Dan Carney @DanManCarney
comedian, actor, click the link if you want to see me live (live, not live) beacons.ai/danmancarney New York, NY Joined August 2016-
Tweets7K
-
Followers16K
-
Following4K
-
Likes33K
Most Americans actually don’t believe in Jesus. Most Americans believe in a messiah figure known as The Wichita Lineman
There will never be another ugly person on screen ever again
There will never be another ugly person on screen ever again
Me / My Dinner!
took her out, it was a Friday night I wore cologne to get the feeling right We started making out And she took off my pants But then I turned on the TV... And that's about the time she walked away from me Nobody likes you when you're 23
She won’t hurt me
You’re stopping me to ask me for the time? In 2024? How about I just buy you the gun to shoot me with
I had the opportunity to check out the first ever heroin dispensary
The moral fabric of our society has eroded. No further questions at this time
Guy who requests Night Moves by Bob Seger at the bar every five minutes
Shane Gillis @Shanemgillis
449K Followers 834 Following Matt and Shane’s secret podcast : Gilly & KeevesDevan Costa @DevanCosta
17K Followers 457 Following Firm believer that reality died with Kobe… Podcasts: Hate Watch with Devan Costa and @lemonpartyshow https://t.co/6FVGzVKxKAMichael Rainey @mikerainey82
26K Followers 2K FollowingCollie Tyrrell @columtyrrell
28K Followers 2K Following Mostly clips. Click my pinned tweet. The Colum Tyrrell Podcast. Host Tuesday Night Comedy in NYC. Live dates and all other stuff on my website.Tommy Bayer @tommybayertime
19K Followers 872 Following doin stand up for now @wecoolpodcast email me for stuff [email protected]Mike Recine @mikerecine
36K Followers 3K Following My special is on YouTube right now and you can watch it here: https://t.co/whJKJbPPJN90 Day Fidance @ianimal69
36K Followers 2K Following CIGS // SKA // CATS // i go where eagles dare / My debut special WILD HAPPY & FREE, Bein Ian with Jordan podcast & patreon + tour dates ⬇️⬇️⬇️Kevin Ryan @KevinRyanComedy
24K Followers 865 Following Stand up comic & cohost of Are You Garbage? Podcast. Get yourself a Kippy.Dan Wickes @dan_wickes
12K Followers 3K Following NYC standup. Winner of the 2021 Coney Island Comedy Festival. See me at House Party Cafe every Saturday at 9 (tix in linktree). he/himH. Foley @HFoleyComedy
25K Followers 404 Following I drink melk with dinner and keep my butter on the counter. @AreYouGarbage Podcast Every Monday and Thursday. LINKS/ LIVE DATES/ MERCH⬇️Josh Potter @J_Potter
40K Followers 3K Following “The Josh Potter Show” is out every Wednesday. Shows/Podcast/Everything👇🏻🪳🪳🪳🪳Ted Barton @TedBartonComedy
12K Followers 9K Following This is hard because I want to be myself, but I also want you to like me. instagram @tedbartoncomedy for stand up clipsMatthew Levy @MattLevy51
14K Followers 14K Following Stand up comic. Sketch maker. Newsletter writer. Married to @annaphilomena. Crouton appreciator. Writes profiles. Check Medium link below and DM if interested.shawn gardini @shwangardini
22K Followers 539 Following comedy show link is below pls come to Goodnights in Raleigh NC June 6Solidarity with Colum.. @OrangeFreddyG
9K Followers 4K Following Never gonna have a blue check, always gonna be real. Standup Comic and Leftist. 45 million views on Social Media. History Pod⬇️Steve Dorsey @steve_dorsey
3K Followers 3K Following @bbcworld Senior Journalist, ex-correspondent for @cbsnews | Author of Routledge's "The Global Freelancer"SVB Station @The_Maker_51212
3K Followers 3K Following Dive into The Void with us here at Voiders Station, We do gaming, meme and news related content here. Embark on this journey with us, become one with The Void.Nicko @Nicko77617862
