Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez
Comedian/writer - 1 hr Special on Amazon: https://t.co/Mw66bt5HxQ Wrote for Playboy & College Humor - Tweets featured on Ellen & Kimmel - IG: @mattfernandezworld mattfernandezworld.com St Petersburg, FL Joined March 2010-
Tweets7K
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Followers16K
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Following868
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Likes420K
The Falcons drafted Penix, split Bijan's carries, and don't use Kyle Pitts. They treat the draft like people in the 90s who bought Beanie Babies and told everyone "these will be valuable one day." #NFLDraft
I wish more comedians were like norm macdonald! silently dying from cancer
"You should hate having sex with a woman. It should disgust you. It should make you want to have sex with a man. Yes sir, nothing straighter than wanting to bang a dude." x.com/6ixbuzztv/stat…
"You should hate having sex with a woman. It should disgust you. It should make you want to have sex with a man. Yes sir, nothing straighter than wanting to bang a dude." x.com/6ixbuzztv/stat…
Mel Kiper: "No surprise that Hell took OJ in the early rounds. He'll match up great with Aaron Hernandez." Mike Florio: "But they need to start thinking about defense. Ray Lewis is still on the board. I'll be shocked if they don't go after him in the next round."
Shame, now we don't get to read Cancer's book about how it would've killed OJ.
White women humour
Reed Richards: "Who are you? What do you want?" Silver Surfer: "Galactus is the biggest fucker you've ever seen and he's gonna come eat your whole dipshit planet." x.com/culturecrave/s…
Reed Richards: "Who are you? What do you want?" Silver Surfer: "Galactus is the biggest fucker you've ever seen and he's gonna come eat your whole dipshit planet." x.com/culturecrave/s…
Sitting outside my apartment with a pb&j waiting for my wife and her boyfriend to finish up in there!
Why does X-Men 97 Magneto look like his superpower is convincing couples to come back to his place?
If Aaron Rodgers runs for VP that puts Zach Wilson third in line for the presidency.
My gf and I do this - we call it “pipe” night We smoke a rock and freak on a a cardboard box and talk about the chips the mayor installed in our brains That’s it, we simply freak and talk knowing the mayors listening. What’s up Eric.
My gf and I do this - we call it “pipe” night We smoke a rock and freak on a a cardboard box and talk about the chips the mayor installed in our brains That’s it, we simply freak and talk knowing the mayors listening. What’s up Eric.
POV: you’re Eric Clapton
Weird. Usually guys get CTE AFTER they get in the NFL. x.com/sportingnews/s…
Weird. Usually guys get CTE AFTER they get in the NFL. x.com/sportingnews/s…
The Super Bowl has inspired me to start my own business where I go around and drop confetti on people while they're sad. Book us for funerals, or custody cases... whatever.
"Do we want to feed the poor, or heal the sick?" Jesus Christ: "Three words. Super Bowl Commerical."
taylor swift after travis kelce wins the superbowl
Very sad but you do the crime (attending a Matt Rife show), you do the time.
Very sad but you do the crime (attending a Matt Rife show), you do the time.
Taylor Swift arriving in Baltimore next weekend.
Even the NFL is running out of ideas. They just rebooted the Scott Norwood ending in Buffalo
CBS Cameraman: Where's Taylor Swift?! Jason Kelce: UP HEEEEERE!!!
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharks
Rex Huppke @RexHuppke
96K Followers 1K Following (VERY SERIOUS) @USATODAY humor(ish) columnist. Hypocrisy enthusiast. WOKE MOB, CO-FOUNDER. ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE (2017 to present).
mike ginn @shutupmikeginn
209K Followers 1K Following
maura quint @behindyourback
114K Followers 1K Following Elon Musk is a piss baby. Rarely checking this account. Follow me at mauraquint on bluesky, insta, tt, etc. Contact: quintmaura@ gmail
donni saphire @donni
60K Followers 2K Following Skeptical of most squirrels. Friendly comedian. More jokes on @[email protected]. Producer on The Love Below at Beermiscuous in Lincoln Park. Hat avoider.
