Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91
Writer, animal foster person, 69 inches tall. If you let me write for your thing, I'll kiss you right on the head. Venmo/yael91, IG/the.yael amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls… Chicago, IL Joined December 2008-
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Followers24K
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Following341
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Likes206K
I never feel like more of an adult than when I'm refilling my purse advil with my bathroom advil because I used it up refilling my car advil.
I know it came first, but The Brave Little Toaster is just Toy Story with household appliances and significantly more suicide.
I need one of those little laptop fans that keeps your computer from overheating when it gets too overwhelmed, but for my brain.
Probably the craziest thing about being an adult is that you have to answer the door by yourself. Big dude knocks & says he's there to fix your internet? You can't get your mom. you just let him into your apartment alone and close the door behind you and hope he doesn't kill you
Here are the top 5 times: 1. 7:32pm (indisputably the best time) 2. 2:44pm (has its critics but an all-round excellent time) 3. 9:51pm (not too early, not too late) 4. 3:07am (chances of being required to attend a meeting at 3:07am? Low) 5. 11:38am (the connoisseur's lunch time)
Becoming a cult leader until I have just enough followers to start a ska band.
When I wished for a stable relationship this is not what I meant
"In a civil society, you should get to murder people who inconvenience you"
"In a civil society, you should get to murder people who inconvenience you"
"Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." OK well I love adding the Brazzers logo to dude's dating profile pictures. Do I still have to go to work, or
Inside you there are two wolves. So yeah, it's not appendicitis. Just the two wolves thing
I wrote a haiku for Trump, to help him through this difficult time: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA fucker
They should do this at every job. If I knew any mistake I made was gonna be torn apart by a group of teenage girls I’d never fuck up again.
They should do this at every job. If I knew any mistake I made was gonna be torn apart by a group of teenage girls I’d never fuck up again.
The idea that people in other countries choose to study abroad in the US is hilarious. Like, imagine reminiscing about your semester in Idaho
the cashier at TJ Maxx just asked me if i needed to pick up any gifts for mother’s day bc they just got a bunch in so i said “no thanks, she’s dead” and she just stared at me for 30 seconds then asked if i wanted to save 20% by opening up a TJ Maxx rewards card.
I have a 0% success rate of visiting the @onetailatatime iso house and leaving without a dog. Got to have a sleepover with adorable land seal, Lil Mama who was so smart & gentle, and knew what was a toy and what wasn't. Did she destroy them? Maybe. Did we spoon all night? Yes.
Every change you make in life starts with crafting clothes for nuns. It's all about creating habits.
Taking the high road is over. This year we're starting fights in Arby's parking lots.
jon drake @DrakeGatsby
112K Followers 2K Following they must have amnesia, they forgot that im him. 1/2 of @blastzonepod. senior brand strategist for @trymetafy
Roxi Horror 💀🌸 @roxiqt
65K Followers 1K Following Extremely online internet gremlin & comedy content creator 🥄💜 @roxiqt on Bluesky & TikTok 🦝 https://t.co/JbrOVGHJgp ✨
maura quint @behindyourback
114K Followers 1K Following Elon Musk is a piss baby. Rarely checking this account. Follow me at mauraquint on bluesky, insta, tt, etc. Contact: quintmaura@ gmail
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGraham
Napcore Influencer @SortaBad
62K Followers 797 Following @sortaokaytbh if we are pals. Solana + Metis + Avax ecosystem maxi
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
91K Followers 642 Following Sorry I don’t have the “NUDES" in my bio you were looking for (I write TV shows and movies).
