LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain
Yes, my friend. Standup. Host of the 3:51am pod. Reluctant lawyer. Charlotte, NC Joined January 2018-
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Subtitles are the best when YOUR SPOUSE IS LOUDLY SNACKING CAN WE TURN THE SUBTITLES UP?!?!? What do you mean ? I MEAN THEY ARENT LOUD ENOUGH!! ISNT THAT CRAZY? THAT I WANT THE SUBTITLES TURNED UP HAHA CRAZY!
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The way life is going, I don’t mind losing an hour. Hell, go ahead and take a couple years while you’re at it.
My last 437 lol’s have been complete bullshit.
@bb_apes Is that a northeast wind blowing ?
Twitter: Y’all didn’t tell me this Harris Teeter grocery store bar was LIT!! The Bar:
I can’t get an erection unless the Dow closes above 50,000.
“For real though bruh like what happened to the milk man?” — My 18 year old daughter, whom I love
Jesus gathered his disciples and said “Make apps for me, and market them most heavily during lent”.
LaytesAgain retweeted
Who turned the heat off? #GoodNeighbor #HaveAGoodOne #Heating #ColdWeather
@EddieAlfano Brilliant as always. I would like to see more of the dog !
LaytesAgain retweeted
Husband: can I vent about my mom Me, pours drink, eyes tear up: I thought you’d never ask
@EddieAlfano I will take it under constant consideration
I’ve been thinking about the definition of insanity for years.
If this is the last social media app you check and not the first, please unfollow thank you.
If my toenails get any longer I’m gonna try out for America’s Got Talons.
My college kid’s love language is “Can you text me the Amazon code?”
*Bats eyes* “No, YOU’RE insufferable!”
The Real Rodney Lacro... @RealRodLacroix
45K Followers 8K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmLu5i | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/F2vUtf3nx6
Matty @bestestname
16K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Cat From Nowhere @kv8
17K Followers 9K Following omnipresent in absentia, perchance frittering my time away on... here. .•| sui juris |•.
fightgeek @fightgeek
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Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
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Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma
13K Followers 8K Following My eggs are expired, I ran out of bread, my husband got fired. I wish I was dead. https://t.co/IVfhz3nNnT https://t.co/eY8BG3lLqc
meghan @deloisivete
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Victoria Rogers @rogers79110_v
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Cammy Barnes @imcammybarnes
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ina @SmaulursZNt
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The Corrupt Ginger @CorruptGinger
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Angelwing @Angelwing15813
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James @James23113077
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Jerry’s Humor @jerryshumor
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🏳️🌈 Jen �... @jenneedsasmoke
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Tammy Crawford @tamkacee_tammy
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The Card @JaggedAuthor
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Holly Day @TheEmoMama
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The Anxious Cat 𓃠 @iPhonePhobic
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erika @yeeeerika
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Bex @more_throttle
2K Followers 1K Following I refuse to tip toe through life to arrive safely at death
superastrofemme @superastrofemme
4K Followers 866 Following cranky on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside
L 🇨🇦 @Ann_Hedonia1
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Shreya @Shreya_eti
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Stu, For Real @StuForReal
11K Followers 6K Following screaming on the inside https://t.co/4wkIW3JJk2
Christopher Broker @Christo69970051
543 Followers 4K Following
Forward March @RunOldMan
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Darla @ddsmidt
38K Followers 12K Following I don't take any of this nonsense too seriously. Here's a link to my tweets: https://t.co/zgwNkh2e5h
Caro who loves Christ... @CaroChristmas
773 Followers 3K Following Minding my Da with Dementia Love rugby 🏉 music, food, gigs & festivals💃. Lost 3 female friends to suicide in 2 months. Fuck menopause. Let’s save🇺🇦 & Gaza
cas says free palesti... @CrappyFumes
9K Followers 7K Following talking to myself ‘cause I’ve got shit to say || it’s still free Palestine || they/them || 18+
Joe Buonfiglio @JoeBuonfiglio
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🍉Cis KΞVιπ BLλ... @Hirsutable
398 Followers 1K Following Mostly posting on @hirsutable.bsky.social these days 🏆 Most modest man on the internet 2011 🏆 Big Barbigerous Brit in 'Berta NDP Sex Marxist (he/him)
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Neephabe @neephabe38555
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WoodBridge Bath @BathWoodbridge
379 Followers 812 Following At WoodBridge, we provide the top quality of kitchen and bathroom products. Continuously innovating to accommodate customer needs has been our ultimate goal.
