a random Brandon @brandomonium
That one dude. Avid flosser. Artisanal tweets produced with only natural ingredients. header by @riotgrlerin twitter.com/search?q=from%… ATX Joined February 2009-
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a random Brandon retweeted
things are about to change for me
a random Brandon retweeted
I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Weiners
a random Brandon retweeted
No man needs to be taller than 5’10” What are you trying to see up there
a random Brandon retweeted
what generation do I belong to? context: I'm 300 years old and I like poptarts
a random Brandon retweeted
Apparently, Candy Crush is not a dating app for people with Type 2 Diabetes.
a random Brandon retweeted
Drinking coffee until I become worrisome
a random Brandon retweeted
Congress: today we address- *Boeing kills a whistleblower* Congress: -our top concern *Boeing kills a whistleblower* Congress: a resolution to tell college students to stop hurting our feel- *Boeing kills a whistleblower*
a random Brandon retweeted
This picture is still one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It literally is like a 30 rock cutaway gag. "Liz Lemon, I haven't been this angry since Ben Stiller and I got kicked out of Madison Square Garden for trying to fight Tyrese Maxey!"
This picture is still one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It literally is like a 30 rock cutaway gag. "Liz Lemon, I haven't been this angry since Ben Stiller and I got kicked out of Madison Square Garden for trying to fight Tyrese Maxey!"
a random Brandon retweeted
Sorry I’m late, I couldn’t decide which direction to wing the liner on my third eye
a random Brandon retweeted
My dad just informed me that he thought Doja Cat's name was "Dojo Cat" this whole time. I said, "why would it be Dojo???" He said, "I dunno, she likes karate and is a cat."
a random Brandon retweeted
Please enjoy yet another example of the staggering stupidity of my mum’s tortoise, whom she found stuck in this position THREE TIMES yesterday
a random Brandon retweeted
take me back to time when i would get offered piggyback rides
a random Brandon retweeted
marianna was only 27 when she designed coasters that look like little toasts and go inside a toaster… the toaster coasters
marianna was only 27 when she designed coasters that look like little toasts and go inside a toaster… the toaster coasters https://t.co/XN5u7EU1k7
a random Brandon retweeted
at long last, hamethyst
a random Brandon retweeted
I’m like if a clown were also a very serious lil gentleman.
a random Brandon retweeted
today I have done what my soul loves (dissociating and bed rotting for hours)
a random Brandon retweeted
Idk how parents deal with their kids all day, man, if I even hear my phone ring I'm hollering "oh, what is it NOW?!"
a random Brandon retweeted
AUSTIN, TEXAS‼️ I’m headlining the @SunsetStripATX 5/22 for the first time (hopefully first of many) and I wanna sell it out. if you’ve got friends out there send them this and tell them to get their tickets!
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following She may not look like much but she can catch a man, said someone trying to insult me. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Slime @Im_The_Slime
2K Followers 816 Following Seriously never serious. Now laugh: https://t.co/Rluk6Ah1bF
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
eLeni @eleniZarro
17K Followers 2K Following Be funny, be kind, but ffs stop saying literally. My best hits: https://t.co/aXLLBNuMx3 🐎 💜
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname
11K Followers 2K Following slowly backing away. TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/K8oKqyuL84 click below for recent. I’m the same guy at the other places.
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My incessant ramblins in the link below ⬇️
Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
18K Followers 2K Following DM Room cheerleader & typo goddess. 56% funny. TH: @Conchvegas1 . Avi by ToonMe. Header: @dimplesticks. https://t.co/dRgjRopfud
DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
17K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK
9K Followers 5K Following This is a page of silly and fun, don't take it seriously. my fav tweets - https://t.co/gmfzikX1Fh
claire gregowicz @ClaireGregowicz
111 Followers 263 Following Making rainbows, eating madeleine cookies, in search of lost time
kait @kaitlyncostanza
16 Followers 215 Following
Saskia Boutilier @BoutiliSaski
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Computer Plumber 👨.. @CYA_Sire
439 Followers 5K Following *don’t send a follow request, my tweets are trash*| Mostly drunk, incoherent tweets. Here to perve, laugh and lie | AI , ML & Cloud aficionado |
LOVE @Bijangiovann
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ICU night nurse @eyeseeyouarein
12K Followers 2K Following Night shift nurse in a busy ICU. Gotta vent somewhere... Keeping my old bio because I’m sentimental. APRN ACHPN these days. #medtwitter #hospice #nursetwitter
Women Prefer Bears @PolarizingBear
174 Followers 738 Following I like salmon, berries and long walks in the woods. I respect women. The answer is yes, I do shit in the woods.
