A Bearer Of Dad News @HomeWithPeanut
Perpetually tired smartass dad of 2 twitter.com/search?q=-http… Joined March 2017-
Tweets126K
-
Followers28K
-
Following4K
-
Likes139K
We are looking for individuals from Central/South FL to volunteer for our team & help with events where we give back to families & communities in need. If interested, contact us at [email protected]
You can also click the link under our bio 👆🏾 to donate
#comictober2023 Day 1: Ghost 👻 Based on a tweet by @HomeWithPeanut BONUS Panel below! 👇
We are looking for individuals from Central/South FL to volunteer for our team & help with voter registration as well as other events where we give back to families in need. If interested, contact me at [email protected]
Bacon should not be in dessert.
His life felt like he was holding a losing hand He just kept trying again and again Then his luck began to change He started to see a future and that felt kind of strange
Reluctant reader tip: The Elephant and Piggie books by Mo Willems are great if you have an early reader who's always saying, "Can YOU just read it to me?" My 6yo and I read them together. He reads the Piggie lines and I read the Gerald lines. Fantastic balance.
Please excuse me, but I inhaled too much DDT growing up.
Took my boys to Walmart to buy toys with their own money I worried about slowing the checkout as they counted quarters to buy an RC car and slime But the cashier helped count And the woman behind smiled and said “been there.” I felt supported Sometimes people are the BEST
If I don’t argue with you about anything, I don’t like you.
My 14yo didn’t pack deodorant for a week long beach vacation because he *checks notes* didn’t think he’d need it.
The best advice I've ever received about relationships is marry someone who loves you more than you love them. And I'm glad I did.
Told my husband I was running late picking up the little, he asked "ideas for dinner" so I told him make something in the fully stocked fridge Long story short, we aren't eating tonight
My teen said she wants to go to the mall with me so we can spend time together, and then the credit cards in my purse laughed and laughed.
My wife never quits working. By day, she puts people to sleep before surgery and by night she puts me to sleep talking about it.
How young is too young to show Key & Peele to your children? Asking for me, because it’s funny, and I’m bored.
Marriage vows are all about “In sickness and in health” but I didn’t know it was ok for my wife to out-jog me by 2 city blocks on our run while she left me behind to catch my breath and eat ice cream alone.
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
The Dad @thedad
142K Followers 589 Following Welcome to the club. 🔥 https://t.co/E3irT7D7mM 🏆 https://t.co/EFPhC0SEeE 🎮 @thedadgaming
Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal
136K Followers 2K Following Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O
Adam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
15K Followers 974 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!
NicholasG @Dad_At_Law
23K Followers 4K Following Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*
Marcy G @BunAndLeggings
51K Followers 2K Following parenthood is like a box of chocolates... it's expensive
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
66K Followers 9K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
59K Followers 983 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)
I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4
116K Followers 6K Following I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm
One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom
14K Followers 941 Following wife || mom of three || perpetually late || relatively unsociable || my tweets ➡️ https://t.co/zTOnobXohj
Sheila @sfitz44fitz
4K Followers 5K Following 🇮🇱♥️Lifetime Dem,💙💙💙 Loud and funny 🤣 2x marathon 4 L&L. KINDNESS matters. Love wins♥️ 🇺🇦🟧🏳️🌈♥️💙 🟦 #GoBills 49ers forever NO DM’s
Lisa Gibb @imaspudnut67
3 Followers 12 Following
Callahan @Cal_atlarge
2K Followers 3K Following American Strong. Bostonian living in Florida via NYC. . Love adapting books to screenplays.🚫MAGAt’s. 🚫DM’s. #ResistanceUnited. #DemocracyOverAutocracy.
old democrat @Myday2
2K Followers 3K Following
GTvotebluescrewMaga! @trueblue7912
2K Followers 4K Following Vote blue screw TRUMP and TRUMPERS ! save our democracy!!! No DMS !
Nikki_Lifts @Nikki_L_P
3 Followers 62 Following
Dr Amanda Clough @mandyclo
32 Followers 157 Following senior law lecturer at northumbria university/ murder expert/ mother/ dancer/fiancee, nacho eater/ procrastinator
KKlewis 💙🌻🥑�.. @kkasbury
3K Followers 4K Following 4-ever Democrat, pro-choice, worried for our democracy, retired medical social worker, Biden for 8, Asbury NJ girl. Mad as hell/Roe reversal. ❤️AUS🇦🇺
Derrick rickle @DRickle
3K Followers 7K Following Love WWE And TNA impact,AEW, collecting Female figures.
