The Levine Machine @Eitanthegoalie
Comedian/Writer. If you can dream it, you can Levine it. Aggressively Jewish. Work seen in NY Times, NY Mag, Colbert, etc. Host of Game Breakers on Prime Video EitanLevine.com ÜT: 40.846557,-73.927 Joined April 2009-
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The Levine Machine retweeted
2024 Vail Comedy Festival comic @Eitanthegoalie is chasing a Guiness World Record throwing out first pitches and raising money for @MakeAWish, catch him right after the festival on Tuesday May 28 throwing out the first pitch at a Rocky Mountain Vibes game.
The Levine Machine retweeted
"IT'S FASHANU WEEK!" - @richeisen #NFLDraft on ABC/ESPN/NFLN
The Levine Machine retweeted
Sam Rosen will miss Game 1 of #NYR vs. Capitals to attend the bat mitzvah of his granddaughter Lucy in Phoenix. Last time he recalls missing a playoff game was in 1986 for his son Garett's bar mitzvah. Kenny Albert will fill in on Sunday. Sam back for rest of series.
The Levine Machine retweeted
the only tortured poet I acknowledge
The Mets are very good this year at *checks notes* BASEBALL??????
The Levine Machine retweeted
Francisco Alvarez just walked into the #Mets clubhouse wearing a Jalen Brunson jersey. He clearly knows ball. #Knicks #NewYorkForever
The Levine Machine retweeted
The good luck charm! 🕺
The Levine Machine retweeted
Yo @jalenbrunson1 hit me on FaceGram ✊🏽
Yo @jalenbrunson1 hit me on FaceGram ✊🏽
The Levine Machine retweeted
“These edibles ain’t shit” *30 minutes later*
The Levine Machine retweeted
The Levine Machine retweeted
I wonder if Israeli and American F-15's and F-35's are going to be able to shoot down Iran's propeller-driven drones that fly in a straight line slower than the top speed of a Honda Civic
The Levine Machine retweeted
This Jewish comedian hopes to set a new baseball record jta.org/2024/04/12/ny/… via @JTAnews
The Levine Machine retweeted
Please launch an investigation:
Please launch an investigation: https://t.co/jByP4l5PgQ
Shiva For The Eclipse, March Madness, TikTok Tax Advice AND SAY GOODBYE TO STUDENT DEBT-- maybe. x.com/i/broadcasts/1…
The Levine Machine retweeted
me after consuming a rainbow cookie eggroll at citi field
The Levine Machine retweeted
“don’t worry Tone, the last time there was an earthquake in jersey was when ginny sack moved in”
The Levine Machine retweeted
“Early reports say that was a 4.8 on the Lundqvist scale…excuse me that’s the Richter scale”
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135 Followers 603 Following I've interviewed celebs and Prime Ministers. I'm an expert on all things Jewish, MLB, NBA and NFL, film TV and politics. I got to sing at Citi Field and MSG!
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millennials might be the first generation to watch literally every one of their heroes become an insufferable piece of shit
Jerry Seinfeld is on the New Yorker Radio Hour blaming "the extreme left" & "PC crap" for why there are no sitcoms anymore. Not streamers or any systemic reasons that we *just* saw at play with the WGA strike. Just "The wokes won't let us make comedy anymore." Absolute brain rot.
This is how I show up to first dates at a dive bar
Don’t just combat their antisemitism. Focus on your Judaism. ❤️
man Marte has dealt with so much loss I hope he’s alright
Starling Marte is on the bereavement list and Drew Smith is going on the IL with shoulder inflammation
This is why the suns are getting swept btw
Whoever gets paid to tweet this I want their job
Tom Holland & Zendaya have reportedly talked about getting married
Update? 😂
Who is your favorite WFAN host? (Cannot reply and say me 😎) GO
“Mom I frew up” ass posture
This is a nine-year-old at a wedding
This was the MLB guardian cap
Mom Pretty Jealous Of All The Dick Teenage Daughter Going To Pull With Those Highlights bit.ly/4dtF7Yb
The NBA should have jeans night. I wanna see how good they play in jeans
I guess Howard Stern is interviewing @JoeBiden right now. If he doesn't get Biden to ride the Sybian, then BORING!
The NBA is actively copy-write striking all Embiid foul compilations from last night. 👀
Go straight for the knees on Sunday my king.
2024 Vail Comedy Festival comic @Eitanthegoalie is chasing a Guiness World Record throwing out first pitches and raising money for @MakeAWish, catch him right after the festival on Tuesday May 28 throwing out the first pitch at a Rocky Mountain Vibes game.
That Joel Embiid does it all. How many 7 footers can shoot that well AND repeatedly injure the other team's best defenders that well? #cheatinanddefeating
Joel Embiid Game 3 highlights 🎥 Special performance 🔥
I respect Joel Embiid’s talent and greatness as a player, but this is a disgrace. This is after he kicked Hartenstein in the balls. You don’t see Jokic or Giannis doing this bc this isn’t how winners conduct themselves. Embiid is Draymond with a jumper, zero rings and more…
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