Sex Panther* @raincoatworms
Proficient in online darts. *not an actual sex panther twitter.com/search?q=From%… Michigan, USA Joined February 2009-
Tweets16K
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Followers5K
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Following5K
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Likes22K
If you're not listening to @teddyswims you should be. 💋🔥♥️
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Sex Panther* retweeted
Sorry about those violent sounds from the bathroom. I was trying to put on my pants without falling.
44 feels young until it doesn't. Like when I catch myself saying "what are these yahoos doing?!" while gesturing toward the cars stopped in the passing lane instead of following school dropoff procedures. They are ruining it for the rest of us though.
Sex Panther* retweeted
“bread is actually bad for ducks” ok duck genius then what do they even eat
Sex Panther* retweeted
People with business cards can't wait to give you their business card
Sex Panther* retweeted
Welcome to Twitter: we’re the junk drawer of the internet.
Sex Panther* retweeted
Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”
Look, if you're not going to take the time to fill every square, I'm just going to syrup my own waffles.
Sex Panther* retweeted
Helen next door is a liar… she said she’d bake me a pie and also has said she’d bake me cookies at least 4 times. Old people are liars
Sex Panther* retweeted
Me: [being water boarded] gross is this Dasani?
Sex Panther* retweeted
I feel like you really get me. You should seek help.
Sex Panther* retweeted
Top Ex Spook setup. New art. Freak twigs. Spy vs Spy. Small spinning globe. 10/10 @JohnBrennan
If you're not eating leftover On The Border at 6 am then you're probably sleeping. Which I love for you.
Sex Panther* retweeted
I was watching Fallout and there's a scene with a two headed bull so I said 'Siamoos twins' and then my son called the cops.
Restaurants just aren't giving out plastic bibs with lobsters on them like they used to.
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@RodLacroix Your wife (with her ‘only blueberries’ topping) really hung you out to dry with your pancake choice.
Last day in Europe so I thought I’d start it by eating a pancake the size of my house.
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I've never heard even one second of a Phish song
Behold, men on the internet have one insult and it never lands
Oh really? And just how many baskets should I buy to put my eggs in... [rips off their mask] ... BIG BASKET?! EH? WHEN WILL IT EVER BE ENOUGH TO SATISFY YOUR CORPORATE GREED?
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@OneWheelONeil Moppets secret dollhouse
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@OneWheelONeil Did anyone get Sweet Pickles books? And they were delivered to your house?
@OneWheelONeil Has enough time gone by for me to mention Pogs?
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What in the Midwest fuckery is this shit?
Tried the cute slicked back bun hairdo and ended up looking like Voldemort so I’m back in bed
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