Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 @PinkCamoTO
I'm even cuter in person. #WearADamnMask #WearAMask #BLM Pls DM your penis. I'm always up for a laugh. twitr.buzz/PinkCamoTO Canada Joined January 2011-
Tweets120K
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Followers37K
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Following3K
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Likes129K
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
I'm gonna need to use you guys as references
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Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
Pluto should totally move on and find a solar system that's going to treat it with the respect it deserves.
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
"I don't even think Saturn's rings are real. There. I said it." -Pluto, the former planet
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
You don't have to watch each and every last ripple reach the shore before you throw another rock
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
Everyone goes through a bad decade or two. It happens.
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
Pretty sure that 10 minutes after my death my wife will hold a seance to ask me where the TV remote is.
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
They call it “remote learning” because the chance of your kids actually learning anything is remote.
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
That awkward moment when the poltergeist in the TV calls you by the wrong name.
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
My first job was the TV remote control.
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
*sees people kissing on TV* *calls CDC*
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
*husband reaches for me in bed* No. *reaches just past me for remote instead* (5 minutes later) ... It's like you never even try anymore!
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
10 pm Me [watching Dateline]: ... My six year old [appearing from nowhere in his pjs]: If your husband dies before you die you have to marry another person! Me [turning TV off]: welp, that's enough for tonight
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
I told my husband we needed to clean up before visitors came and he passed right by the sink full of dirty dishes and the vacuum and made a beeline to tidy a remote corner of the garage which hasn't been touched since 2017
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
a remote that automatically locks your car three times but you only have to press the button once
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
“GIVE ME THE REMOTE.”
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
I want a remote control, but I also want to look rediculous using it. ~The Clapper
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
We had 3 kids, but once TVs came w/ remotes we put them up for adoption
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
well, looks like i've finally reached the "trying to change the channel with a box of junior mints" phase.
Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 retweeted
mom always warned us not to sit too close to the TV, but we turned out pergectly fime.
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On the #RadicalReverend Shiw on @CIUT895FM Left, Lefter, Leftist edition with Alex Grant, Emma Wakelin and Riley and Alex. Up soon on a podcast near you…
Pretty sure that 10 minutes after my death my wife will hold a seance to ask me where the TV remote is.
They call it “remote learning” because the chance of your kids actually learning anything is remote.
10 pm Me [watching Dateline]: ... My six year old [appearing from nowhere in his pjs]: If your husband dies before you die you have to marry another person! Me [turning TV off]: welp, that's enough for tonight
I told my husband we needed to clean up before visitors came and he passed right by the sink full of dirty dishes and the vacuum and made a beeline to tidy a remote corner of the garage which hasn't been touched since 2017
I want a remote control, but I also want to look rediculous using it. ~The Clapper
well, looks like i've finally reached the "trying to change the channel with a box of junior mints" phase.
I owe an apology to everyone I’ve ever assumed was mentally ill because they chose to live in a tent in the woods.
This account is what happens when you hear "you're okay, but your sister is HOT" over and over through your formative years
The definition of insanity is taking your kids to different places over and over and expecting them to be cool this time
Me: Spread guacamole all over my naked body and tell me you love me! Chipotle: Ok but that's $1.50 extra.
Just keep eating Just keep eating Just keep eating Just keep eating -Dori at thanksgiving
listen kid, i have social media profiles older than you
My 9 year old: Mom, what’s our billing zip code? Me: It’s…wait, what?? And that’s how I walked in on her hustling her grandma into signing up for a Netflix account. WE ALREADY HAVE ONE but I admire her dedication.
The largest living amphibian is the Chinese giant salamander with rice and a medium drink.
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