Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes
Best dad jokes on twitter - we’re also on Instagram and Facebook. linktr.ee/dadjokeslinks Joined September 2017-
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We should be able to call in healthy: “I'm not coming in today. I feel really good and I don't want to waste it on being at work.”
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My newborn is thrilled to finally have some more space to stretch out. He was running out of womb.
How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? Easy, one will see you later, the other will see you in a while.
At the Olympics I saw an athlete carrying a long stick and asked him: "Are you a pole vaulter?" He replied: "No I'm German but how do you know my name is Walter?"
It doesn't matter if you're straight, gay or bisexual. At the end of the day, it's night.
Why did the sad ghost use an elevator? To lift his spirits.
What do you call a French guy being mauled by a lion? Claude.
My friend said, "My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?" Me: Cats. Cats love fish.
In 3,026 years, life will either be really good or really bad. It's 5050.
What should you do if you're addicted to sea weed? Sea kelp.
A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need.. ... to let that mango.
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
Not to brag, but I have sychic powers. For example, right now you're thinking: "It's psychic, you idiot."
I just quit my job at the helium factory. I won't be spoken to in that tone.
I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It's not a long poem, but it's deep.
I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes... It's only a draft at the moment.
To all the people who always said I'd never amount to anything because of my procrastination: Just you wait.
FilmSeal @filmseal_
24K Followers 64 Following Your go-to source for all things movies and series. 🎬 Will the films earn our 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐥 of approval? 👀🦭
Vaad HaBadchanim (not.. @VaadHaBadchanim
8K Followers 507 Following The VHB is a group of Twitter Badchanim who are committed to keeping #Frumtwitter a safe space. #FTOTY2022
Moshe Kolat @moshe_kolat
4K Followers 774 Following All wordwork and no wordplay, makes Jack a dull boy
Yagdil Isn't Brisk @Briskerov
7K Followers 295 Following 🎗️Jewish, humor & memes. I once wrote an article in the @JewishPress. Co founder of @notthevaad and @yeshivishirts. an @associatedfress corresponded.
Alex | For The Dad @forthedad_
642 Followers 1K Following Dad Joke Champion. Trophy Husband. 4x Dad of the Year. Click the link for merch ⬇️
Angie Lyn @Angie081605
239 Followers 236 Following
maryjo. @maryjofryyy
326 Followers 115 Following
The Holy Cow, פרה .. @TURXJOKES
5K Followers 160 Following Bio: hazard, authorized personnel only beyond this point 👉 ° Cynic She'nishbah
Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter
1K Followers 102 Following Humor columnist (10 publications), author (8 books). Oh, do I have more room? I'm not experienced with twitter yet. I was worried that I'd make the bio too lon
Saying Kruum, say Kru.. @Yobell13
846 Followers 122 Following Askan in training, Gabbai revii, admin of my family whatsapp chat me/who/zeh
Quinten Friederichs P.. @TheRealQuintenF
838 Followers 629 Following doet al eens grappig op een podium | improvisatiespeler @bilvzw| stand-up comedian | Dog dad
Elizabeth York @ElizabethYorkHQ
16 Followers 74 Following New Account | Genuine and down to earth girl next door. Curator of sensual delights. Back up account of @LizYorkOfficial. Beem: @YorkTransfer
Ryan Richard Figaro @Ryanfigaro
177 Followers 341 Following
Edward @Top_gUn95
0 Followers 13 Following
Heather Toland @HToland2260
0 Followers 4 Following
Gretchen W @GretchenWestfal
45 Followers 2K Following Asexual Flamingo, 🇵🇷, in my 30s and tired, She/Her
Agnieszka @agnieszka65432
7 Followers 16 Following
Jamessaws @jamessaws
0 Followers 13 Following
Anyon @AnyonCurve
3K Followers 107 Following Alum: B.T.A.L, Tudor Capital & Citadel. London, U.A.E. & Sydney. Σ follows the sun. I was @vitruviuscurve before. Inverse Apophenia.
mr d @arnoldsisopen
687 Followers 3K Following
Ian Twelftree @IanTwelftree
22 Followers 248 Following Proud husband of Fiona and father of two cheeky cockapoos plus a rescued island dog too,living the retirement dream on beautiful Caribbean island of Nevis. 🇰🇳
Asher @Asher573428
0 Followers 5 Following
Rebecca Jackson @bexjaxdor
41 Followers 44 Following
Shane Young @shaneyoung72
491 Followers 934 Following Interested in technology, travel, property, family and cricket. Let's get Junior and Youth playing cricket.