Sean Gardner Turner P.. @Allareblessed2
35K Followers 37K Following Deaf lady with deaf bulldog. BLM, voting rights are important, Biden/Harris. RESIST!! retired RN. BLM,voting rights, Blue Crew. No Porn.
KHN @KhanbazMumtaz
414 Followers 3K Following
Patty-Anne Cahill @anne_patty39377
1 Followers 49 Following
Funny Medicine Podcas.. @FunnyMedPodcast
1K Followers 2K Following Medicine but make it funny #FunnyMedicinePodcast #medtwitter #meded #comedy
Reginald Buckingham @ReggieBuckz
181 Followers 1K Following
Jen @elvy_editorial
235 Followers 1K Following I’m a proofreader, fully trained with the CIEP, looking to specialise in fiction and poetry.
sussymungers @sussymungers
123 Followers 604 Following Football. Tennis. TV. Health. Investing. Celebrating the not-so-normal. Send us a tip 😃
Nadia Malik @NadiaMalik69
2K Followers 3K Following Feminism | developments of the Department of International Relations at National Defence University.
Jonathan Baines @jonathan_baines
12 Followers 108 Following
LeadYouth @LeadYouth3
104 Followers 324 Following Transforming kids ages 8+ into confident leaders and speakers. 💪 Sign your child up TODAY for our online public speaking, debate, or confidence courses! ↴
Mom & Dad's Toolbox P.. @MDToolbox
135 Followers 1K Following Subscribe to our MDT family on @YouTube for great parenting tips and content! Our easy to follow videos will help you along in your #parenting journey!
chells.Bells @ClE60762
112 Followers 837 Following dribble and nonsense!!!! old account (that was binned) Mzmalarkee anyone remembers me give me a follow ☺
Alexander @Bxalejandro88
0 Followers 940 Following
Lana @poly_lana
150 Followers 2K Following
lara2206 @hlara2206
542 Followers 2K Following
Matt White @hammersmith_cap
50 Followers 28 Following
Kaia Johnston @KaiaJohnst210
1 Followers 71 Following
Designr 4U @designer_akash0
542 Followers 3K Following I am a #professional Designer . I Always Try To Do Something #New. I #Make Different #kidsbook, because my #clients #always like new and update #designs.
kevin maguire @kevmaguire
2K Followers 463 Following Helping dads navigate the highs and lows of fatherhood and live happier lives @thenewfathrhood. Sign up to the weekly newsletter here:
Susan Younger @suzayo
256 Followers 1K Following KU Alumni Creative Director, UCDA Past President, Certified Animal Nut
Totalbump @thetotalbump
16 Followers 41 Following Empowering parenthood with expert advice and relatable stories. Welcome to TotalBump, where we support every step of your parenting journey.
Natascha @07dunkel
0 Followers 13 Following
FakeDrake @DrakeFake89406
48 Followers 25 Following
Sarah child @Sarahchild13
13 Followers 51 Following Passionate about animal rights, my dogs, my horses, my cats, my ducks, ny foxes and hedgehog - the countryside, history, my family and of course - Wine!
Redd @kaziralaura
514 Followers 1K Following
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
The Dad @thedad
142K Followers 589 Following Welcome to the club. 🔥 https://t.co/E3irT7D7mM 🏆 https://t.co/EFPhC0SEeE 🎮 @thedadgaming
Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal
136K Followers 2K Following Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O
Adam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
15K Followers 974 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!
NicholasG @Dad_At_Law
23K Followers 4K Following Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*
Marcy G @BunAndLeggings
51K Followers 2K Following parenthood is like a box of chocolates... it's expensive
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
66K Followers 9K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
59K Followers 983 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)
I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4
116K Followers 6K Following I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm
PPV.COM @ppv_com
5K Followers 624 Following Your home for interactive PPV events. No subscription required. 🥊: 5/4: #CaneloMunguia 🥊: 5/18: #FuryUsyk 🥊: #HaneyGarcia Replay 💪: #AEWDynasty Replay
Topher @toe_toph_tofu
434 Followers 493 Following Do my fellow imaginary creatures also struggle with crippling self-doubt? https://t.co/6xusy9Z5h4
m is for momichism @mommychism
71 Followers 145 Following probable alt. old Twitter was too hot. had to make a clean break.
ALEX @itsalexvance
2K Followers 4K Following Mom of 3 girls (help), writer of parenting things (Verywell Family, Parents, BuzzFeed, TODAY, & more), drinker of all the iced coffee (and wine)
Cynfully Sweet @CynfullySweetXO
47K Followers 5K Following whiskey girl, tech professional, adventure seeker, AI impersonator. if you don't have something nice to say, fuck off. if you think you like me, you shouldn't.