dan mentos @DanMentos
88K Followers 653 Following
Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy
48K Followers 5K Following Hulu, Comedy Central, truTV, NBC, CBS • I joke a lot. • Mastadon: https://t.co/UymYo2qVSc • Bluesky: https://t.co/sRjqLg32ly
Brian Gaar @briangaar
80K Followers 2K Following Finally a bearded white dude in comedy. https://t.co/z1EDZmqdBo Bluesky: https://t.co/XkLVhTtCfv
Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 651 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIb
Ted Travelstead @trumpetcake
50K Followers 5K Following I'm not everyone's cup of teeth. https://t.co/97Pa1xYSHh
Jeff 🇵🇸 @usedwigs
11K Followers 901 Following Executive Producer of 'Nephew Swap.' Runner of trails.
Dan Duvall @lazerdoov
34K Followers 2K Following
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGraham
Arby’s Provocateur @SamGrittner
49K Followers 1K Following Poison for dinner? Again? 📸 IG: @samgrittner
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91
24K Followers 341 Following Writer, animal foster person, 69 inches tall. If you let me write for your thing, I'll kiss you right on the head. Venmo/yael91, IG/the.yael
Sean Thomason @TheThomason
16K Followers 838 Following Writer/Producer @Rifftrax, TV shows. Appalachian in the city. @Ringheads Tolkien podcast
Jack Simon @JackS62013
48 Followers 536 Following
Brett Skalicky @BrettSkalicky
424 Followers 618 Following barely contribute to @dailydrunkmag @Havencomedy @PointsinCase
Jon Moses @jonmosesvocals
189K Followers 8K Following 👨👧👦 Dad first 🎭 Theatre enthusiast 🎤 TV personality & Singer 📈 ‘Top 5 Charting’ musician 🕴️#MenStyle |💆♂️#Skincare advocate | 📧 [email protected]
Liz (Taylor’s Versi.. @lizrey1294
145 Followers 824 Following “Trash takes itself out every single time” - Taylor Alison Swift 
Resmayshou @resmayshou90566
160 Followers 2K Following
Billy Farmer @BillyFarmer1990
65 Followers 90 Following Lived in Illinois, Connecticut, Michigan, Arizona, Florida, and a very short stay in Canada. I like a good joke.
Lesyra @Lesyra256747
205 Followers 3K Following
AngellaSzekula @AngellaSze43293
49 Followers 2K Following
Mike Valdes @iammikevaldes
13K Followers 5K Following Actor | Comedian | Singer/Songwriter | Cutie/Patootie
Peshouson @peshouson6790
187 Followers 3K Following
Halden @Whythoa135782
436 Followers 5K Following See the world on the road, and get to know yourself on the way!
MACHETESQUID @MACHETESQU1D
442 Followers 2K Following High Art With A Low Brow.™ {Formerly @killshrednar}
Richard RJ Johnson II @n2mensundies74
299 Followers 2K Following Gay white scorpio male. Taken, and just looking for honest, laid back buddy's I love to cook, collect ideas for DIY crafts and look at erotica Male
StreakNow.com @StreakNow
263 Followers 2K Following Gamification and fun for remote teams! #remotefun Turn your projects into streaks and compete with your colleagues.
Industrious @Teteat23877
120 Followers 2K Following
Jungle Boogeyman @JungleBoogeyman
317 Followers 1K Following
Reeten @Reeten252951
302 Followers 5K Following
Joseph Gross @gross41539
77 Followers 598 Following
Madeline Sullivan @maddyjsullivan
413 Followers 5K Following
Judy peterson @Judypet73234794
6 Followers 114 Following
WhatDoYouWantIt2B @GR8INBEDOrlando
471 Followers 3K Following
g8rgrl @Kkg8rgrl12
79 Followers 565 Following
Guy @tesesuez7329
480 Followers 5K Following See the world on the road, and get to know yourself on the way!
♡ ⋆｡˚ 𝒞𝒽.. @xshinyclefairyx
263 Followers 491 Following 🪷✨♡ Leo ☼ Aries ☽ Virgo ↑ ♡ NYC ♡ vegan ♡ magical girl ♡✨🪷
Blake @Blakey7inch
153 Followers 258 Following
TERRELL @TEgfvgRRELL
33 Followers 147 Following
IvoEmpire @IvoEmpire
1K Followers 5K Following Healthcare in the streets. Screenwriting in the sheets. Philly.
