Pretty Bad At Human Stuff @Hoosier_TarHeel
Science enthusiast, Catholic, midwestern girl, research nerd, obsessive football and college basketball fan, raised by hippies, swim/bike/run, #oxfordcomma twitter.com/search?q=(from… United States Joined September 2015-
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Following559
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Likes24K
I’m a little high and can’t remember if Denzel Washington is the other main character in Philadelphia, and my executive dysfunction refuses to let me look it up.
My boyfriend sent me this from a group chat with his friends. I said the friend should yell out “yo, feel that vibe!” in the coworkers direction.
Sitting at a Mexican restaurant bar at noon eating a quesadilla and drinking a beer. A girl walks in her thirties walks up and goes “my parents are driving me crazy. I need a shot of tequila.” Not sure where she came from or where she’s going, but solidarity all around.
Do you agree?
Leaf blowers should explode if they’re started before 10am.
I divulged to my best friend recently that I had no frame of reference for when the civil war happened. She told me she can never remember which world war hitler was a part of. We have four college degrees between the two of us.
I’ll be honest, the gay men I know have more respect and appreciation for women than the straight men that I know. In a baffling twist, they also seem to understand more about women’s bodies. They find us a little gross, but tbh, we be a little gross sometimes.
I’ll be honest, the gay men I know have more respect and appreciation for women than the straight men that I know. In a baffling twist, they also seem to understand more about women’s bodies. They find us a little gross, but tbh, we be a little gross sometimes.
btw, a man being misogynistic doesn’t mean he’s gay. it means he’s a misogynist. he’s not confused about his sexuality, he knows he’s attracted to women, he just also hates them. hope that helps
If you accidentally say you’re from a small town around midwesterners you’ll get into a competition for who had the smaller school and someone will inevitably bring up how they had “drive your tractor to school day”
I remember this one time I was going through the x-ray at the airport and I said 'seecurity amirite' and then the TSA agents tried to drown me in the toilet.
How it feels after queuing up Anthony Richardson’s 2023 highlight tape for the 37th time
I’m feeling very domestic because I just heated my son’s chicken noodle soup on the stove instead of microwaving it.
Tossing around the idea of running a marathon in April.
My boyfriend’s best friends just sent him a picture of their baby sleeping, and he immediately drew a dick on her face and sent it back to them. He’s the best decision I’ve made in 2023.
In my head I’m already undecorating
I feel terrible. My girlfriend sold her hair to buy me a chain for my pocket watch, but I sold the watch to buy myself a PS5 :(
My boyfriend got me a necklace I had been pining over for Christmas. I showed it in my group chat, and my brother texted me “dammit mark, all I got your sister was a griddle.”
The main difference between southern hospitality and Midwest nice is that southerners are trying to find ways to keep the conversation going and midwesterners are trying to end it without offending anyone
I just ordered a colts Carson Wentz jersey. I’m about to be the funniest person I know.
Woman Puts Off Going To Doctor Until Disease Bad Enough For Him To Believe Her bit.ly/3TtBR7z
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 963 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
Cynfully Sweet @CynfullySweetXO
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Tipsy Angel Smoo🤍�.. @blonde_opinion
124K Followers 6K Following a kind person who occasionally likes pineapple on her pizza
The Nostalgic @TheNostalgicCo
43K Followers 6K Following We all have stories where the contents are way better than the cover. type1diabetes celiac advocate for a cure. insulinshouldbefree
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
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Laura Marie @lmegordon
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That Mom Tho @mom_tho
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Keijon Williams @KeijonWilliams
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Sam @333666bbb
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perpetually lost @lostvalley0
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Zubair Khan @ZubairKhan81002
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mamadou Jallow @camara_abd19993
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Moses Edwards @MosesEdwards49
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Spike21Gator @jkarney021
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Mad max @Madmax276172799
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Here's Johnny D🌞 @venture675
687 Followers 5K Following Customer service with a smile!!! I wonder what movie franchise serial killer they have you fawning over today?