Angel Martinez @dabluegod420
3 Followers 8 Following
John Burke @dakid_genius
702 Followers 443 Following The Chosen One | Software Engineer | #LakeShow | #ChiefsKingdom
thimker @thimker_
91 Followers 305 Following Hello, hello! I'm thimker! I'm just having fun on the X-Twitters! There are nice folks here! :) pronouns: she/her
Allan @ADzukutu
10 Followers 35 Following
Sriram @Sriram_abc
0 Followers 47 Following
Cognito Ergo Sum @Animesh_982
8 Followers 820 Following Student of Equities since 16 Yrs. Interested in Economics, Geopolitics, New Tech & Nature
Jeremiah @Beckjeremiah21
641 Followers 2K Following 23, loving life. Enjoy every moment you can. Click the link below 👇
amit khanka @amitkhanka11
52 Followers 331 Following Chelsea thru n thru... niccolo paganini caprice 24 var 7 on repeat vexillologist ( amateur) love to read about cosmology
Brandon Hicks @Uebsnaklal
0 Followers 2 Following
Gary Herring @ghport
5 Followers 20 Following
Altern152 @Cosmic_2155
132 Followers 267 Following
A Long Musk (Stick) @Kop_this
555 Followers 465 Following Here for the shits, giggles and winding up self entitled boomers. #Yes #VoteYes
Jilly C @norafayecrouch
49 Followers 291 Following We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars
Marc Hovanessian @Hov0116
2 Followers 52 Following
🔴Boston Chris LIVE @BostonChrisTTV
729 Followers 453 Following Vet, Dad, Husband, Award Nominated Podcast Host. @streamloots Partner @hyperx Partner @twitch Affiliate
andrew samir @Andrew_Samir_M
13 Followers 509 Following
Victor_Ree2001 @Leonard61198982
119 Followers 139 Following
Kryssie 🎄☃️❄.. @Angelsamongus23
769 Followers 1K Following 31🎂 fur mom 🐱 🐱 🐶 || Wife 💍 Kentucky 🐎 Born in Florida 🐊 PC Gamer ⌨️
Ambar Widiastuti @widiastutia
20 Followers 35 Following
Dr. Trevor Kashey @DrKashey
10K Followers 43 Following Founder: TKN, Scientist, Advisor. I say obvious stuff humans sometimes forget.
Luke Templin @luke_templin
1K Followers 279 Following Fractional CFO & CEO at https://t.co/w79cGQKOkj 💸 | Founder of https://t.co/ll6954zsRV 📈 | Inc. Columnist ✍ | Tweet about entrepreneurship & building CAS in accounting firms
FilmSeal @filmseal_
24K Followers 64 Following Your go-to source for all things movies and series. 🎬 Will the films earn our 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐥 of approval? 👀🦭
place where animal sh.. @catshouldnt
1.6M Followers 135 Following Best cat page on 𝕏 . DM for credit/removal
Samuel Pepys @samuelpepys
71K Followers 14 Following No longer posting here. At https://t.co/bEs274Mw4Q or daily emails at https://t.co/Ncc98CCS2c. Run by @philgyford.
. @ronnievisuals
1K Followers 118 Following Head of Social @ United Peoples TV | Freelance Content Strategist (20M+ Travel Networks)
Videos to make your d.. @WholesomeVideo
317 Followers 0 Following Your #1 place for the most wholesome videos on the internet ❤️
Acknowledge A.I @acknowledgeai
15K Followers 1 Following Exploring ALL the latest news and entertainment in the rapidly evolving A.l universe ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
Defense of Ukraine @DefenceU
2.1M Followers 74 Following Official page of the Ministry of Defense of Ukraine 🇺🇦 Ukrainian MoD on Telegram: https://t.co/Ei2jAK4vla
Jade McGlynn @DrJadeMcGlynn
25K Followers 909 Following Author of ‘Memory Makers: The Politics of the Past in Russia’ and ‘Russia’s War’ 📚 | Research Fellow @warstudies | Senior Associate @CSIS | My views only
Professor Dhananjaya .. @Dhananjayasha19
2K Followers 179 Following My code of honor: ‘Noblesse oblige’. How: always gracefully without being patronising or condescending. Why: because to lead is to serve not to rule.
Videos that will make.. @nobrainer__tv
175 Followers 2 Following Everyone is entitled to an opinion, It’s a No Brainer 🚫🧠 #NoBrainer
aayu @aayurthd
646 Followers 286 Following Brand Manager & Head of Sports at Pubity Group (125M+ followers) | Founder & Owner @centredevils / @centregoals | Published Sports Writer
Pubity Group Ltd @PubityGroupLtd
82 Followers 22 Following Bringing Entertainment and News to a community of more than 95 million https://t.co/LAKY00pXZ6
Gary Lineker @GaryLineker
8.9M Followers 1K Following Once kicked a ball about. Now talk about kicking a ball about. The Rest Is Football @restisfootball @Goalhangerpods ..Instagram . Retweets are not endorsements
Babayagah😏 @babayagah7
4K Followers 4K Following Its (The tecnology guy)😂/..😎🤗///Documentary film maker/// Photographer📷 and videographer🎥🎥///Music.//Fifa is my game🎮🎮😇😍
One On One @1on1
11K Followers 10 Following A place for the Fight Fanatics 👊🏽 Subscribe to our MMA channel ➡️ https://t.co/R9GVwb5V2N & our Boxing channel ➡️ https://t.co/FgHbK6tpij
CryptoDads ♨️ @CryptoDadsNFT
52K Followers 1K Following The original dad collection, bringing dad culture to the blockchain since Sept. 2021. Discord: https://t.co/attiNVRxHs
Football Newz @FootballNewzIG
16K Followers 399 Following 📲 All football related updates, tier ratings, stats and much more found here! Your home for all football.
