Jizzlane Maxxxwell @dankcharnley
Classically Trained Comic • Enthusiast • Writerist • Cartoonist • Avid Reader of Smut • Rib Sauce Judge 🤟 Who Hurt Me?: https://t.co/pQ7raaF6uy instagram.com/dankcharnley In the studio or doing standup Joined May 2015-
Tweets5K
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Followers8K
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Following9K
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Likes19K
I have a waterproof phone case. Now my phone can swim better than I can.
"Two heads are better than one," unless you’re a hydra, then it’s just a never-ending headache.
I bought a self-help book called "How to Handle Disappointment". It was empty.
I have a love-hate relationship with autocorrect. It’s nice to have support, but I didn’t mean to text my boss “I love you.”
clicked "no" on "do you want to see this ad?" and it played anyway. guess it's a rhetorical question
Nice
Gym memberships are like donations to the Church of Eternal Optimism.
I have a lot of respect for McDonald's. They are fast, cheap, and popular. They also have to deal with a lot of customers, which is not easy. I wonder if they ever get bored of making the same food, and wish they could make something else, like sushi, or pizza, or poison?
My smartwatch congratulated me for moving today. I was just reaching for the remote. We both have low standards.
@dankcharnley The McMerlot
I always forget which wine pairs best with a McRib?
”I like big buttes and I cannot lie.” -excited geographer making Sir Mix-a-Lot joke
My resumé is just a CVS receipt with a sketch of me sharing spaghetti and meatballs with a dolphin.
made my first million selling scarf/bracelet combos to johnny depp and steven tyler and i've never looked back
A shark tooth necklace is ideal for those days when you want to feel like a rebel without doing anything rebellious.
For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer's phone. Don't worry, I'll make sure it reappears in the lost and found... eventually.
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪ.. @sofarrsogud
23K Followers 6K Following 🖊️ Some of my tweets are crafted like a sculpture from a block of wood. Others are pumped out like farts.Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMvFulkery, A Parody Wra.. @Fulkery1
11K Followers 10K Following Ruminations from a human that errs. Not 'available' so move along.LaLaLyds @LaLa_Lyds
19K Followers 4K Following nostalgic for last week's tuna sandwich. knock it off.Bone Chocolates @BoneChocolates
6K Followers 2K Following Making my little jokes to distract myself from the terror of the walls closing in.CannibusLecter @FMLsweetly
2K Followers 1K Following on the one hand, i’m a depressive misanthropic hateful hypocritical piece of shit he/him/that asshole𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉.. @MoMohler
7K Followers 5K Following Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.coot @cooterhog
3K Followers 2K Following dog poster • personal attorney to marshall scott • none of the opinions expressed here are my own🎄🌹 ᏟᏂᴦi�.. @Daaeismyname
6K Followers 6K Following 🕯✍️ Past the point of no return, the angels make the music of the nightBrīan Whɛlmîngly�.. @OhWhelm
6K Followers 5K Following follow a guy like this i bet you get a free bowl of soup • hashtag host @RehashTags➕@AhHaTags • ally🌈 • weltschmerz enthusiastfightgeek @fightgeek
11K Followers 9K Following i wander around outside and hangout with dogs mostlySt.Renato😇🇳🇱.. @WhyHelloRenato
8K Followers 7K Following Dutch🇳🇱-Indo, hashtagger, saint 😇, despot 🧡, translator, 🚫 DM 🙄, 🎤 #viciouskaraokeparty, martyr @mott57093Criag @craigpsutton
3K Followers 2K Following I like dumb things. Comedian, sketch, improv, & game designer. Check out my sketches and stand-up: https://t.co/SdPJmMpBwzGustave @kawaharama12167
12 Followers 190 Followinggirl face @immediatleynow
67 Followers 498 Following 🩷🐱 #SAGAFTRA @WILDNONSENSEINC “Melissa is an intelligent bisexual-lesbian” - GeorgeTirtorsl @tirtorsl66902
0 Followers 55 Followingintrusive thots @thoughtslxd
