Ultimate Dad Jokes 'N So Much Pun @MediocreJoker85
For #DadJokes enthusiasts. Guaranteed groans around the dinner table. Joke of all trades, master of #PUN. Welcome to the Dad-a-Base. mediocrejoker.com Joined June 2022-
Tweets3K
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Followers27K
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Following3K
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Likes760
Humans really could have had a beautiful little existence on earth just creating art and eating fruit. Instead we have credit scores and taxes.
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After ten years as Director of the “Ladder Enthusiasts Coalition,” I’ve decided to step down.
A good woman is always by your side during the bad times to remind you that none of this would've happened if you had just listened to her in the first place.
What do you give a sneezing snake? AntiHISStamines.
Me: I found a genie. Wife: OMG don't do anything stupid! Me: *finishing my 3rd McFlurry* like what?
A friend once told me, “You can’t go around saving everyone. They have to learn to save themselves.” Great friend. Terrible lifeguard.
“We are not even close.” - Romans building Rome, end of day one.
Two WiFi engineers got married. The wedding was okay but the reception was amazing.
To ride the horse or to not ride the horse… That is equestrian.
Want to know one of the most important lessons in learning how to play guitar? Stay tuned.
My wife just accused me of being a cross dresser. I was so angry that I packed up her things and left.
Do you know the leading cause of dry hands? Paper towels.
You can't blame anyone else if you fall in your driveway. That's your own asphalt.
Why does my wife always wait until I'm at the opposite end of the house before asking me to “Mermn frner mernferr brnerfer!”?
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that don't know the lyrics.
“ehh, good enough.” - Mediocrates
A wise man once told his wife: Nothing, because he was a wise man.
I don’t always roll a joint. But when I do, it’s my ankle.
An ego and a superego walk into a bar. The bartender asks for their id.
The circle has the most well-rounded education. It has 360 degrees.
Paul's Jokes @MoreTwitty
12K Followers 13K Following You'll flip for my clean, funny #jokes old & new! Paul AKA morewitty & Yam Man. If you think it's funny, please share the laughs with your followers -- RETWEET!
Alex | For The Dad @forthedad_
638 Followers 1K Following Dad Joke Champion. Trophy Husband. 4x Dad of the Year. Click the link for merch ⬇️
Richard Stone @RichardStone21
5K Followers 5K Following Ex financial programmer, economics, the 3Rs, humour and puns, walking, nature, music, photography, board games.
John-Paul Keates @jpkeates
3K Followers 4K Following The thane of groans. Mostly jokes. Now ritual is the husk of faith and loyalty, the beginning of confusion. No DMs https://t.co/E5oGlpnyLk
The Bard of Cleasby (.. @Norfolkinidea
3K Followers 4K Following Ever youthful and eternally optimistic purveyor of puns, silliness, rhyme and occasional song. Fluent in both English and Bullshit. Lifelong follower of #LUFC
Fi 🇪🇺 @rahhead01
13K Followers 13K Following Mum to Bethany and wife to Steve 💕 JZ FM games daily 3pm with @albolt76 @zeddeee @MrFlibble72LFC
Jacko @albolt76
21K Followers 20K Following 🌹Sport ⚽ Music 🎵 Books 📚 Left of centre. Wordle Wonder League, World Cups + JZFM hashtag games Saturday at 3PM 🌹
Lee O'Connell @MisterOConnell_
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@upuppunaway @upuppunaway
2K Followers 2K Following Karl and Howie have published two hilarious (?) books full of puns & one liners. Available here on Amazon: https://t.co/dRrXPKsGTI and https://t.co/jMt3swCQTa
Sam Adams @SamonChar
2K Followers 2K Following Fundraiser. Writer of puns. Fan of live stand-up. LUFC fanatic - MOT / ALAW.
