Chelsea Davison @chelsea_davison
Ted is out now on Peacock! Comedy writer once called "the Peggy Olson of dick jokes." chelseadavison.com Los Angeles, CA Joined February 2009-
Tweets7K
-
Followers9K
-
Following1K
-
Likes15K
Don't vote for anyone you wouldn't trust with your dog.
Teamed up with the hilarious @IvanEhlers to write this for the Wall Street Journal. It will also be in the print edition this weekend. Thanks to @EmilyBobrow! The AI girlfriends you’ll date before you find The One wsj.com/tech/personal-… via @WSJ
roomful of Harvard MBA looking at a chart of the most popular show of 2024 (SUITS) and then greenlighting two dozen six episode dramas and a 400 million dollar Robert De Niro movie
I feel like I'm watching the credits of a movie from 2005. #HalftimeShow
Currently watching the Super Bowl and @chelsea_davison has cried three times before kickoff (1. Watching first Super Bowl with our son, 2. Maui wildfire footage, 3. “I’m just proud of these men achieving their dreams”)
Is it anticompetitive if one of the biggest movie studios in the world shuns the marketplace in order to use a tax loophole to write off an entire movie so they can more easily merge with one of the other biggest movie studios in the world? Cause it SEEMS anticompetitive.
a Roger Rabbit sequel where the looney tunes start mysteriously disappearing at the WB lot and in the end they uncover the CEO is deleting them for the insurance money
This is really great and also a reminder of the fucking shame in knowing that the billionaires of the world could do stuff like this essentially every single day.
This is really great and also a reminder of the fucking shame in knowing that the billionaires of the world could do stuff like this essentially every single day.
Here Are All the Game Industry CEOs Who Took a Pay Cut to Prevent Layoffs hard-drive.net/hd/video-games…
"Of Course ‘Ted’ Is the Internet’s New Favorite Show" thedailybeast.com/obsessed/how-d… via @thedailybeast
Very proud to have worked on this hilarious show. If you haven’t, please watch!
Very proud to have worked on this hilarious show. If you haven’t, please watch!
TED app in my iPhone.
REVIEW: Seth MacFarlane has adapted "Ted" into a Peacock series. It’s silly, juvenile, and will make you laugh plenty. More: rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-m…
Ted is out now! I wrote on it and also got to do a lil cameo in the first episode as this poor lunch lady!
Ted is out now! I wrote on it and also got to do a lil cameo in the first episode as this poor lunch lady!
If I stop to process this sentence I start feeling like I can't breath.
Show devotion to the queen 🦗
Walking around block contemplating how if I were holding a loaded, bump stock-modified AR-15 capable of firing 400 rounds a minute rather than this domestic light beer I wouldn't currently be breaking the law. Fascinating prioritization of liberties we've got going here, folks!🇺🇲
America is the land of opportunity! Here, every child can dream about growing up to be anything they want - Baseball Player Mass Shooting Victim, Doctor Mass Shooting Victim, Mommy or Daddy Mass Shooting Victim, Farmer Mass Shooting Victim, Musician Mass Shooting Victim...
The petty glee I feel double tapping the engagement photo of a girl who insisted “marriage is so antiquated, and personally I don’t need to define my relationship that way! But it’s cool if you like it…”
MILKY WAY GHETTO 🌌 @JayJurden
30K Followers 2K Following he/him. comic / actor / writer / X-Men nerd/writer! - bisexual demon / booking - https://t.co/ikhegHrDPH
Blair Socci @blairsocci
47K Followers 943 Following My debut special out now on @veeps - https://t.co/jY8dpFvql7
danielle weisberg for.. @danielleweisber
32K Followers 970 Following award-nominated tv writer, nap slut, the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy | she/her | [email protected]
Sean O’Connor @seanoconnz
45K Followers 3K Following Comedian. Writer. Mets fan. SOLAR OPPOSITES (Hulu), CLOSE ENOUGH, Norm MacDonald Live and other shows.