Ava-rose Mcclenic @McclenicAv72001
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Jo Walston @JoGrrrl
149 Followers 800 Following
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilarious
saiki slay @degenkween
32 Followers 143 Following tattooed blonde yapper, jrpg gamer, anime fan and bedroom cosplayer
Dick Kimble MD PhD OB.. @dickkimble10
29K Followers 23K Following Trophy husband, never worked, lots of servants, got manflu, founded #ChurchofCashology , mothers-in-law for sale, Eton, loads of £££, modest, a real shit
April Lindesmith @ApriLindesmi
14 Followers 3K Following
Eva del Mar @Eva_nbetterIRL
10K Followers 518 Following Eyes that steal souls. Calm fire, assertive empath, lover of simplicity & above all, pathological liar (I'm funny too) To BOOK: [email protected]
Roxie Christain @ChristainR60354
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Katy Hochstein @HochsteinK51616
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Alys Heimer @HeimerAlys72535
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Over it Already @overitalready__
134 Followers 549 Following Proud Democrat 🇺🇸,Empty nester, love to read, travel. Celtics lifelong fan ☘️☘️, native New Mexican 🌶
Grandma Gone Rogue @Qltr
1K Followers 1K Following Patiently waiting for my procrastination to reach critical mass. ADD quilter. Eater of broken cookies. Loves to read, just not instruction manuals. No DMs.
Shannan Ashlock @AshlockShan
32 Followers 5K Following
Evelina Savas @EvelinaSav73395
93 Followers 5K Following
Charming Ebola (Micha.. @Michael_Brogna
147 Followers 105 Following Retired in Bradenton, Florida. 🌴 No DMs! 🌴
Babette Derrickson @BabetDerrick
67 Followers 5K Following
Theresa Purington @TheresaPur32325
80 Followers 5K Following
iamaphextwin on bl�.. @iamaphextwin
163 Followers 471 Following he/they; ultrarunner; swimmer; baseball; SQL; data guy; nail polish; Michigan State; 🚫 alcohol 🌈 :wq
Gene Salo @gene_salo
66 Followers 372 Following Find a penny, pick it up. All day long you'll have good luck 🍀 I like coffee and cats.
ilúvatar, the creato.. @itiswhattitties
2K Followers 331 Following non-fungible token pick me girl (she/ye)
kelley @kelleywelchy
80 Followers 104 Following take a joke or take a hike - nomad RVing the country, writer, carnivore, big time silly goose
D @ddddllllyyyy
14 Followers 11 Following
Sona @Sona17303330881
6 Followers 66 Following
Emilia Livley @livl_emil
83 Followers 5K Following
ᑭ🅰𝕣𝒶𝕓�.. @Parabellumesque
2K Followers 1K Following Fυ©ķ 𝓎๏𝕌, ⓘ 𝐰ⓄⓃ’t ᗪσ ᗯ𝓱𝕒Ť Ў𝐨𝐮 tᵉᒪⓁ 𝐌𝔼… Irredeemable sinner.
D.N. Schmidt, space o.. @Writepop
10K Followers 7K Following Science fiction writer, humorist, and brain in a jar. Grab my books at Amazon! Read free stories, jokes, and writing tips at https://t.co/PmeQokhNBo.