Not Becky @NotBecky75
825 Followers 790 Following I'm not the Becky you think you know, I'm the one Becky yearns to be. Continuously learning and loving life enthusiast! I'M NOT IN A CULT!
Marathon Billboards @MarathonSigns
97 Followers 293 Following
Hackride @ahackride
1K Followers 3K Following Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. -Oscar Wilde #Scoducks Off-Season Natty 🏆
The Mane Attraction @slashes2ashes
112 Followers 1K Following Auburn Everything, War Damn🐯🐅 Tis but a shame that stupidity is not painful. -Anton Szander LaVey
Zaya S. Younan @elseptimoceo
565 Followers 5K Following The World’s Finest Producers of Premium Cigars Since 2005 #ExploreYourSeventhSense
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharks
Rex Huppke @RexHuppke
96K Followers 1K Following (VERY SERIOUS) @USATODAY humor(ish) columnist. Hypocrisy enthusiast. WOKE MOB, CO-FOUNDER. ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE (2017 to present).
mike ginn @shutupmikeginn
209K Followers 1K Following
maura quint @behindyourback
114K Followers 1K Following Elon Musk is a piss baby. Rarely checking this account. Follow me at mauraquint on bluesky, insta, tt, etc. Contact: quintmaura@ gmail
donni saphire @donni
60K Followers 2K Following Skeptical of most squirrels. Friendly comedian. More jokes on @[email protected]. Producer on The Love Below at Beermiscuous in Lincoln Park. Hat avoider.
dan mentos @DanMentos
88K Followers 653 Following
Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy
48K Followers 5K Following Hulu, Comedy Central, truTV, NBC, CBS • I joke a lot. • Mastadon: https://t.co/UymYo2qVSc • Bluesky: https://t.co/sRjqLg32ly
Brian Gaar @briangaar
80K Followers 2K Following Finally a bearded white dude in comedy. https://t.co/z1EDZmqdBo Bluesky: https://t.co/XkLVhTtCfv
Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 651 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIb
Ted Travelstead @trumpetcake
50K Followers 5K Following I'm not everyone's cup of teeth. https://t.co/97Pa1xYSHh
Jeff 🇵🇸 @usedwigs
11K Followers 901 Following Executive Producer of 'Nephew Swap.' Runner of trails.
Dan Duvall @lazerdoov
34K Followers 2K Following
DC Pierson @DCpierson
57K Followers 6K Following Wrote the novels THE BOY WHO COULDN'T SLEEP AND NEVER HAD TO and CRAP KINGDOM. Was in DERRICK. https://t.co/RSs3cRMrDr [email protected] he/him
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGraham
Arby’s Provocateur @SamGrittner
49K Followers 1K Following Poison for dinner? Again? 📸 IG: @samgrittner
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91
24K Followers 341 Following Writer, animal foster person, 69 inches tall. If you let me write for your thing, I'll kiss you right on the head. Venmo/yael91, IG/the.yael
Dirty at 12:30 @thedirtyat1230
2K Followers 1K Following #DirtyBirdsUnite FRIDAYS @southpointlv BEST comedy show in VEGAS...that happens to be FREE! #VegasStrong #RememberRalphie #9YearsDirty @gabelopezcomedy
LISA CURRY @lisa_curry
17K Followers 1K Following Comedian • Writer • Succubus • Opening Act @jimjefferies • @WGAWest @TelevisionAcad @RecordingAcad • Cohost @doomscrollshow
Last ⚡️ Best ⚡�.. @lastbestcomedy
557 Followers 1K Following A comedy club in Montana run by people who love comedy. Improv & Stand-Up // Shows & Classes // Full Bar TIX @ https://t.co/xTzkRXEzPk
Sarah Aswell @sarahaswell
4K Followers 2K Following Deputy Editor at @scarymommy, Stand up on the side. Follow @scarymommybooks! Find me in @newyorker @mcsweeneys @forbes @reductress. She/her
Matthew Broussard @mondaypunday
21K Followers 1K Following
Laura Sogar @laurasogs
2K Followers 610 Following Used to swim fast, now I tell jokes. come see me perform live.
