Nostradadmus @bigpoppadrunk
All bribes must be in form of a taco https://t.co/AF0c1kN79I At work most of the time. Joined August 2019-
Tweets110K
-
Followers10K
-
Following4K
-
Likes127K
I'm just hoping this lady who has spent the last 5 miles of this interstate braille lane is having fun
0
0
4
120
0
Nostradadmus retweeted
Me at 1pm: I have so much self control, this diet is gonna be easy Me at 1am: crap, I ate all the candy again
Nostradadmus retweeted
If you’ve ever enjoyed sex while you’re dead inside, wait till you’re dead on the outside too
Nostradadmus retweeted
Me: I’m just worried something really bad is gonna happen Them *gives me a hug* Me: and there it is
Nostradadmus retweeted
if you thought i had style and class before, just wait
Nostradadmus retweeted
my kid announced she is writing her New York Times bestseller “Dumb Ways to Swing.”
Nostradadmus retweeted
Washing my probiotic down with wine like a grownup.
Nostradadmus retweeted
Mid life crisis mutant ninja turtles
Nostradadmus retweeted
There are really only two seasons: soup salad
Nostradadmus retweeted
Good luck to all of you who are pooping right now.
Nostradadmus retweeted
Quit looking for a man to be your soulmate. Your soulmate is a dog.
Nostradadmus retweeted
I'm not saying your handwriting is bad. But you could be left-handed.
Nostradadmus retweeted
When your 8 year old gets in trouble at school for spelling curse words with scrabble tiles in school, it’s not appropriate to say “well, that’s fucking hilarious.” I know this now.
Nostradadmus retweeted
Doctor: How’d you get these scars all over your legs? Me: Dorito crumbs in my bed
Can't find something? Looked everywhere? Maybe a new puppy is right for you. They can not only find it but tell you how it tastes
Nostradadmus retweeted
Reoccurring dreams be like 'I dunno, here's a rerun'
Honor passover this year by playing creeping death by metallica
Nostradadmus retweeted
Be the one who brings your family together by developing crippling alcoholism and forcing an intervention.
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 825 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 965 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfK
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
23K Followers 5K Following BLACK LIVES MATTER. Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Doofus. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. Mastodon: [email protected]
Helleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard
56K Followers 3K Following 🥪 take these broken wings and learn to fly 🏔
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilarious
كاش أملج👅 @smrllli
100 Followers 529 Following
Naïve American @nahdude83
401 Followers 680 Following I'm a middle aged man restarting life. I also need help. See my GoFundMe or I can make something for you through my Etsy shoppe below 👇🏽 DM for custom art!
sup @sup60949794
334 Followers 880 Following
Edwin McDaniel @edwin_mcda60932
723 Followers 5K Following
Clouded Laughs @CloudedLaughs
45 Followers 299 Following Just some random in their thirties. If my jokes don’t land, at least I’ll entertain you with my awkwardness🍿
Cottontop @Cottonharris
158 Followers 432 Following Loving all things Southern: Food, Music, People and Places. Pull up a chair. Sit awhile. Here, have some iced tea. Just mind your manners. You hear me?
Olesya @1229Olesya
1K Followers 5K Following Stop giving people power to control your smile, your worth, and your attitude.
Grandma Gone Rogue @Qltr
1K Followers 1K Following Patiently waiting for my procrastination to reach critical mass. ADD quilter. Eater of broken cookies. Loves to read, just not instruction manuals. No DMs.
Lvl42. w0wter - The D.. @w0wter
2K Followers 3K Following ❤️80’s, 90’s | games 🕹️| medieval 🏰 | food 🍱 | nature 🏔️ 🌲 | movies 🍿 | everything nostalgia | c64 | megadrive | nes 👾
Laurie Mc 🌊 🌻 �.. @LaurieMc44
2K Followers 4K Following “I figure if a girl wants to be a legend, she should go ahead and be one.” - Calamity Jane. 🌊 #FBR #IFB #voteblue #bluecrew
jules @juleswafc
396 Followers 859 Following
southofhevn @southofhevn
324 Followers 709 Following
Victoria lydia🌺�.. @Donovan19140599
423 Followers 5K Following Am looking for a man that will be able to listen to me , communicate his feelings to me ,
Tukur Musa @tukurm196
6 Followers 245 Following
Lucilla Leigh @CandiedWhispers
3K Followers 4K Following Romance & Erotica Writer. Unveiling desire in tantalizing tales. Let's explore the erotic realm together. #SensualScribe #EroticEscapades
Skyee😘 @406ixxShiesty
235 Followers 830 Following
DreamyHasan @JahidHa28404859
601 Followers 4K Following i live with new hope, fill my dream, target and focus on my dream, then i run to fulfill........ then get satisfaction when overcome.......... this is me♥♪♪♪♪♪
Vix ™️ @princess_rides
26 Followers 132 Following 🇬🇧 Brit chick. Mum. Medic. Pro-choice. Anti-guns. Women’s Rights. Equal Opportunities for all. Lets take care of our world and our people 🫶🏼.
