Mainly #Comedy🤣 #Family #Politics etc. Ask me the rest & I’ll tell you😊 Back up account is @Chumantastical😁mastodonapp.uk/@Chumantastic EnglandJoined December 2020
I was out on a date with the wife, when I suddenly asked her, "Why do you always spit & don’t swallow?”
She slapped my face and stormed off..
I’m never taking her wine tasting again!
#eveningseasonings
My wife asked me for a little peace & quiet last night while she was cooking dinner..
I said of course and proceeded to remove the batteries from the smoke alarm.
#eveningseasonings
Europe…Together Again this Fall 2024 😘✌🏽
TICKETS available Friday, May 3rd at 9am local time on JanetJackson.com
Special presale & preferred tickets to Mastercard cardholders starting Tuesday 30 April. Visit priceless.com/music for details.
"Was it you that put ice in my wife's underwear?"
I shook my head, “No.”
"It was you! You did it!" he yelled.
I replied, "I swear!”
He said, "In her underwear, I just told you."
#MondayMirth
Leather is rated based upon its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have softer hides rated "A"..
But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically "D" Hide rated.
#eveningseasonings
Tory staffers are running Facebook groups full of white supremacist content and the government is timing the arrest of asylum seekers for electoral advantage. But the Conservative Party gets upset if anyone calls it racist.
So to summarise, the Home Office plans to detain vulnerable people for months on end, for the sake of trying to win a few more votes for the Conservative party theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/a…
Always give 100 percent.. unless you're giving blood..
I always give 100 percent at work.. 12% on Monday, 28% on Tuesday, 32% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 8% on Friday.
#SideSplittingSunday
Our daughter: *spits out porridge
Mum: Young lady, we don't spit! If it's in your mouth you swallow it!
Me: *looks at Mum
Mum: Shut up Chu!!
#SideSplittingSunday
16K Followers 15K FollowingDevon Comedian Chris Leworthy from #BGT.
Oh no, I've just won the UK Humblebrag championships again.
#TraitorsUK #TheTraitorsUK #MaskedSingerUK #UKPunDay
13K Followers 12K FollowingTechy tree-hugger with a passion for the collective consciousness. Hotel California Hashtag Game @ 3pm. Be Kind. Also find me on @ https://t.co/PYGzNlYrOw
3K Followers 4K FollowingThe thane of groans.
Mostly jokes.
Now ritual is the husk of faith and loyalty, the beginning of confusion.
No DMs
https://t.co/E5oGlpnyLk
3K Followers 4K FollowingEver youthful and eternally optimistic purveyor of puns, silliness, rhyme and occasional song. Fluent in both English and Bullshit. Lifelong follower of #LUFC
3K Followers 3K FollowingNo DM's unless I already knows ya on Twitter Thanks.
Play the JZFM Boredom Hashtag Game every Saturday 3:00 pm
#NeverTrustATory
9K Followers 8K FollowingUK Pun Champion 2022 & current SCOTY runner-up.
Top 10 Jokes EdinFringe 2019-22.
2024 tour: Get Rich Quick.
JOKE BOOK Punball Wizard
PODCAST It Just So Happened
7K Followers 7K FollowingProud Dad of 3. Sci Fi fan. Biker.. Old Goth and Book Reader. Star Wars Birdman. High Pier Space Jumper. Won’t reply to DMs. Takes the odd pic.
552 Followers 4K FollowingSsss Entertainment Football International Entertainment Government International Politics Local News LifeStyle News Radio & TV Politics Sport Sport Travel
2K Followers 3K FollowingSouth Pole world record dream and The Long Tread 2 millions steps for tyre-pulling adventurer. #travel #adveture #inspiration #motivation #TLT
3K Followers 2K FollowingGoing day by day x Crohns Warrior 💛 Like differences,music,art x Be yourself, no fakes& No D/M's x
I make stuff now & then too : Instagram alittle_sew_and_sew
131K Followers 135K FollowingActor/Filmmaker . No quarter for racism. Films @preachersix. @zombiewashotgun @thechairhorror #Pagan #WhoDat Happily married to Tracy Ray .
3K Followers 7K FollowingInformation Technology Professional that solves problems when others fail! Purdue Graduate! Go Boilers! 61-Year old straight man!
232 Followers 5K FollowingTo be prepared against surprise is to be trained. To be prepared for surprise is to be educated. 🎎🎐 Facts do not fall in the face of discomfort 🌗
403K Followers 127K FollowingTrained Hero Service Dog/Search&Rescue/Cadaver/Explosives/Arson/Therapy Trained. My Passion's Playing Golf(Balls).Fav Musical Groups:Rolling Stones/P-Floyd/KISS
1K Followers 4K FollowingI'm not anti-social; I'm anti-idiot. A 'Saboteur' & 'snowflake'. Doomed to live in the age of the dumb where ignorance is fashionable. Still must smile or......
31 Followers 139 FollowingCriadora de conteúdos diversos sobre Civilizações antigas, turismo, curiosidades e também sobre saúde, alimentação saudável, Cura natural.