0 Followers 8 FollowingRobin Osborne 🐦 ~ .. @kyblueblood
39K Followers 37K Following ~ Consultant ~ Rather, money has been made, careers have been burnished, and all the while our society has borne the cost.” --Robert Whitaker journalistWritingYogi 🥊🥊 @WritingYogi
10K Followers 9K Following Creative type seeking balance through #writing #art #yoga and #meditation. Working on a #historicalmystery #BoxingFan 🥊💙eLeni @eleniZarro
17K Followers 2K Following Be funny, be kind, but ffs stop saying literally. My best hits: https://t.co/aXLLBNuMx3 🐎 💜TRW @TWR101
5K Followers 967 Following The Matrix is Everywhere. Freedom requires you to Take Action | Are you ready to enter The Real World? | Founded by @cobratateMarty No McFly 🖤�.. @KMartSoSmart
753 Followers 2K Following 🇩🇴🇨🇴The distance between your dreams and reality is called action. Mamba Mentality. Austin 3:16 #FlyEaglesFly #LakeShow #DirtyWater #NJDevils #JaxForeverUncle Chris🇸🇱�.. @FreeLurkyMe2
16K Followers 15K Following I’m here for the lols | Please follow @lurkyme2 , he follows backAcide @pHAcide
22 Followers 239 Followingashely @ylehsaashely
347 Followers 247 FollowingAnnalise Piotrowski @annalisepio
32 Followers 87 Following On Yuin/Dharawal land || BCM student at UOW 🤍Chief @TheCHIEF_IN
323 Followers 1K Following It’s supposed to be hard. If it were easy everyone would do it.Leo T @itz_razy
94 Followers 134 Following nothing to see here folks. Eat or get ate! || ManUtd🔴 || Music & Art ||Rustam @RustamFarokhzad
337 Followers 5K FollowingAmerican Vinni Pukh @vinnipukh_usa
72 Followers 781 Following indian-american female vinni-pukh appreciator / early 20s / schoolteacherLaik Soomro @SoomroLaik
319 Followers 3K FollowingChantelle Gobey @setsuness
20 Followers 358 Following I will never be a successful serial killer, too much cleaning involved. Or I could just make my cats eat the body...mmmZinderella 😦👠�.. @baloyi_vanessa
2K Followers 2K Following A graduate sometimes🥺👩🏿🎓. Random retweets here and there🌼 Private comedian! Look out for my YouJube Dudorials🥺❤️!Mrs Westbrook 🤍 @PreciousDipsy
2K Followers 1K FollowingRyan Thomas @ryangthomas
126 Followers 284 Following PRODUCER: Shaun Micallef's 'Mad As Hell' | DIRECTOR: The Back Side / Last Year of Television on @binge & Fox8Anarres Calling @AnarresCalling
377 Followers 2K Following culturally nonbinary transgender woman - she/her or they/them - middle-tier anarchist - iron-willed fuckup20🕊 @Felton04kaonga
1K Followers 1K FollowingThe Road Jess Travell.. @JessPected
12K Followers 2K Following Feminist. Atheist. Progressive. Intersectional. Pro-Abortion. Bot collector extraordinaire. Enthusiastic blocker of ads, checks, & bigots.banksy @ovobee92
3K Followers 2K Following Pure laker talk 💜💛 and other stuff #lakeshow IG: banksssssy🅂🄿🄰🄲🄴�.. @MadddHatter92
482 Followers 496 Following And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.دریا @dennise275
102 Followers 2K FollowingLeen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈baby p ⛓️ @miss_cado
631 Followers 447 FollowingCameron Ernst @cam_ernst
44 Followers 2K Following I retweet what I find funny. And I find a lot of things funny.FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪ.. @sofarrsogud
23K Followers 6K Following 🖊️ Some of my tweets are crafted like a sculpture from a block of wood. Others are pumped out like farts.Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMvFulkery, A Parody Wra.. @Fulkery1
11K Followers 10K Following Ruminations from a human that errs. Not 'available' so move along.LaLaLyds @LaLa_Lyds
19K Followers 4K Following nostalgic for last week's tuna sandwich. knock it off.Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK
9K Followers 5K Following This is a page of silly and fun, don't take it seriously. my fav tweets - https://t.co/gmfzikX1FhCannibusLecter @FMLsweetly
2K Followers 1K Following on the one hand, i’m a depressive misanthropic hateful hypocritical piece of shit he/him/that asshole𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉.. @MoMohler