mike ginn @shutupmikeginn
210K Followers 1K Following
Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 651 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIb
sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist
32K Followers 634 Following • unverified account • orca sympathizer • she/her • 🔴 alt @thot_feminist
jo @whatsJo
48K Followers 964 Following b-side. I eat popsicles for breakfast. Trial ft error. 🤖rights. crusha bit, lil bit✨
dan mentos @DanMentos
88K Followers 653 Following
Rads @_radsy
35K Followers 942 Following Everything in moderation, except for snacks. https://t.co/5nYXnwFkTs
fredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 890 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |
audrey farnsworth @audipenny
43K Followers 853 Following writer. @audipenny on IG / important newsletter @ https://t.co/bZaZufPQ3K / comics at @scaretownusa
dick snickers @smithsara79
42K Followers 831 Following My name isn’t really sara; I just don't want my students googling me & finding out I say fuck. (any pronouns, just don’t be an asshole)
Helen @Helen9459549031
64 Followers 887 Following
Matia Tilmon @Gemini_vixen79
77 Followers 369 Following
AdjectiveBeaver🌵�.. @AdjectiveBeaver
325 Followers 299 Following Be kind. Be encouraging. Some other third thing. Excitedly talks about birds @WBU_Inc | Unity Support Associate @Spatial_io He/Him
HunnyHiive @HunnyHiive
293 Followers 1K Following Tasks of Parenting is WILD FYI you're not alone on the journey.
Not Chuuya :( @theunrealchuuya
0 Followers 8 Following
A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My posts in this link ⬇️
a m'in ceva un caz @posostarxidiam
40 Followers 163 Following Συνήθως τσεκαρω πριν το follow αλλά ενίοτε ξεφεύγει κανένας μαλακας.
Aud Auder @cb_auder
662 Followers 1K Following Paper & digital collage, hybrid narrative, no AI. Wildlife watcher. Worried, angry, persisting. EIC https://t.co/CiX5lk5N7Z (hiatus); also https://t.co/42XqaOni1z
JS @JSkivvy
67 Followers 588 Following I'm only a triple away from the cycle. Brewers/Bucks/Packers/Tottenham
Lee Zimmerman 🌊 @zim2918
81K Followers 78K Following SPIN Distinguished Silk Artist, PhD, all artwork presented here is my own. PLEASE FOLLOW ME AT @zim2918art
Saidy Saidy @SaidySaidy71666
126 Followers 790 Following
seastar @seastar4000
602 Followers 257 Following
stone cold kumquat @kumquattomy
22 Followers 109 Following caught in an unexpected cycle of do-goodery - send help
OptimisticAngel @onlyneedlove24
393 Followers 5K Following She/Her Mixed Trans Black/Puerto Rican, Also go by Ronny..R.I.P. Mom and Rome(Dad) Trying to love myself 🙏🙏🙏Depression is my arch enemy ..BLM 🌈
D Gee @Earth_People_I
202 Followers 936 Following
Steve Oglesby @StevePrime7
103 Followers 440 Following
Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilarious
kev @kevinsweather
22 Followers 54 Following
Matherietheres @matherietheres
20 Followers 100 Following
Wolf Boy @wolfboy1850
588 Followers 2K Following German • Male • Singles • Bi • 19 years • I like vore, BDSM, NSFW and... • I like being a BDSM slave • 18+ account • character_ai my name is @/gabriel_nikita
Bullypulpiteer @bullypulpiteer
518 Followers 591 Following I am the Golden Spike of the Temple of Fuck You copyright / iconic american
speakers on blast🔻 @speakers0nblast
275 Followers 906 Following agitprop and absurdity. Pro: animals, banter, silliness Anti: capitalism, colonialism, fascism, racism, sexism, all the stupid asshole-isms basically
Welfare Toys @WelfareToys
456 Followers 443 Following Season 3 of The Cosby Show | Tony Hawk's Slow Skater | Winner of The ABC Primetime Rerun Award for my role as Dr. Shultz on Family Ties | #vistra4vr