Ariel Dumas @ArielDumas
70K Followers 8K Following IG: @ arieldumaspubicaccount - Head Writer and Supervising Producer for @colbertlateshow
Pjörk🐷 @NicoleConlan
10K Followers 1K Following writer for @TheDailyShow, personal assistant to my dog
Alison Leiby @AlisonLeiby
26K Followers 2K Following you probably know me from my abortion. co-host of @ruinedpodcast
Samantha Ruddy @samlymatters
49K Followers 2K Following Comedian from the Tonight Show & the Late Show. Dozens of followers on TikTok.
James III @ruleof3inc
10K Followers 3K Following film/tv writer @blackmenpodcast, @clubastronomy, #latefees @ruleof3comics. actor seen on 1 season of several netflix shows.
Brian Stack @BrianStack153
53K Followers 3K Following Writer, @ColbertLateShow Formerly at "Conan". @TheSecondCity Other stuff. @IUBloomington @UWMadison
Emily Heller @MrEmilyHeller
84K Followers 2K Following Comedian / complainer. ALBUMS: Pasta, Good for Her. SPECIAL: Ice Thickeners. PODCAST: @jeopardypodcast. TV WRITING: Great North, Barry, Search Party, +. she/her
Connor Ratliff 🎭 @connorratliff
22K Followers 5K Following Mr. Rapp in @MeanGirls • @DeadEyespodcast 💀👁👁 @headgum • @GLucasTalkShow • @RAAAATSCRAPS Sundays @CaveatNYC + streaming at https://t.co/2J8c7Qxu5X
Asher Perlman @asherperlman
28K Followers 2K Following Writer at The Late Show ⚔️ Cartoonist at The New Yorker ⚔️ Performer at wherever tickets are sold
patrick cotnoir @patrickcotnoir
9K Followers 936 Following booker: @exactlyright, @GLucasTalkShow, ASSSSCAT. casting: unlimited squirrels. formerly: @Marvel @gethardshow, @untitledimprov. cute af. opinions mine.
Whacktose Intolerant @MillyTamarez
12K Followers 2K Following Comedian, writer on @datinggameabc, host of @betches_sup pod, @waitwait contributor, creator of: @flexxmag & @dafcomedyfest https://t.co/h0v9b9xzI3
lana schwartz @_lanabelle
7K Followers 2K Following writer bitch/freelancer/@newyorker, @theonion, @realpunknews + more/the book BUILD YOUR OWN ROMANTIC COMEDY/i think that my horse is regular sized (she/her)
Caitlin Bitzegaio @caitorade
5K Followers 2K Following writer + comedy person * Hoosier * Dolly fan * hiker * 🐖 * @ucbtny teacher be cool, don't be all uncool
Kate @eugenia36109
30 Followers 1K Following I am a lively and cheerful girl who would like to meet a good friend.
Tiny Dinos Podcast�.. @tinydinospod
134 Followers 2K Following A @Hyperobject_Ind comedy podcast by @connorratliff & @ruleof3inc about 2 best friends who are scientists who have made a secret thing. 1st episode May 7
Spiros Margaris @SpirosMargaris
131K Followers 23K Following #VC | No 1 #Fintech #Banking @Refinitiv & @Onalytica | #AI | @TEDx | @qualco_sa @natechsa @SparkLabsGlobal @ai_mediastalker @investwithCARL @HeradoHQ @barraqapp
salsa @salsa940522
1K Followers 909 Following Repost ≠ endorse, I just want more people to see and express their thoughts!
Lily @Lily90769893863
645 Followers 538 Following I have a kind heart and her kindness and smile brighten the lives of everyone around her.（Not affiliated with any political party, tweets are personal）
Michelle Johnson @MichelleJo14991
4 Followers 124 Following
Rob Van Scoit @Rob_vanscoit
252 Followers 328 Following
anna @annagovert
974 Followers 568 Following tv editor @pastemagazine, TCA & GALECA member, riverdale enthusiast | she/her
Jørge Castro @undefeatedbeach
133 Followers 197 Following The official Twixt acct of Jesus Castro 🛸No fakers allowed past this point.
a821lec @a821le
188 Followers 606 Following
Steven DeNinza @EstebanTiguex13
197 Followers 720 Following Once upon a time I used to roam old Tiguex, but now I lurk in the shadows of fog-haunted Miskatonik U.