7K Followers 5K Following Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.coot @cooterhog
3K Followers 2K Following dog poster • personal attorney to marshall scott • none of the opinions expressed here are my own🎄🌹 ᏟᏂᴦi�.. @Daaeismyname
6K Followers 6K Following 🕯✍️ Past the point of no return, the angels make the music of the nightBrīan Whɛlmîngly�.. @OhWhelm
6K Followers 5K Following follow a guy like this i bet you get a free bowl of soup • hashtag host @RehashTags➕@AhHaTags • ally🌈 • weltschmerz enthusiastfightgeek @fightgeek
11K Followers 9K Following i wander around outside and hangout with dogs mostlySt.Renato😇🇳🇱.. @WhyHelloRenato
8K Followers 7K Following Dutch🇳🇱-Indo, hashtagger, saint 😇, despot 🧡, translator, 🚫 DM 🙄, 🎤 #viciouskaraokeparty, martyr @mott57093Adam @YSylon
8K Followers 2K Following Humor | Music | Misc | latest: https://t.co/BmbpshxRP9 | More & better ⬇️Martyr⏳🔨 @MartyrsGlade
145 Followers 837 Following Obscure RPGs and VTuber shitposting beyond this point.defleppardfan94 @lemonade_grrrl
7K Followers 2K Following This is Neil Degrease Tyson lovers account following this account most important information and interesting video and pictures follow me.eLeni @eleniZarro
17K Followers 2K Following Be funny, be kind, but ffs stop saying literally. My best hits: https://t.co/aXLLBNuMx3 🐎 💜Vybz Pedrotel @iRealPedro
32K Followers 1K Following I do Entertainment - #RepublicBeach + #OSAJamaica - IG: iRealPedro || @ManUtd @Vybz_Kartel Skillibeng stan account. 🇯🇲.𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒂�.. @trisanze
146K Followers 9K Following 𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒏🇯🇲|| 𝐀𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭 🎨 || 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐮𝐫 || 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒓 || 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝑪𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒐𝒓 📷 🎞SlayMoney. @_Raexox9
8K Followers 2K Following Beholder of unlimited wealth; the woman beside God. Sexy Forever, Forever Sexy. vibe til I die !¡ℬ𝓇𝒾𝓉 @britgrime
6K Followers 1K Following𝑺𝒉𝒂𝒏♡�.. @TrulyShantel
21K Followers 2K Followingsummerinaparis @georyz_
2K Followers 407 Following Build your own pyramids, write your own hieroglyphs.Jordan Bohannon @JordanBo_3
40K Followers 801 Following Luke 1:37 / Co-host @roundballpod / @iowaeverywhere / Ref Accountability OfficerThreat or Menace? @MalikonIce
345 Followers 354 Following This is your world. You have to make those decisions.Chad Leistikow🆑 @ChadLeistikow
50K Followers 672 Following Pronounced LYE-stick-oh. Hawkeye sports columnist for @DMRegister & @PressCitizen. @PatMcAfeeShow once complimented my kitchen.David Eickholt @DavidEickholt
45K Followers 458 Following The Iowa Hawkeye Insider for @247Sports and @CBSSports || Host of #Swarmcast || Opinions are my own, but should be adopted by you. || Only Here For @DuaLipaHawkeye Football @HawkeyeFootball
326K Followers 498 Following Official page of University of Iowa FootballIowa Men’s Basketba.. @IowaHoops
194K Followers 109 Following The official Twitter account for the Iowa Men’s Basketball team. 29 NCAA Tournament appearances • 3 Final Fours • 8 Sweet 16 appearances • 11 B1G TitlesIowa Hawkeye Wrestlin.. @Hawks_Wrestling
103K Followers 2 Following Official wrestling account of University of Iowa Athletics | Dual Meet Attendance Record HoldersMarty No McFly 🖤�.. @KMartSoSmart
753 Followers 2K Following 🇩🇴🇨🇴The distance between your dreams and reality is called action. Mamba Mentality. Austin 3:16 #FlyEaglesFly #LakeShow #DirtyWater #NJDevils #JaxForeverovereducated adhd cat.. @djwiththejd
1K Followers 959 Following (she/hers) ⚖️ 🇺🇸🇮🇶🏳️🌈 demibi civrights law clerk + depression and adhd vibes here #blacklivesmatter #stopasianhate⚖️☠️Pirate Co.. @PirateAtLaw
2K Followers 891 Following Trust me, I'm a Pirate Lawyer with an MBA. Well, 1/2 pirate 1/2 duck. Law, sports, dogs, and Ironman training. CO by way of OR, NC, NV, and CA. he/himKevin Baum @kevinbaum013