Makayla Peebles @QueenofDeath98
6 Followers 231 Following
Mira Visconti @sanity914
5 Followers 83 Following
RndmlyAcquredMusings @amalesheep
15 Followers 1K Following
Cosh @voshmosh
200 Followers 5K Following
Roselyn @Roselyn63563881
23 Followers 315 Following
Ivan Sr. @IvanSr24444069
57 Followers 331 Following
Cat Carrington (Cat T.. @CatTyler1
100 Followers 240 Following Stage Manager, Scout, love cats and books!
Salman Odeh @SalmanOdeh18144
5 Followers 52 Following
معمل الصفا @I6UurjxO617oNHN
86 Followers 1K Following
Jacques and The Big S.. @yungpencilcase
245 Followers 1K Following
Rivers McCown @riversmccown
10K Followers 577 Following absorbing your misplaced anger since 2009 | @fboutsiders / @NBCSportsEdge staff writer | final fantasy 4 speedrunner | not related to josh mccown in any way
jon drake @DrakeGatsby
112K Followers 2K Following they must have amnesia, they forgot that im him. 1/2 of @blastzonepod. senior brand strategist for @trymetafy
Roxi Horror 💀🌸 @roxiqt
65K Followers 1K Following Extremely online internet gremlin & comedy content creator 🥄💜 @roxiqt on Bluesky & TikTok 🦝 https://t.co/JbrOVGHJgp ✨
maura quint @behindyourback
114K Followers 1K Following Elon Musk is a piss baby. Rarely checking this account. Follow me at mauraquint on bluesky, insta, tt, etc. Contact: quintmaura@ gmail
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGraham
Napcore Influencer @SortaBad
62K Followers 797 Following @sortaokaytbh if we are pals. Solana + Metis + Avax ecosystem maxi
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
91K Followers 642 Following Sorry I don’t have the “NUDES" in my bio you were looking for (I write TV shows and movies).
mike ginn @shutupmikeginn
210K Followers 1K Following
Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 651 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIb
sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist
32K Followers 634 Following • unverified account • orca sympathizer • she/her • 🔴 alt @thot_feminist
jo @whatsJo
48K Followers 964 Following b-side. I eat popsicles for breakfast. Trial ft error. 🤖rights. crusha bit, lil bit✨
dan mentos @DanMentos
88K Followers 653 Following
Rads @_radsy
35K Followers 942 Following Everything in moderation, except for snacks. https://t.co/5nYXnwFkTs
audrey farnsworth @audipenny
43K Followers 853 Following writer. @audipenny on IG / important newsletter @ https://t.co/bZaZufPQ3K / comics at @scaretownusa
dick snickers @smithsara79
42K Followers 831 Following My name isn’t really sara; I just don't want my students googling me & finding out I say fuck. (any pronouns, just don’t be an asshole)
Eric Zhu @ericzhu105
44K Followers 1K Following 16 years old | Co-Founder @joinaviato | Investor @BachmanityFund💫
Rp2D2 - Now on BlueSk.. @Rp2D2
233 Followers 487 Following Wine lover, Event goddess, Disney fanatic, Texan in my soul, and College Football devotee. Trust me, I’m not worth a follow. https://t.co/yjYHIAhFSZ
Mark Primiano @Doctor1Hundred
7K Followers 637 Following I used to write about sports. Now I do surgeries. I love you. I'm glad I exist.
Dadof2Boys @Dadof2crazyboys
4K Followers 1K Following Account is closely monitored by my mother who tells my wife.
Lynda Carter @RealLyndaCarter
449K Followers 1K Following Singer, Actress and proud Mom! Listen to my new single #LettersfromEarth: https://t.co/8r3ycFqOTS
Hank Green @hankgreen
1.6M Followers 989 Following You should get some socks: https://t.co/IMXCkqywav
Grim & Graham @GrimAndGraham
11K Followers 32 Following Comics featuring Grim Reaper and his trainee, Graham. IG: https://t.co/K5EMqcKi9Z Words by @TheAndrewNadeau | Drawing by @wonder_city_
david cross✍ @davidcrosss
299K Followers 953 Following Stream my newest special WORST DADDY IN THE WORLD at https://t.co/nDD8NpUZjy. Subscribe to my new podcast at https://t.co/Cf1GByCX76
One Tail at a Time (O.. @onetailatatime
10K Followers 1K Following Chicago animal rescue saving dogs, cats, and critters of all ages and finding each the best home. Visit our Adoption Center at 2144 N. Wood!