Jacob Diem @jacobdiem99
19 Followers 176 Following
winston binch @winstonbinch
5K Followers 2K Following Chief Brand & Experience Officer @GalePartners, dad, skier, advisor, musician @ProtectWinters Emeritus Board Member
Davey Wavey @yoMancuso
1K Followers 715 Following | Aspiring Neil deGrasse Tyson | Eternal Miller | Excelsior! | Etika 💙 | Groggs 🕊 | 2 2 22 Kirbus 6/16 💕
porchdrinkin @porchdrinkin
682 Followers 5K Following I drink. On my porch. And watch cleveland stuff and read books and🐱🐱 WEEN. @colleencannon20 and i raise a kid called Bug. i am...um... multi-tasking. he/him
Frankline Mugambi @nyagaf16
48 Followers 193 Following
Dennoxied Ramos @DennoxiedRamos
871 Followers 3K Following
Christopher @chrisaza114
158 Followers 630 Following Child of God| Writer| Entrepreneur | don't count on multivation without discpline.
Dwight Schrute @zoolilba
216 Followers 1K Following Slightly above mediocre. Solidarity. My views are my own. But probably not very good my windows are pretty dirty. IWW DSA. I support the second amendment.
Ernie @CFleder
57 Followers 223 Following
Danny Pro @snacks81
340 Followers 2K Following A lover of animation, D&D,comics, games, movies, nature, food and happiness. Trying to follow some new goals. Love random facts.
Nate Gualtieri @boywithaperiod
4K Followers 3K Following Writer. Director. Transsexual menace. @FilmIndependent Alum. Writer: Gotham Knights, Desire Lines (Winner: Sundance '24) | repped: kaplan stahler + mainstay
Post Show Recaps @PostShowRecaps
5K Followers 500 Following Post Show Recaps is over, but we'll be getting started on something new soon. Stay tuned!
Lindz McLeod @lindzmcleod
12K Followers 8K Following Scottish writer/editor. Queer AF, she/they. PhD student in Creative Writing @Apexmag @Pseudopod_org @Assemblemedia etc Repped by @LZats; fiancée @pegasusunder1
Amanda @DrAmandaR
2K Followers 699 Following Talking 🎙️ TV 📺 on @CryLaughPod 😭😂 | friend of @raanapbot | #RHAP #Survivor | She/her
Benedict William @BenedictWi78898
141 Followers 553 Following I'm ambassador in Paris ambassadors is the ensure the security of their state citizens living in the receiving country
MR M @MRM1313134
275 Followers 1K Following
Color Depot, Inc. @colordepotinc
895 Followers 4K Following DIGITAL & OFFSET PRINTING Books, Calendars, Catalogs, Labels, Magazines, Packaging Products, Postcards & more! 512 State Street, Glendale CA 91203
fitted boy blow @BoyFitted
23 Followers 280 Following
Brad M Johnson @RWWFilm
9K Followers 4K Following Writer & filmmaker in the PNW | Director/Producer: CHAT (at festivals now) | Writer: BLOOD MOON (Blacklist 8) | @DIYDFilms | @The_Grey_List | @ScreenPit
Empowered Work @Empowered_Work
1K Followers 2K Following ✍️ Expert on mental health and work 👨Licensed MH provider, 15+ years work 🔴Content not professional opinion
Miranda Pave @miraandapave
207 Followers 272 Following It's my world, bitch. Certified Little M. Owner of @kissmyasspro .
mikey reid @mrmikeyreid
141K Followers 2K Following Actor | Comedian | TV Writer | he/him | “The Mikey Reid Show” on YouTube | ripped & sweet
chrisamfm @chrisamfm
213 Followers 580 Following Hollyshorts quarterfinalist. AFF second rounder. Semifinalist Atlanta Film Fest 2022. 2023 Los Angeles International Quarterfinalist. I stand with the unions!