momma heather @mommaheathe236
393 Followers 7K Following
Brian B. @Posha08Bright
167 Followers 316 Following Don't Talk About it... Be About it! Until Lambs Become Lions (Fans) Keep On Keeping On!
𝐉𝐞𝐧𝐧 @tattedcanadian8
7K Followers 4K Following tattooed canadian| powered by iced coffee| fluent in sarcasm & cursing| perfectly imperfect| mom first & the rest comes after. bruins fan
Here's Johnny D🌞 @venture675
700 Followers 5K Following Customer service with a smile!!! I wonder what movie franchise serial killer they have you fawning over today?
Andi @smiles_and_nods
413 Followers 243 Following Andi 2.0 Lost everyone during my Twitter sabbatical. please follow again.
blondie 🖤🪶 @BlondeG86658
697 Followers 751 Following
jennyfromhelotes @gopher711
725 Followers 3K Following Shopaholic, Texan, makeup lover, misanthrope, music lover. I am fluent in sarcasm...been told I can be a brat 😈 don’t be fooled, I am a fucking delight.
Lindsey Maria Lowe @WrenRoseBeauty
1K Followers 2K Following Owner of The Wren & Rose Beauty Collection🐦🥀 Get info here: https://t.co/hYNJkIzIMQ FB & IG: @WrenRoseBeauty
Kate Smith @leeza_pret43970
465 Followers 2K Following Down for fun 🔥 blow job🥒 hookup service ☠️also sell nasty👩🦰hot content 🔥 incall and outcall🥒💯%real and recent service☠️☠️🔥
❤️🖤🌒Goth Ic.. @goth_ick_mom
155 Followers 480 Following Just a mom with dark humor. No DM rooms. https://t.co/6roqrjGFnm
I know...right? @90sJarhed
536 Followers 5K Following definitely not normal, sometimes snarky, mostly mr. niceguy. married to the same gal for 27 years #stillbi #bisexual #wheeloftime #expanse #beer #bourbon
Cletus Mcjones @CletusMcjo34160
294 Followers 2K Following
Lisan Al-Gaib's Curly.. @_somearts_
318 Followers 712 Following Advertisement | Once tried Sushi | Metaphors & Mushrooms | MS-Word | Account Based on a True Story | Revolution for Representational Purposes Only
BOC @RFerguson21
272 Followers 3K Following
Ted_Classo_2.0 @achristianbail
2K Followers 2K Following Just a silly guy in a silly world trying to be silly person silly actor parody
RedRumForever @RedRumForever
7K Followers 7K Following METAL=LIFE🤘🏻 Horror movie and game enthusiast. I'm just here to hide from my friends on Facebook.
carabella mia @chris1983green
651 Followers 1K Following
Michael P @kproller420
951 Followers 5K Following
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
NurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 825 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth Thing
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 965 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
SneezingWithWetMascar.. @WetMascara
20K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below.
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
16K Followers 2K Following Domesticated Husband Father of 2 Ransacking Raccoons.Featured on @netflixfamily @buzzfeed @thedad IG @Chhapiness Shows & Inquiries-https://t.co/F6Q2TKOV1M
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfK
Grandma Gone Rogue @Qltr
1K Followers 1K Following Patiently waiting for my procrastination to reach critical mass. ADD quilter. Eater of broken cookies. Loves to read, just not instruction manuals. No DMs.
Andi @smiles_and_nods
413 Followers 243 Following Andi 2.0 Lost everyone during my Twitter sabbatical. please follow again.
RedRumForever @RedRumForever
7K Followers 7K Following METAL=LIFE🤘🏻 Horror movie and game enthusiast. I'm just here to hide from my friends on Facebook.
liz @tincanLizzy
9K Followers 5K Following Be the reason why people believe in pure hearts,good vibes and kind souls.
