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Tweets5K
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Followers2K
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Following1K
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Likes30K
People who complain about how many smoke shops are in NYC are the same kids that reminded the teacher to collect our homework People who defend how many smoke shops there are were the kids who got their homework back face down
this isn't shade but I just know timothee chalamet could pull off severus snape's entire wardrobe
truly the worst part about being an A's fan this season is that the guys are doing really well and we can't rally around them and support them because ownership is so bad that they have to keep the comments turned off.
truly the worst part about being an A's fan this season is that the guys are doing really well and we can't rally around them and support them because ownership is so bad that they have to keep the comments turned off.
"you wouldn't last a week in the asylum where they raised me" and it's just a three-bedroom home in the suburbs with two parents that love you
Jay Gatsby’s Jay Gatsby’s favorite least favorite super hero super hero
I'm pretty sure I could solve racism if I just rewatched the Rush Hour movies
mercury retrograde is over so I guess I'll go back to blaming all my problems on my mother
Okay so, exciting announcement - I've been asked to (and agreed to!) lead a new mission concept out of @NASAJPL 🚀🪐 There's a lot of hurdles between concept and flight so wish us luck! Part of winning is community support so I guess I'm back on twitter for the next while. 😅🤓
the "stand-up comedians over 35 who don't wanna keep posting clips" lobby is far more powerful than you could have ever imagined
the "stand-up comedians over 35 who don't wanna keep posting clips" lobby is far more powerful than you could have ever imagined
I truly believe I could be on jeopardy as long as none of the questions are "how do you spell jeopardy"
can a corporation do that "look at your keyboard" trend so it will finally die
My period is so bad right now I think it’s closer to an exclamation point.
I can't believe the hive is appropriating swiftie culture like this
This is great news!
every day we stray further from god's light, and every day woody's pupils stray further from each other
every day we stray further from god's light, and every day woody's pupils stray further from each other
When someone sends a viral post they think I'd enjoy, it's like, "You really think I haven't seen this? I've already seen dozen of parodies of it and I'm deep in the discourse about what it all means. You underestimate the amount of time I waste and I find that disrespectful."
Pre-order the second edition of the She Series book: She Changed The World! So excited to have my work included in this new edition. Long live girlhood, and long live @Khallion !
Pre-order the second edition of the She Series book: She Changed The World! So excited to have my work included in this new edition. Long live girlhood, and long live @Khallion !
Laurie Kilmartin @anylaurie16
106K Followers 6K Following Comedian / Emmy-Nominated & WGA Award-Winning Writer / Seen on After Midnight, Conan, Corden / NYT Best Selling Author / "Cis Woke Grief Sl*t" out now.Red Scott @red_scott
3K Followers 1K Following * SF comic * co-host of @boarsgoreswords, @failureadapt and Westworld podcast “Doesn’t Sound Like Anything to Me” * 🏈 takes at @red_scott_fbJosh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.Chad Opitz @chadopitz
17K Followers 15K Following Stand up comic by night/protecting Rick Moranis also by night Instagram: @chadopitzMike Drucker @MikeDrucker
