Stephanie Ortiz @Six_Pack_Mom
For Sale: M.S. in English, like new. Will trade for coffee. Writer & teacher featured in @Buzzfeed, @USAToday, @HuffPost & The Steve Harvey Show. linktr.ee/six_pack_mom Long Island Joined August 2013-
Tweets13K
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Followers23K
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Following1K
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Likes26K
Stephanie Ortiz retweeted
I duck my head down while driving into underground parking garages to make my car fit, in case you wondered what kind of superior intellect I’ve passed down to my kids.
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Stephanie Ortiz retweeted
If you can hear this photo, we are friends.
9y.o: "I asked Grandma if she could get us Cadbury eggs for Easter." Me: "But 7y.o. doesn't like Cadbury eggs." 9: “EXACTLY, Mom." Genius.
Looks like we need a new laptop... guys, any recommendations on brand/type for a college student?
Looks like we need a new laptop... guys, any recommendations on brand/type for a college student?
Stephanie Ortiz retweeted
That song “We’re Not Gonna Take It” came out almost 40 years ago but I feel like we have, in fact, continued to take it.
Daylight Saving Time: whether we lose or gain an hour, my microwave clock will always read 00:01 seconds.
Daylight Saving Time: Because parenting with that extra hour was just too easy.
She died doing what she loved, which was trying to fit too many items in the grocery hand basket instead of using a cart.
The best part of waking up is probably Folgers in your cup… but instead it’s coffee spilling straight into the Keurig drip tray because I forgot to put a cup underneath. Again.
One minute you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re grocery shopping on a Sunday.
My husband and I have been married for “Let’s just get each other cards instead of Valentine gifts” years.
Kids: "Yay!! Snow day tomorrow! School's cancelled!" Me:
I love my friends and family, but it’s not the “will pick up the phone when you call” kind of love.
The only Super Bowl I'm interested in today is the giant bowl of guacamole that I plan to strap on like a feedbag while everyone else watches the game.
My son worked his ass off to get where he is- his 4:16 mile is only the beginning. I'm so proud of him, & I'd love for his team to have everything they need to keep excelling. Support Hofstra Men's Cross Country and Track! give.hofstra.edu/schools/Hofstr…
2001: Knows every single nominated artist and song at the Grammys. 2024: As a parent, watching each performer in tonight's Grammy Awards show:
This January has been an exhausting year.
Simon Holland @simoncholland
171K Followers 1K Following My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.
James Breakwell, Expl.. @XplodingUnicorn
944K Followers 840 Following Father of daughters. Owner of pigs. Writer of books: https://t.co/V7JWbsTXJ9
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
66K Followers 9K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4
116K Followers 6K Following I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm
Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal
136K Followers 2K Following Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
59K Followers 984 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
SpacedMom @copymama
25K Followers 3K Following Writer of freelance copy. Cultivator of small humans. Documenter of absurdity. / Header by the talented @mommy_cusses
Mommy Owl @Mommy__Owl
26K Followers 3K Following Ex-netflix. Former Victorian Literature Professor. @UCBerkeley Alum.
Scary Mommy @ScaryMommy
490K Followers 1K Following Please take the enchiladas out of the freezer. Follow the Scary Mommy Book Club @scarymommybooks for monthly recs!
Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
15K Followers 975 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!
I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇
Maryfairyboberry🧚�.. @maryfairybobrry
44K Followers 7K Following Mom Humor, Nonverbal Autism, Adoptee Journey, Ocean
Vincent Carter @VincentCar80568
278 Followers 1K Following True patriotism isn't cheap. It's about taking on a fair share of the burden of keeping America going.
Russell Crowe @crowe_russ43423
13 Followers 666 Following official manager account of Russell Crowe please 🙏 take note I’m not Russell Crowe I’m his communication manager 💝
Eason Yin @EasonYin16
56 Followers 107 Following
Family Lifestyle2 @FLifestyle2
87 Followers 3K Following Proverbs 1:7 KJV The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
HikingforKen @hikingforKen
3 Followers 17 Following
Philippa Martin @PJO80
84 Followers 546 Following
Baltimore livin' Phil.. @baltphillyfan
168 Followers 2K Following
Funny Medicine Podcas.. @FunnyMedPodcast
1K Followers 2K Following Medicine but make it funny #FunnyMedicinePodcast #medtwitter #meded #comedy
Gavin @Gavin63460143
82 Followers 94 Following
Christy Jaworski @jaws6489
139 Followers 3K Following
Gerri @Magpiesgerri
329 Followers 1K Following A Collingwood tragic, sport fanatic, wife, mother, grandmother, teacher, bibliophile & covert watcher of reality & often trashy tv.