Simon Holland @simoncholland
171K Followers 1K Following My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.
mike eaton @mike_is_eaton
2K Followers 1K Following podcast is good. roasts and standup are better. food opinion is the best.
Andy Holloway @andyholloway
231K Followers 543 Following Host @TheFFBallers podcast 🏆 Children's Book https://t.co/412meYOFuO — Dad, ice cream enthusiast, pickleball junkie https://t.co/7xN76GhBkV — Christ follower.
Luis J. Gomez @luisjgomez
145K Followers 1K Following I am a comedian. Anything I say here is a joke. 🇵🇷🐍 | 2024 Tour Dates https://t.co/53D914BAd5
Robert Kelly @robertkelly
122K Followers 1K Following go to my website and listen to my podcast retweet my shit. 👌
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi
64K Followers 7K Following “you miss 100% of the shots you take” -my high school basketball coach
Josiah Johnson @KingJosiah54
273K Followers 6K Following Executive Producer & Host of @GilsArenaShow presented by @UnderdogFantasy WOOF! WOOF!... https://t.co/l3cOcYnVGM
Edi Patterson @EdiPattersonHi
17K Followers 1K Following I play Judy Gemstone and am a writer on #TheRighteousGemstones💎(Plan B, Knives Out, VicePrincipals, Bean Dip on Comedy Bang Bang @GROUNDLINGS @IMPROTHEATRE
Amanda Gail @the_amanda_gail
2K Followers 1K Following
Brad Williams @funnybrad
175K Followers 389 Following Father/Husband/Comedian/Part time dwarf/Cheaper than Carrot Top on Cameo
Rafael cruz @RafCruz6
492 Followers 382 Following
Brittany Brave @BritBrave
4K Followers 3K Following Comic. Actress. TBS, MTV, UTI (probably.) Weekends at @hits973. Mama @wearecatcall. Tiny. Often yelling. Bitch. IG @brittanybrave.
Sean Harper @SeanHarperFL
222 Followers 178 Following Comedian & Former Child Voice Actor https://t.co/JlENlKtSeK
Hakeem Oluseyi @HakeemOluseyi
28K Followers 6K Following Science's Greatest Hype Man 💪🏿 | Astrophysicist @GMU @Princeton | Contributor @ABC | CoHost @DoesItFlyPod | Speaker @LAIspeakers | Past President @NSBPInc
Shane Gillis @Shanemgillis
449K Followers 832 Following Matt and Shane’s secret podcast : Gilly & Keeves
billy bonnëll @BillyBonnell
3K Followers 20 Following sorry I’m not famous. First Hour Special Taping Jun 6th in San Diego at American Comedy Co
Adam Ray @adamraycomedy
51K Followers 11K Following Comedian. Host of ABOUT LAST NIGHT podcast. Play Vince McMahon on NBC’s YOUNG ROCK. Watch my special READ THE ROOM on Youtube!
Morgan Gallo @morgangcomedy
2K Followers 149 Following comedian, creator of Lets Fight About It Podcast, almond mom survivor
Joel Kim Booster @ihatejoelkim
149K Followers 1K Following editor in chief @nytimes. my wife is missing.