Elle Has Cats (and AD.. @ellle_em
71K Followers 8K Following USian in Spain. accidentally started an unofficial cat refuge. they/them. I'm sorry but I talk about sports sometimes
SARAH SQUIRM @SarahSquirm
106K Followers 3K Following 🤡 sarah sherman on @nbcsnl 🪱 😛 come see me on tour 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 + 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐇! 🧠
Michael James Schneid.. @BLCKSMTHdesign
21K Followers 828 Following bless this mess. (IG: blcksmth) he/him
whalefact @awhalefact
193K Followers 392 Following whale fact for you. Black Lives Matter. contact:[email protected] | 160K on insta. twitch:https://t.co/nkg9i6Bn21 | merch:https://t.co/JkeeVQnEei
tara strong @tarastrong
428K Followers 20K Following Miss Minutes thinks u 💙 Timmy Turner, or Bubbles? Raven? Harley? Baby Dil? Twilight? Batgirl?! Pick one or Miss Collins will give you Big Time Homework 🌱vegan
bornmiserable.bsky.so.. @bornmiserable
19K Followers 182 Following ELON MUSK IS A WHITE SUPREMACIST AND TRANSPHOBE: https://t.co/NCBoblquUZ…
Sarah Cooper @sarahcpr
2.0M Followers 4K Following #UNFROSTED is streaming May 3rd on @Netflix. My book of essays FOOLISH is out now from @duttonbooks
Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy
205K Followers 1K Following ancient reptile. stern but fair. | Omar on Platonic | Apple TV+
free palestine @milkglutton_
1K Followers 836 Following 1312 | all pronouns if you call me jobee, they/them if you call me lou | sickly old bitch
15/10 Foundation @15outof10
50K Followers 19 Following making shelter dogs with medical needs more adoptable ❤️🩹 @dog_rates
Audrey Porne @AudreyPorne
27K Followers 2K Following ngāi tahu 🖤 stand-up comedian who will guard the bathroom door for you at parties. display pic by @Dug_McFarlane
Spanky McDutcherson �.. @thatdutchperson
19K Followers 897 Following Dutch. My mom smoked during pregnancy. I do jokes sometimes. Mental health. He/Him
Alex Dobrenko @Dobrenkz
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Brandon Rhoten @brhoten
3K Followers 133 Following marketer who builds impossible-to-ignore brands. cmo of GroundTruth. proud of my former teams @wendys @gyro @papajohns @potbelly. opinions are mine and all that
niles @NILES100
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ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl
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tate @50FirstTates
36K Followers 625 Following just body after body busting out of shit wood and hittin pavement
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32K Followers 948 Following I really hope this whole twitter thing works out so I can finally start that cult. venmo: @megatronic13
Jessica @JoyandJoyness
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Women Posting W's @womenpostingws
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jordan @jordan_stratton
16K Followers 1K Following Probably needs to drink more water today. Editor @thedad | [email protected]
Milana Vayntrub @MintMilana
212K Followers 2K Following Twitter is a terrible place for people who don’t want to know what you think of them. (she/her please thank you)
Mike Birbiglia @birbigs
630K Followers 2K Following My new standup special, The Old Man & The Pool, is available on Netflix. Currently on tour in a city near you.
@elle91 Ugh. You deserve so much better than this. I'm very glad you got out!
@elle91 Girl, you're so (ibupro)fine!! I'll see myself out.
Gonna be so weird after the Supreme Court decision when we're no longer allowed to say "No One Is Above The Law" anymore
@elle91 Two birds, one very crazy stone vice.com/en/article/exq…
When my 6yo told me he liked my old man hair I had to ask what he meant and he was like “you know, those really long squiggly ones at the end of your eyebrow” so there’s that.
@elle91 Just try to look at your phone or read a book and hope it doesn't get awkward. A few months ago a few mechanic guys installed a new thermostat into my ancient apartment and it wasn't great
@elle91 A big guy knocked on my back screen door from the INSIDE the other day and rescued me from entertaining neighborhood kids outside. "who is he?" "he's here to kill bugs!"
@elle91 Especially at night. When I am supposed to be sleeping. But obviously I am not bc of the whole overheated/overwhelmed brain thing.
if there's no Tiktok how will I melt my brain for five hours at a time? drugs? okay sure if you insist
I don't know, if you and all your friends keep getting indicted for shit, maybe the problem is you and all your friends?
he used his one phone call on me. what an honor 😭
Now imagine their stance if men had to lose an organ.
Turner, replying to Sotomayor: YES, Idaho law does say abortions are not allowed if a woman would just lose an organ but not be at risk of death.
Here are the top 5 times: 1. 7:32pm (indisputably the best time) 2. 2:44pm (has its critics but an all-round excellent time) 3. 9:51pm (not too early, not too late) 4. 3:07am (chances of being required to attend a meeting at 3:07am? Low) 5. 11:38am (the connoisseur's lunch time)
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