meredith @dietz_meredith
too tired to pee, too full of piss to sleep. staff writer @lifehacker. headline contributor @TheOnion @reductress. linktr.ee/meredithdietz nyc Joined June 2016-
Tweets8K
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Followers18K
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Following2K
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Likes37K
they should invent a train that drops me off directly in front of my house. and tucks me into bed. And brings me a glass of water, just while you're up, thank you baby,
Can you imagine admitting you feel nothing in the face of tens of thousands of dead children. Can you imagine calling caring about that like “picking some particular fashion label”
Can you imagine admitting you feel nothing in the face of tens of thousands of dead children. Can you imagine calling caring about that like “picking some particular fashion label”
Brooklyn Public Library, tonight
feel like under discussed in why college administrations are acting insanely now is that colleges are no longer really places of education as much as bureaucratic money laundering operations
the state is brutalizing 19 year olds for a foreign government
philosophy chair getting arrested, an econ prof getting her head smashed against concrete, a street medic being held down and tased, snipers setting up vantage points to shoot at ohio state students -all because of nationwide protests against a genocide- you SHOULD be radicalized
Cannot be repeated enough that these are the same pigs who sat in the hall as kids were massacred at Uvalde
Cannot be repeated enough that these are the same pigs who sat in the hall as kids were massacred at Uvalde
three tickets to challengers please. yeah im here by myself. i wanna make sure no perverts take the seats next to me
i said yes!! a federal judge asked me if i plead guilty and I SAID YES <3333 my lawyer is PISSED!!!!!!
bumble bff? a dating app but no one has sex from it? baby that’s Hinge
Female friendship
hey man i made a deepfake of your dad. yeah he’s telling you he's proud of you! yeah he's naked in it. just ignore that part heh heh
fuck if tiktok is banned what the hell am i gonna do??? post the same joke to just TWO instead of all THREE social media platforms??? inhumane
the answer is we’re not, we’re not supposed to operate normally, but we can’t despair. linktr.ee/palestineasdiq…
the answer is we’re not, we’re not supposed to operate normally, but we can’t despair. linktr.ee/palestineasdiq…
is there a way to block the word "roast" on hinge. roast me??? i would actually prefer that you, a stranger, show me...a scrap of kindness
look between the keys on your keyboard. clean up those crumbs. vile beast. wicked, nasty swine you are
pitched this after deciding to keep a mascara from, quite literally, my junior year of high school. i need Her
pitched this after deciding to keep a mascara from, quite literally, my junior year of high school. i need Her
(blanking on how to ask where the restroom is) hi, so sorry, where would be the best place for me to place my piss and shit?
cass city @HeavenlyGrandpa
27K Followers 869 Following i’m cassidy kulhanek i’m a comedian and my dad is very proud of me!
limp brittzkit @Brittymigs
19K Followers 2K Following she/her. just a little snail girl trying to get by. @meatcats @reductress @cracked mgmt: [email protected]
Max Gross ☻ @maxgotjokes
18K Followers 2K Following Headlines @Reductress, features @TheOnion. Words @Slate @Autostraddle and more. The nation’s foremost scholar on “And Just Like That.” He/him
Dylan Adler @DylanAdler6
40K Followers 2K Following If Yzma was Asian. Writer on @latelateshow @Dylanadler_ on insta He/Him
Iris✨ @Jest_Iris
18K Followers 2K Following out of pocket bc my pants don't have any NYC Comedian Writer Gamer Jewish af IG: jest.iris | words in @Reductress & @HardDriveMag featured in @adweek
glennis ❤️🔥 @theglennisshow
11K Followers 1K Following @theglennisshow wherever there are glennis shows | extremely relatable & pretty traumatized comedian
danielle weisberg for.. @danielleweisber
32K Followers 969 Following award-nominated tv writer, nap slut, the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy | she/her | [email protected]
seynique — detroit .. @seynique
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charles entertainment.. @jmurffff
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Arielle Dundas @ArielleDundas
14K Followers 4K Following My niche is that I’m funny and I have interesting opinions. She/her. Stardew valley streamer. ADHD. typos are part of my brand.
