Jared Porter @GoodJobVeryCool
is butterbean ok Wisconsin, USA Joined January 2022-
Tweets311
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Followers204
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Following225
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Likes5K
This is the worst officiating of the entire tournament except for the time they measured the courts wrong and also the time the ref was an alum from one of the schools in the game
People in Wisconsin love to be confused by the concept of snow
Don’t: Piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining. Do: Piss on my leg and tell me this jellyfish sting will quit hurting soon.
Drinking on an empty stomach at the work event and Johnny Cash’s version of Hurt just came on. Time to bring a weird vibe to the golf simulator
NANTZ: …any final words, Travis? KELCE: Taylor is pregnant and will be endorsing Joe Biden. NANTZ: There you have it, folks.
this is an insanely funny thing to do
this is an insanely funny thing to do
Eight year old in the front row loved it everytime I said “shit” during tonight’s set. Little freak couldn’t get enough of it.
Cutting the cord is the best decision I ever made. It’s more expensive and it takes four minutes to change the channel but I get to tell the company I still pay for internet access to “fuck off”
Guess how old Luke is
Guess how old Luke is
about 3 times a year i get sad huckleberry finn isn’t a real guy i can hang out with
Anytime I see an old Fear Factor clip I’m embarrassed by how effortlessly I would have won $50,000
I’m jealous of people who grew up before cigarettes were bad for you.
*you have to tell me if you’re a cop voice* you have to tell me if you’re mad at me
You could describe my entire stand-up career as "trying that in a small town".
Oppenheimer: "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds." Improviser: "OK, and I'm Henrietta Longback, a wealthy widow looking to spice things up."
I’m the creepy “where’s my hug at?” guy but with my dogs
hey man, come through we’re at the new brewery in the worst part of town. it’s at 300% capacity and there’s one bartender.
TAYLOR SWIFT IS CURRENTLY STANDING WITH HER BLUE KOI FISH GUITAR
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30 Followers 239 Following the world is full of. the unexpected, so it’s better to prepare for the unknown ☺️
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62 Followers 108 Following she needs to post more annoying. her followers love it.
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31 Followers 1K Following To feel, to love, to suffer, to devote herself will always be the text of the life of a woman.
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5 Followers 530 Following I’m julieleach a lottery winner of $310.5 millionI’m giving out 100,000 to the first 2000 followers,I’m doing this to help who needs,,,DM to get yours
Юра @trutheality
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35K Followers 986 Following Sports Illustrated staff writer: MLB + women's basketball Say hi: [email protected]
KC (alt) @idiotbraingf
62 Followers 108 Following she needs to post more annoying. her followers love it.
CadeBobble @motownmase
232 Followers 121 Following occasionally get off some piston takes. Troy weaver believer
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91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharks
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865K Followers 4K Following The Official George Wallace Twitter. Trying to serve it up with hot sauce for you. God bless.
Jasper Apollonia @BladeCunningham
1K Followers 676 Following the Nice Guy @palaceofpistons, producer, sommelier, Eleanor Roosevelt lookalike. In my kitchen Pyrex right next to the kettle.
Alexis Clemons @wx_alexis
857 Followers 526 Following Weekend Morning Meteorologist @WKOW | #MizzouMade 2021 | Born & raised in STL | Opinions are my own | she/her
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81K Followers 2K Following Economist • Autodidact • Podcast @youcantwinpod • Mentions set to mutuals only (sorry, email me if necessary).
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1.4M Followers 787 Following i’m going to be the first nurse to make it to the nba
The Detroit Elite™�.. @TheDetroitElite
1K Followers 866 Following NBA junkie | #Pistons and #Lions #DetroitBasketball #OnePride
PistonsThoughts @PistonsThoughts
18K Followers 915 Following Die hard Pistons fan giving my 2 cents on the team. #SupportGroup #NLL Podcast: https://t.co/6puVX33s5E
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54K Followers 516 Following Born Samuel Langhorne Clemens in rural Missouri. Adopted the pen name "Sridhar Ramesh" from riverboat slang.
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137 Followers 393 Following aspiring person • perspiring person • let me bleed on you and you pay me • any pronouns
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5K Followers 2K Following 🏳️🌈 (bi, he/they), 🗣️: 🇰🇷 and 🇯🇵, covered W.I.’s first february tornadoes 🌪️, was on UNHhhh: the weather 🌤️.
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Silent Movie GIFs @silentmoviegifs
175K Followers 673 Following I like to watch silent movies, and then make gifs from them. Created by @dmchoull
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14 Followers 40 Following Actor/Comic/Singer/Writer/Director of some sorts.
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240K Followers 72 Following I post real mfs and real haters, often both | dm submissions
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287 Followers 469 Following COMEDIAN. Whatever motion we move in God is there. Spirituality, Personality & Business. #1MOTION ☝🏿
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posts you can show yo.. @ohshidt
28K Followers 203 Following you can show your mom these posts but she won’t like all of them
ashleigh nicole @Ashleigh_Gradel
254 Followers 238 Following i cry a lot but i am so productive | 26 | Packers Shareholder | Clemson Bioengineering 2020 | the funniest transsexual you know
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76 Followers 547 Following comedian cohost for Off The Rails Podcast
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on the one hand, I wonder why any black person would want to live in Iowa, but then I remember that some of the fattest white girls on earth live there
Iowa’s 3 public universities are closing their DEI offices Iowa State’s president said they’ve established learning communities so that ‘a young man, young white man, from rural Iowa, could find the place where they could belong’ kcrg.com/2024/04/25/iow…
kareem abdul jabbar and olivia rodrigo sitting far away from each other at the lakers game, possible beef?
Your entire life will change the moment you stop worrying what everyone else is doing and start focusing on what you're doing.
All good sportswriters have a moment in their careers when they realize they have no clue what they’re talking about. The game is way more complicated and jargonny than they thought. They want to learn but their readership also doesn’t know much either
you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me
Still thinking about the man from a show this weekend who had a hat with the American flag and a gun on it. When I asked him what kinda gun he shrugged and said “i don’t know” Cmon man if you’re gonna wear the teams colors you best know the star player!
growth is recognizing that your basement is not conducive to hosting house shows
Bombing at a hell mic at 1am is weirdly a nice palate cleanser.
NOW WAIT A MINUTE
Also go follow Young Jared Porter that’s a good dude who is also really funny @GoodJobVeryCool
I don’t know if I’m aging quickly but I do know between 22 and 23 drunk people stopped calling me “Young Jared Porter” and started calling him “Young Jared Porter”
Cowbells are a crutch for fans of low moral standing and poor hollering skills.
Please, someone
*at drive thru at 9 pm, things not going so great* one Tim Horton’s pizza please.
Tim Hortons launches pizza nationally in bid to ‘stretch the brand’ to afternoon, evening customers theglobeandmail.com/business/artic…
If this thing goes up the smoke detector will be the last to know
(NBATV should let Jeff Teague and Club 520 pod call all their playoff games. Record ratings.)
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