Bliss_Blaze @blaze38859
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Dean Porter @d3an0p0rt3r
430 Followers 652 Following I listen to 95% of the JRE some of the good ones multiple times obviously and 👀 Jordan Peterson from the classroom days on and I also get high on Theo von
Wyatt Smith @WyattSmith60462
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McSepse @SepseMc81491
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Bekai Jarju @jarju_bekai
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fedire @fedire24972
1K Followers 3K Following Україна 🇺🇦 - наша земля! ми зробимо все, щоб перемогти росіян стояти з Україною та підтримувати українського солдата🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖 Підтримайте мене 🇺🇦🇺🇦
Gabriel Polston @ga47883
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Chris 🟧🇺🇦 @chriswoodguru
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╭∩╮(◣_◢)╭.. @RedAndBlueKu420
614 Followers 4K Following Just a huge Jayhawk fan - Packers fan- I live with schizophrenia-I love the paranormal-Tweet dumb shit &memes-420 friendly - Always Stay Humble 💯💫
CarpenterRob @CarpenterR53669
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Sibusiso @Sibusis56745811
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Rae Valentine🥀🖤 @VampySirenSong
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2Ray 2Ruins @brewyeti2
226 Followers 232 Following If you are reading this Elon has me locked up on the other account
Parenting Presently (.. @presentparent_
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AnnieMozzone @AnnieMozzo24992
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Jeremy Akins @JeremyAkins88
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Paramedic Firefighter @ParamedicVet
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Jbired Money j @Jbird7937
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Michael Kane - Report.. @Michael99161326
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Stephen Donoghue @Stephen18949625
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Brettanomyces @brett1762
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abufurqan @abufurqan145413
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Ira Murumi @ira_murumi
7K Followers 4K Following ⚠Explicitly satirical! Accidentally entered a twitterverse and have made myself home since then. /FUB free/No DM/.
Keith Newton @9newton2
761 Followers 5K Following I am a father of 3 children I'm an ironworker I love the United States and our US military Special Operations thank you brothers and sisters God bless
UnHolyDeeds @BigDM1125
314 Followers 3K Following Content Creator. Also looking for someone to do content with
Israel mayomi @MayomiIsra99055
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Elliott @Elliott46482
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asserter @ymrnz6785nru
205 Followers 2K Following Tiktokshop conducts recruitment for part-time partners! Salary $100-$300 per day, please contact us https://t.co/PsJpdZYDjE💎 $FYN
Leonce Boothe Jr. @neworleansdaddy
791 Followers 1K Following Iam a college graduate with a business management degree. Iam also a man that wants it in life, and love sports
CRE-8 @TherealCRE8
418 Followers 1K Following I Dont Hold Back,I Say Whats On My Mind,N If Thats A Problem..ITS UR FUCKIN PROBLEM💯 GO BIRDS BABY!!🦅💚 EAGLES,N R FANS R THE TRUE BIRDGANG!!💯🦅🖕AZ-JG🖕
Zi Will @Zi_Willl
53 Followers 667 Following Artist, Musician, Lyricist, Pundit, Philantopic pragmatist and optimal mystic. Please follow my reddit, I field dailyish updates of strangeness & intrigues
Emily ™ @emily_tweets
252K Followers 2K Following typical fucking scorpio - header art: @sasa_elebea
your other mom @difficultpatty
37K Followers 963 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Tipsy Angel Smoo🤍�.. @blonde_opinion
124K Followers 6K Following a kind person who occasionally likes pineapple on her pizza
The Nostalgic @TheNostalgicCo
43K Followers 6K Following We all have stories where the contents are way better than the cover. type1diabetes celiac advocate for a cure. insulinshouldbefree
Katie D @KatieDeal99
16K Followers 2K Following Bios are hard. On Instagram as katiedeal99 https://t.co/iMruSPyTav
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
vision bored @visionbored2
43K Followers 982 Following
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
Laura Marie @lmegordon
25K Followers 2K Following I'm a mom, a nationally-ranked complainer, and an aspiring novelist.
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!
That Mom Tho @mom_tho
47K Followers 3K Following contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
Fesshole 🧻 @fesshole
1.1M Followers 600 Following Confess your sins anonymously - will the internet absolve you? 👖 Sponsored by @hebtroco - buy their lovely trousers 🩳 Buy *NEW* book https://t.co/opfREXuSjI
That’s A Chunky: an.. @ThatsAChunkyPod
1K Followers 114 Following A podcast about I Think You Should Leave, the greatest sketch comedy show of all time.