Cap City Comedy Club @CapCityComedy
9K Followers 3K Following We. Are. Austin. Comedy. Top ranked on the stand-up circuit for 35 years! 🎟️ https://t.co/nk0paodrMF
Kim Congdon @kimberlycongdon
56K Followers 1K Following Comedian. Writer. Roaster. Producer. Comedy Central, MTV, TruTV, HBO for booking: [email protected] 🇵🇷
Christine Marie Evans @ChristineMEvans
16K Followers 1K Following @thebonfiresxm @skankfestnyc Skankfest: Vegas Attacks! September 27-29, 2024! GA Badges on sale 4.20.24 12pm ET at https://t.co/8naFRzPqaK
Christopher Spata @SpataTimes
3K Followers 2K Following Enterprise reporter covering culture @tb_times; Founder of Cuban Sandwich Day. Read my writing @spataswork. Send me Florida story ideas and 🍕 and 🎥 recs.
Dan Carney @DanManCarney
16K Followers 4K Following comedian, actor, click the link if you want to see me live (live, not live)
Jon Stewart @jonstewart
1.7M Followers 2 Following
clark brooks @clarkbrooks
2K Followers 2K Following I'm a writer, comedian and an ordained minister. Seriously. he/him
Sarah Sweeney @heysarahsweeney
8K Followers 630 Following voice actor rep’d by @accesstalentvo | writer featured in McSweeney’s, NYT, Salon, Bold Italic, your mom’s inbox
Nate Bargatze @natebargatze
184K Followers 1K Following New special, Hello World on Prime Video. Or check out my Netflix specials. Come see me on tour. Also @natelandpodcast
Steve Simeone @SteveSimeone
13K Followers 5K Following Comedian, writer, middle brother. Philly. DELCO. Strath Haven. Prayer changes everything.
Chad Zumock "FLORIDA'.. @chadzumock
18K Followers 634 Following “Florida's Greatest Comedian"-Everyone 🎙SitDownZumock Podcast ⚡️2.4 GPA Kent State Grad⚡️IG: chadzumock 🏀 KMART READY! 🏀 Shark/Sniper
Ed Boon @noobde
820K Followers 293 Following Co-Creator of Mortal Kombat & Injustice..... Chief Creative Officer Mortal Kombat & NetherRealm Studios. We make games with Ninjas and Super-Heroes.I bet there were actually a lot of police there
White supremacists are now marching in Charleston, West Virginia. With no police in sight.
Come see me and my opening act JB @Ball4President kill it on tour this year and watch our newest specials for free on YouTube! Both specials are different material than the current live show so you don’t have to worry about spoilers!
Dogs in Atlanta watching the Falcons select a black, left-handed QB named Michael
For me it usually takes about 13 shots of vodka
How the hell am I supposed to turn a 3 into a 10?!
“So you’re sober” Yeah, from alcohol. I smoke weed “Oh so you’re not really sober then” Sure ok, you’re right. I’m a total piece of shit actually
Rolling Stone: can you tell us about your new music Billie Eilish: I’m jacking off in front of a mirror right now
Your first look at Tires. Coming to Netflix on May 23
West Nile Virus Is Good, Most Mosquitos Say
I wish more comedians were like norm macdonald! silently dying from cancer
Everyone is going to figure out their homes are 40% overpriced all at once again aren't they.
@growing_daniel @elonmusk Engagement farming is illegal Daniel. You can't just promise hardcore porn in your replies in hopes people click through. Be Better.
hello sharks. i just need $420 mil to start an edibles food truck called the cannabus.
Marvel really took this from us and gave us Zendaya for Spider-Man
Hellz yeah
BREAKING: The Justice Department plans to sue Live Nation/Ticketmaster for running an illegal monopoly over the ticketing industry. This corporate monopoly charges too much for tickets, exploits venues, and hurts fans and artists. The antitrust lawsuit is expected within weeks.
What maniac was like “yeah go ahead and just toss this in the elementary school library. They’ll love it.”
I dunno but I wanna shake their hand
What maniac was like “yeah go ahead and just toss this in the elementary school library. They’ll love it.”
Me filling out official paperwork:
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