202K Followers 5K Following Emmy-nominated TV writer and comedian. Wrote a book about games and now writing another. Newsletter: https://t.co/9mOMgDuvfv Email: mikedruckerisdead @ gmail .comAmy Miller @amymiller
27K Followers 3K Following 💜✌️ female comedian / coastal elite white trash / not talking to you, talking to your dog / never not touching my headGinny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan_
165K Followers 6K Following thank you for bearing with me, links to everything belowMarcella Arguello @marcellacomedy
45K Followers 2K Following Comedian. Known Bitch. HBO special #BitchGrowUp on MAX. Comedy albums: Mercury in Reggaeton & TheWokeBully. Podcast: Comedy Is Dead! ░T░I░X░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░0░i can be your long lo.. @PallaviGunalan
93K Followers 2K Followinge e bustings @jessethehett
2K Followers 969 Following CEO of Microsoft. Philanthropist, futurist, visionaryDani Fernandez @msdanifernandez
105K Followers 2K Following Chicana 💃🏻 Actress • Writer (Netflix, Max, DC Comics) • Disney Character • [email protected]Ivan Hernandez @ivan_hernandez
5K Followers 535 Following co-host @boarsgoreswords | contact: ivanhernandezonline AT gmail dot comashley ray🍦ice cre.. @theashleyray
64K Followers 3K Following tv writer/comedian/host of @tvisaypod. [email protected] reps: brillsteinAtsuko Okatsuka @AtsukoComedy
79K Followers 3K Following My @HBO special "The Intruder" out now! See me live on tour👇Sara Schaefer @saraschaefer1
108K Followers 3K Following Comedian & Writer. Living the auntiecore life. The book I wrote is called GRAND. Come see my new solo show: GOING UPJackie Kashian @jackiekashian
45K Followers 2K Following 🎤Touring Stand-Up Comedian 📺See me on After Midnight, HBO, NPR, Conan, Corden, & more! 🎤Podcasts — Dork Forest🌳 Jackie & Laurie Show🎧Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharksGuy Branum @guybranum
96K Followers 7K Following Headlining the Elysian Theater in LA May 7 https://t.co/gFrL2CFLic for tickets.maggie tokuda-hall (u.. @emteehall
10K Followers 2K Following preorder THE WORST RŌNIN now! Author of a buncha books, some for little kids some for teens. Cohost @FailureAdapt. Cofounder @AuthorsABB she/herThe Symbiotic Effect .. @SymbioticEP
109 Followers 6K Following Asking the hard questions and seeking answers through calloboration for the betterment of society!Cunning @67Askb7yoI33d
35 Followers 1K Following 風雨を経験しなければ、虹を見ることはできない。磨かれなければ、ダイヤモンドになることはできない。堅持して、奮闘して、夢はついに実現します!頑張って!CaraBarney @ZEZAfC1V9G2iMT
0 Followers 177 FollowingDavid Perlmutter @DavidPerlmutt10
4K Followers 5K Following I am a fiction and non-fiction writer from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.Lisa Patina @LisaPatina
2 Followers 33 FollowingMicah Rovera @micahrovera
39 Followers 244 Followingdaisy “dan goose”.. @fatstevebuscemi
14K Followers 2K Following fat leftist comedian. uh oh sounds like i should have a podcast, doesn’t it!!! alt: @shrimp_likermatariel/azazael | �.. @bloodiedgarden
97 Followers 239 Following 21 ▪︎ they/xe/he ▪︎ queer ▪︎ gomens/bebo/tma/house/aftg • pfp by @playingeasyy • if you don't stand for complete liberation of all those oppressed then fuck offSamuel Lee @thenameisl333
330 Followers 4K Following I was the leading figure of both the spiritual and psychological warfare for 17 years... https://t.co/4tESgmADScvincintgin @4znrnrmcwd
164 Followers 1K Following🏴Spanner🏴 @spannergeek
310 Followers 769 Following Sometime twitterer, amateur music maker, RPG (not Role Playing Games) programmer. Music fan, movie fan and TV fan. NHS worker. ULL https://t.co/R6TfjRRCmnrincon.rebecca elsewh.. @RebeccaARincon
