🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ @jollyrobber
Thoughts from the dark side of a married man. It is what it is. I ain't shit. Damaged goods. @cinnabon is my TC twitter.com/search?f=tweet… But for the grace of God go I Joined March 2015-
Tweets265K
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Followers10K
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Following6K
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Likes251K
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
I hate to brag but there's a long list of women who want to peg me.
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🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
I can't cum unless it hurts.
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
looks like someone ordered the brontosaurus ribs
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
if kanye goes missing it was probably gotye.
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
Be careful when assigning motives to others. Halo effect is very real. The people you dislike aren't always wrong, and your friends aren't always saints.
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
Sure I'll go, I haven't had a meltdown there yet.
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
I'm thinking of putting my will to live in a bag of rice overnight.
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
I hope this email finds you- Waldo: *slams laptop shut* holy fuck that was close
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
sorry but this death cab only stops for uglies.
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
I was in line at the c-store and they had a HUGE pan of brownies that said “party size”. I almost grabbed it but damn, do you have to prove you’re having a party? I asked the people behind me in line if they would vouch for me but they looked like narcs
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
Not now babe, Little House is on.
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
Is it possible to karaoke a Milli Vanilli song?
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
Listen, you want a hug from me, don’t get all pissy when I grab that fat ass with both hands and pull you in tight to grind on your dusty old baby cave Wife: EW!! Don’t talk to my mom like that!!
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
My wife wants to see other people I told her to move to a bigger town
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
We need more holidays, where women sit on jolly guys laps
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
GPS lady: make a left at the next light Wife: who is that bitch?
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
Her: I'm an Instagram model. Me: I'm a Twitter author.
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
My jets are cooled. I cooled my jets.
🏴☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴☠️ retweeted
Nothing worse than leaving home without your small talk flash cards.
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