Midwest jj @MWjamminj
sitting here wishing a motherfucker would. mobile.twitter.com/search?q=MWJam… Somewhere around Barstow Joined September 2011-
Tweets24K
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Followers1K
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Following1K
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Likes48K
I don't feel like masturbating, did I just break up with myself ?
Me: I don’t want to dwell on that. My brain: OK, let’s put a pin in it and circle back later. Is 3 a.m. good for you?
Hand me a beer and no one gets hurt.
Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.
Why is every deodorant company now obsessed with telling us it can be used on balls
Just had drinks with coworkers and The Regret Of Everything I Did and Said That Was Weird is setting in
Do lesbians have circle jerks, cuz I'd cum to that
Today’s cardio was trying to wave down the server for another drink before happy hour ends
You can call them "friendly" reminders all you want but we both know they are 100% hostile
Love cutting grass in my hoochie daddy shorts
Don't touch me or I'll aggressively organize the things on my desk
Do the cops storming colleges not realize that this will only lead to more folk music?
I'm now rating my tweets based on their degree of Annieness. How Annie is this tweet? I give it a 4/10.
Who called it "online shopping while sitting on the toilet" And not "buyarrhea"
If u single rn u gon be single forever everybody got who they want, nobody wants you
(pure rage) hey why did you lock this PDF
Me: Don’t you get sick of playing the same video game for hours on end? Son: No. Me: *hasn’t looked up from Twitter feed in 12 years* that’s so weird.
Making the world go round is a lot of pressure on us fat bottomed girls but somehow we manage
I don’t have guilty pleasures because I don’t assign guilt to pleasure.
hear me out a hate triangle
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
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49K Followers 95 Following Full-time sports bettor specializing in NFL, NBA and MLB. Posting free betting content the Sportsbooks don't want you knowing about... 👀🤑I don't feel like masturbating, did I just break up with myself ?
“Dad, I’ll pick up the dog shit in the backyard.” -Said no teenager EVER
You should be one of them.
🤣 Fuck’n Bundy!!! 🤣☠️🤣☠️🤣💯🤘🏼 Damn it! I’m old! 💋 #WhoaBundy 🙌🏼
Me: I don’t want to dwell on that. My brain: OK, let’s put a pin in it and circle back later. Is 3 a.m. good for you?
This Later 😏
Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.
Why is every deodorant company now obsessed with telling us it can be used on balls