Anya Volz @AnyaVolz
13K Followers 1K Following ☆•VALID•☆ 👂@bestmistakespod with @nikalomazzo 🧠 standup & queer night life 👀 top 1% 🧚 they/them https://t.co/hmEcvyKaf8
sleepiest girl in the.. @v_dcknz
9K Followers 3K Following headlinezzzz @theonion @reductress • Hyperfocus: A Neurodivergent Comedy Show @caveatnyc next show May 12 😇
Zach Schiffman @schlife
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mar @itsmariannnna
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Skyler Higley @skyler_higley
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CHR ✡️🇵🇸�.. @chargooond
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Rat Cousin's Roommate @MorningJazz69
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personal journal @juegodposicion9
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M Nas Adams @MNasAdams277021
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Powerful @Lake56151981319
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Jack Owen @jackowenking
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R @Thee1HS
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Matthew Manley @matthewmanley
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i keep house casually @ignohoogoyo
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Ann Holtzman @AnnHoltzman3
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jimmyswartz @jimmyswartz
0 Followers 191 Following
im megaspel? im megas.. @megaspel
1K Followers 2K Following 30 under 30 at @forbes©. business woman who's net worth is mildly less than thirty million dollars. Lead Writer on @theredapefamily 32 She/Her - no minors
Tony Screenshots 🇵.. @TonyScreenshots
236 Followers 2K Following apples and oragnes .... i'm different (account run by parentss)
🪐Galactic Guy Geof.. @QubitKitt
8K Followers 4K Following Digital Content Manager @Skittles + More | Leading with Curiosity | GSU RCoB '14 | Cancer Survivor | lap 32 | @F1 @NASCAR @Indycar @braves @reds | Views mine
kim 🇵🇸 @kermiggy
825 Followers 2K Following THE lesbian kermiggy truther. n°1 empire records fan. wanted by james corden for a cash reward. dolly parton’s common-law wife. movie guy. statler coded.
Jonni Peppers @jonnipeppers
30K Followers 917 Following Curious Documentarian based in Cartoon World taking trips to Real, Observant Fool/Forgetful Historian/Distracted Curator. Focused on something
It’s me, The Five F.. @TheFiveFooter
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Lotte Betts-Dean @lottebettsdean
3K Followers 3K Following singer of allsorts | mgmt @rayfieldallied | ambassador @donne_uk | associate @royalacadmusic | @royalphilsoc young artist of the year
Cyrus Killian @captainrodent
38 Followers 1K Following he/they. Basketball, baseball, socialism, vegan, Yugioh, Marvel Snap
Eiderdown @Eiderdown15
89 Followers 486 Following
Monster Bringdown �.. @ctionevan
69 Followers 791 Following a very urgent sounding jagged poem of some kind he/him
Social Entrepreneur �.. @Adriana_Herrera
3K Followers 3K Following Full-stack founder of PayDestiny. Helping you maximize your 💰pay. 🌳Tree hugger & geek in stilettos. Trained dancer. People & tacos first. Bylines in @Nytimes.
speakers on blast🔻 @speakers0nblast
273 Followers 923 Following agitprop and absurdity. Pro: animals, banter, silliness Anti: capitalism, colonialism, fascism, racism, sexism, all the stupid asshole-isms basically
cass city @HeavenlyGrandpa
27K Followers 869 Following i’m cassidy kulhanek i’m a comedian and my dad is very proud of me!
limp brittzkit @Brittymigs
19K Followers 2K Following she/her. just a little snail girl trying to get by. @meatcats @reductress @cracked mgmt: [email protected]
Max Gross ☻ @maxgotjokes
18K Followers 2K Following Headlines @Reductress, features @TheOnion. Words @Slate @Autostraddle and more. The nation’s foremost scholar on “And Just Like That.” He/him
Dylan Adler @DylanAdler6
40K Followers 2K Following If Yzma was Asian. Writer on @latelateshow @Dylanadler_ on insta He/Him
Iris✨ @Jest_Iris
18K Followers 2K Following out of pocket bc my pants don't have any NYC Comedian Writer Gamer Jewish af IG: jest.iris | words in @Reductress & @HardDriveMag featured in @adweek
glennis ❤️🔥 @theglennisshow
11K Followers 1K Following @theglennisshow wherever there are glennis shows | extremely relatable & pretty traumatized comedian
danielle weisberg for.. @danielleweisber
32K Followers 969 Following award-nominated tv writer, nap slut, the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy | she/her | [email protected]
seynique — detroit .. @seynique
11K Followers 1K Following comedian. writer. podcaster. | she/her co-host of @everybodywspod & @wediefirstpod seyniquesmythecomedy @ https://t.co/NqCyCotNYi
charles entertainment.. @jmurffff
19K Followers 1K Following
Arielle Dundas @ArielleDundas
14K Followers 4K Following My niche is that I’m funny and I have interesting opinions. She/her. Stardew valley streamer. ADHD. typos are part of my brand.