Barry BeNiceButNotSic... @barryjohnharper
10K Followers 7K Following English accent - please adjust your inner dialogue. Atheist, but fine by me if you believe in fairytales. Peace ✌
Setelut @setelut25810
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Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
47K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/1tLBuSYH1g
The Real Rodney Lacro... @RealRodLacroix
45K Followers 8K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmLu5i | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/F2vUtf3nx6
Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna
130K Followers 78 Following NOW ON MASTODON @[email protected] Retired executive secretary for Mr. Stanley Bogenshoots, Senior Vice President at Hughes Aircraft.
Matty @bestestname
16K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
SneezingWithWetMascar... @WetMascara
18K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below.
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
50K Followers 844 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra.🖕🏻🍊Find me on IG https://t.co/bIMfqBqyjG
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
Cat From Nowhere @kv8
17K Followers 9K Following omnipresent in absentia, perchance frittering my time away on... here. .•| sui juris |•.
fightgeek @fightgeek
10K Followers 8K Following i wander around outside and hangout with dogs mostly 🇺🇸
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
31K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma
13K Followers 8K Following My eggs are expired, I ran out of bread, my husband got fired. I wish I was dead. https://t.co/IVfhz3nNnT https://t.co/eY8BG3lLqc
meghan @deloisivete
23K Followers 3K Following surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Sarah Tollemache @stollemache
18K Followers 1K Following My new special, Butthole Money, premieres Thurs Sept 5th 9pm EST/6pm PST on YouTube
Among the Wildflowers @deaflibertarian
150K Followers 16K Following My politics are tacos, guns, and liberty. Not a real libertarian. Tidbits of my autobiography are shared here.
Katie D @KatieDeal99
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The Nostalgic @Thenostalgic
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ChiChi Greenblatt @ChiChiGreenblat
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F. Scott Fitz Jesse (... @FScottFitzJesse
8K Followers 6K Following I'm just here to make fun of myself.
Jenny Doesnt Know @HighlyIngenious
4K Followers 2K Following Books, snacks, horror movies, dark humor, cheese, & insanity covered cat by fur. Navy Veteran. Fuck MAGA. She/her #BlackLivesMatter #Pride
Shannon @gardengirl125
53K Followers 24K Following "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun” - Katharine Hepburn | Liberal AF | Anti-Fascist | Sex Positive | Foul Mouthed Feminist | 8647 | LGBTQ+ ally
Dylan O'Sullivan @DylanoA4
120K Followers 630 Following “All is built on sand, but we must build as if the sand were stone.” Working on books @InfiniteBooks. Working on writing @Essayful. Bylines @TheSpectator, etc.
Rubenesque D1ck 🏳�... @_Jizzabelle
21K Followers 1K Following Foremost hotdog influencer. She/her. RT my pics. Raging liberal. Cheese hater. See my wiener at https://t.co/0nhVOjfXvg
Fomo Simpson @HaliPhacks
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Kermit the Frog @KermitTheFrog
383K Followers 121 Following Hi-ho! Welcome to the official Twitter of me, Kermit the Frog!
Cookie Monster @MeCookieMonster
624K Followers 16 Following Me official. Me love cookies! Me officially love cookies.
Bert @bertsesame
169K Followers 13 Following Roommate of @SesameErnie, fan of pigeons, bottle caps, paper clips, oatmeal.
Sesame Street @sesamestreet
1.8M Followers 41 Following Our nonprofit’s mission is to help children grow smarter, stronger, kinder – in more than 190 countries around the world!
Oscar the Grouch @OscarTheGrouch
315K Followers 13 Following Officially grouchy from Sesame Street. Scram!
Gonzo @GonzotheGreat
161K Followers 45 Following Welcome culture lovers! Prepare for tweets of lunatic daring from I, Gonzo the Great!
Big Bird @BigBird
292K Followers 17 Following Sesame Street's official 8'2 bird... I'm too tall to be short!
Elmo @elmo
804K Followers 14 Following Elmo's Elmo! Elmo lives on Sesame Street and was told to tell you that Elmo is official!
Holly Day @TheEmoMama
3K Followers 2K Following There's no point to any of this. It's all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes.
The Card @JaggedAuthor
3K Followers 4K Following Creator of depressing comic strips. Liver of a depressing life. Writer of depressing bios.
Michi 💕 @queenofthesou1
7K Followers 3K Following If you're here you'll find quite the variety. Some sweet stuff, mixed with the occasional bout of bitching. Autism Mom. No DMs please. Sober since 6/20/25.
E. B. White Widow @vonDoomstein
497 Followers 841 Following Academy Award-watching writer, voice actor, and audio engineer. Credits: Cyanide & Happiness Shorts, Freakpocalypse, et cetera
Alison the Read @alisontheread
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floorboard @StruggleDisplay
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september @okthatwasrude
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nick griffin @thenickgriffin
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Rich Chassler @richchassler
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Libby Rose @LibbyTheRose
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