Rena Hundert @RENAHUNDERT
7K Followers 5K Following Comedian • Los Angeles🏄🏻♀️ • Comedy album “Gimmick” now streaming on all audio platforms and SiriusXM
Mt. St. Helens @MtStHelensWA
116K Followers 0 Following I’m here to explain myself. #parody Team Mt. St. Helen’s store ⬇️
Mr Shelby, author @Jackattack1018
470 Followers 373 Following I'm not here for a long time, just here for a good time. I'm with stupid (points to self)
I Think You Should Pa.. @ITYSLKids
6K Followers 231 Following ITYSL content with an occasional focus on parenting. If this goes well, they’ll let me into the Jump Junkies Stunt Crew
Midwest vs. Everybody @midwestern_ope
464K Followers 0 Following Representing and defending THE #1 region || insta: midwestvseverybody
Arrested Development @bluthquotes
252K Followers 27 Following Unofficial quotes, news, and links from the greatest show ever, Arrested Development.
I Think You Should Le.. @ITYSL_memes
73K Followers 991 Following You’re looking at a nude egg. Your #1 source for ITYSL news, memes, & content. I’m just like such a huge fan of ITYSL’s music AND its acting. Let’s slop ‘em up!
Jannine107 🇺🇦�.. @Jannine107
2K Followers 5K Following Writer of comedy. Allegedly. Also, kindness is sexy AF!
The King Of Colts👑 @ShaadMcGinnis
12K Followers 524 Following Writer✍🏾 and Podcast Host🎙 at @ColtsOnFN covering the #Colts for @SInow - Formerly: Stampede Blue, The Blue Stable…. Faith, Family, and Football🏈
pantslessandplanless @vodkanopants
29K Followers 9K Following Your average clinically hysterical disabled transient artist with 5 dogs+a pack of spiders. IG:WildMoonWolf•https://t.co/7fJjJWe7rS•Venmo@CarliAnneSunshine
Terry Eccles. @ecclesterry1
60K Followers 52K Following Ex pro soccer player. Love music, and guitar. I post inspirational words and quotes to hopefully help whoever wants to read them . No saint though.
Logan @SconnieColt
8K Followers 4K Following Uncensored Colts content. #SpacesHost #Fortheshoe | #Badgers | #FearTheDeer
Balderdash @wx388
7K Followers 5K Following Doesn’t matter what the problem is. The answer is always 🧀 #Chiefskingdom #ForeverRoyal
Roc NOTHING INTERESTI.. @dread_rocco
3K Followers 3K Following - I dig animals and yer Mom professional laugher expert bear hugger
Schlotzky's Daddy @MasonJarred520
281 Followers 1K Following we don't know each other, but you're doing great and you're going to make it
Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin
10K Followers 6K Following
Big Dan @BigDanBets
336 Followers 268 Following BBQ, bets, & bullshit Remember, straight bets build bankrolls. Parlays build casinos. Let’s bring minding your own business back 😈
Randy Blake (0-1)🇨.. @RadarBlake70
1K Followers 1K Following Accountant, golfer, loner. Long time Leafs fan/sucker for punishment! Sports, finance, random 🎶 quotes. Form an orderly queue ladies. 😂🤷♂️
Jono @whoinvitedjon
5K Followers 5K Following I work hard, and I play hard. Wait - I actually just work a regular amount and I don't really play that much either tbh
The Tar Heel Book @TheTarHeelBook
953 Followers 2K Following The Tar Heels- a 7 volume series covering the comprehensive history of the UNC Basketball program. Vol One & Two are available now at https://t.co/4GWEF3v1nR
Pete Lapp @petelapp
3K Followers 4K Following Dad. Retired #FBI agent. Author. Speaker. Out now: #queenofcuba re: #anamontes #spy #espionage @posthillpress and @blackstoneaudio
Oversized Hoodie @OversizedHoodi4
1K Followers 2K Following The most comfortable piece of clothing! 4th AND 5th grade 4 square champion, https://t.co/6iJtY17xEX
Have you seen our dem.. @Sparky403
1K Followers 2K Following Moderate | Resistor | Idaho Potato Eating Champion 🥇👀 | I make the unfamilar~familar with colorful mediphors🥋👆🙋♀️🥂 | I shit thunder & sneeze glitter.
