The Card @JaggedAuthor
Creator of a depressing comic strip. Liver of a depressing life. Writer of depressing bios. Joined June 2010-
Tweets34K
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Whenever I catch myself lucid-dreaming, I go on the lookout for people and objects that are likely to morph into Freddy Krueger, because I’m SMART.
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The Card retweeted
Forgot I asked Siri to change my name.
The Card retweeted
drew berrymore sells wine but drew burymore sells shovels.
Fighting evil by moonlight AND winning love by daylight? In THIS economy?!
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You guys ever been to hell? It’s HOT in there
My depression is both manic *and* paralyzing, which has to be the least practical mutant power ever.
The Card retweeted
Me: "parodying a fact, joking with jokes" Every twitter rando:
New comic! Wherein Jenkins is disgusted.
Me: *puts winter coat away after a string of very warm days* Midwest weather: LOL!
Every time I see a tweet commemorating the decades-long anniversary of a Simpsons episode that aired when I was a child, I have to struggle to avoid turning to dust.
The Card retweeted
Part of living in Florida is coming to terms with the fact that you could throw a rock in any direction and hit a toddler named Asher.
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Wherein Cord knows comedy.
Matthew Levy @MattLevy51
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KristinCarnes 🐾�.. @KristinCarnes2
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Jennifer Begakis @jenbegakis
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Bob Golen @BobGolen
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meg✨✨ @mjhorgss
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Criag @craigpsutton
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Will Schreiner @Beeshrine
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Myles Hewette @MyleswithaY
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Corhar @Corhar4
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Daniel Max Bonventre @DanBonventre
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Blayr 🌻 @BlayrAustin
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Susan @garciasusan68
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Jacqueline Hyde 💜 @atruevulgarian
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Marina @Olimather
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Allison Becker @AllisonBec60615
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Taylor Shaw @shawt5792
21 Followers 73 Following I’m a escort down for hookup services like sex massage blowjob handjob oral anal set services etc I’m just getting to meet new people from my nearby friends
GODDESS KEONA @KINCANNONC49301
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Dina Mousa 🇪🇬 �.. @DinamaMousa
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Blue 💙's ✍ @EileenPCarry
10K Followers 10K Following LIFE: Just a thought … ~💭*… #IDWP 🐑 …🩴🩴Ollowfay emay—ingbray owersflay, ineway, and usicmay. 🎶🥂
BStylin @chicketypoo22
3K Followers 2K Following Marketing analyst. Single momma of a toddler 👶❤ Polyam, 1 rescue dog (RIP tete and fiona😭) 🏳️🌈♋☀️ ♌🌜♏⬆️ 🎮🌳
Barbara Mills @bmillsmft
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Don’t touch your he.. @Dnttouchurhead
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Abby - Democracy must.. @Ms_readsalot
566 Followers 642 Following Scot. #IndyRef2023. Kindness, always🧘♀️yet schadenfraude 😉. Severe M.E - 39 years. LC, Fibro, etc. 📚🔂 = now wearing 🤓. Dogs are love wrapped in fur. 🐶
Miriam Uncommitted @choralmiriam
1K Followers 4K Following she/her/ella, violist, dirt enthusiast, bananas for choral music, musicology fan-gal, does not represent employer
Conor Null @Steelperigren
288 Followers 5K Following 28 years old. I probably won't post a lot. mostly use this to follow artists.
swampsofjersey @DefundRepeat
850 Followers 2K Following QPOC Content strategist, writer, and abolitionist. Previously fighting for voting rights in the South. Currently running Comms at your fav Anti-Zionist NGO🇵🇸
Nate Armbruster @natecomedy
3K Followers 2K Following I like to write jokes. And tell those jokes to audiences in the form of stand-up comedy.
The Nostalgic @TheNostalgicCo
43K Followers 6K Following We all have stories where the contents are way better than the cover. type1diabetes celiac advocate for a cure. insulinshouldbefree
D.C.Thomas 🌻🇹�.. @DCThomas_art
345 Followers 1K Following Author | Artist | Film & Digital Photographer | Writer | Traveler | American in TN | Romanian & Greek Roots | Wife & Golden Retriever Mom | Student 💍🐾🎩
Leslie Hales @LeslieHales
644 Followers 2K Following Nashvillian. Music discoverer. Traveler. Foodie. Newly minted F1 Fan.
Fulkery, A Parody Wra.. @Fulkery1
11K Followers 10K Following Ruminations from a human that errs. Not 'available' so move along.
Matthew Levy @MattLevy51
14K Followers 14K Following Stand up comic. Sketch maker. Newsletter writer. Married to @annaphilomena. Crouton appreciator. Writes profiles. Check Medium link below and DM if interested.
i can be your long lo.. @PallaviGunalan
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jon drake @DrakeGatsby
112K Followers 2K Following they must have amnesia, they forgot that im him. 1/2 of @blastzonepod. senior brand strategist for @trymetafy
Blake Hammond @BigRadMachine
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Brandon Ream @Reamkore
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Chris Calogero @RealChrisCal
11K Followers 3K Following Comedian WHO LIVES IN Los Angeles, but is FROM New Jersey. Featured in The NY Times, Funny or Die, Paste Magazine, and GMA Day.