St.Renato😇🇳🇱.. @WhyHelloRenato
8K Followers 7K Following Dutch🇳🇱-Indo, hashtagger, saint 😇, despot 🧡, translator, 🚫 DM 🙄, 🎤 #viciouskaraokeparty, martyr @mott57093
ℝ𝕠𝕓𝕓𝕚�.. @RobbieG63
1K Followers 476 Following 🎼 𝕄𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕔 • 𝕄𝕒𝕡𝕝𝕖 𝕃𝕖𝕒𝕗𝕤 • 𝕃𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤 • 𝕋𝕚𝕘𝕖𝕣𝕤 ☀️ The Sun is a daily reminder, that we too can rise from the darkness ☀️
Chris H @Chayowl
3K Followers 5K Following Sheffield, Rotherham. Jersey, Blackpool. Aylesbury. Milton Keynes. Ipswich. Eastbourne. Surfside Beach.
Steve @snapperlee
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TonyGarcia @Chubby_Buffalo
287 Followers 3K Following I'm a Gemini, I like long walks on the beach, I don't do the vegan stuff give me meat. I also love to give meat. I got tube steak.
Libby Neutron @bethneutron
151 Followers 564 Following Elizabeth. Keeping on keeping on. Life is beautiful. Breast cancer survivor.
Kimberly Underwood @KimberlyConvil1
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Guy Wimhurst 🛒⚽�.. @GWimhurst
1K Followers 640 Following ‘naileretailer’...director @BelperTownFc ⚽, (former) large store regional mgr @coopuk 🛒, (former) undefeated @uwcb1 🥊, views & opinions are my own. #Nailers
moneycoach @moneycoach08
540 Followers 1K Following
kaykay @kaykay07866697
47 Followers 69 Following Music Food Lifestyle Personalities Movies Style Trending Humor Weird Amazing Memes Fashion & Beauty DIY & Home
Alex @phantomboy24
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Chris @Chris5zk
119 Followers 246 Following
Julie Wise @JulieWise83
9K Followers 8K Following 🇬🇧🇬🇧Hello there 🙂🙃 One small positive thought can change your whole day. Nature and Photography 💙 🐈🐶🎄
birdy4life🇺🇲�.. @Agent_WD40_CIA
1K Followers 3K Following Top secret janitor @CIA 😎 🤫23 Parroty - fake news journalist remembering chucky da parrot 2017-2023🐥🌈☁️
Callin Curry @CurryCallin674
35 Followers 73 Following
Dustin N @sniffydn
5 Followers 52 Following
Luke Aupperle @lukeaup
1 Followers 155 Following
Duane Southworth @duanesouthworth
55 Followers 55 Following
MiniTika @Mini_Tika_
127 Followers 749 Following
JustCallMeSuziQ @JustCallMeSuziQ
165 Followers 262 Following “Until you either accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, or make somebody laugh, why don’t you talk to somebody else!”
Chuck Finley @Caxe_Finley
273 Followers 794 Following
Andrew Boughner @abhairy93
14 Followers 19 Following Hey there, welcome to my Twitter! I basically use Twitter for fun and to see what’s up with who I follow. Enjoy what you find!! :)
Lucky Pig @Bberries4u
12 Followers 36 Following Not an triathlete, day drinker, worlds first online porn addict
News Hound @CNews11
0 Followers 3K Following
Mike McGarrigle @MikeMcGarr84749
2 Followers 48 Following
NotMyBoobs.🇵🇸 �.. @LethuLet5
400 Followers 1K Following Akusiwo Awami amabele. Translation - Not My Boobs.
Joseph Hedstrom @JHedstrom74
94 Followers 146 Following Father of three, and educator who is fortunate to live in Kauai. My mission is to partner with others to reach our greatest potential together.