GeorgieM @lettermouth
221 Followers 2K Following
Tom Kircher @tomkircher
416 Followers 1K Following (the one on the right) Filmmaker | Chapman Grad | Won some awards | he/him
miritana @Miritana
280 Followers 1K Following Māori actor, writer, creative - Disney’s @thelionking AMC’s @preacheramc ABC’s House of Gods, Showtimes Wakefield, et al. Husband, eater, and other things.
Jenny @JennyTroyer
0 Followers 682 Following
L @ljacc_1
136 Followers 849 Following
Kari Crock Comic 🇺.. @geekbroll
1K Followers 5K Following Making comic about lady crocodile and her working in a space warehouse woes. #1 #2 #3 Available on Google Play. #4 Early/2024. #5 Spring/2024 - He/Him
Ari Jordan @AriJordan444
1K Followers 5K Following Screenwriter/mom/Mother to Dragon-Kittehs 🐈⬛🐈🐈⬛ #SFWA, #NAFO, Mensa. IG: @dinahwilliecats & [email protected] - Slava Ukraini!🇺🇦
MILKY WAY GHETTO 🌌 @JayJurden
30K Followers 2K Following he/him. comic / actor / writer / X-Men nerd/writer! - bisexual demon / booking - https://t.co/ikhegHrDPH
Blair Socci @blairsocci
47K Followers 943 Following My debut special out now on @veeps - https://t.co/jY8dpFvql7
danielle weisberg for.. @danielleweisber
32K Followers 970 Following award-nominated tv writer, nap slut, the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy | she/her | [email protected]
Sean O’Connor @seanoconnz
45K Followers 3K Following Comedian. Writer. Mets fan. SOLAR OPPOSITES (Hulu), CLOSE ENOUGH, Norm MacDonald Live and other shows.
Ariel Dumas @ArielDumas
70K Followers 8K Following IG: @ arieldumaspubicaccount - Head Writer and Supervising Producer for @colbertlateshow
Mike Scollins @mikescollins
34K Followers 1K Following From Marshfield MA. Writer for Late Night with Seth Meyers. Love horror movies. Usually have to pee. He/Him
Pjörk🐷 @NicoleConlan
10K Followers 1K Following writer for @TheDailyShow, personal assistant to my dog
Alison Leiby @AlisonLeiby
26K Followers 2K Following you probably know me from my abortion. co-host of @ruinedpodcast
Christine Nangle @nanglish
54K Followers 1K Following I have a dog who is my baby and I have a baby who is my child.
Samantha Ruddy @samlymatters
49K Followers 2K Following Comedian from the Tonight Show & the Late Show. Dozens of followers on TikTok.
James III @ruleof3inc
10K Followers 3K Following film/tv writer @blackmenpodcast, @clubastronomy, #latefees @ruleof3comics. actor seen on 1 season of several netflix shows.
Brian Stack @BrianStack153
53K Followers 3K Following Writer, @ColbertLateShow Formerly at "Conan". @TheSecondCity Other stuff. @IUBloomington @UWMadison
Emily Heller @MrEmilyHeller
84K Followers 2K Following Comedian / complainer. ALBUMS: Pasta, Good for Her. SPECIAL: Ice Thickeners. PODCAST: @jeopardypodcast. TV WRITING: Great North, Barry, Search Party, +. she/her
Connor Ratliff 🎭 @connorratliff
22K Followers 5K Following Mr. Rapp in @MeanGirls • @DeadEyespodcast 💀👁👁 @headgum • @GLucasTalkShow • @RAAAATSCRAPS Sundays @CaveatNYC + streaming at https://t.co/2J8c7Qxu5X
Asher Perlman @asherperlman
28K Followers 2K Following Writer at The Late Show ⚔️ Cartoonist at The New Yorker ⚔️ Performer at wherever tickets are sold
patrick cotnoir @patrickcotnoir
9K Followers 936 Following booker: @exactlyright, @GLucasTalkShow, ASSSSCAT. casting: unlimited squirrels. formerly: @Marvel @gethardshow, @untitledimprov. cute af. opinions mine.
