Elizabeth Hackett @LizHackett
Screenwriter. Redhead. Frequent eater of toast. Los Angeles, CA Joined May 2009-
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Followers87K
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Bad news, Cybertruck owners. Your drivable tape dispenser's got the zoomies.
My sister complimented another woman's yellow blouse, and she replied "Sometimes you need to bring your own sunshine." Filing that away for a bad day.
Conan O’Brien delivering the most profound statement on how one should develop their own sense of comedy with snot pouring from his nose because he just poured acid into his nasal cavities is the best video clip you’ll ever see.
Conan O’Brien delivering the most profound statement on how one should develop their own sense of comedy with snot pouring from his nose because he just poured acid into his nasal cavities is the best video clip you’ll ever see.
Sometimes I let my dog drive so I get a chance to ride with my head out the car window.
Just remembered that in the TV edit of “Caddyshack”, they changed Rodney Dangerfield’s last line from “Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!” to the much creepier “Hey, everybody, let’s all take a shower!”
Yes sometimes I had more fun than other times
Yes sometimes I had more fun than other times
DOG: WHAT IS THAT? ME: Trash truck. It's Thursday. DOG: I WILL FIGHT IT. LET ME LOOSE. Me: This happens every Thursday. DOG: I'M READY TO FIGHT. Me: They're taking our garbage. ... ... ... DOG: Why would you give away perfectly good garbage?
Hell yeah I'll watch a Bridget Jones 4. I'll watch a Bridget Jones 9 where two rigor mortis hands burst forth from a fresh grave with a diary and cigarette. I'm no quitter.
I'm just a girl standing in front of an eclipse screaming CHANGE ME INTO LADYHAWKE.
Scott Foley and Maia Reficco will star in La Dolce Villa -- a new romantic comedy directed by Mark Waters (Freaky Friday, Just Like Heaven). A successful businessman travels to Italy to stop his daydreaming daughter from blowing her life savings on a crumbling villa. Italy has…
Everyone, we're going to Italy and we're falling in love. Hackett's orders.
Everyone, we're going to Italy and we're falling in love. Hackett's orders.
Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.
ME: Do you ever suddenly get sad trying to remember the smell of the house you grew up in? DRIVE THRU SPEAKER: That's one Diet Coke, no ice?
Sometimes when I don't know how to end a sentence, I say "And... yeah." But I added a lil hat tip, jazz hands, and that pretend to walk down a set of stairs and disappear thing, so now it's a big hit.
You can add "cha cha cha" to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.
She began that day as she began all days, sitting bolt upright in an unmoored dinghy, wearing a ballgown and clutching a set of keys she'd never seen before.
I'm in the mood to nonchalantly slice and eat an apple off the end of a dagger like a lady pirate who just won the ship in a drinking contest.
Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.
My neighbor caught me going through my own garbage can to find my engagement ring, so I told her, "There are some great deals in there on Tuesdays."
The Volatile Mermaid @OhNoSheTwitnt
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Anne Lamott is an inspiration not just to me but to every writer I've known who has read her work.
A bit of a set back here: just got the single worst review of my life prominently featured in the New York Times, brightly illustrated for maximum visibility. Alexandra Jacob’s had a LOT of fun writing it. Feel doomed. Am going to sulk, and overeat.
Who am I to argue?
Let’s Go To The Mall, Robin Sparkles @HimymCraig @OfficialHIMYM
Los Angeles. Come for the potentially lucrative career in the arts. Stay for the you're too old to start over and you have no skills that apply anywhere else.
ATTN LYNX: I’ve just learned that BOTH seasons of @Lodge49 are now available to stream in the UK on @ITVX! This is big news…please spread the word! Hermeticism, domestic lager, love . Dive in! #allcirclesvanish
@LizHackett the sound of sitting in a papasan chair alone in the dark
Right. It’s after 12pm. I didn’t die in the night. Someone get this elderly sex god a fucking birthday margarita, let’s gooooo 🎉🎉🪩
Legit LOL
Bad news, Cybertruck owners. Your drivable tape dispenser's got the zoomies.
Every day things are stupider and stupider.
This is the only one that matters. #TTPD
the older i get the more stringent i am with my vacation rules: 1. every meal has apps, drinks and desserts. “oh no calories” “oh no money” shut the fuck up!!! 2. no emails and no news. did I get fired? did nyc blow up? not my problem baby, fill me in when I get back
Semi-regular reminder that lighting yourself on fire to promote your cause is not a good way of promoting your cause, particularly in an age where we have the attention spans of goldfish and your name will be forgotten three hours later.
This is comedy gold.
Bad news, Cybertruck owners. Your drivable tape dispenser's got the zoomies.
Sure, we all made fun of the Cybertruck’s awful design. But maybe you’ll change your mind when you learn it’s also a lethal disaster on the inside
Tesla is recalling all 3,878 Cybertrucks that it has shipped to date, due to a problem where the accelerator pedal can get stuck, putting drivers at risk of a crash techcrunch.com/2024/04/19/tes…
"I’ll NEVER forget that one time you wrote a word in all caps" -my phone