361 Followers 711 Following don’t worry, be silly. these are just for me now. ❤️Gabe Lacques @GabeLacques
4K Followers 4K Following Covering baseball for @USATODAYSports. Unbearably staid. "You don't get to hate it unless you love it."césar @dimitriohr
0 Followers 103 Followingrust belt city girl @heymiashea
272 Followers 709 Following Milwaukee Midwesterner | Cat girly, chronic tchotchke collector, lover of libraries, the lake, pop music, @Bucks, @Brewers, and frozen custard ✨Rick Logan @rickloganhaha
2K Followers 3K Following Comedian, Actor, Writer, Speaker, Trainer. He/Himthe sound of 101 powe.. @SyrupEaterBlues
12 Followers 1K Following staying warm inside the ripple of the Panasonic humMartin Coyle @coyle_mj
1K Followers 1K Following Not the lead, maybe a side character, sometimes just scenery. @Coylehere on Mastodon and BlueskyKarl’s bunner @karlstrauss
279 Followers 1K Following Mr. Rogers routine whenever I get home, but instead of house shoes, it's pajama pantsA Somm Called SURGE �.. @Lord_BullGod
440 Followers 1K Following My life motto has always been thus: Let's dance to the drummer's beat! Philly sports, wrestling, BLM, and Grease 2. CMS Certified Sommelier. He/him.Aaron @jerkfacedog
308 Followers 2K Following Bland takes on television, politics, Iowa Hawkeyes, Oakland A's, and Oxford commas.Tim Platt @TimothyPlatt
7K Followers 2K Following comedian/musician/actor. Podcasts with Rude Tales of Magic, Oh These Those Stars of Space, and Hampton High.Kyle Wright @mashstartbutton
162 Followers 1K Following Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, a, b.Headmistress Tallulah @Tallulah_Chanel
3K Followers 828 Following 🖊Independent Author🖊 - #SourDollsWIP 🎙Podcast Host🎙 - The Mutant Academy Podcast 🥧ToonTown Resident🥧 👩🏾Simmer👩🏾Pamela @merritt42pamela
177 Followers 3K FollowingBeyonce’s Levi Jean.. @gurley_india
638 Followers 698 Following TV Writer @firecountrycbs | Actor | Paramount/CBS WMP ‘23 | Rep: @goodfearcontentHeather @Heatherinaa
290 Followers 1K FollowingMelissa Esq.👩🏽�.. @MermaidSailor
1K Followers 3K Following Historian, Jedi, Fan of Steel, Wahoo lawyer. Opinions are mine. “Without kindness, what is your homeland worth?” -Lois Lane 🫐Juan Jacobs @JuanJacobs256
1K Followers 3K Following Enjoying the world of TTRPG Writing on the sideAnastasia Stacy Rubis @stacyrubis
2K Followers 7K Following Debut #histfic novel ORIANA is here! Order via link in bio. Greek American. Writer. Mom. Wife. @BrownUniversity & @montclairstate alumna. Feminist. she/her.Leen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈Alicia @aliciahofheimer
160 Followers 3K Followinghippiebff🦁🍉 @hippiebff1
461 Followers 641 Following Pastry Witch Craft Goddess Writer 🧶👩🏾🍳🔮👩🏾💻 #amwritingCarol @carol81jenkins
183 Followers 3K FollowingBPinTalentAcquisition @pin_talent
690 Followers 1K Following Sharing articles and best practices over https://t.co/U2bVSGMUvZ - Hosting webcast and virtual events.RandaFriedstrom @friedstrom63955
118 Followers 2K FollowingSatatin @Satatin122721
103 Followers 1K Following🌱 monkxch @monkxch
76 Followers 265 FollowingJudith @judithfloyd37
98 Followers 3K FollowingEsther @barrera_esther2
240 Followers 3K FollowingLaurie Kilmartin @anylaurie16
106K Followers 6K Following Comedian / Emmy-Nominated & WGA Award-Winning Writer / Seen on After Midnight, Conan, Corden / NYT Best Selling Author / "Cis Woke Grief Sl*t" out now.Red Scott @red_scott
3K Followers 1K Following * SF comic * co-host of @boarsgoreswords, @failureadapt and Westworld podcast “Doesn’t Sound Like Anything to Me” * 🏈 takes at @red_scott_fbJosh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.Chad Opitz @chadopitz
17K Followers 15K Following Stand up comic by night/protecting Rick Moranis also by night Instagram: @chadopitzMike Drucker @MikeDrucker