Whacktose Intolerant @MillyTamarez
12K Followers 2K Following Comedian, writer on @datinggameabc, host of @betches_sup pod, @waitwait contributor, creator of: @flexxmag & @dafcomedyfest https://t.co/h0v9b9xzI3
Emily Bobrow @EmilyBobrow
5K Followers 2K Following Features editor/writer @WSJ; formerly @TheEconomist; bemused observer
Rob McElhenney @RMcElhenney
1.2M Followers 818 Following Founder: @morebetterind | Owner: @wrexham_afc @thebetterbrown | Creator: @alwayssunny, @mythic_quest, @wrexhamfx | Innovator: Fight Milk 🦅
Nate Gualtieri @boywithaperiod
4K Followers 3K Following Writer. Director. Transsexual menace. @FilmIndependent Alum. Writer: Gotham Knights, Desire Lines (Winner: Sundance '24) | repped: kaplan stahler + mainstay
Aymeric Kevin @AYMRC
119K Followers 1K Following Director/Production Designer | worked on ARCANE | SPIDERVERSE2 | PINGPONG the Animation ピンポン | Kick♡Heart | Space☆Dandy | Shishigari | Muttson&Royce
John Rogers @jonrog1
87K Followers 2K Following TV, comics and film writer. LEVERAGE, JACKIE CHAN ADVENTURES, BLUE BEETLE, MARRY ME, among others. Free newsletter at https://t.co/oLwsGxytrH
Dean’s Coffee @deans_coffee
497 Followers 72 Following STATUS: CLOSED. Iced coffee, teas, and more @ your picket line! Founded and operated by @andreawritestv & Olivier Alerte
James A. Castillo @jmurfish
16K Followers 1K Following He/Him · 🇨🇺🇮🇪🇪🇸 · Emmy winning Director · Character Designer · Directing a movie about Goya. Co-Host of @negspacepod Creator of @Madridnoir
Rose Surnow @rosesurnow
4K Followers 780 Following TV & feature writer. Pivoting on FOX. Warner Bros Writing Workshop and Sundance Episodic alum. I also write for advertising and produce radio stories for KCRW.
Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel
47K Followers 1K Following Writer -- Single Parents, President Show, New Girl, Kroll Show, Workaholics. On Bluesky with the same handle.
Lizzie Molyneux @LizzieMolyneux
13K Followers 2K Following Co-creator @GreatNorthFox • Writer on @BobsBurgersFox • I am the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy. Who the hell are you? • she/her
Kay Cannon @KayKayCannon
56K Followers 1K Following Dir. of BLOCKERS & CINDERELLA. Writer of PITCH PERFECT movies. 30 ROCK/NEW GIRL/GIRLBOSS streaming somewhere. K&L Prod w/ @LMcKinnon. WGA Negotiating Committee.
Lilla Zuckerman @lillazuck
6K Followers 661 Following Showrunner of POKER FACE. Previosuly on PRODIGAL SON, AGENTS OF SHIELD, SUITS, HAVEN, FRINGE, HUMAN TARGET.
Phil Lord @philiplord
116K Followers 5K Following Project Hail Spider-Man Across the Last Lego Cloney With a Chance of Jump Strays Han Batman Cocaine Afterparty Movie on Earth-Verses the Machines
Brittany Woodside @BrittWoodsy
327 Followers 468 Following Los Angeles based photographer that you can sometimes find on the East Coast.
Mike Royce @MikeRoyce
24K Followers 4K Following One Day at a Time on @Netflix • Men of a Certain Age on @StreamonMax • Enlisted on iTunes • writer for Everybody❤️Raymond on @Peacock & @ParamountPlus • he/him
Kristina Woo @kristinawoo
594 Followers 1K Following TV writer (Players, A Million Little Things, Halston, The Affair, Sorry For Your Loss), food enthusiast, abuser of exclamation points, purveyor of sass
Mekki Leeper @MekkiLeeper
8K Followers 437 Following
amelia elizalde @ameliaelizalde
35K Followers 950 Following writer. formerly @comedycentral @clickhole
J.W. Hendricks @JW_Hendricks
1K Followers 686 Following Photographer | Cat Enthusiast | Writer, unfortunately (#PreWGA) IG: j.w.hendricks
Erica Spates @EtotheRica321
1K Followers 607 Following she/her Writer, creator, producer, and basic bitch. Check out The Healing Powers of Dude on Netflix!