Rena Hundert @RENAHUNDERT
7K Followers 5K Following Comedian • Los Angeles🏄🏻♀️ • Comedy album “Gimmick” now streaming on all audio platforms and SiriusXM
KristinCarnes 🐾�.. @KristinCarnes2
1K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Cheese Curd Eater / Producer Waukegan Comedy Jam in IL and The Spot for Comedy in Lafayette, IN. Threads Kristin.carnes.7
Jennifer Begakis @jenbegakis
11K Followers 3K Following Begakis is fun to say. historian of capitalism finance & Disney. Ph.D. Candidate @Cornell | @UCBerkeley alumni. the opinions & jokes expressed are my own NFTs.
Bridget Mahoney @BridgeMahone216
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Bob Golen @BobGolen
33K Followers 23K Following Hey, give me a try. Mainly old jokes (spruced up a bit) and sentimental musings. Big believer in kindness. Leaning left, but not very woke (Boomer, ya know).
meg✨✨ @mjhorgss
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Lost Backstage @wokebutlost
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Spacecase.Design @ArtSpacecase
2K Followers 2K Following just opened my Etsy! I have weird prints and stickers(: just a weirdo overall dm for commisions(: 🐸🍄
AdequateEmily @AdequateEmily
23K Followers 2K Following Filmmaker, Video Essayist, Film Buff, Veteran of the HD Format Wars | She/Her | Patreon: https://t.co/KuomkrnBMg | Profile pic by @fakeautumn
Jacqueline Hyde 💜 @atruevulgarian
561 Followers 490 Following “You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole.”💋🐠
Sarah Everett @goddammitsarah
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Jaime Primak @JaimePrimak
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Sophie Ingley @SophieIngley
1K Followers 996 Following Trans & Proud. She/Her 🏳️🌈⚧🏳️⚧️ Horror Nerd. Music Geek. Curry Fiend. Writes scary stories and sketches spooky stuff. Thank you very 💜🖤
rachael burke @thatsso_rachael
5K Followers 2K Following 🌻jolly af🌻 Past: @drewbarrymoretv, @BringTheFunny cast, 2 Emmy wins @FallonTonight. 🇮🇪 she/her #BLM tweets don’t reflect my employer.
Алекс Мари �.. @a_m_g_93
156 Followers 63 Following Writer. Published by The Garfield Lake Review, Jelly Bucket, MUSE Literary Magazine, Alien Buddha Press, Beyond Centauri, and others.
Isabel🌻 @isabelunraveled
24K Followers 1K Following student of being human • recent essay: https://t.co/k7PDN8kkCu
Blake & Raven Penn (S.. @BlakeRavenPenn
244 Followers 373 Following Fantasy Authors | Dragon Nerds | #writingcommunity | Just published the second book in the Skystone Chronicles!
nopoetry @1bdpoem
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Ryan Meek @MeekleMatter
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Katie @Katiew552
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P Newton @pilartoons
5K Followers 975 Following yes, that’s me in the photo drawing on the blackboard 😂 Animator, director, Illustrator, educator, writer & opera enthusiast! follow me on insta: @Pilartoons
De La Joe Is Dead @perryperihelion
878 Followers 1K Following I’m up here for the weirdo swarm. Physical media collector. Saints/Pelicans/Reds fan.
danielle weisberg for.. @danielleweisber
32K Followers 969 Following award-nominated tv writer, nap slut, the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy | she/her | [email protected]
Serena 🦋🐱🐿�.. @Serena_R94
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Nasha @Nasha_Foster
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Jason Pargin, author .. @JasonKPargin
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Rachael Padilla @RPadillaArt
24K Followers 7K Following Artist, and bird out of water. Planting seeds of hope, inspiration, independence. Would you like to see more of my work? https://t.co/m5A3gBohvJ
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Shauna Crook @ShaunaCrook13
312 Followers 744 Following ...Child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars...
Michal Shafrir @Miexriir
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Tori Fletcher @hellotorifletch
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🌈🖋️ Beautiful.. @AuthorKitaraJ
18K Followers 8K Following Unintentional pilot of a malfunctioning meat suit | She/her | ✍️ Disabled writer/gamer 🎮 | Body & Sex Positive smol mom • 🫶 $AuthorKitaraJ DMs for mutuals💞
Dina Mousa 🇪🇬 �.. @DinamaMousa
4K Followers 4K Following Egyptian immigrant, screenwriter, novelist, script cultural consultant. Egyptian mythologies nerd. Seeking representation.
KevinSmith @ThatKevinSmith
2.9M Followers 69 Following It begins with me covered in sperm, trapped in my old man's balls. Then, suddenly... ESCAPE!