Reaction Videos @ReactionVideos_
213K Followers 1 Following Videos with text, sometimes reaction pictures...I do not own any rights to content posted (parody)
CNN Breaking News @cnnbrk
63.9M Followers 122 Following Breaking news from CNN Digital. Check @cnn for all things CNN, breaking and more. Download the app for custom alerts: https://t.co/8bf79vV51N
The New York Times @nytimes
55.2M Followers 879 Following News tips? Share them here: https://t.co/ghL9OoYKMM
@pubitypets @pubitypets
524 Followers 9 Following 🐶Posting the best Animal videos on instagram 🙊 🐱 Funny videos 📧 contact - [email protected]
Thomas Power @thomaspower
282K Followers 105K Following 100 Business Friends https://t.co/BvGT5aTnuF DM @WhatsApp https://t.co/8dGZKNZxYD Email [email protected] #BIP100
G'EVOLs @GEVOLsNFT
29K Followers 5K Following Official G'EVOLs NFT Twitter Account. 8888 Generative'EVOL's
Carl Bovis @CarlBovisNature
185K Followers 118K Following On a mission to make the world love birds! 😍 Author and photographer of the books '100 Birds' & '100 More Birds', which you can buy here; ⬇️🐦
Jim Moir @JamesMoir10
247K Followers 71 Following Actor, artist, glamour model & leg warmer. Any enquires please contact [email protected]
Joe Biden @JoeBiden
38.0M Followers 46 Following Husband to @DrBiden, proud father and grandfather. Ready to finish the job for all Americans. Official account is @POTUS.
Kamala Harris @KamalaHarris
19.8M Followers 722 Following Fighting for the people. Wife, Momala, Auntie. She/her. Official account is @VP.
Vice President Kamala.. @VP
14.5M Followers 6 Following Vice President of the United States. Wife to the first @SecondGentleman. Momala. Auntie. Fighting for the people. Text me: 310-861-2977
Cyber Steve @cyberesteban
35K Followers 829 Following Getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
Laura Lexx @lauralexx
51K Followers 1K Following Rep'd by Taylor at UTC Artist Management - [email protected] Klopp Actually & Pivot available to buy EVERYWHERE
Coffee House @SpecCoffeeHouse
71K Followers 336 Following Tweets from The Spectator's Coffee House team. Sign up to our free Evening Blend newsletter: https://t.co/afncIz7Tsl
Cathy Newman @cathynewman
242K Followers 1K Following Presenter & Investigations Editor, Channel 4 News; Presenter, Times Radio; Insta cathynewmanc4 Agent https://t.co/V2hQRwCM2X Threads @cathynewmanc4
Robert Peston @Peston
1.4M Followers 2K Following ITV (pol ed), Speakers for Schools (founder), writer (WTF), Hospice UK (vice pres), Arsenal (East Stand), Peston (as in #Peston show, 10.45pm Weds). So?
James Fridman @fjamie013
2.3M Followers 1 Following Do not submit any personal photos that you do not want to be made public. Terms and conditions apply. https://t.co/WWtgLUfRED
Ships Have Sailed @ShipsHaveSailed
82K Followers 46K Following New album "Ages" out now! 🔥 👀 Poptimistic Indie Rock! https://t.co/ffeDvi6csQ
Joanna Poole 💙 (@j.. @Jopo_dr
26K Followers 3K Following Science. Anaesthetist & Intensivist. Life always a choice between hospitals&saving chimps in the Congo. Once slept in a museum. Mitochondria & Asgardarcheota
Mum-ble @jibble_jabber
419 Followers 373 Following I swear by almighty Twitter to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me social media!' retweet’s not always = I condone the message
Stumbler Popular @StumblerPopular
555K Followers 62 Following Discover Amazing Videos. Never Be Bored.
@Dadsaysjokes Which orange came first? The fruit or the color?
Warner Bros has partnered with AI company Futureverse to make ‘Ready Player One’ a real thing
Ready for a new way to do business? NEOM is changing the game. #WhatisNEOM
Domino’s employee successfully delivers a pizza at the summit of Mount Fuji
The use of LinkedIn as a dating platform is becoming more popular among Gen Z
Our followers over on Instagram voted MrBeast for the prestigious ‘Pubity Person of the Year Award’
This dog ate $4,000 and it’s owners had to recover it the only way possible.
‘Starsky and Hutch’ actor, David Soul, has passed away aged 80
‘Mr Bean: The Animated Series’ is set to return for a fourth season in 2025.
Stunning video captures the moment 3 Bear cubs spot a Bison for the first time.
@Dadsaysjokes That’s affair reaction.
Newborn baby rescued by stray dog after being abandoned in trash
Keanu Reeves has a private Cancer foundation to help children’s hospitals and Cancer research
The final season of 'Stranger Things' is now expected to begin filming in a couple of weeks
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