Hi I’m @willpurpura
Comedian I am; thanks for laughing. He/They. New York, NY Joined October 2015-
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It’s toxic when an office says they’re like a family but I do think my family would be healthier if we treated it like work.
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Does this gas station vending machine have any vegan options?
Dogs say hello with their nose. The only thing I say with my nose is “I am Italian.”
Starting a biker gang called “Sons Of Safety.” We live to ride cautiously.
My hometown brings up a lot of painful memories like childhood
When one door closes, another one opens because my house is haunted
Simple way to double your money: when you deposit your paycheck write next to the amount “times 2”
Hi I’m retweeted
O’Shea Sibley was a dancer. He was a light. He was brutally killed in Brooklyn, NY while dancing to a Beyoncé song. We must put an end to anti-Black, anti-LGBTQIA+ hate and violence in our society. We must protect our LGBTQIA+ siblings. Rest in Power.
When I honk my horn, that means, “Hey highway friend, have a great day!”
Hi I’m retweeted
Remember this prick
Best part of not being a baby anymore is that I can walk and eat whenever I want
Hi I’m retweeted
I’m shy at first but once I get to know someone, I’m awkward and clumsy
Hi I’m retweeted
Last week was PACKED, so get your tix for this Thursday QUICK. Free as always at battingcageshowdc.eventbrite.com @goodboysoup @willpurpura @sandi_benton & more!
There's not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to put off
Hi I’m retweeted
FREE SHOW just around the corner, NYC! We got a bodacious lineup, incl. @willpurpura, @conner_mcnutt, Clare O’Kane, + Brittany Carney, so make sure to reserve your seats at eventbrite.com/e/vintage-base…, and we’ll see you on Tues, 06/13, at Young Ethel’s in Park Slope, with bells on!
Matthew Levy @MattLevy51
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Dan Wickes @dan_wickes
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Max Gross ☻ @maxgotjokes
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Slaughter house guy @DanielJPerafan
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sleepiest girl in the.. @v_dcknz
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glennis ❤️🔥 @theglennisshow
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Ted Barton @TedBartonComedy
12K Followers 9K Following This is hard because I want to be myself, but I also want you to like me. instagram @tedbartoncomedy for stand up clips
Destiny Allegedly @DestinyHarHar
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Jennifer Begakis @jenbegakis
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Iris✨ @Jest_Iris
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seynique — detroit .. @seynique
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Kelly Zemnickis (She/.. @KellyZemnickis
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Chaz @ChazEbert
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Janet Maslin @JanetMaslin
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Erin Mikail Staples @erinmikail
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eco sister @hiitaylorblake
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Jackie Primrose Monah.. @jackiemonahan
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Planned Parenthood Ac.. @PPact
454K Followers 2K Following This channel is paid for in part by Planned Parenthood Votes, 123 William St., NY NY 10038. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
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Stacey Abrams @staceyabrams
2.8M Followers 2K Following Author of #RogueJustice (Out Now). Senior Counsel @RewiringAmerica. Other areas of focus: democracy + voting, public policy, small business & film+tv.
Rose Vineshank (Megaf.. @RVineshank
1K Followers 989 Following I’m actually 6’5, everyone else in my pics is just gigantic. Sleepy honk shoo guy and raging dyke.
Kathy Griffin @kathygriffin
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Sie @idiosyncra_sie
1K Followers 3K Following
My heart is broken. Melinda, my beloved wife of 28 years, passed away this morning. Our five children and I are just in tears. We are lost. Melinda was more than my wife. She was my savior. She gave me the emotional security I needed to have a career.
Francis Ford Coppola's BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA (1992) is now playing in our '90s Horror collection! In this immortal gothic romance, Coppola orchestrates a dazzling, feverishly wrought visual opera—photographed by Michael Ballhaus—starring Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Keanu Reeves.
DIRECTED BY ROBERT BRESSON 📽️ Now playing! bit.ly/3QFAMrh The iconoclastic artist stripped cinema to its essence to reveal nothing less than the very soul of his subjects. DIARY OF A COUNTRY PRIEST THE DEVIL, PROBABLY PICKPOCKET AU HASARD BALTHAZAR and more!
Happy Birthday to my father! 🎃🎂🎃
You only hear about Jolly Ranchers. Shout out to all the clinically depressed ranchers out there.
Parents! Remember to check all of your kids candy before they eat it because there might be some good ones in there.
Now, Marge, you've come to the right place. By hiring me as your lawyer, you also get this smoking monkey!
OCD is a real illness and these 10 symptoms may indicate that you have it... bit.ly/2m7rFT0
“y’all broke up??” nah she’s broke and i’m UP
I saved my mom from a rattlesnake! 😍🙏
“is a hotdog a sandwich?” how bout you mind your own business?
David Bowie- “Heroes” (1977)
Thou shalt not kill my vibe. 🔮
My favorite Blitzer would have to be Wolf. He's a Top 3 Blitzer at least.
I'm super gay. On this National Coming Out Day, and on every day, please celebrate those in your life who've shared their true selves to the world and please create an environment in which those who are not yet ready to share feel welcomed to speak their truth in time.
PLEASE violate the Gag Order PLEASE violate the Gag Order PLEASE violate the Gag Order PLEASE violate the Gag Order 🔥I know it still likely wouldn’t result in jail time but a girl can dream🔥 PLEASE violate the Gag Order PLEASE violate the Gag Order PLEASE violate the Gag Order
I submitted a blank PDF to the Austin Film Festival this year and am proud to announce it advanced to the second round
I'll straight up slumber at a retirement party and retire at a slumber party. I really don't give a shit anymore.
A tribute to Homer’s nice “going out” jacket
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