pricklypear @prickly12516328
1K Followers 2K Following Dorky, kinky 🙇♀️, sappy romantic, masochist, jaded & brimming w/futile rage. Broken. Bays indignantly at the moon. @B_and_b93 is my maple syrup DD 🇨🇦 NO DM
Jeff W @semperjeff
990 Followers 910 Following Husband and father | Sometimes called "doctor" | Trying to learn how to Dad | Photo-taker | Word-typer | Blog-maker
AskAubry 🦝 @ask_aubry
356K Followers 18K Following Curator of Nice Guys™, WTFs, & Trash Takes Submission? DM DMs are subject to the public Buy me a coffee? https://t.co/aMjLdCHVd4 Follow≠endorse Entire TM=TW
ten second cam @camilli_amilli
8K Followers 1K Following probably thinking about tacos / always maybe joking
Hockey Dad 21 🤌�.. @BillDeM34
444 Followers 659 Following “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” -Tyson 🥊🫵🏼
Annie the Nanny @AnnietheNanny1
37K Followers 28K Following Mother of two, lover of fast cars, slow treadmills and underwear folded in thirds. One wholesome bitch right here.
𝑽𝒆𝒈𝒂𝒔 .. @Conchvegas1
7K Followers 3K Following Twitter is my rock n roll☆He/Him @QueenVofCoffee is my TW ☕ @GoddessPsyche23 is my TC 😌 Fan of pop psychology 🤓🤔😳
NFT Bros Taking Ls @FungersTakingLs
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J.W. Atkin @Atkin_Jw
5K Followers 1K Following Defining life on my terms... It's best not to try and figure me out. It will leave you feeling exhausted.
shirts that go hard @shirtsthtgohard
1.4M Followers 610 Following 20% off your first purchase, use code 'FIRST'! DM for credit! I tag original creators whenever possible. Designs I sell are my own. We’re @/goodshirts on IG!
🇵🇸Nathaniel �.. @narthan78
892 Followers 669 Following If You post no media I assume You're a Bot, Instant block
Mike In The Front✈�.. @MikeInTheFront
15K Followers 758 Following Probably talking about airplanes… Airline captain, aviation heritage volunteer, flight instructor, amateur distance runner.
Bi King of the Duneda.. @Patsby628
531 Followers 676 Following “Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through brief periods of joy.”
Michael Marcinko @MichaelMarcinko
2K Followers 4K Following Raising 2 fierce daughters | I Don't Crush but I Hike a Lot | Bad Poetry and Dad Jokes | Work Hard and Be Kind | Usually Found in Nature |
Thread 2 of how every main character from each ITYSL sketch voted: Unregistered. Had all year to figure it out.
[bumping into Thanos in a bakery] infinity scones amirite
I love running so much. It feels like I’m making the physical earth my bitch one step at a time. Plus it’s the opposite of drinking: It feels awful first and amazing second.
Midwest peer pressure is when your neighbor just mowed their lawn and you now have 24 hours to respond
Hope your weekend went smoothly. Im about to record episode 6 of the PB&J podcast with @hunkybloodydory. This week, we'll discuss the top 5 movie scenes that live rent-free in our heads. Do you have any?
@Hoosier_TarHeel New Melvins album yesterday! open.spotify.com/album/3L5w7yl7…
Everybody felt the warmth of the kindness of others, at some point, so why do people still choose to be jerks?
You clipped my wings then asked why I no longer flew
gotta be this AOL Blast interview of Santa:
what is the most insane thing someone has said during a interview
@ask_aubry HA, I have neither! #Modernsociety
My daughter would always want me to do the bedtime routine with her. I went away on a lads weekender and ever since she has refused to let me put her down at night. I wish I never went and would give anything to be her go to again for sleepy time
I often say: We Irish are the only people in the world who are nostalgic for the future. We always believe in a better tomorrow. Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone!
Just heard a song that asks "what's a heart if it's never been broken?" Bitch, an unbroken heart. Y'all stupid for trying to romanticize everything.
Happy St. Patrick's Day☘️when we celebrate being Irish! Over 2 million Irish were starved to death & exiled in our famine. Shame on politicians who travel to 🇺🇸 to pay homage to #ButcherBiden who could end the murder & starvation of 2 million 🇵🇸 Being 🇮🇪 means solidarity with the…
Biden has supported Israel’s genocide in #Gaza consciously and unconditionally. His heart is not ‘in the right place," but the darkest possible place. As Irish politicians flock to bend the knee to #GenocideJoe, they don't do it in our name. Irish people stand with #Palestine.
Leaf blowers should explode if they’re started before 10am.
Just heard a man in his 60’s say he had an anxiety attack. Listen, you don’t get to ruin the economy AND have millennial problems.
@ask_aubry I would absolutely cook for him again! Are you crazy Aubrey!? How else will he ingest the nightshade?
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