202K Followers 5K Following Emmy-nominated TV writer and comedian. Wrote a book about games and now writing another. Newsletter: https://t.co/9mOMgDuvfv Email: mikedruckerisdead @ gmail .comAmy Miller @amymiller
27K Followers 3K Following 💜✌️ female comedian / coastal elite white trash / not talking to you, talking to your dog / never not touching my headPaul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins
1.2M Followers 3K Following TV & standup & improv & podcasts, hardly any movies Instagram: https://t.co/OWAlzVWjleReductress @Reductress
298K Followers 657 Following The one and only fake women's news magazine. Shop, learn and listen to everything Reductress: https://t.co/rZ2ivP7vKOGinny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan_
165K Followers 6K Following thank you for bearing with me, links to everything belowMarcella Arguello @marcellacomedy
45K Followers 2K Following Comedian. Known Bitch. HBO special #BitchGrowUp on MAX. Comedy albums: Mercury in Reggaeton & TheWokeBully. Podcast: Comedy Is Dead! ░T░I░X░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░0░i can be your long lo.. @PallaviGunalan
93K Followers 2K Followinge e bustings @jessethehett
2K Followers 969 Following CEO of Microsoft. Philanthropist, futurist, visionaryDani Fernandez @msdanifernandez
105K Followers 2K Following Chicana 💃🏻 Actress • Writer (Netflix, Max, DC Comics) • Disney Character • [email protected]Ivan Hernandez @ivan_hernandez
5K Followers 535 Following co-host @boarsgoreswords | contact: ivanhernandezonline AT gmail dot comAkilah Hughes @AkilahObviously
223K Followers 3K Following I miss Neopets. | Founding Host of ‘What a Day’ from @crookedmedia | @SundanceOrg Alum | OBVIOUSLY is out NOW📗ashley ray🍦ice cre.. @theashleyray
64K Followers 3K Following tv writer/comedian/host of @tvisaypod. [email protected] reps: brillsteinKylie Brakeman @deadeyebrakeman
194K Followers 1K Following Comedian actor tv writer (Tonight Show, Kids Tonight Show) reps: WME, brillsteinAtsuko Okatsuka @AtsukoComedy
79K Followers 3K Following My @HBO special "The Intruder" out now! See me live on tour👇Oakland Ballers @OaklandBallers
8K Followers 201 Following We’re stealing Baseball back for Oakland. Fans first. Oakland forever.Lily Gladstone Update.. @LilyGUpdates
2K Followers 16 Following Your #1 source for all things Lily Gladstone ✨ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎We don't own anything, DM us for removal!Dr. Vicky Giouroukaki.. @VGiouroukakis
751 Followers 894 Following Professor of Education, former NYC English teacher and ESL teacher, author of books for teachers, Greek-American, mother of three.daisy “dan goose”.. @fatstevebuscemi
14K Followers 2K Following fat leftist comedian. uh oh sounds like i should have a podcast, doesn’t it!!! alt: @shrimp_likerKali Reis @KO_Reis86
16K Followers 1K Following 🥇former WBA/IBO/WBO Super lightweight Champ 🥊 Wampanoag 🪶Cape Verdean 🇨🇻 🎬Actor #MMIW #fight4allnationsTim Platt @TimothyPlatt
7K Followers 2K Following comedian/musician/actor. Podcasts with Rude Tales of Magic, Oh These Those Stars of Space, and Hampton High.Olivia Truffaut-Wong @iWatchiAm
4K Followers 5K Following (She/Her) Writer, editor, pop culture obsessive @cosmopolitan // 📝 @TheCut @polygon @teenvogue @refinery29 @bustle // 💌[email protected]Matt Goldich @MattGoldich
22K Followers 2K Following I write jokes for @latenightseth. Stand-up special NO QUESTIONS ASKED out now! https://t.co/ZzVOeIGJieSal Gentile @salgentile
13K Followers 1K Following head writer/producer of A Closer Look at @latenightseth. other places to find me: https://t.co/ymx52glvgL, https://t.co/TnrmEqCfUc, https://t.co/UCeaChhKNpbriana 💕 @BrianaKatana