295 Followers 5K FollowingRobert Romanenko (RoB.. @RomanenkoRobert
1K Followers 5K Following I'm A Chicago/American . Yes I Went To School. Yes I Got A Job. #REPCHI #BADSTREETUSA #MUSTACHEMAFIA #DREADNOKSsb @sbnwtm
1 Followers 952 FollowingTanveer Prottoy @tanveer_prottoy
39 Followers 2K FollowingEthelPartridge @XERMIWHwL09Kw4x
4 Followers 142 FollowingSavage 🏴☠️ @QueenOfRespawn
6K Followers 6K Following Lady Goon. Savage. 🖤 Pronouns: Glock/Sig. Equal Opportunity Offender. Also known as Pro 2A Hotel Concierge. Anti-Communist/Feminist. Don't Tread Here🐍. ♥️Brenden McCafferty @BrendenMcCaff
1K Followers 710 FollowingMystic @MysticNinja808
6 Followers 123 Following epic videogamer; here for funny things and cool arthasan57 @Hasan57_06
54 Followers 405 FollowingFortwart225 @fortwart225
142 Followers 1K Following❔ @fredwardsays
516 Followers 3K FollowingXHabib @RealXHabib
17K Followers 3K Following My goal is to leave this world in a better place than I came into it 🇱🇧 | Follow my twin: @HabibiCapital_Not Shamrin Danial @shamrindanial
89 Followers 142 FollowingJosiah Whitten @josiahwhitten
171 Followers 381 Following Investment Advisor, Dad of boys. Delusional #Knicks #jets fanDenverDan @dan3_denver
2 Followers 294 FollowingNathaniel @1he2997M9N1G9rx
40 Followers 1K Following 風雨を経験しなければ、虹を見ることはできない。磨かれなければ、ダイヤモンドになることはできない。堅持して、奮闘して、夢はついに実現します!頑張って!michael shelton @5shelton
41 Followers 492 FollowingOsika Lissa @LissaOsika46321
3 Followers 70 FollowingDude @dude01434287
12 Followers 463 FollowingSinan @CantSto67306929
137 Followers 3K FollowingPétur Jónsson @JonssonPetur
18 Followers 713 Following An Icelandic father and husband in New Jersey. Forza Malmö FFNishiez @Nishiez11740
161 Followers 3K Followingcaitlin / puke (was a.. @slowpuke_
36K Followers 325 Following are you with me, Dr. Wu!? twitch partner live every sat-tues | https://t.co/eCOBarPec4jared brennan @juche4L
55 Followers 143 Followingnavid @navv1d
19 Followers 181 FollowingJoe @JoeWalkerWebb26
1K Followers 5K FollowingDX @alextim2
166 Followers 667 Followingfrank @dcinaus
95 Followers 158 FollowingPorn Corporation @PornCorp
33K Followers 28K Following Porn Corporation online adult entertainment magazine brings you up to date inside news on the newest porn sites. The freshest adult industry content updates.18+Illumist @TheListMaker
3 Followers 4K FollowingEnzo Lorenzo @EnzoLorenzo101
16K Followers 8K Following 199X♤MaleStraight♤RN♤all contents are mine except the icon♤ loves to Explore♤into BDSM♤Amateur Pornstar♤DM me for your pic & intention on Telegram: @Hero_dude90Jake @Degree1346
118 Followers 2K FollowingGinger Bear(ish) @Micah91176035
298 Followers 2K Following Ginger Bear, Admirer of the male form 💪🏼👐 Outdoor enthusiast 🏔🏝🏕 Food lover 🍽 Wine lover 🍷 Homesteader. 🐕🐂🐖🐓🦃🦆🪿Sean Bagley @SeanBagley17
170 Followers 2K FollowingYomismo @Yomismo91141294
159 Followers 2K Followingabby @budm1ser
1K Followers 415 Following I recently learned I have been taking the wrong medication for some time.yannispappas @yannispappas
154K Followers 727 Following Scientist/Journalist. (he/haw). Yannis Pappas Hour: https://t.co/LnKEwh8hjlShane Gillis @Shanemgillis
449K Followers 834 Following Matt and Shane’s secret podcast : Gilly & KeevesSam Morril @sammorril
215K Followers 931 Following Stand-up Comic. Knicks fan. See me in your city: https://t.co/NGdY2cYtXPLuis J. Gomez @luisjgomez
145K Followers 1K Following I am a comedian. Anything I say here is a joke. 🇵🇷🐍 | 2024 Tour Dates https://t.co/53D914BAd5Devan Costa @DevanCosta