Al Elliott @ThisIsAlElliott
1K Followers 2K Following Part-time marketing consultant & full-time fool, life-long nomad, Co-host of the No 1 podcast 'Truth, Lies & Work' on Hubspot Podcast Network
Valley Current @valley_current
99 Followers 81 Following Telling the stories that matter most to folks in the San Fernando Valley
Michael @Michael87224132
16 Followers 15 Following White, Male, Conservative, and Straight. How else can I piss you off today?
Hasan Merali @Hasan_Merali
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📷 Nikkisixx @nikkisixx0797
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kae⁷ @murasakiBTS
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CHRIS LANCIA @mcmurdy_micha
115 Followers 711 Following Retired USA ARMY🇺🇸/ Farmer 👩🌾, READY TO SERVE MY COUNTRY,FULL TIME MAGA 🇺🇸🇺🇸, A STAN FOR DONALD TRUMP, #Trump2024,#Trump4presidend
John Hall @JohnnyPHSR
16 Followers 21 Following
Jaden @jaybuggout4
103 Followers 133 Following
Olga Camacho @camacho_ol71600
0 Followers 2 Following
Iron Cross @IroncrossMan
53 Followers 141 Following There exists a valley, beyond all notions of right and wrong, I will see you there. I'm here for the truth, or the best I can find of it.
Redwaan A @Ina_guudcade
2K Followers 3K Following Entrepreneur. Researcher. Interested in geopolitics and history of the HOA. Education Advocate. Fill the #GERD 🇪🇹
Michael Chrismoore @MChrismoor5398
129 Followers 604 Following Published Author, Motivational Speaker and Entrepreneur. Hobbies include; motivational speaking, creative writing, traveling and cooking.
Ventures in Capital @VenturesinCap
82 Followers 753 Following I work at a corporate. Because I work with a lot of startups, I was asked to start a Corporate Venture Fund. This is how that goes.
Moms for RFK Jr @moms4rfkjr
2K Followers 1K Following Moms for RFK, Jr 2024! Together we can turn around the chronic health issues affecting 54% of our kids! #kennedy24 #robertkennedyjr #moms4kennedy
Monica Anderson @monica5572
186 Followers 2K Following I'm a model metaphysical teacher here to help you move all assets to QFS,XLM,XRP,...........
Doug Bates @dbates11
112 Followers 413 Following
Kenneth Louis @Kenneth13624525
131 Followers 576 Following
After Dinner Conversa.. @AfterDinnerCon
33K Followers 28K Following Philosophy | Ethics Short Story Literary Fiction Publisher. Top 10 (Chill Subs) LitMag 2023, books, & podcasts. $ subscriptions (& Patreon) pay writers.
Sri Unie amanasari @SAmanasari27845
0 Followers 16 Following
AppSapp @AppSapp
152K Followers 138K Following I am Visionary. To understand one life you must swallow the world. #Bitcoin
Carrie H Olerich🌃�.. @CarrieHOlerich
2K Followers 3K Following Driven, #Communications graduate.🎓📚📝 #News🗞junkie. ❤ good #design.🖥🖱 Recovering in #health 🌅 #Travel🛫, #music 🎶 & 😍 a sense of #humor!😊Welcome!🌻☀️
Russell Crowe✪ @crowe_russel_l
109 Followers 1K Following Older than my children, younger than my parents, get the job. Private account!
BeatsOnFire LLC @Beatsonfire7
1K Followers 5K Following Production & Publishing Company #productionmusic #musicbusiness #musicianlife #musicindustry #musiclicensing #musicproducer #musicproduction #musicpublishing
Sharon Neiss Arbess @NeissArbess
195 Followers 514 Following Author of ME AND MY SO-CALLED FRIENDS; GET UP; THE MOST AMAZING DEPARTMENT STORE 💫 RE:BOOKS Author
leslie_myADHDoutlook @leslieknotts74
308 Followers 1K Following Having recently been diagnosed with ADHD, everything that didn’t make sense before, makes sense now.
red1114113725 @red111411330044
63 Followers 226 Following
Torlarnie @Torlarnie5
56 Followers 135 Following
Simon Holland @simoncholland
171K Followers 1K Following My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.
James Breakwell, Expl.. @XplodingUnicorn
944K Followers 840 Following Father of daughters. Owner of pigs. Writer of books: https://t.co/V7JWbsTXJ9
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
66K Followers 9K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
The Dad @thedad
142K Followers 590 Following Welcome to the club. 🔥 https://t.co/E3irT7D7mM 🏆 https://t.co/EFPhC0SEeE 🎮 @thedadgaming
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4
116K Followers 6K Following I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm
Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal
136K Followers 2K Following Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O
Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal
59K Followers 984 Following Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire
75K Followers 2K Following Smooth like nitroglycerin. Sidekick to @gingerhotdish
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
SpacedMom @copymama
25K Followers 3K Following Writer of freelance copy. Cultivator of small humans. Documenter of absurdity. / Header by the talented @mommy_cusses
Mommy Owl @Mommy__Owl
26K Followers 3K Following Ex-netflix. Former Victorian Literature Professor. @UCBerkeley Alum.