JJ. Michael Cloud �.. @JJcrabtower
39 Followers 549 Following this is me, stay weird, we are all anonymous, be different.🇪🇺🇧🇧🇹🇩 JJ. Michael Cloud ⛈️ Adam Clay Mankind ⚜️♐️☯️
Lava mitts @lavamitts
45 Followers 256 Following
Darryl Wilson. @wilson_coachdad
65 Followers 48 Following Loving husband and father❤️. Stay at home coach dad⚽️🏈. Joshua 1:9🪽He/Him🕶️
Estril @Estril0
14 Followers 267 Following Coors Banquet. Menthol Cigarettes. Seattle Mariners. Punk Rock.
Ben Lewellyn @infofindercraft
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Brad Ritter @bradley_ritter1
189 Followers 155 Following Follower of Christ | Proverbs 16:9 | CPA | Life is an Adventure
Z. @cayirbugusu
87 Followers 512 Following
Joe Gomulak-Cavicchio @dito33
20 Followers 199 Following
andyken78981 @andyken789811
154 Followers 594 Following Just a guy aspiring to be a web dev and a True Blue Evertonian COYB
Anna W🇺🇦 #SaveO.. @Geneannagist
333 Followers 187 Following Couldn’t be a stalker so became a Genealogist. Member of @socgenealogists. Genealogy MSc student at @strathgenealogy. See my 📍
A Dorrodeo @dorrodeo
50 Followers 230 Following
Lucas DeLuca @thetacoramenman
4 Followers 159 Following
Yan Carter @yancarter22
117 Followers 1K Following Always learning & growing 🌳📚& Health advocate 🧬💪🏾Helping men navigate social media 📱
Ahmed @iamahmedzaheer
95 Followers 343 Following
नादान प�.. @Nik27m
226 Followers 906 Following टूटा टूटा एक परिंदा ऐसे टूटा, के फिर जुड़ ना पाया, RP (Repost) करता हूॄॅं।
dbone1976 @dbone1976
0 Followers 69 Following
Pjon @Pjon_Jeff
475 Followers 3K Following Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.💯 Shake & Bake 🔥 R.I.P. Toine👑
Paul's Jokes @MoreTwitty
12K Followers 13K Following You'll flip for my clean, funny #jokes old & new! Paul AKA morewitty & Yam Man. If you think it's funny, please share the laughs with your followers -- RETWEET!
Funny Memes @memeadikt
332K Followers 7K Following Memes, funny stuff updated on a daily basis. I own no content posted. #memes #Dankmemes
Alex | For The Dad @forthedad_
638 Followers 1K Following Dad Joke Champion. Trophy Husband. 4x Dad of the Year. Click the link for merch ⬇️
Monetization Coach @monetization_x
8K Followers 3K Following Helping content creators through the 𝕏 monetization minefield. 🫡
Phoenix @PeachJar8
212 Followers 599 Following
Pumpkin 🇯🇲 @Andi_O
9K Followers 6K Following Lover of science, dancehall, and chocolate. Works in healthcare. Funny yet serious. Follow at your own risk. 🇯🇲
ali @ArabGodZee
757 Followers 2K Following CIO of DOTTAMETRICS. #FCBarcelona. #Messi 🐐. UFC. Ye. #HookEm.
Derek 🍉 @N3rd_Squared
533 Followers 3K Following / Non-VTubing account / 24 / Masc-presenting nonbinary (He/They) / Programmer/Web Designer / Piano player / Variety speedrunner, 4x GDQ / Roleplayer /
David Stivens Siervo @DavidSiervo
341 Followers 527 Following Orgulloso Ravenclaw, curioso de las matemáticas, apasionado de los juegos (teoría y aplicaciones). Economista lvl. 35/120. Recito y olvido.
Sonny @sonnywalters_
230 Followers 581 Following I’m blind👨🦯22🏋️♂️💪🏻I’m nice•cool•caring•quiet•funny and a true friend🇺🇸🇩🇪 #instagram sonnywalters2001
Gimme Summa Dat Vergi.. @BlakeCanRead
2K Followers 5K Following #HereToFuckSomebodyWife #HabitualSidenigga #IWontTell #IRespectDaNudes #FreeDaGuys #ITalkShit
miguel resende 🇵�.. @oirremediavel
626 Followers 1K Following Perdido algures entre o acordo ortográfico de 1945 e o último • Moderadamente radical numas e radicalmente moderado noutras
Hari Prabhu @awarepresence9
39 Followers 56 Following Sparking minds with striking ideas and brightening days with positivity 💛✨
lee scourfield @LeeScourfield
688 Followers 1K Following Hullbridge FC supporter. I was there when we won the ESL. COYB. West Ham fan and follower of all things non league.
