want anything?
Mass graves continue to be found across Gaza in what is arguably the most documented genocide in of lifetime.
This is the To Catch a Predator we all wanted.
Can’t pay teachers, can’t house the homeless, can’t provide healthcare, can’t invest in useful infrastructure of any kind, can’t can’t can’t but:
BREAKING: US House approves $60.8 billion in aid for Ukraine, $26.4 billion for Israel and $8 billion for Taiwan
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