Scary Mommy @ScaryMommy
490K Followers 1K Following Please take the enchiladas out of the freezer. Follow the Scary Mommy Book Club @scarymommybooks for monthly recs!
Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna
147K Followers 90 Following NOW ON MASTODON @[email protected] Retired executive secretary for Mr. Stanley Bogenshoots, Senior Vice President at Hughes Aircraft.
Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
15K Followers 975 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!
DellCares @DellCares
138K Followers 58K Following Dell's Social Media 24X7 Global Support. We're here to listen, help & provide proactive info to our customers. Order Status: https://t.co/S9k2jg7Ne5
Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack
1.8M Followers 822 Following This is the real, official account for 2x Super Bowl champ and 9 NFL vet Michael Ian Black. All others are fake. There are no others :(
Jacqueline Woodson @JackieWoodson
70K Followers 1K Following Jacqueline Woodson is a writer & MacArthur Fellow.
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
redyellowgreendance �.. @RYGdance
4K Followers 838 Following Mom to two hilariously quotable boys. Link to my tweets: https://t.co/fEivqY0S59
Care.com @CareDotCom
27K Followers 7K Following https://t.co/NEhnTwcAAo helps bring families and caregivers together.
Kevin Farzad @KevinFarzad
90K Followers 254 Following i make songs with @suresuremusic @valleyboytweet and others. i make little jokes on websites
Empire State Building @EmpireStateBldg
306K Followers 776 Following OPEN 365 days, see https://t.co/SywHZTpN97 for hours. 1,454 ft above NYC. Rated #1 US Attraction by @Tripadvisor. Text CONNECT to 274-16 to get alerts on our Lights!
Shaun McKnight @ShaunMcKnight
29K Followers 596 Following Dad of 6. Yes, my high school mascot was a 🥔. #dadjokes
Russell Crowe @russellcrowe
2.9M Followers 343 Following older than my children, younger than my parents, get the odd job. On Instagram too as @RussellCrowe.
TheRamsHaven @TheRamsHaven
22 Followers 36 Following
Arianna Huffington @ariannahuff
2.7M Followers 3K Following Mother. Sister. Yiayia. Founder & CEO @Thrive Global | on a mission to improve productivity & health outcomes @HuffPost Founder
stoned cold fox @roastmalone_
57K Followers 2K Following no milk will EVER be our milk. can’t get enough of me? or just want to say hi? I answer my dms here: https://t.co/FOkADnw5vI
Henry Winkler @hwinkler4real
1.1M Followers 987 Following "Being Henry The Fonz and Beyond"...My Autobiography …Is Out!
Mrs. Rivera @Mrsdrivera
60 Followers 99 Following FLES/ HS Spanish Teacher- Aprende español y cultura.
Rachel Reyes @reyesrachyadl
194 Followers 451 Following Honored to teach students of varied ages. They teach me!
Parents @parents
4.5M Followers 8K Following Raising the future. We are here through every step of the parenting journey—from those big life decisions to the memory-making moments.
Paul Romanelli, Ed.D. @RomanelliPaul
3K Followers 3K Following Proud Superintendent of the West Islip Union Free School District - thankful to work with amazing educators to help students achieve their dreams. #WIproud
Kevin Bacon @kevinbacon
917K Followers 234 Following Trying to do what I can with what I’ve got @SixDegreesofKB
Andrew McCarthy @AndrewTMcCarthy
82K Followers 2K Following WALKING WITH SAM, my new book, is available here https://t.co/lWQ30zpqeH
Adrianne Harlow @CoachHarlow
3K Followers 210 Following 23 year Collegiate Basketball Coach. 10 yrs D1. 13 yrs D2. Mom. MBA Finance