Varghesu.. @puli_sooru
7 Followers 71 Following
Barron Dennison (Sydn.. @BarronDennison1
351 Followers 390 Following I promote big fat celebrities like myself with flowing prose as well as all of you little people who won the lottery. Win the lottery, finally. Parody.
pennysmom @mygraypenny
7K Followers 6K Following True Blue💙❤️animals+Pearl Jam+ bagels Atheist Pro Choice+BLM+LGBTQ,🚫NRA🚫 NO DMs!!!!!!! Living with a TBI Loathe, Despise, Detest that orange twat
Bethey 🐦 @Bethey26717153
2K Followers 706 Following Trump hater since 1980s 💙 from CA 📌 in deep south, pro vaxxer 🌊🇺🇦🐦
Gloria Jansen 🇺�.. @WBLgkj
5K Followers 6K Following No DMs (seriously, NO DMs. I delete them before reading them). #fbr #blacklivesmatter #resist #vegan #teamjustice #ClimateEmergency #BanAssaultWeapons
Thunderbolt-VOTE LIKE.. @MEvans57
6K Followers 6K Following Husband, Father, sinner in need of Grace. A vote for Biden is a vote for Democracy.
HeavyMetalSaint @Jamesf87F
1K Followers 1K Following Don't let your job dictate your life, let your life dictate your job! Be alive... Don't just live! We are saved by grace through faith plus nothing.
The Vaccinated Trucke.. @John_the_L
11K Followers 12K Following Truck Driver, Philosopher, Fool/ Now 3X Boosted. #ResisterForever
KBrock @KBrock619298
2K Followers 4K Following Democrat for Democracy 🌊🌊previously otterpajaro on Twitter No DMs or emails💙💙
Mhaurizio (Sumercé) @Mhaurizio
648 Followers 673 Following Compartí planeta con Cerati, Bowie y Mercury. Soy el de música y ciencia y de Más allá de la espiritualidad. Y vi un planeador.
Jonathan @BatmansMobil
71 Followers 160 Following
Zach Abraham @KYRRadio
8K Followers 496 Following Know Your Risk Radio, hosted by Zach Abraham, Principal/CIO of Bulwark Capital Management. For advisory services go to website below.
Stranger than Fiction @Stranger_T_Fic
973 Followers 253 Following Trader (stocks, bonds, forex and com.), Engineer, mostly picking the worst performers. Follow at your own risk. Oh, and sarcastic...if you didn't notice
Marshall Colston @marshallcolston
4K Followers 5K Following Blue Resistor Voter! Retired USAF Veteran, Husband, Father and Grand. Vote Blue up and down the ballot for the sake of your Children and your Grands.
Patricia Crow @PatriciaCrow58
6K Followers 7K Following Veteran and proud American.🇺🇸💙🟦🟧 The most important thing I've learned is that I'm still learning. 💯
Teresa🇺🇦🌻�.. @MooreGamayrouge
897 Followers 940 Following Animal/dog lover, bleeding heart liberal, voting for a 🌊🌊🌊 across U.S.,BLM,🏳️🌈Keep Abortion Legal, cancer survivor 🌻🇺🇦💙💛
Mark Thompson @markfromstl
1K Followers 2K Following Retired US Navy Submariner , A-Ganger , Pan Africanist and family man
Jose Guzman, Jr. (he/.. @jangelguzman_
3K Followers 4K Following Yankee fan married to a Red Sox fan, the irony and the misery. Harvard 96' Sports Jeopardy Champ, S2 #Resistance #BlackLivesMatter #Vaxxed #Ally @cineconpodcast
Susan @susanbow
563 Followers 570 Following food junkie, sports junkie, news junkie 🇨🇦 absolutely no DM’s
retired goalie @bdogzhockey
904 Followers 1K Following I have no energy in me to hate a soul. I either love you, wish you well or hope you heal. KIND BUT NOT BLIND
Millymolly @lorrainesplace
633 Followers 514 Following Bit of an exercise fan. Not a lover of gardening but I love a nice garden. DMs will probably get you blocked.