Hafsa Devincent @h_devince
80 Followers 5K Following
Sam @333666bbb
7K Followers 7K Following A quiet man with the loudest fucking mind. 2nd account @3366bb
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following She may not look like much but she can catch a man, said someone trying to insult me. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin
55K Followers 3K Following • goth daria vibes • fear does not exist in this bio • muppet enthusiast • reba/dolly 2024 • subscribe •
Midge @mxmclain
35K Followers 2K Following Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
meghan @deloisivete
20K Followers 3K Following mother of boys | surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Slime @Im_The_Slime
2K Followers 816 Following Seriously never serious. Now laugh: https://t.co/Rluk6Ah1bF
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
eLeni @eleniZarro
17K Followers 2K Following Be funny, be kind, but ffs stop saying literally. My best hits: https://t.co/aXLLBNuMx3 🐎 💜
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname
11K Followers 2K Following slowly backing away. TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/K8oKqyuL84 click below for recent. I’m the same guy at the other places.
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My incessant ramblins in the link below ⬇️
Saint Vivica, Patron .. @QueenVofCoffee
18K Followers 2K Following DM Room cheerleader & typo goddess. 56% funny. TH: @Conchvegas1 . Avi by ToonMe. Header: @dimplesticks. https://t.co/dRgjRopfud
DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
17K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK
9K Followers 5K Following This is a page of silly and fun, don't take it seriously. my fav tweets - https://t.co/gmfzikX1Fh
aaliyah ✿･̑◡�.. @enchantingliyah
18K Followers 2K Following arepa y pupusa fiend ❁ OF🧚🏼♀️link📩 @ethereaaliyah ❀ $lapischerry ☆彡compassion and liberation for allᵔᴥᵔ)
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilarious
lil busta 2.0 (the re.. @sheeebee
8K Followers 812 Following • simply tryin my best • 28 • she/her • adults only • if ya can’t hang, there’s the door!
mads @madsagascar
3K Followers 339 Following (she/her) 🧛🏻♀️ life is hard wear a helmet 🎤 last good thing
elll @boobbmuncherr
5K Followers 204 Following she/her || mentally jumping out of a plane || traumatized ||
𓆏 with a blog @magnacumtata
11K Followers 961 Following 🇵🇸| she/her | 18+ | ★ | mutual: @summacumtata | insta: @bella_tarr
kelley @kelleywelchy
80 Followers 104 Following take a joke or take a hike - nomad RVing the country, writer, carnivore, big time silly goose
ilúvatar, the creato.. @itiswhattitties
2K Followers 331 Following non-fungible token pick me girl (she/ye)
D @ddddllllyyyy
14 Followers 11 Following
Sam @333666bbb
7K Followers 7K Following A quiet man with the loudest fucking mind. 2nd account @3366bb
AdaBluesOnYourShoulde.. @AdaBlue11
2K Followers 5K Following A person who failed the apparent requirement to summarize myself within the allotted word count. Also, a master of failing various other endeavors. She/Her
rebar mcentire? @rebarmcentire
456 Followers 389 Following one a those they/them queers • cops are gross
🦇🕸🩸✨🕯Ni.. @nic_loves_metal
1K Followers 1K Following Metal loving, gym obsessed, tattooed, bad mouthed, moon worshipping, bisexual bratty PT #IAmPrimordial #PRFam 💖💜💙
Bitch Wife/Girlboss @husbandfuck3r
842 Followers 588 Following Country club commie. Flops only. (she/her)
melissa 🌱 ₊˚⊹.. @faeriemelissa
1K Followers 437 Following the twitter user ever ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ | yellow peril supports black power
erin chack @ErinChack
22K Followers 650 Following my hair is long now. writing: @newyorkerhumor, @mcsweeneys, @monsterchildren and more. always looking for new bylines.
