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Tweets23K
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Followers4K
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Following2K
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Likes73K
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At what point do we call a volcano extinct for sure? I don’t want to be the one who says 10,000 years, but then things go kablooey at 10,001.
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sorry i dropped a bucket on your head and punched the bucket
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Don't worry about WWIII. If I learned anything from watching WWII movies it's that everyone that fights will be from Brooklyn, or the Bronx or a small town in Iowa
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Oh, vague, lingering, nameless dread. You and I have been through a lot together, old friend.
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Raindrops are reincarnations of other raindrops. This is a big thought all by itself, but also I was eating yogurt.
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Dance like no one's watching. Cut that donut in half like you won't be back for the rest of it in 10 minutes.
Without the cheese it would've just been hamburger in paradise. Really makes you think.
opens a bar for you and your friends called charlatans
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At least one person in a marriage should be able to whistle.
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At the time, there was a bear who was a grizzly and a bear who was a chimp/long haul trucker. It was television at its most mammal positive.
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In case the ban on blocking is retroactive, I'd just like to say: I'm still here, you jackass.
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Inevitably, you will meet someone who looks like a sturgeon. Now that you know, it won't take you by surprise.
Most of the pictures from the 70's are of people sitting in lawn chairs.
It's nice when a friend's kids are grown and we can resume our friendship
sorry i picked you up and used you as a human shield
Only a monster would pull into an entrance that slowly.
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