Alex | For The Dad @forthedad_
Dad Joke Champion. Trophy Husband. 4x Dad of the Year. Click the link for merch ⬇️ bonfire.com/store/for-the-… Colorado, USA Joined May 2022-
Tweets289
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Followers643
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Following1K
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Likes12K
I’m gonna catch some heat for this…but Happy Father’s Day to all the real dads out there. The ones who are present in their children’s lives. If you walked out on your kids and your wife/girlfriend, this does not apply to you.
My wife, a stay at home mom, as she’s making a grocery list: “I can’t remember if the baking aisle is before or after the cereal aisle.” About 1.3 seconds later, she concluded the cereal aisle is before the baking aisle. And that my friends, is a true master of her craft.
Do patient toddlers exist? Asking for a friend…
@forthedad_ Why did the crab never share his food? Because he was a little shellfish!
I used to search for shellfish on the beach until I pulled a mussel.
Check out these lines babe 😎
@forthedad_ Why did the noble gas cry? Because all its friends argon (Ar).
@forthedad_ Dad joke + nerd humor FTW
Kid: “Dad do you know any jokes about sodium?” Dad: “Na”
@forthedad_ Did you hear about the teacher that got fired because she was crosseyed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
@forthedad_ You were a real life Cristoff?
I once worked as an ice delivery driver. Coolest job I’ve ever had.
If you have a toddler, then I know cheerios and goldfish cover AT LEAST 100 sq. ft. of your house.
Happy Mother’s Day everyone A great mother’s love is a miracle of nature Call your mother and say thanks If you didn’t have a great mother, make sure your children do
Ultimate Dad Jokes 'N.. @MediocreJoker85
28K Followers 3K Following For #DadJokes enthusiasts. Guaranteed groans around the dinner table. Joke of all trades, master of #PUN. Welcome to the Dad-a-Base.@itssherifield @itssherifield
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4K Followers 1K Following Twitter is just like real life. I talk about my kids and our life only to find out I’m just talking to myself. 100% mom, wife, mess. #IVF #ASDDad Named Matt 🇺�.. @mahnamematt
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42 Followers 163 Following This dad-created, mom-approved app ties chores to the reward your kids prize the most—their screen time.Marissa 💚💛 @michimama75
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585 Followers 431 Following Husband, Dad, Bird Hunter, Springer Man, Coaching Consultant, Jersey Shore grown, Carolina is homeMama J ❤️ @Medic12821
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574 Followers 433 FollowingHappy 4 year anniversary to that project I was definitely going to take care of during quarantine.
You reach a stage when you say “pour anything in the glass and I will drink it”.
hi hello i was under the impression that being an adult would be fun but i am straight up not having the fun. thank you.
“Do you guys know what you want to order or do you need more time?” buddy, I knew what I wanted to order before I even finished parking
What are old fashioned clocks so annoying? They tock too much.
I wanted to marry my English teacher when he got out of jail. But apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.
would’ve totally won megamillions had I got our anniversary right please don’t let my wife see the winning numbers thanks
Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal.
Thank you for signing up for our 4-day camp. Here are 50 forms to complete. We recognize that you already provided us with this information when you signed up and frankly, we won’t look at these ones either. Have a great day.
What do you call a zombified piece of toast? The un-bread.
When you have kids they’re guaranteed to steal your heart and steal your water bottle
Sitting at a red light I noticed the man behind me eating an ice cream cone at 10am on a Saturday morning and sir I want exactly what you have.
but i don't want to do that. -my kids -also me as an adult
How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
Parenting books didn’t prepare me for my 6-year-old asking about whether brothers and sisters could get married since they love each other. Explaining romantic love and inbreeding was absolutely not something I was ready for at 7 AM on a Sunday.
A Caveman and a Bear walk into a bar… Bartender says "Okay, what's your story?" Caveman replies "Bear with me."
I'm dadding hard this morning! Prepping for smash burgers on the Blackstone, homemade big Mac sauce, tater tots. Gonna eat like kings today.
If asking doesn’t work a tantrum will Toddler’s self help guide
My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions, but don't worry. I'll return.