Chris Thomas @SapientHomo
110 Followers 746 Following I love life but not as much as I love my gorgeous husband. Team 🏳️🌈 Him/He
Abby - Democracy must.. @Ms_readsalot
566 Followers 642 Following Scot. #IndyRef2023. Kindness, always🧘♀️yet schadenfraude 😉. Severe M.E - 39 years. LC, Fibro, etc. 📚🔂 = now wearing 🤓. Dogs are love wrapped in fur. 🐶
Miriam Uncommitted @choralmiriam
1K Followers 4K Following she/her/ella, violist, dirt enthusiast, bananas for choral music, musicology fan-gal, does not represent employer
Juliette @juliettetravel
1K Followers 1K Following you cinephile in black and white, all those plot twists and dynamite
Nate Armbruster @natecomedy
3K Followers 2K Following I like to write jokes. And tell those jokes to audiences in the form of stand-up comedy.
D.C.Thomas 🌻🇹�.. @DCThomas_art
345 Followers 1K Following Author | Artist | Film & Digital Photographer | Writer | Traveler | American in TN | Romanian & Greek Roots | Wife & Golden Retriever Mom | Student 💍🐾🎩
The Nostalgic @TheNostalgicCo
43K Followers 6K Following We all have stories where the contents are way better than the cover. type1diabetes celiac advocate for a cure. insulinshouldbefree
Andy “Brak & other .. @amerrill2
25K Followers 702 Following I am Brak. Shut up. I am. I like food and watching TV. I’m so much fun, I make myself puke. I have a 57-year old bladder. I share too much about myself.
Leslie Hales @LeslieHales
644 Followers 2K Following Nashvillian. Music discoverer. Traveler. Foodie. Newly minted F1 Fan.
Elizabeth Picciuto @epicciuto
17K Followers 3K Following Writer. Philosophy PhD. Rooted cosmopolitan 🌱✡️. Mom of three—one with Cri du Chat Syndrome. #3A!
Jeff @JMcNutty23
9K Followers 5K Following #MutantFam. Weirdo and Nerd. Be nice to each other. Retired NYPD Detective and hostage negotiator
Kevin @Mkev1984
159 Followers 274 Following Happily married 👬 proud dad of two adopted sons. Comics, gaming, sci-fi, exercise, nature, and my dogs are what bring me joy. 🇺🇦 6th Dan TKD and TSD.
Tara Bennett @TaraDBennett
8K Followers 4K Following Author: Storyof @MarvelStudios (@ABRAMSbooks), Art @avatar 2 #Outlander #SoA @FringeNotebook. Bylines: @SFXMagazine @SyfyWire @pastemagazine @ign @OfficialTCA
X 🇨🇦 @FFmaxhyde
9K Followers 7K Following Hoser in the sorta south. All the vices, unconventional, inconvenient fucking shitshow
the Debacle @gabesmithmusic
771 Followers 3K Following Sings songs sometimes. Does okay. Likes jokes. Jokes are funny.
Chappell Ellison @ChappellTracker
14K Followers 1K Following Probably thinking about systems design and scale. Software and content person. Video game and ttrpg nerd. Design history obsessed. Former civil servant. She/her
@JaggedAuthor @PrinceWatercres @Cerabelum1 @e3man01 @RetroFeeder @CiskoNokia @jasha_jasha @MissMiaw @Cheapether @stewie55uk @FlynnRetroGames I have a lot of time and love for Sunsoft. Even their bad games have one or two great things about them
Here is a promo pic for the @TheSimpsons episode "Trilogy Of Error" Originally airing April 29, 2001 Guest starring @frankiemuniz #TheSimpsonsGoats #TheSimpsons #SimpsonsForever
My anxiety is directly proportional to how early I show up to a screening.
#NowWatching I guess exploitation/revenge movies are the theme today haha.
You couldn't make Seinfeld today. You'd have to remove the episode where Jerry goes on a 20 minute long rant advocating for HIV denialism
Had long "therapy session" w ClaudeAI tonight. Ive often said that twitter is my "practice". Sometimes there are uncomfortable conversations/conflicts here. When that happens I often contemplate the interaction after. Tonight I took one to Claude. It was "enlightening".
I cleaned out 13,000 old emails from an account I haven't used in years. I found a picture I don't think I've ever seen from my first "grown" vacation with a friend in 2008. I had a great tan and terrible highlights. I was so young.
Post a picture of you with long hair. No context
Post a picture of you with long hair. No context. (I was more hair than human at the end of the pandemic.)
I post a lot about how much I loved Latvia, and my wonderful time at Pedvale residency. Apply and I hope you get selected. Magical experience!
Biedriba Pedvale resartis.org/open-call/open… #Latvia > Deadline: May 10, 2024
10 years ago today, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: All-Star Battle was released as a PlayStation 3 exclusive in NA. It was developed by CyberConnect2 and published by Bandai Namco Entertainment.
Meet Linguo if you misuse language he'll correct you "Trilogy Of Error" 04/29/01 🤖 #TheSimpsonsGoats #TheSimpsons #SimpsonsForever
Huh, Someone found a bit of lost media.
I sneezed in a parking deck today. I thought I was alone. I was not.
Heres another animated cel for the @TheSimpsons episode "Krusty Gets Busted" Orignally airing April 29, 1990 #TheSimpsonsGoats #TheSimpsons #SimpsonsForever
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