Sabrina Almeida @sabrinaDalmeida
1K Followers 623 Following Telescript Banger. For All Mankind, Star Trek: Section 31, Andor, Seal Team. 2019 WGA TV WAP honoree
Chipotle @ChipotleTweets
1.3M Followers 31 Following i know a spot where they make the food right in front of u
Dan Ewen Ⓥ @VaguelyFunnyDan
26K Followers 3K Following He, him, his. Georgian, vegan. Paramount's PLAYING WITH FIRE and DEAR SANTA. Freevee's Clean Slate. Account is 18+. No 24-28. 29+ is OK. No 42-50. 51+ is OK
Ash Perez 🤙🏽 @itsashlyperez
172K Followers 1K Following he/they. tv writer. sorry about not texting back
Steve Levitan @SteveLevitan
90K Followers 428 Following Co-Creator of Modern Family, Creator of Just Shoot Me
Andrew Guest @GuestAndrew
2K Followers 299 Following writer. 30 Rock, Community, Brooklyn 99, Brockmire, Hawkeye.
Stephen Falk @stephenfalk
15K Followers 575 Following I write TV shows. I listen to music. I hang with my dog. I read something. I drink something. I go to bed. I've worked very hard to craft this life.
Van @VanTheBrand
6K Followers 4K Following (Van Robichaux) | Screenwriter (@fistfightmovie, @brooklyn99) | Founder @van_labs | Minion Wrangler @illumination
Joseph Scrimshaw @JosephScrimshaw
19K Followers 2K Following Filmmaker/Writer/Comedian. Co-host of @ForceCenterPod. Martini & frozen pizza connoisseur https://t.co/9JpRBfTpgK
Alex Fernie @FernieCommaAlex
9K Followers 955 Following I perform at UCB, write/direct things like Childrens Hospital, Bajillion Dollar Propertie$, Hotwives of Orlando and I drink milkshakes. Now you know me.
Patty Guggenheim @patriscuit
15K Followers 444 Following autocorrect knows me as PARTY and autocorrect ain't wrong
Jason Zinoman @zinoman
15K Followers 2K Following NYT critic at large. On comedy column. Books on David Letterman and 1970s horror. Podcast on Martin Amis.
Stavros Halkias @stavvybaby
302K Followers 906 Following New special ‘FAT RASCAL’ only on Netflix! Listen to the @stavvysworld podcast available everywhere
Heidi Heaslet @redheadheidi
4K Followers 1K Following ▪️EP & Host ‘The Funny Dance Show’ @eentertainment ▪️SXF lets me model ▪️ ✨👩🦰✨ 🖥 All Def ▪️other stuff too
Aditya Sood @adityasood
8K Followers 2K Following Produced: The Martian, Deadpool(s), Orient Express, Cocaine Bear & Spider-Verse 2. Now: Project Hail Mary, Spider-Verse 3 & more at Lord Miller.
Ceda Xiong @slobear
3K Followers 1K Following Writer of TV (MAGGIE) and comic books (BLADE RUNNER ORIGINS). Narrative Designer @playeverseed. striving and parochial
Justin Adler @Justin_Adler
3K Followers 289 Following Creator of @LifeinPiecesCBS on @Hulu and Co-Creator of @MaggieonHulu premiering July 6th
Dan Perrault @DanJPerrault
2K Followers 710 Following Writer/Producer #STRAYS. Creator PLAYERS/AMERICAN VANDAL. Former 3rd place record holder at Hollywood DAVE & BUSTERS.