17K Followers 457 Following Firm believer that reality died with Kobe… Podcasts: Hate Watch with Devan Costa and @lemonpartyshow https://t.co/6FVGzVKxKAMichael Rainey @mikerainey82
26K Followers 2K FollowingCollie Tyrrell @columtyrrell
28K Followers 2K Following Mostly clips. Click my pinned tweet. The Colum Tyrrell Podcast. Host Tuesday Night Comedy in NYC. Live dates and all other stuff on my website.McKeever @JohnnyMcKeever
29K Followers 429 FollowingJoe List @JoeListComedy
112K Followers 1K Following I'm a comedian and I have a 3 one hour comedy specials available for free on YouTube. “I Hate Myself” & “This Years Material” & “Enough For Everybody”Tommy Bayer @tommybayertime
19K Followers 872 Following doin stand up for now @wecoolpodcast email me for stuff [email protected]Mike Recine @mikerecine
36K Followers 3K Following My special is on YouTube right now and you can watch it here: https://t.co/whJKJbPPJN90 Day Fidance @ianimal69
36K Followers 2K Following CIGS // SKA // CATS // i go where eagles dare / My debut special WILD HAPPY & FREE, Bein Ian with Jordan podcast & patreon + tour dates ⬇️⬇️⬇️Kevin Ryan @KevinRyanComedy
24K Followers 865 Following Stand up comic & cohost of Are You Garbage? Podcast. Get yourself a Kippy.Dan Wickes @dan_wickes
12K Followers 3K Following NYC standup. Winner of the 2021 Coney Island Comedy Festival. See me at House Party Cafe every Saturday at 9 (tix in linktree). he/himH. Foley @HFoleyComedy
25K Followers 404 Following I drink melk with dinner and keep my butter on the counter. @AreYouGarbage Podcast Every Monday and Thursday. LINKS/ LIVE DATES/ MERCH⬇️Josh Potter @J_Potter
40K Followers 3K Following “The Josh Potter Show” is out every Wednesday. Shows/Podcast/Everything👇🏻🪳🪳🪳🪳Ted Barton @TedBartonComedy
12K Followers 9K Following This is hard because I want to be myself, but I also want you to like me. instagram @tedbartoncomedy for stand up clipsBrian Stack @BrianStack153
53K Followers 3K Following Writer, @ColbertLateShow Formerly at "Conan". @TheSecondCity Other stuff. @IUBloomington @UWMadisondaisy “dan goose”.. @fatstevebuscemi
15K Followers 2K Following fat leftist comedian. uh oh sounds like i should have a podcast, doesn’t it!!! alt: @shrimp_likerRobin B Carney @CarneyRobi27123
1 Followers 2 FollowingHelleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard
56K Followers 3K Following 🥪 take these broken wings and learn to fly 🏔philosophy for life @philosophy_life
173K Followers 0 Following Greatest Quotes from the wisest people who ever lived on earth | FOLLOW for daily motivation, inspiration, philosophyMichael Grier @OleGriersy
12K Followers 2K Following Liability, seven feet tall, not Elon Musk, TMZ Live correspondent ⬜️GIRTHMASTERR 🇦🇺.. @girthmasterr
624K Followers 3K Following Australian adult creator & himbo with a nice 🍆 Everybody is welcome 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️Montessori Boy @montessoriboy
17K Followers 58 Following sketch comedy from 3 upstanding honor roll scholars🧍♂️asian @cowboyscary 🧍♂️gay @juliatesmond 🧍♂️normal @newdiegoabrahammetaphor man @shitbiscuit
34K Followers 5K FollowingJake Velazquez @jakevcomedy
9 Followers 69 FollowingPatches O’Houlihan @sondraa
70K Followers 1K Following when life gives you lemons, just say fuck the lemons and bailNitehawk Cinema @nitehawkcinema
16K Followers 687 Following Films. Food. Drinks. Nitehawk combines first-run and repertory film programming with tableside food and beverage service.REID POPE DUMB IDIOT @rpopetweets
5K Followers 2K Following gay jewish pope | 🏄♂️playwright🏄♂️ | head writer @latestagelive | https://t.co/CXlKb9yPqc | https://t.co/dzA0dAPbuP | they/themNatalie Palamides @natdogkatdog
11K Followers 466 Following my comedy special, Nate: A One Man Show, is on Netflixi can be your long lo.. @PallaviGunalan