𝓛𝓪𝓾𝓻𝓮�.. @_Datewthdestiny
24K Followers 3K Following NY Yankees ⚾️ NY Giants 🏈 Libra ♎ RIP Dad 5/22/17, 3/17/24 💔 https://t.co/CIuZZulIgz
Pregnancy & Newborn @pnmag
53K Followers 3K Following •Take what you need, mama: uncensored motherhood, laughter, solidarity, support. •Helping moms through pregnancy, postpartum, & beyond for 15+ years
Parents @parents
4.5M Followers 8K Following Raising the future. We are here through every step of the parenting journey—from those big life decisions to the memory-making moments.
ⓑⓔⓣⓣⓨ™️ @BettyB919
21K Followers 14K Following resting bitch face and a snarky attitude...you're gonna hate me
Alisha 💜🤘🧀�.. @captrawrpants
2K Followers 3K Following mom*combat vet*rocker*kayaker*okra*ANTIFA SLUT* #PRU **NSFW* https://t.co/JswQG9gC7V
🐼panDa😇panDa�.. @wordsmithlegend
7K Followers 6K Following AVI is me.Not a real panda. Sarcastic AF and witty. WAP(Wise Ass Panda). Male 🐼. Cake aficionado. sweet/bratty AF. “ I like ur butt”. I like saying stupid shit
Leen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈
Gal Gateaux @tea_n_cake89
2K Followers 2K Following
The Mom, M.Ed. 💃 @TheMomMEd
1K Followers 1K Following Mom. Writer. Chronic Pain Warrior. Animal lover. Baker, at times. I have extremely dry wit, and I’m not sorry about it. ***I do not DM.***
Licensed to Dad @LicensedtoDad
500 Followers 319 Following husband | dad of 4 | xennial | allergic to cats
M͜͡&͜͡M͜͡ @TheSoulShadow
23K Followers 15K Following 🇺🇸🇮🇹🇱🇧/G\. 45. Dad. 🇺🇸Veteran. Capricorn. ISTJ. MDD. PTSD .Espresso, Cigars, and Scotch #YNWA #GoGators "Words woven into art, poetry writer's heart"-MM
Jono @whoinvitedjon
5K Followers 5K Following I work hard, and I play hard. Wait - I actually just work a regular amount and I don't really play that much either tbh
Canadia @canadaslady2
9K Followers 2K Following
Babe Parker 📝 @BabeParker
9K Followers 4K Following Producer (@MTV #Vidiots, @GirlCode, @VH1, @FuseTV) Writer (@womenshealthmag / @someecards / Teacher / Comedian
(((Sarah Fader))) @TheSarahFader
17K Followers 17K Following Human & cat mom. Co-Founder @stigmafighters Read about me @NYTimes https://t.co/mR3WdmBPws #ThisIsWhatAnxietyFeelsLike ADHD! Team Paxton! She/they
Claire 3.1 @lilbitofClaire
4K Followers 2K Following A wise woman once said... "FUCK this shit" And she lived happily ever after.
LaughCryCoffee @laughcrycoffee
1K Followers 479 Following Here to commiserate about life with toddlers. Featured on HuffPost and Today. Now on insta!
dirk on the couch @onthemauve
3K Followers 1K Following day mode mf | binary star | he/him | avi by @riot4rach
Deb @BadMommy4U
7K Followers 7K Following I’ve lived a life of filthy bliss & I really don’t read DM’s. Suffering through diagnosis by elimination.
Something Witty @whatevegoeshere
1K Followers 3K Following Dad. Very happily married to @SwissArmyWife00. ND. Love philosophy and science. MSU Alum.
Feelings @Feelingsndyou
2K Followers 2K Following My words speak your heart , your feelings seeks my desire
Jo Bean💕 @jobrowneyes
26K Followers 5K Following Concentrated formula of snarky and emotional vomit. Every 11:11 spoken for, and each minute in between. Connections that can’t be broken 🔗
𝑨 𝑳𝒊𝒕𝒕.. @LittleLost_One
26K Followers 2K Following We're all a little lost, trying to find a new way home. Mother | Taken https://t.co/ZP2mk7qpS8
𝙀 @JustLookin000
18K Followers 6K Following 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝙸 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚃𝙻, 𝙰𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚕 𝙸'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝..