4K Followers 784 Following social anxiety breathing 1st form | INTP | fashion girlie @otakufashionfx | perfume collector | 2D men brain rot | baddie + bougie + nerd = me 💕Alexandra Bowman @scripta_bene
18K Followers 10K Following Writer, illustrator, political cartoonist, costume artist. Words: @PressClubDC, @DCTheaterArts, and more. @Georgetown BA ‘22, English MA ’23. Cats movie fanChristina Grace @C_GraceT
12K Followers 1K Following co-host of @WaitIsThisADate, writing & podcasting around the internet, very gay and very tired, she/herMatt Lieb?? @mattlieb
54K Followers 2K Following Jewwwww, Good @Mythical Morning, Emmy Winning #StarWarsShow, Co-Creator of Newsbroke @AJplus. Shill on Frotcast & @PodYourselfAGun and Bad Hasbara @mostmoralpodTrixie Mattel™ @trixiemattel
1.2M Followers 2K Following ✨an elite employee✨🗓️ Booking : @pegmgmt 🛍️ @trixiecosmeticsKatya @katya_zamo
1.1M Followers 1K Following Tall creative young woman in her early forties looking to fall in love in the next three months. WORKING GIRLS out now👇🏼Futurama Character of.. @FuturamaDay
13K Followers 49 Following Futurama Character of the Day, once a day everyday, not affiliated with Fox, Disney or Hulu.Jeanne Veillette Bowe.. @jeannevb
45K Followers 20K Following Sr Exec @pipelinemediagp @bookpipeline @fringebooks, EiC @PipelineArtists, CoHost @recklesscr8tive, Mod @scriptchat. Prev @scriptmag @writersdigest #freespeechjaboukie's deleted tw.. @jaboukiedeleted
66K Followers 102 Following Profile dedicated to the lost, rare, collectors' items that are deleted @jaboukie tweets. Open to all submissions for tweets that I have missed. Times in EST.Aparna Nancherla 🇵.. @aparnapkin
522K Followers 3K Following comedian person mostly here to feel bad. UNRELIABLE NARRATOR now out from @vikingbooksKelly Lynne D'Angelo .. @kellylynnedang
13K Followers 1K Following welcome to the inner ramblings of a Native tv & musical writer 🥸 wasn’t cool in high school, and never will be. i like D&D and stuff. rep’d at Verve. Ska:rù:ręDanny Ricker @dannyricker
4K Followers 751 Following Co-Head Writer & Supervising Producer @JimmyKimmelLive (+ @TheEmmys & @TheAcademy Awards.) Tweets infrequent because I'm trying to live a rich, meaningful life.broti gupta @BrotiGupta
91K Followers 1K Following Simpsons writer Indian women’s humor twitter account https://t.co/5I6PCj7FlMwade daily @dailywadepool
1K Followers 9 Following daily out of context panels from the merc with a mouth 💯⚔️ • proshippers dniPastrami Mommy @Ewelannawhite
4K Followers 4K Following a half-sour pickle | *ctor, vo artist and comedy writer | contributor @realpunknews @harddrivemag @bwaybeatnewskate sisk @thekatesisk
4K Followers 745 Following comedian, 🤴🏼 LukeAss, former ⚽️ for 🇵🇷, Comedy Central set out now ⬇️OKX @okx
4.1M Followers 298 Following The only app you’ll need for 'all things crypto' | For Support: @OKXHelpDesk | For UK: @OKX_UK | Engagement ≠ Endorsement800 Pound Gorilla Med.. @800pgm
2K Followers 1K Following Improving the human experience through shared laughter 🦍Whooaa Chris...whoa �.. @whoachriswhoa
31K Followers 1K Following Just trynna put a smile on your face 🥰 Glad you made your way here! ALL of my socials are @whoachriswhoa ! Catch me IRL at Galaxycon Richmond! 🥳The San Andreas Fault @sanandreafault
18K Followers 90 Following I'm a faultline that runs through California. Lots of people fear me.ask-spiderpool @AskSpiderpool
15K Followers 24 Following been running a blog about two men in red spandex for 9 whole years (read it and weep)Brandon Wardell @BRANDONWARDELL
570K Followers 2K Following The Brandon Jamel Show on podcast apps/YouTube • https://t.co/gE4iteC3Ib • tour: https://t.co/FEVM6TvL1fSAG-AFTRA @sagaftra