93K Followers 2K Followingsummer ♡ @summerahrens
25K Followers 1K Following angel, famous actress, model. NOT a national security threat. image lover.⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀John Denver ✌️ ( .. @JohnDParody
11K Followers 3K Following Starting our new journey together. Peace ✌️ 🌮HoopDiamonds @HoopDiamonds
17K Followers 2K Following High Definition Basketball Content. Powered by @Playmaker.ShitpostGateway @ShitpostGate
1.3M Followers 2K Following Love Shitposting and posting whatever I want/mostly memes/some personal stuff I like. Love old school stuff including weapons.The Notorious J.O.V. @whotfisjovana
314K Followers 7K Following 20X+ Viral Tweeter, Artist/Musician/Meme Queen/Content Creator/Tarot Reader/Ramen lover 🤎🐈 tips appreciated for coffee ! ☕️💤Natalia Queen ♛ @theNataliaQueen
224K Followers 235 Following Professional Good Girl💗 join my porn site I love when you watch my marshmallow booty ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ we can talk on https://t.co/VrJXdlIfQl https://t.co/4EKcrLSfPfAndrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGrahamC*ntbot, PhD @pacino_girl
6K Followers 984 Following ♡ Love you more (than those bitches before) ♡ @dontcareplaying girl & scholar*“Volk” intensifi.. @TinctureDrone
9K Followers 502 Following Recent tweets: https://t.co/mGubi6Jq9cStan Denshaw “parod.. @OptometristDan
15K Followers 4K Following (parody)Probably crushing beers. Not affiliated with Dan Crenshaw. Forklift certified.hickey! @HickeyShamer
97K Followers 758 Following upbeat quirky music. good man in a storm. …. @hickeyshamekink if ur into thatNoah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel
47K Followers 1K Following Writer -- Single Parents, President Show, New Girl, Kroll Show, Workaholics. On Bluesky with the same handle.You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where I raised myself
When I’m at Texas Roadhouse and I see my steak and potato come out after I’ve smashed 2 baskets of rolls and cinnamon butter.
Oh here it is: Starbucks developing a zero to low calorie energy beverage. $SBUX
I would use my powers as a hot celebrity to advocate for more computer games where you can fly a plane
you wake up as Madison Beer, what’s the first thing you’re doing ?
Most Americans actually don’t believe in Jesus. Most Americans believe in a messiah figure known as The Wichita Lineman
YOURE DOING IT WRONG
me at dave and busters
Dave & Buster's will begin allowing customers to bet on arcade games “Customers can soon make a friendly $5 wager on a Hot Shots basketball game, a bet on a Skee-Ball competition or on another arcade game.” on.nbc10.com/n1G4KHf
Call me a Columbia sophomore because I am pitchin a damn tent!!!
ocean’s 11 type premise where you rob some bank in NYC while every cop in the city is busy beating up students
Most heartache in polyamory is lack of clarity about primary/secondary. We can be tempted to treat a primary mate like 2nd place. Maybe weird but tbh so helpful—I text my Primary from a Pixel 4A & my Secondary from a MUCH smaller Unihertz Jelly Star—reminds me of my priorities🤷♀️
Kirk called his realtor as soon as he saw you
36… god would need 36 of his mightiest to get my tongue out of her dirt star
There's an episode of The Office where Michael says The F and R slur and Comedy Central airs it every 4 days.
Jerry Seinfeld says he wouldn’t be able to do many jokes from ‘SEINFELD’ in today’s world. “[One would be] Kramer decides to start a business of having homeless people pull rickshaws because, as he says, ‘They’re outside anyway.’ Do you think I could get that episode on the air…