That Guy @SocialOutcast82
8K Followers 6K Following It's ok if you don't like me, I don't like me either. The so-so shit: https://t.co/JpkHXDRSok
gas statіon dream g�.. @cheygoulet
22K Followers 5K Following kind of like a goomba, but with slower reflexes
James DiFiore @jamesdifiore
6K Followers 3K Following Founder: https://t.co/kjDaMVNA5J Pod: Blackballed w/ james di fiore Psilocibin Sensei
Daddy⤏In⤏Motion @daddyinmotion
902 Followers 906 Following Life’s a comedy but when you’re a dad it’s a dark one. Absurd is the new normal. Not featured on @huffpost @buzzfeed @boredpanda
j♓︎🌙🖤 @blueyedwonder13
7K Followers 7K Following •justice~peace~love• music heals🎧🖤mom 1st• small town girl, blue eyed wonder•KOD💋#miamiheat #gbpackers #ravenclaw #emocowgirl
Some Mummy that You U.. @PritikaRyan
219 Followers 99 Following
Mandy✨🍉🏳️�.. @mandysparklerxo
5K Followers 2K Following sugar and spice and mostly nice https://t.co/oe2HEZUyeu
❤️🔥 Jolie R.. @joliereverie1
4K Followers 2K Following Just a girl living on the edge of a beautiful daydream.
Ravenclaw 💙🌊 @softuch25
39K Followers 38K Following Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Let's change the world after the laundry and dishes are done. Happily single so no DMs. Can't wait to say trump who?
🕸️🦇🜏𖤐Be.. @Betty_Burlesque
1K Followers 1K Following Factory mama who is witchy & gypsy in all ways Solitary/shadow. Metal enthusiast. Gearhead. Tattooed. Pierced. Pothead. Taken by my 6'4 monster. #ZombieCrew
Jay and Silent Lizard @twodogsing
3K Followers 5K Following tender, caring psycho analyst and cynic. clinical social worker. skeptic. Hi, how are you?
Rattlehead @HellcatM
739 Followers 3K Following Just a geeky, Agnostic,rocker that likes Sci-Fi/ Fantasy, headbanging to metal music and speaking my mind. #MediumWriters https://t.co/xngf56g0wP & @Vocal_COr you can simply DM us here, on Facebook (facebook.com/4freedom4justi…) or on Instagram (instagram.com/4freedom4justi…)
We are looking for individuals from Central/South FL to volunteer for our team & help with events where we give back to families & communities in need. If interested, contact us at [email protected]
You can also click the link under our bio 👆🏾 to donate
@HomeWithPeanut I mean, both are important.
#comictober2023 Day 1: Ghost 👻 Based on a tweet by @HomeWithPeanut BONUS Panel below! 👇
We are looking for individuals from Central/South FL to volunteer for our team & help with voter registration as well as other events where we give back to families in need. If interested, contact me at [email protected]
We are excited to have our 4th Annual Turkey Drive coming this November! But as always, we could use your donation to make sure low-income families can receive a free turkey for Thanksgiving. If you want to help out, click the link below 👇🏾 paypal.com/donate/?hosted…
Adults: "Kids are resilient." Also adults: "Well, I'm off to therapy, to discuss all the traumatic shit I've been carrying around since childhood."
His life felt like he was holding a losing hand He just kept trying again and again Then his luck began to change He started to see a future and that felt kind of strange
Reluctant reader tip: The Elephant and Piggie books by Mo Willems are great if you have an early reader who's always saying, "Can YOU just read it to me?" My 6yo and I read them together. He reads the Piggie lines and I read the Gerald lines. Fantastic balance.
Please excuse me, but I inhaled too much DDT growing up.
Took my boys to Walmart to buy toys with their own money I worried about slowing the checkout as they counted quarters to buy an RC car and slime But the cashier helped count And the woman behind smiled and said “been there.” I felt supported Sometimes people are the BEST
If I don’t argue with you about anything, I don’t like you.
My 14yo didn’t pack deodorant for a week long beach vacation because he *checks notes* didn’t think he’d need it.
The best advice I've ever received about relationships is marry someone who loves you more than you love them. And I'm glad I did.
Told my husband I was running late picking up the little, he asked "ideas for dinner" so I told him make something in the fully stocked fridge Long story short, we aren't eating tonight
Trends for United States
You might like