3K Followers 6K Following2D/3D Artist | Illustrator she/her. Imagination-creation-representation.🎨🖌️ mind surgeon💭 Smart. Strong. Silly. Straight up class act. I love nature 💐
207 Followers 4K FollowingTo be prepared against surprise is to be trained. To be prepared for surprise is to be educated. 🎎🎐 Facts do not fall in the face of discomfort 🌗
5K Followers 5K FollowingCat Hugger, NHS, Love Keir Starmer 🌹Labour Party, Ultra Remainer, trying to survive ovarian cancer, Once had a Brain Tumour, Haters will be muted 🤐 #ToryScum
12K Followers 10K FollowingReal Alexa, Parisienne in the UK, mother of European Kids #Socialist #European #Chef #Yogi Mes tweets n’engagent que ma pomme
4K Followers 5K FollowingWe must get all of these vile evil crooked lying murdering tory scumbags and right wingers from all parties out and forever. Socialist the way to go. Solidarity
4K Followers 5K FollowingSustainability, History. Working on Brexit satire 'The Charge of the Lightweight Brigade' ('C’est magnifique, mais ce n’est pas la guerre: c'est de la folie').
6K Followers 7K FollowingFought blood cancer. Take advantage of every day, you never know when it's your last! 🌸
Passionate about photography. 😍
#BLM #Fuckcancer #Free🇵🇸
16K Followers 15K FollowingDevon Comedian Chris Leworthy from #BGT.
Oh no, I've just won the UK Humblebrag championships again.
#TraitorsUK #TheTraitorsUK #MaskedSingerUK #UKPunDay
13K Followers 12K FollowingTechy tree-hugger with a passion for the collective consciousness. Hotel California Hashtag Game @ 3pm. Be Kind. Also find me on @ https://t.co/PYGzNlYrOw
3K Followers 4K FollowingThe thane of groans.
Mostly jokes.
Now ritual is the husk of faith and loyalty, the beginning of confusion.
No DMs
https://t.co/E5oGlpnyLk
3K Followers 4K FollowingEver youthful and eternally optimistic purveyor of puns, silliness, rhyme and occasional song. Fluent in both English and Bullshit. Lifelong follower of #LUFC
3K Followers 3K FollowingNo DM's unless I already knows ya on Twitter Thanks.
Play the JZFM Boredom Hashtag Game every Saturday 3:00 pm
#NeverTrustATory
9K Followers 8K FollowingUK Pun Champion 2022 & current SCOTY runner-up.
Top 10 Jokes EdinFringe 2019-22.
2024 tour: Get Rich Quick.
JOKE BOOK Punball Wizard
PODCAST It Just So Happened
7K Followers 7K FollowingProud Dad of 3. Sci Fi fan. Biker.. Old Goth and Book Reader. Star Wars Birdman. High Pier Space Jumper. Won’t reply to DMs. Takes the odd pic.
2K Followers 3K FollowingSouth Pole world record dream and The Long Tread 2 millions steps for tyre-pulling adventurer. #travel #adveture #inspiration #motivation #TLT
3K Followers 2K FollowingGoing day by day x Crohns Warrior 💛 Like differences,music,art x Be yourself, no fakes& No D/M's x
I make stuff now & then too : Instagram alittle_sew_and_sew
131K Followers 135K FollowingActor/Filmmaker . No quarter for racism. Films @preachersix. @zombiewashotgun @thechairhorror #Pagan #WhoDat Happily married to Tracy Ray .
3K Followers 7K FollowingInformation Technology Professional that solves problems when others fail! Purdue Graduate! Go Boilers! 61-Year old straight man!
403K Followers 127K FollowingTrained Hero Service Dog/Search&Rescue/Cadaver/Explosives/Arson/Therapy Trained. My Passion's Playing Golf(Balls).Fav Musical Groups:Rolling Stones/P-Floyd/KISS
1K Followers 4K FollowingI'm not anti-social; I'm anti-idiot. A 'Saboteur' & 'snowflake'. Doomed to live in the age of the dumb where ignorance is fashionable. Still must smile or......
5K Followers 5K FollowingCat Hugger, NHS, Love Keir Starmer 🌹Labour Party, Ultra Remainer, trying to survive ovarian cancer, Once had a Brain Tumour, Haters will be muted 🤐 #ToryScum
2K Followers 1K Following♎Tea lover☕Professional Tea bagger🥇Caffeinated at times🤪(BEWARE)⚠️ ALL things silly and ditzy.Craft obsessive🧶Bibliophile📚Happily spoken for.
NO DM'S⛔
12K Followers 10K FollowingReal Alexa, Parisienne in the UK, mother of European Kids #Socialist #European #Chef #Yogi Mes tweets n’engagent que ma pomme
4K Followers 5K FollowingWe must get all of these vile evil crooked lying murdering tory scumbags and right wingers from all parties out and forever. Socialist the way to go. Solidarity
4K Followers 5K FollowingSustainability, History. Working on Brexit satire 'The Charge of the Lightweight Brigade' ('C’est magnifique, mais ce n’est pas la guerre: c'est de la folie').
6K Followers 7K FollowingFought blood cancer. Take advantage of every day, you never know when it's your last! 🌸
Passionate about photography. 😍
#BLM #Fuckcancer #Free🇵🇸
2K Followers 4K Following**NO DM's UNLESS WE KNOW EACH OTHER** Owned by The Boss 🐈⬛ I care too much 🤔 Nature, photography, cycling, aircraft, and cats 🥰 Enigmatic 👍
4K Followers 4K FollowingI've been a Villa fan since the age of 9 🦁 My previous acc got hacked. I block porn so don't comment on it or follow me. #jd ❤️ my dog 🐶 into sports ⚽️🏏🏊
2K Followers 3K FollowingLove God, family, books, Art, films, music, dogs, flowers, gardens, the sea! Writer, Artist, Photographer. Unless we have chatted on my profile, No DMs!