Irregular Expression @alandwilbur
276 Followers 508 Following Jesus, take it easy. We’re kidding over here.
Canadia @canadaslady2
9K Followers 2K Following
Melissa @BallQueenHammer
780 Followers 444 Following If I could be sweet, I wouldn’t be here. Mother, wife, but also a secret third thing.
Bella 🌼 @HippieGirl204
2K Followers 410 Following Officer Byrd’s biggest fan, professional toast maker, amateur shopping cart tester, champion fitted sheet folder, & I can legally drive at night. 🇨🇦
Lil Miss Snarkey Pant.. @Ris622
3K Followers 5K Following It doesn't matter how much antibacterial soap you use - the shame doesn't scrub off. Lawyer by trade, Batman when summoned.
Andi @andiindarkmode
98 Followers 76 Following formerly @smiles_and_nods It’s gone now and I don’t think I can get it back.
WanderingPhilosopher @WandererToo
4K Followers 4K Following My Rambles from Journaling. Full of Inspirational Quotes & Thoughts | Poetry. Humor Sprinkles. Life is short, Kindness is Free; Give often & as much as You can.
TheLoveJonesFamily @LoveJonesFamily
35 Followers 39 Following God First 🙏🏾 We find humor in life, marriage, & parenthood 😂 Follow & Thanks for being here! ❤️
When Life Gives you L.. @menaldom
57 Followers 211 Following Temp worker at File Cabinet Inc. (Formerly known as Office Chair International)
sarcastic oestrogener.. @Sarcastic_HaHa
435 Followers 1K Following There are two wolves inside my soul. One farted, the other one is snickering.
𓂀 𝕋𝔼𝔸ℍ .. @TeahCartel
30K Followers 25K Following I abhor racism! *Astronomer🔭 *Science* ⚛️️ Futurist #EqualityForAll #Agnostic 21+ Nature is my religion. Democrat. We're all humans living on this rock.
Anxiously Awaiting Ap.. @res_DUDEicata
1K Followers 3K Following “Lucien, I thought you were dead.” Lucien: “I’m trying”
Jennifer Parker @Mrs_JParker
929 Followers 653 Following Making two tiny humans laugh one fart joke at a time.
Ira Murumi @ira_murumi
7K Followers 4K Following ⚠Explicitly satirical! Accidentally entered a twitterverse and have made myself home since then. /FUB free/No DM/.
JodingersCat-astrophe @JMoneySlimer
2K Followers 2K Following If you think I post a lot of crap, you should see what I delete: Ghost account for @JodingersCat
Disheveled Mom @wittysnuggles
5K Followers 6K Following Not my real name. 40s toddler mom. Unapologetically blunt relationship therapist. Featured on @MSNBC @CNN @FoxNews @SternShow @NYPost
Bad Lip Reading @BadLipReading
325K Followers 111 Following I put words into other people's mouths. The OFFICIAL Bad Lip Reading Twitter account
Chickenpursechick @lilchickenboss
649 Followers 3K Following Worst mom ever, will work for wine and tacos but not necessarily in that order
Gnarlton AKA CarltonC.. @Crash2411
4K Followers 5K Following Like (subjectively) funny tweets https://t.co/dZWOHE8zoV Clash of Clans https://t.co/ZuStFdaF4w
Smut Moe 🇨🇦 @SmutMoe
14K Followers 10K Following 🇨🇦 NSWF 18+ co-host of @SmutPodcast. imperfectly perfect. consistently inconsistent.
Me -WhatDoYouWant MyN.. @Me49246786
343 Followers 2K Following Like a cat on a hot tin roof...... 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺 oui oui oui
Jordan Klepper @jordanklepper
396K Followers 1K Following Daily Show. Hitting the road with solo live show “Suffering Fools.”