2K Followers 4K Following Professional attorney, amateur idiot. Canada isn't a real country. Free Island Malvinas! 🇦🇷 'The reason they have instructions on soup.' - @BruceB010recovering female lit.. @katesquire
2K Followers 949 Following i like sweatpants and staying home • recovering litigator • no longer stuck in zoom court • @goosecmu’s foul-mouthed wife • dream big, fight hard • she/herJulie Camacho #ADHD #.. @JCamachoLegal
3K Followers 3K Following Small business, real estate, and civil litigation firm. I am #lawtwitter and love #appellatetwitter. No legal advice, RT's not endorsements. Dog/cat mom, bewareNick @nkc____
2K Followers 4K Following Former musicologist, current law person. UT-Austin and Kansas alum. He/him. Views and opinions are my own / not my employer’s, etc etc. Ad Astra per Aspera 🌻Mean Paralegal™️ @itbwhatitb76
2K Followers 728 Following I'm just here for the jokes ✌🏻ex paralegal who abandoned law firms for legal tech - not actually mean. TB hockey fan. FL woman. I bleed pubsubs and sunshine.Maria @mlstrat
3K Followers 1K Following law person/ex-@commercedems; love: sports (basketball, f1, pga, tennis, football), the south, birds, adventure, and butter; all views mine; she/herAshley on the Avenue @Briefslayer
5K Followers 1K Following I am a words dealer. @UCLA | @UCILaw #AmWriting #AppellateTwitter #EnergyTwitter #LadyLawyerDiaries 🌈💙💛🐻 🏃🏻♀️🏋🏻♀️ 📚🥃🎮 She/HerElle Woods, Chaos Com.. @3L_strugglebus
2K Followers 2K Following 1st Gen, JD/MBA, IH, ADHD & Dyslexic AF. Data + Excel Wizard w/a witty banter kink. Fueled by Spite & dreams of doing Wrongful Conviction work. ABOLISH THE BAR.YEARNEST HEMINGWAY @BIGBRO718
2K Followers 1K Following They said the good die young.. I’m trynna live long.sucía @RellieRelz
12K Followers 977 Following wholesome and whoresome💕 sweetest mean girl #carefreeblackgirl @cfbgpodDark Yagami @Bodega_Papi
2K Followers 1K Following Aight so boom - Bronx | Black | He|Him | Fat John Cena with the Visuals • Creative | PhotographerMy Fault @uglynewyork
3K Followers 843 Following I’m Rob. Anyways, I’m headed to the bodega...you need anything? || #IG: uglynewyork || #UGLYRADIO || #4Cast4ever ||ashely @ylehsaashely
347 Followers 247 Following[HB] Boy 🇩🇴🇵.. @BOJAQ_
1K Followers 466 Following 🏳️🌈♍️ DJ @hearseboys @primenycco [email protected][HB] RAINEY™ @RaineyOvalle
37K Followers 2K Following 30|🇩🇴|Former: @SHODesusAndMero @SportsTalkPrime|Founder of @HearseBoys|VICTORY LIGHT co-host|Dad. he/him (cis). Pro-Black, Pro-LGBTQIA+@dankcharnley I hope I’m in that parking lot. Sorry Carl.
🚨#UPDARE: Here is the moment when someone on the police scanners reported that all of downtown Sulphur Oklahoma had been destroyed after a large violent tornado passed through.
David Rockefeller talks about population control
They should invent something that is good for you.
If the whole world is in debt, then to whom are we all indebted?
Do you like my new job?
EVERYONE who wants to know the ugly TRUTH about the assassination of President Lincoln, the sinking of the Titanic, Waco, Ruby Ridge, the Oklahoma City bombing and 9/11 should read this book. Confirmed my suspicions about the Jesuit arm of the Vatican: amazon.com/Secret-Terrori… #ad
It’s sad and dangerous
Trump & the #CovidVaccines in a single image.
Demonic! Who rapes and kills baby’s?
Wisconsin Man Found Guilty After Killing, Sexually Assaulting 20-Month-Old oann.com/newsroom/wisco… #OAN
The Great Reset is a plan to bankrupt the west. We must stop it!
Welcome to Chinafornia! I am in @GavinNewsom ‘s state and he would love to bring these California Gas prices to YOUR state! I’m so glad I left and live in Arizona. Please vote for… #AnybodyButBiden2024
NEVER FORGET: This is how an 18 year old active duty service member was treated for refusing to take the experimental mRNA injection.
As the appearance of our world is determined by the particular state with which we are fused, so may we determine our fate as individuals by fusing our imaginations with ideals we seek to realize.
That time a girl was killed in a satanic ritual by two MS-13 illegals in Texas. The gang members said, “they wanted to offer The Beast a soul.”