Chu-Let-The-Dogs-Out✊🏾🇪🇺🇬🇧🇳🇬🏳️🌈 @Chumantastic
Mainly #Comedy🤣 #Family #Politics etc. Ask me the rest & I’ll tell you😊 Back up account is @Chumantastical😁 mastodonapp.uk/@Chumantastic England Joined December 2020-
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I was out on a date with the wife, when I suddenly asked her, "Why do you always spit & don’t swallow?” She slapped my face and stormed off.. I’m never taking her wine tasting again! #eveningseasonings
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When I was a young boy the doctor told me I had a lazy eye.. Today at 47, it has spread to the rest of my body. #eveningseasonings
My wife asked me for a little peace & quiet last night while she was cooking dinner.. I said of course and proceeded to remove the batteries from the smoke alarm. #eveningseasonings
Saw 2 musicians hitting each other with their musical instruments the other day, so I shouted.. “No violence please!” #eveningseasonings
Chu-Let-The-Dogs-Out✊🏾🇪🇺🇬🇧🇳🇬🏳️🌈 retweeted
Europe…Together Again this Fall 2024 😘✌🏽 TICKETS available Friday, May 3rd at 9am local time on JanetJackson.com Special presale & preferred tickets to Mastercard cardholders starting Tuesday 30 April. Visit priceless.com/music for details.
"Was it you that put ice in my wife's underwear?" I shook my head, “No.” "It was you! You did it!" he yelled. I replied, "I swear!” He said, "In her underwear, I just told you." #MondayMirth
I went to my doctor to see if he could prescribe me something for kleptomania.. He said "Sure, take this." #MondayMirth
Doctor: I have your test results. Me: Did I pass? hahaha. Doctor: Hahaha you will soon. Me: Haha what. #MondayMirth
My doctor handed me a prescription for Viagra and I asked him, "What's this for?" He said, "It's a hard pill to swallow." #eveningseasonings
What do you call a bird that does not get pregnant? A Swallow. #eveningseasonings
Leather is rated based upon its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have softer hides rated "A".. But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically "D" Hide rated. #eveningseasonings
Chu-Let-The-Dogs-Out✊🏾🇪🇺🇬🇧🇳🇬🏳️🌈 retweeted
Tory staffers are running Facebook groups full of white supremacist content and the government is timing the arrest of asylum seekers for electoral advantage. But the Conservative Party gets upset if anyone calls it racist.
Chu-Let-The-Dogs-Out✊🏾🇪🇺🇬🇧🇳🇬🏳️🌈 retweeted
So to summarise, the Home Office plans to detain vulnerable people for months on end, for the sake of trying to win a few more votes for the Conservative party theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/a…
Always give 100 percent.. unless you're giving blood.. I always give 100 percent at work.. 12% on Monday, 28% on Tuesday, 32% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 8% on Friday. #SideSplittingSunday
Our daughter: *spits out porridge Mum: Young lady, we don't spit! If it's in your mouth you swallow it! Me: *looks at Mum Mum: Shut up Chu!! #SideSplittingSunday
Chu-Let-The-Dogs-Out✊🏾🇪🇺🇬🇧🇳🇬🏳️🌈 retweeted
Good morning from Chingford, North London, guys😉🥰 Sending you my love and hugs 🥰
What do the French call their 2nd poo of the day? A deux deux. *I’ll get me coat! #SideSplittingSunday
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f̲̅я̲̲̅̅є̲̅.. @FredDoughty2
11K Followers 11K Following 🇨🇦 - Simple Guy. Resist. Liberated ❤🔥😊😎 🌈🇺🇸. following @kavita_krishnan - Ditto. 🏳️🌈✌🏾🥂Cheers. Flow Within/Without & Breathe. life is life
Mark 🇬🇧 🇺�.. @TheBossnME
2K Followers 4K Following **NO DM's UNLESS WE KNOW EACH OTHER** Owned by The Boss 🐈⬛ I care too much 🤔 Nature, photography, cycling, aircraft, and cats 🥰 Enigmatic 👍
EUplease @paulnew65204751
1K Followers 2K Following Need to escape this dystopian nightmare #FBPE, #Brexitfail,#Hatetories, #HateTrump, #49ers, #NorwichCityFC
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mayor @mayor443880
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