The Dad Bod Club @thedadbodclub
286 Followers 1K Following Helping Dads achieve fitness, mental & emotional well-being and Purpose.
Jennifer alaimo @alaimo_jennifer
216 Followers 527 Following Lifelong learner! Champion of children❣️Proud Principal of H. Frank Carey High School. Mother of 2 amazing kids💙❤️
Amy Lyle - unlucky bu.. @amylyle
7K Followers 7K Following Author of funny books, TEDx speaker. Dog lover. Bad dancer. 💃🐕🎙📚
𝐌𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡 .. @MitchAlbom
80K Followers 548 Following Writer of books, columns, plays, songs + scripts. Radio + TV broadcaster. Founder: @saydetroit #HaveFaithHaiti @Detroitwaterice @sayplaydetroit @wetuesdaypeople
Anderson Cooper @andersoncooper
9.5M Followers 341 Following Season 2 of ALL THERE IS my podcast about grief and loss is out now wherever you get your podcasts
Brian Entin @BrianEntin
463K Followers 999 Following Senior National Correspondent @NewsNation. Traveler. Aviation nut. Dog lover. Total newshound. Email: [email protected]
Gene Simmons @genesimmons
1.0M Followers 434 Following 🤘🏼 https://t.co/u3d6s7ozsQ 🎸 https://t.co/RDTYfsb0Kh
Lauren Fleshman @laurenfleshman
53K Followers 191 Following NYT Bestselling Author: Good for a Girl. Former pro athlete and coach. Picky Bars co-founder. Wilder Retreats. Feminist, sometimes cranky 🏳️🌈(she/her)
Lindy Vogel @TheLindyVogel
2K Followers 5K Following Failed model. Mom of 6. Words: @PregnantChicken @MontereyBayParent @Slackjaw_humor @frazzledhumor. EIC, Sweary Mommy on @Medium.
Ariana Cassa @classwithcassa
214 Followers 336 Following
Jessica Norris @DrJessNorris
29 Followers 90 Following Writer of compelling content. Neutodivergence advocate. Has a strong dislike for nonsense. I have not come this far in life based solely on my looks.
donald @donaldglover
2.5M Followers 0 Following
Laraine Newman @larainenewman
104K Followers 689 Following Founding member of The Groundlings Original cast member of Saturday Night Live. Cellulite model. Raver who lives for the drop.
GoodNewsCorrespondent @GoodNewsCorres1
122K Followers 25 Following N.E. Emmy nominated reporter. Official correspondent for Good News Movement. Hablo español 🇵🇷🇨🇴.My great-granduncle @LeoFerrisNBA needs to be in @hoophall
Meredith @meralee727
30K Followers 30K Following I’m a comedy writer and a teacher depending on the outfit and what snacks are involved. My tweets do not reflect the opinions of Punky Brewster.
Jenna Fischer @jennafischer
1.2M Followers 212 Following Podcaster, Author, Actress. Wife and Mom. Lover of bread making and drawstring pants.
Erica Rhodes @ericarhodes
137K Followers 147K Following I like the ocean & coffee. My second album, Ladybug out now on iTunes.
Microsoft @Microsoft
13.8M Followers 2K Following We're on a mission to empower every person and every organization on the planet to achieve more. Support: @MicrosoftHelps
Ralph Macchio @ralphmacchio
348K Followers 280 Following actor, creator, husband, father, author, in any order...
Josh Heald @healdrules
25K Followers 756 Following COBRA KAI dojo re-builder. HOT TUB TIME MACHINE inventor. OBLITERATED obliterator. Sometimes when nobody's looking, I grow a mustache.
YMCBuzz @YMCbuzz
15K Followers 6K Following YMC | Motherhood Unfiltered - Sharing the collective experience of motherhood, unfiltered.
A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My posts in this link ⬇️My wife told me I have Alan Alda hair. But here's the twist: she didn't mean it as a compliment!
Work got me so fucked up I got physically sick and had to pull over outside and abandoned gas station to throw up 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Happy #EarthDay 🌍 She sure is pretty! (photo taken of last night’s stunner of a sunset)
I'm starting an OnlyFans but it's just me eating Aldi brand Tostitos and salsa while I'm watching Paranormal Caught on Camera
A bit of a set back here: just got the single worst review of my life prominently featured in the New York Times, brightly illustrated for maximum visibility. Alexandra Jacob’s had a LOT of fun writing it. Feel doomed. Am going to sulk, and overeat.
my mother and I got into an argument on the phone and this is what I get from her hours later. normalize fighting with your family and then just forgetting about it😂
imagine my reaction when i read this in my book just now
Some men would rather listen to this banger than go to therapy. Me. I’m some men.
@Six_Pack_Mom My daughters HP convertible has proven pretty sturdy
@Six_Pack_Mom @system76 Private, secure and durable. Dell etc laptops will poop out on you in 2 years, not to mention Windows is horrendous
@Six_Pack_Mom Chrome books are suggested by the colleges up here, for whatever reason. I just replaced my laptop and my computer/IT guy (20+ years in the business) was super high on Lenovo Yoga series
@XSartorResartus @Six_Pack_Mom Agreed the Chromebook is great for school work.
@Six_Pack_Mom You can get a good deal on a 2021 MacBook M1. Durable and functional.
@Six_Pack_Mom I had an extremely reliable Asus laptop in the past - would recommend ✊
@Six_Pack_Mom 2 in 1s of any brand are going to be inferior to a regular laptop. if you need the flexibility of a tablet a surface is your best bet, otherwise I would just go with water is in your budget.
being a woman is waking up one day and absolutely hating your hair and needing to book a haircut AT ONCE
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