LisaVig🌛♓ @maloneli22
3K Followers 3K Following Sling cards 🪄wine 🥂 & sarcasm and I don't pronounce my R's
THEE DiscoWitch 🏳�.. @gothicdisco
3K Followers 5K Following Expat New Englander. Book, horror, history nerd. Tie-dyed glitter goth witch with a sense of humour blacker than my clothes. She/her. #KHive #ConstantReader
Liam Nissan™ @theliamnissan
326K Followers 14K Following What I have is a particular set of skills; skills that make me a nightmare for Nazi dickbags on the internet. I joke, and drive a Nissan (parody)
GroovyTeacher1968☮�.. @GroovyTeach92
2K Followers 2K Following Mom; Wife; Educator; Independent; Ally 🤘🏼😎☮️✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊🏼✊🏻✊🏳️🌈; Vote 4 Change; Original Twitter @piperette1995; https://t.co/TWKV4e3HTA
Desk Cards @Deskcards
11K Followers 10K Following Words propel our thinking… ✨they become our companions...✨they make us smarter…✨ they make us act… ✨they provide inner peace… ✨MAGA! 💖
Pierce Tulley @pwtulley
396 Followers 1K Following
John Cena @JohnCena
14.3M Followers 775K Following A forum of thoughts and perspectives designed to ignite conversations and actions leading to growth, and occasional self promotion. #NeverGiveUp #RiseAboveHate
🌻Heather🌻 @BoobsNAnxiety
12K Followers 11K Following #NSFW! 🚫Minors. 420💨 Married to @chrisismyname87💍#NFL #CowboysNation⭐ #ChiefsKingdom 🏈🚫DM #WWE #RKO #Rhea💪I repost A LOT! #Taurus ♉ #Liberal🌊
🫧𝔏𝔦𝔷🫧�.. @lizlibra1009
47K Followers 39K Following Always a Jersey girl. 🏳️🌈Ally🏳️⚧️. Foodie. Animal lover. Shit talker extraordinaire. I’m a lil naughty 😏. No DMs 🚫 FAFO🪬
Millennial Boy Mom @mill_boymom
30 Followers 74 Following Boy Mom 💙💙 - Millennial - Just trying to keep it all together
N.J. Gallegos and the.. @DrSpooky_ER
25K Followers 24K Following I like big cats. ER doc. Horror author of The Broken Heart. Cohost of @ScreamKingsPod!!! HWA. BLM. Pro-choice. Star Wars fanatic. she/her.
korpisworld @kwkorpi
3K Followers 3K Following Out of my mind math teacher. Out of this world math problem. https://t.co/5acvuIoFpI
Mammagoose84🇺🇲�.. @mammagoose84
667 Followers 694 Following A Wife, Mamma, Meowther, Daughter, Sister and Friend. Christian but real. Loves discussing tv and movies. No DMs please. Sorry about all the gifs.
End of the week drum sesh, running through a few new songs we added to the set list for tomorrow nights show. :)
Me at 1pm: I have so much self control, this diet is gonna be easy Me at 1am: crap, I ate all the candy again
If you’ve ever enjoyed sex while you’re dead inside, wait till you’re dead on the outside too
It's Friday, right? Tell me it's Friday...
Friendly reminder, no live streams tonight or tomorrow morning. This vacation week off has been amazing and it was the first time I took an ACTUAL break in 4 years!! 😱 See you bahees next week, nice and recharged 😍🤘 Can we hav it?
Me: I’m just worried something really bad is gonna happen Them *gives me a hug* Me: and there it is
So what's it mean when they're in your dms but never interact with you on your timeline?
if you thought i had style and class before, just wait
my kid announced she is writing her New York Times bestseller “Dumb Ways to Swing.”
Back at my absolute favorite place.
@bigpoppadrunk @RoxyTall Plus a lotta places been bringing karaoke back! Its AMAZING when someone sings a classic and everyone joins in!
There are really only two seasons: soup salad
Good luck to all of you who are pooping right now.
Quit looking for a man to be your soulmate. Your soulmate is a dog.
I'm not saying your handwriting is bad. But you could be left-handed.
Trends for United States
17,5 B posts
13,1 B posts
3.651 posts
20,5 B posts
31,2 B posts
21,8 B posts
11,9 B posts
1.181 posts
7.050 posts
12,7 B posts
3.283 posts
1.912 posts
74,1 B posts
53 B posts
25 B posts
4.121 posts
21,5 B posts
96,7 B posts
You might like
snacky 🫧
@candyflippin
6K Followers
Oswald O'lottakum
@OswaldOLottakum
3K Followers
cap’n watsisname
@capnwatsisname
11K Followers
Village Person
@SvnSxty
31K Followers
Heatherhere 👽
@Heatinblack
11K Followers
Matty
@bestestname
13K Followers
Vinod Chhaproo
@Chhapiness
16K Followers
Fomo Simpson
@HaliPhacks
8K Followers
Adam
@YSylon
8K Followers
Daveastated
@Daveastated
7K Followers
Jason Not Evil
@JasonNotEvil
17K Followers
He's Back And He's Sc..
@SchmuckOnAHorse
7K Followers
Jeffrey
@ByrdMan0914
10K Followers
Papple
@pantless_papple
6K Followers
Mal
@TheRealPalMal
8K Followers