Bill Buckbee @WBuckbee
75 Followers 366 Following
Freedom for all @Mygtar
847 Followers 3K Following Tired Old Queen who used to organize, march, and fight for equality. Now just trying to survive. No time for bigots, racists, homophobes, 420 enthusiast
Ronald Singleterry, M.. @Singleterry
12K Followers 12K Following English teacher/writer. Liberal. NO DMs. #USC #ChapmanU
John Thompson @JohnThompson40
112 Followers 544 Following husband, psychiatric nurse, triathlete, golfer, human to 2 havanese
☕️McShawner🍩�.. @baconfan19
3K Followers 3K Following Imma Canadian, eh. Is it Friday yet? 💚 is taken
TheREAL_IWJT @Destinyff07
1K Followers 2K Following No DMs ! Always thinking & wondering why. Proud wife of Vietnam Veteran, mother, daughter, sister, grandmother of 3 munchkins, and 4 grand-dogs .
Amy Burchard @ahburchahb
397 Followers 1K Following Follows sports, news & positive people. Eats 2 much junk food, drinks 2 much good🍷. Believes in the power of chocolate
spinfisher @spinfisher
17K Followers 14K Following Every Moment is a Miracle™️ 🍀Live a loving life🍀Subvert the Spectacle🍀Funk will set you free🕺🏿Attribute the Best Motive
Nagabhushan 🇮🇳 @nagabhushanb
2K Followers 2K Following ||प्रज्ञानम् ब्रह्म|| Bharatiya 🇮🇳|| Jai Maa Bharati|| Vande Mataram || I owe Everything to Bharat, my Motherland || Tweets in ಕನ್ನಡ, हिंदी, English
Nick Lloyd @SwanageNick
667 Followers 670 Following Deputy Head of Tea Drinking at the Swanage Railway, now honing those tea-drinking skills as an employee of the ‘big railway’.
@MediocreJoker85 I loved dialing a rotary phone and watching the round number keypad click and rotate back to zero.
@MediocreJoker85 We would walk up and down the street knocking on neighbor kids doors until we found someone to play with.
@MediocreJoker85 Blow into and give a good couple slaps to the game console on the side to make the video game work if you’re having trouble
@MediocreJoker85 The 2 mile walk home from school had no witnesses
@MediocreJoker85 @saylor @MicroStrategy Extra XP for this quote
@MediocreJoker85 Having to use a pencil to wind the cassette tape roll back into place.
@MediocreJoker85 Hold the cd by the edges only.
@MediocreJoker85 That transferring a call using a switchboard operator was a real thing. Also that Mr. Haney was a master salesman. 🤣
@MediocreJoker85 I enjoy all & shamelessly steal to send Dad Jokes to my kids every Friday morning. I do hope that's OK. My favs are the 'clever' play on words jokes. Please don't stop and please don't cut me off for stealing (I do give credit but they don't use X)
@MediocreJoker85 Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
@MediocreJoker85 Too many to choose a favourite! Just keep them coming, please 😆
@MediocreJoker85 Heard this one on a podcast my son was listening to. What’s clear and smells like carrots? A rabbits fart. lol. Here’s another. What do you call a dinosaurs fart? A blast from the past!
@MediocreJoker85 I don't have a joke to share. I loved your 5050 joke. I have been binge watching a British show Outnumbered. It is side splittingly funny. The children have the best lines.
@MediocreJoker85 I selectively broadcast the dad jokes on morning runs with my peeps (anywhere between 5-15) and the HS students at the bus stops. Well received. I won’t puntificate any further!
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