Anya Volz @AnyaVolz
13K Followers 1K Following ☆•VALID•☆ 👂@bestmistakespod with @nikalomazzo 🧠 standup & queer night life 👀 top 1% 🧚 they/them https://t.co/hmEcvyKaf8
sleepiest girl in the.. @v_dcknz
9K Followers 3K Following headlinezzzz @theonion @reductress • Hyperfocus: A Neurodivergent Comedy Show @caveatnyc next show May 12 😇
Allison O'Conor @allisonoconor
12K Followers 939 Following standup 🤠 gay btw 🎈 she 💋 listen to Decadence on spotify and Apple Podcasts
Zach Schiffman @schlife
9K Followers 2K Following I’m 5’5 but everyone tells me I seem 5’8 / social @curbed @grubstreet @nymag
mar @itsmariannnna
20K Followers 512 Following part-time ceramicist, part-time funny person, full-time hottie! everything linked below 🫶🏼
Whacktose Intolerant @MillyTamarez
12K Followers 2K Following Comedian, writer on @datinggameabc, host of @betches_sup pod, @waitwait contributor, creator of: @flexxmag & @dafcomedyfest https://t.co/h0v9b9xzI3
CHR ✡️🇵🇸�.. @chargooond
2K Followers 5K Following I have no makeup on, but things are getting better (she/they)
Jeff Lawson @jeffiel
46K Followers 155 Following Owner of The Onion. Entrepreneur, ex-CEO and cofounder of Twilio. NYT Worst Selling author.
maya ✡︎ @mayaisfiya
57K Followers 944 Following sigma female. most normal person. smartest girl on the plannet. https://t.co/Eb4oSjNH2k
Jonni Peppers @jonnipeppers
30K Followers 917 Following Curious Documentarian based in Cartoon World taking trips to Real, Observant Fool/Forgetful Historian/Distracted Curator. Focused on something
Ben Fowlkes @benfowlkesMMA
51K Followers 3K Following Sports writer. Talk on the Co-Main Event Podcast. Previously: The Athletic, USA Today, Sports Illustrated, Best American Short Stories. Novice hockey league MVP
GAY SHAME COMEDY SHOW.. @GayShameComedy
357 Followers 86 Following monthly queer comedy show by @elykreimendahl & @sheriadidthat! next up 4/16 😻 7:30pm 💅🏻 @unionhallny 🌈
𝓛𝓾𝓱𝓪𝓮�.. @luhaenten
26K Followers 2K Following Your Singer Sargent dream and axe wielding despot. Disgustingly romantic. Rude about books and lover of arts. I am normal about Dostoevsky.