223K Followers 71 Following SAG-AFTRA is the world’s largest labor union representing performers and broadcasters. Reposts or follows do not equal endorsements.Michael Good @michaelgooood
1K Followers 755 Following standup. Steve Martin Presents. link for tix 👇Olivia Julianna 🗳 @0liviajulianna
367K Followers 6K Following 21- Professional agitator, amateur political activist/strategist. WWE Fanatic 🇲🇽🏳️🌈 All Opinions are my own 💅🏼Mt. St. Helens @MtStHelensWA
116K Followers 0 Following I’m here to explain myself. #parody Team Mt. St. Helen’s store ⬇️Headmistress Tallulah @Tallulah_Chanel
3K Followers 828 Following 🖊Independent Author🖊 - #SourDollsWIP 🎙Podcast Host🎙 - The Mutant Academy Podcast 🥧ToonTown Resident🥧 👩🏾Simmer👩🏾orfeu leticia @apolobelvedere
30K Followers 551 Following once only i woke: lost in a vision drew blood on a needle, sweet, cursed doeBilly West @TheBillyWest
100K Followers 1K Following Voiceover actor. Did my best stuff in the 31st century, and all the 21yo girls think I'm cool.Jen MacGregor 🇨�.. @jen_macgregor
3K Followers 5K Following Academic writer by day, published #PB #kidlit author wannabe by night... Repped by @agentsaba #SCBWI (she/her)Terence Hartnett @TerenceHartnet
558 Followers 654 Following Comedian @wetcashnyc The OK Gatsby Podcast https://t.co/umUM7dWaOGMLBPA @MLBPA
225K Followers 3K Following The Major League Baseball Players Association | MLBPA International: @peloteros_MLB l MLBPA News: @MLBPA_NewsKat Eves is Gaudy Pos.. @styleethic
3K Followers 2K Following Award-winning stylist pushing fashion to be more ethical + sustainable + inclusive✌️ 1/2 of @GaudyPositive. she/herDr. Elle @Dr_ElleScott
2K Followers 409 Following Scholar-Activist ✊🏾🇯🇲 Centering the lived experiences of Black Folks Black Culture• Beauty• Lifestyle Rutgers Post-Doc• UF PhD•FSU Alum FoodieKelly Bachman @bellykachman
67K Followers 1K Following comedian as seen in @nytimes @FXnetworks etc., comedy album w/ @dylanadler6 available via @comedydynamicsLook, I gotta sell more tickets for my show Don’t Kill Yourself playing at the Netflix is a Joke Festival on May 8. Watch the video, buy a ticket and tell your friends! Thank you!
Excited to announce I’ve been paid $5,000,000 for my new comedy special, “They Won’t Let You Do Comedy Anymore” for a big streamer. It’s shot at an opera house that sits 5,000 cheering fans. My opening bit will be about me being silenced. The rest will be how much I hate my wife
@HumansNoContext “I fear not the woman who has practiced 10,000 pokes once, but I fear the woman who has practiced one poke 10,000 times.” —Bruce Lee
IN ONE WEEK! I'll be making fun of some of the worst games of all time with some of the best comedians I know. And then, I'm going to give some of those awful games away - FOR FREE. May 4th & 5th, 2:00 pm, the Egyptian Theater in LA. (Ticket info below)
happy birthday!!! @Punkiejohnson 🥳❤️
Avoiding spoilers online just to catch one in the group chat, this is why I keep you DEIs muted 😑
Man that first in depth interview she did with rollingstone idk how many years ago has stayed with me, her parents did a great job raising her and having watched her with the kids since her shake it up days til now has been mesmerizing. Cannot wait to see what her career does.
I know I’ve been in New York for a long time because I just stepped on a live rat and didn’t even break stride.
My parents & I used to watch movies together all the time, but after the Saltburn incident, the tradition died. I’ve been trying to break the awkward tension for a while & we finally got tix to see our first movie in months. This one should be safe enough. It's just about tennis
buddy the only "a24" i give a shit about is "a24" pack of twisted tea