Tony Yacenda @Tyacenda
1K Followers 155 Following Director/Creator: PLAYERS, AMERICAN VANDAL. Director: DAVE, TRIAL BY MEDIA
Jess @shuggilippo
7K Followers 4K Following tour manager | i’m funny and “famous people know me” | ✌️🖤🤘
Scott Zabielski @scottzabielski
4K Followers 754 Following Comedy Writer/Director/EP - you know how to use IMDb - great father, serviceable husband.
Riley Silverman 🧡�.. @rileyjsilverman
12K Followers 2K Following 🖋️Star Wars @TroubledPod @Nerdist @DnDBeyond | 🎲 @SavingThrowShow @RassilonPod | 🎙️ @PortSaga | Chaotic Femme | She/Her | https://t.co/bxeS5MseYK
Todd Lieberman @toddlieberman
23K Followers 1K Following Film Producer / Owner, @HiddenPicsMedia / sports cards / Cleveland. Trying my best to keep it positive. I tell stories so you may get some here.Don't vote for anyone you wouldn't trust with your dog.
if you find yourself on a rooftop of a school with a sniper rifle trained on a bunch of youths pitching tents it is time to quit your job and start your life over
snipers on the roof of Ohio Union at Ohio State
We already have 1,000 would-be Mozarts who instead of learning music and honing their skills are doing shit jobs for shit wages. They're spending their time just surviving instead of blessing the rest of us with music we'd love. What these would-be Mozarts need is basic income.
cant even talk about my grandfather, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, getting wedged between the toilet and the wall anymore we used to be a proper country
Hey everyone! thanks for reaching out! my grandfather is fine, he just accidentally wedged himself between the toilet and the wall—firefighters are covering him in oil right now trying to get him out of there
@postingtime this single-handedly changed my entire perspective randomly last year
Incel Block Tango
The first trailer for ‘JOKER 2’ has been released. In theaters on October 4.
okay from here on out all biden campaign messages should be delivered in this kind of statler and waldorf routine with bernie sanders
Here’s what Donald Trump says when he thinks you’re not watching: He says he’s going to cut taxes for his rich friends, all while cutting Social Security for everyone else. @BernieSanders and I are mad as hell about it, and together, we’re going to stop him.
The saying, “The days are long, but the years are short” couldn’t be any more accurate. Matteo is a year old already 🤯. It’s all happening so fast. He just learned how to use a straw 3 weeks ago 🥹. Grateful for him, and to my wife bringing him in to the world 1 year ago today.
White ppl after doing Yoga for the first time:
@Aja02537920 The lovely India is a model of empathy and inclusivity.
Yo' momma's so stupid she thinks someone else being trans negatively impacts her in some way.
Hello - Here is a joke from my special ‘Trains, Trains, Trains’ that comes out on 5/21
Ha that’s great
Hello - Here is a joke from my special ‘Trains, Trains, Trains’ that comes out on 5/21
@jenboseph good thing your twitter is private, wouldn't want this wholesome observation getting out there
tony kushner i love you always forever!
Tony Kushner Speaks Out In Support Of Jonathan Glazer, Calls Oscar Speech An "Unimpeachable, Irrefutable Statement” deadline.com/2024/03/tony-k…
If you’re a new comic and just starting to produce shows, it is vital that every comedy showcase has: - a comedian who will turn on the crowd - a comedian who sucks but you owe a favor - a comedian with questionable rumors but no formal allegations of misconduct - a girl
I saw a tweet awhile back about how men don't think women are funny because when we make absurd jokes they think we're just really that stupid. Anyhoo...
She filled her purse with alcoholic Jell-O. To take to the bar. Because the drinks are too expensive.
Grace Randolph compares the script for ‘THE FANTASTIC FOUR’ to Greta Gerwig’s ‘LITTLE WOMEN’. Make what you will of that.
This tweet just caused me to cancel six weeks of work
I love staying in a comedy club condo bc it’s like I’m jerking off in the same bed as some of my biggest comedy idols
naming my all-female team at trivia night the bene guesserit
Trends for United States
You might like