Jose Arroyo @josearroyowrite
7K Followers 1K Following 2-time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer PLUS 2022 Writers Guild Award for CONAN. My comic “Somewhere In LA” is available on Amazon https://t.co/3YTXd65LUn
Dopey The Dumbfuck @pete_irons87206
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chloe schneider @chloschlo
174 Followers 488 Following 25, Zoloft, Spotify Premium with Hulu (Comedian, Writer, Actor)
Tyler @BalloonFlavour
13K Followers 6K Following
Khairy Creek @KhairyCreek
5K Followers 2K Following Standup Comedian| cohost of @2blkDadsPodcast | Writer| booking [email protected]
Madison Malone Kirche.. @4evrmalone
22K Followers 2K Following Reporter @nytimes. Formerly: @ICYMI_Pod @Slate @nymag. Tweets delete monthly. (she/her)
teddy sevilla @tsev16
354 Followers 428 Following headline contributor @ClickHole, features contributor @TheOnion
𝖊 𝖛 𝖎 𝖑 @obeyev1l
13K Followers 410 Following i make songs listen to them or suffer for eternity 📧:[email protected]
Tom Cecil @scopgieb
2K Followers 723 Following I’m just a guy who loves a bargain and hanging out. Mentally trapped here
Live Forever @LiveForeverYo
121 Followers 103 Following Immortal comedy show run by @feldfrog and @camerobradford. Now at Union Hall! Rude tweets by Benny
Susan Rinkunas has a .. @SusanRinkunas
4K Followers 2K Following Reporter, abortion & politics. Contributing writer @Jezebel. Seen in Slate, The Guardian, Elle, and more. @wgaeast council. 📩 susanrinkunaswrites @ gmail
Streeter Seidell @streetseidell
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Will Braithwaite @chestysquidders
464 Followers 1K Following well you can tell by the way I use my walk I have to poop
dog surgeon @2femcel2furious
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Kellen Browning @Kellen_Browning
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ceren @turk1shprincess
4K Followers 836 Following (selin) resident lesbian heartthrob of new york city . esmé’s lil bitch boy . mortal enemy of all psychiatrists . loves an old ass cat… nyu msw ‘24
Joelle Garfinkel @msjoellegarf
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Chris P. Bottom @othrchristuckr
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Ej Dickson @ejdickson
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troy bond (grand admi.. @TroyHasEbola
30K Followers 2K Following on here when Hulu is playing ads [email protected] Touring in 2024👇
killers of the flower.. @baileymoon96
12K Followers 587 Following they hated jesus because she told the truth
whoa haha this is just like Challengers
TONIGHT: Caroline, @motticomedy & @ClaraOlshansky Host A Gay-Ass Storytelling Show! Featuring the best queer comedians in town, with @nicocarney_ @embrace_mess @aminahimani @ArjunBanerjee7 + @juliashiplett! 5PM Bar Opens ∙ 7PM Doors ∙ 7:30PM Show 🎟️: tinyurl.com/ynwf28kv
bf’s twin brothers are beefing in their gc about the right way to make gravy….i’m about to abuse tf out of this image like i’m fr crying
Dentist: have you been flossing? *mouth pooling with blood* Me: most definitely
wait is it called jergens cause guys jerg off with it
can someone give me a comedy job plz
I did stand-up last night as "1990s Jerry Seinfeld Doing Bits About His 17-Year-Old Girlfriend"
I’m visiting the Lawrence Public Library and found what is possibly the strongest opener for any book ever
"You couldn't make Seinfeld today" yes you absolutely could. Seinfeld isn't that fucking edgy. it remains popular to this day. Jerry's entire comedy career is based on harmless, banal observations crafted for wide audiences. he didn't even swear. what the hell is he talking about
Jerry Seinfeld: PC culture and fear of offending people is killing funny shows. "When you write a script and it goes into four or five different hands, committee, groups—'here's our thought about this joke'—well that's the end of your comedy."
@dietz_meredith (To the tune of my speaking voice) I’m a creep
my favorite thing about comedy is casually bootlicking during a genocide
you tell em, buddy! proud of you for speaking your mind. how was kindergarten today
Put any of this shit on a burger and we gon have a problem
Set up two of my friends and now they’re so busy with each other I never see either of them. To become god is the loneliest achievement of them all
LOS ANGELES! This Thursday I am doing Side by Side at @NetflixIsAJoke! I would love nothing more than to see you there and then get a Margarita!
just submitted my packet for the democratic fundraising job
terrible news for ivy league grads who were hoping to move to lakewood washington to help a single 70 year old man run a geocities website
Attention job seekers. I will not hire any recent graduate of Columbia, because that school is so tainted that I will not be able to trust in the character nor the educational attainment of any of its students. And I furthermore will not hire any older graduates either, because…
Can you imagine admitting you feel nothing in the face of tens of thousands of dead children. Can you imagine calling caring about that like “picking some particular fashion label”
This is probably right. Most people don't form political opinions through deep examination of the issues or reasoning from first principles. It's more like picking some particular fashion label or way of dressing. Especially for younger people, who face more peer pressure.
MY THEORY ABOUT WHY STUDENTS ARE PROTESTING: they are upset about israeli military activity in gaza, and the role the united states government has in it
Unsurprisingly my family didn’t take the news of my arrest well and are heavily propagandized by Western Zionism and white supremacy. This is me saying if you’re out here doing the work knowing the people who raised you disdain what you work for and believe in, you’re not alone.
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