pinball lizard @probablyalissa
7K Followers 1K Following Simply too short to ever be meaningful • she/her
Kylie Cheung @kylietcheung
14K Followers 2K Following Staff writer @Jezebel, James Harden propagandist | Free Palestine https://t.co/Wn8TFeBzna
ksegrest @kbslp2004
1K Followers 3K Following DFW metroplex; M.S. Comm Dis/Communications Specialist
Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91
24K Followers 342 Following Writer, animal foster person, 69 inches tall. If you let me write for your thing, I'll kiss you right on the head. Venmo/yael91, IG/the.yael
reverend mother g mon.. @bbygwala
2K Followers 449 Following
frog homeless @FrogHomeless
1K Followers 917 Following world scorpion licking champion (by forfeit). 20. https://t.co/RA15THcHtU
Drev ⏩AC @Dreventhe
2K Followers 312 Following Opossum dude trying to keep vibin and avoid unalivin. Spreading positivity wherever I end up. Post more opossums - Love yourself Fursuit by @MotleyCrowMasks
Parker @TeslaEnthusist
1K Followers 650 Following Tesla | SpaceX | Dogs | Tech | Model Y Owner | I love 🔋 I tried my hardest to be funny once, and so far im unsuccessful
Sensory 🧙♂️.. @SensoryVAL
319 Followers 885 Following Ben Katz // 24 // Esports Director at Rollins College // he/him
Art Vandelay @VandelayJoe
2K Followers 1K Following Earl Shill 🐶 - LHBC Simp 🍺- Friend of greg -- Retired Architect, Importer Exporter, Latex Salesman, Marine biologist, Hand Model -
Daniel Fair @DanFair88
4K Followers 2K Following Covering Arkansas football recruiting for @ArkansasRivals | Subscribe to https://t.co/pfhkWUdkUC | Wichita State '22 |
Isaiah Moore @IsaiahMoore34
440 Followers 2K Following (1/5 angus) I do a lot of things but not enough things because I haven’t learned how to juggle yet, my tweets are whoever wants them
🍉🌿🐈⬛Bec.. @beccala8780
706 Followers 2K Following 🧙🏻♀️she/they 28 🐦⬛Corvid lover 🌱 evil 5’3 girlie 💖💜💙 ♈️☀️/♓️🌙/♒️⬆️ @PdxPestle appreciation account #BLM #FreePalestine #ACAB
shrek @garIicbreacl
676 Followers 2K Following acc to shitpost on .. 18+ memes, butts, reply guy, sw, sometimes nsfw, YES IM BRI’ISH (dm for alt)
Luke @LukeMisencik
135 Followers 224 Following
gabby @gabbyraddy
9K Followers 1K Following 26 | mama | sagittarius | punk & metal head | horror | anime | booktwt | pvt @tsunamijuice
Joey Sunshine @deestlore
206 Followers 360 Following
gilbert @memetazaa
8K Followers 2K Following real guy | italian🇮🇹 | virgin | loser | bald | 5'8 | forbes worst 30 under 30 | i love my girlfriend
BigHero69 @Borat_sagyidev
63 Followers 427 Following If we believe in nothing, if nothing has any meaning and if we can affirm no values whatsoever, then everything is possible and nothing has any importance
Crime Brûlée 🏳�.. @arsxnists
326 Followers 725 Following This is the void into which I scream. 💓💛💙 Alex Goldmanthings are about to change for me
the greatest achievement on twitter is having your tweet stolen
I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Weiners
There are cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see.
Yes Florida will vote on an abortion ballot measure in November but that doesn't change the reality that as of yesterday abortion is banned in the state/across the South—a situation that one clinic director told me is “not just not sustainable but not survivable”:
Florida’s 6-Week Abortion Ban Takes Effect: ‘Not Survivable’ jezebel.com/not-survivable…
Already thinking about what we’ll have for lunch, it has to be something that will make life worth living again
No man needs to be taller than 5’10” What are you trying to see up there
what generation do I belong to? context: I'm 300 years old and I like poptarts
Apparently, Candy Crush is not a dating app for people with Type 2 Diabetes.
It’s @rustygunters birthday today. You know what that means? It’s basically titty Tuesday all day again. Drop em here ladies. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
this is so funny the richard nixon masks made me truly laugh out loud omg
if your dad needs a getaway driver we got you
My dad has beers with his buddies each Wednesday and makes a list of things to talk about beforehand and it is the cutest thing in the world!
Favorite photo from April
how the clippers played game 5:
Shes back
Havent had internet for 2 hours cuz of some shortage
Anyway here’s my makeup from tonight 🙂
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