Jared Schwartz @thekidjared
what’s up y’all tryna chill? linktr.ee/Jaredschwartz Staten Island, NY Joined March 2011-
Tweets18K
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Followers1K
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Following686
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Likes17K
If I don’t know a guy for the job then I got a guy who knows a guy for the job
On the day I take off, takeoff takes off. Damn. RIP
Wow can’t believe I promoted on here about the Adult Swim YouTube Smalls series I was in on. All 3 episodes are available to watch. m.youtube.com/playlist?list=…
I enjoy walking down a crowded street with my girlfriend and seeing dudes visibly confused
Only an idiot would get between Joey Chestnut and a hot dog on July 4th
If your freezer isn’t a Jenga and or Tetris game your life is boring
One of the best to do it
Im going to be in Brooklyn and DC for some shows in June. Come hangout. It will be a good time. linktr.ee/lilsasquatch
Pretty crazy draft night. Didn’t see this coming, thank you.
Tonight 7:00PM HUMP DAY TREAT @KatBelinfante @hansdickie @emilwakim Christiana Jackson @thekidjared @DSGermain 🎟️🎟️🎟️ thestandnyc.com/shows/show/202…
apologies to anyone i’ve met in the past 26 years, i haven’t been feeling like myself
Tonight 7:00PM MOMMA'S BOY @thekidjared @ianfidance @KFreehams @directordaddyy @a_ronson @kylemara_ @FranqiFrench 🎟️🎟️🎟️ thestandnyc.com/shows/show/202…
heyNY @TheStandNYC 7pm tonight @thekidjared @KFreehams @ianimal69 8pm @ComedianCP @michaelkosta @LaughingVlad @ComicMikeV @aaronbergcomedy & more
Elon Musk put a chip in my brain
Tonight 7:00PM MOMMA'S BOY COMEDY @thekidjared @JennyGorelick @abbygov @IamEmmaWillmann @mookiethompson @ConstantlyGus 🎟️🎟️🎟️ thestandnyc.com/shows/show/202…
heyNY @TheStandNYC 7pm tonight @mookiethompson @IamEmmaWillmann @thekidjared 8pm @ciphasounds @michaelkosta @PaulVirzi 10pm @Derek1Gaines #AriShaffir @franciscellis & more
Just realized 9/11 is legal to drink this year. Toast to that
anus @anus
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11K Followers 75 Following[email protected].. @bb_apes
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331 Followers 103 Following March Madness Bracket Winner (2018) | Runner Up in Cutest Baby Contest (1995) | Once Shot a Three-Point Basket | 2x Featured: Buzzfeed’s Best Halloween CostumesDave Sirus @DaveSirus
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25K Followers 404 Following I drink melk with dinner and keep my butter on the counter. @AreYouGarbage Podcast Every Monday and Thursday. LINKS/ LIVE DATES/ MERCH⬇️little bastard @britneyled
561 Followers 180 Following hi I’m rod and I like to party $britneyledesmaKareem Green @KareemGreen
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184K Followers 2K Following COMEDIAN & DJ NYC @juanepislife podcast is back!!! [email protected] @Monsterenergy @monstermusicRyan Garcia and crew celebrating the win #CTESPN
me to the government: no broo I swear I don’t make that much money i promise you bro 😭 😬 me to my landlord: I make so much money big dog you know I’m good for it just let me live here bro you don’t have to worry about me fr I promise 😤🤝
#CTESPN had it first 📈🎬 Most trusted source in all of sports
Aaron used to do this with the Pats #CTESPN
I found a guy who goes around Miami asking millionaires how they got rich. Funny enough… Almost all of them say the same thing. Here are my top 8:
I haven’t sold a script yet bc I’m terrible in pitches bc telling execs “real niggas gone fuck with it i promise” apparently isn’t professional
Did y’all see these guys started a podcast together?? 👀 🧐🤨
This is what Big Sean was thinking when he said “Built a house up on that ass, that's an ass-state”
Does Rempe fight every single night or am I just imagining it?
Your body doing all of this work just to listen to some Cardi B is CRAZY
How hearing works [🎞️ Zack D. Films] x.com/i/status/17603…
lit himself on fire and got turned into a meme this app is one of one
Miss that cracker 🥲
Dave has his mind blown when he figures out what Bri’s podcast’s actual name is