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Tweets5K
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Likes15K
random fact: its crazy how in europe they call them swedish meatballs but here we call it teabagged.
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Avatar: The Last Airbender Season 2 Episode 3 recap: The avatar's friends get stoned then party hard with capital city Hunger Games-style elites.
Avatar: The Last Airbender Season 2 Episode 2 recap: A blind girl plays with the avatar's stones under the dinner table while her parents aren't looking.
Avatar: The Last Airbender Season 2 Episode 1 recap: A boy smashes his snake on a rock and then a girl he knows messages it until fully erect again.
@freshchonk You can ward one off if u draw a chalk outline around yourself but with ranch dressing.
Cop: The victim met a violent end. What do u make of it? Rookie Cop: judging by the amount of ketchup on his neck, he was definitely murdered by a vampire hotdog.
@freshchonk never drink tea made by a man named Earl Grey.
The existence of a hand gun implies the existence of a foot gun or even a nipple gun.
I feel like the title "Jack and The Beanstalk" is a really rude way of addressing a guy's anorexic wife when she's clearly already got problems.
[restaurant crime scene] Cop: The victim was unresponsive when I arrived. Detective: coulda been an accident. Cop: coulda been poison. Dune Cop: coulda been The Spices.
Rad Wizzy retweeted
Pretty sure my algorithm thinks I’m a 35 year old body building cowboy with a hankering for cool guns and goth girls Idk what that says about me
@freshchonk By "airplane mode" u mean higher than a mid-flight passenger?
He died doing what he loved: trusting a big butt and a smile even after the song warned him not to.
"Nothing interesting ever happens in this town." *a werewolf hotdog jumps on the bed and bites my hand*
for medical purposes i will now be wearing a medical alert bracelet that reads "spicy non-store brand chips only"
@freshchonk @DinosaurBoogers *takes a deep hit off helium balloon * FOR NARNIAAAAA
@freshchonk @DinosaurBoogers 🤣 Classic chonk
My favorite X-men villain is Slurry. He can force any of his opponents to experience the effects of a laxative.
Rad Wizzy retweeted
a bad pancake attitude and two pockets full of syrup.
octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
35K Followers 2K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokes
Piece @Piecezilla
6K Followers 200 Following Giving away little pieces of myself every day, FOR FREE! CEO: 🧩Zilla Entertainment
Buc 🆓️ @BucMarvin
4K Followers 3K Following inter-galactic purveyor of nonsense and pun connoisseur - reply guy extraordinaire - now available in snickerdoodle
Sprinkles the clown �... @fozzie4prez
3K Followers 2K Following we laughed, we cried, we went home happy.
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
31K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
25K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
F. Scott Fitz Jesse (... @FScottFitzJesse
8K Followers 6K Following I'm just here to make fun of myself.
Schmrrrlex @alexlumaga
5K Followers 1K Following Mouldering lump of organic matter trapped in a bizarre social and technological matrix. Mostly gone until Elon...well you know
Discount🍉Emma🍉S... @Buffalojilll
26K Followers 1K Following 37. Buffalover living in Colorado. I'm just a girl in love, I can't be held responsible for my actions.
Camila @milan_Camila0
267 Followers 6K Following 🗝Transforming Perspectives for Success. 📍Empowering Men/Women. Independent and Inspiring Wealth #bitcoin💯
Nancy K @Hikmetcan_ozer
4 Followers 772 Following night owl with morning energy 🦉 always follow back
ashley bretz @annarae99
14 Followers 35 Following Hi I love the Green Bay Packers, I work at Pizza Ranch, and I love meeting new people and also love to text a lot, Im very outgoing too.
Swafeen @Swafeen7544836
29 Followers 1K Following
Kealwa @Kealwa557731
31 Followers 602 Following
scott @scott9037233519
0 Followers 99 Following
james of groans @blackeyedfleas
7 Followers 376 Following I'm the best go-fish player you've ever seen, chump.
sısıɹɔ˙ʎʇıʇu... @identityXcrisis
477 Followers 411 Following I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record. (he/it/bag of dirty sox) search & destroy: https://t.co/RmSupAIwRp
Joey Pretz @JoeyPretz
15 Followers 242 Following I’m the only one that’s gonna trim my beard around here!
OrphaLandin @OrphaL64206
37 Followers 2K Following
townes bands zandt @bouchedag2
79 Followers 708 Following This shit ain't nothing to me man letterbox = bouchedag2
Red @C8h10n402m
43 Followers 300 Following Old account @BecomingRed_ was suspended because standing on one leg & identifying as a flamingo is illegal.
bungalow 140 @tphshe18
97 Followers 305 Following
CANMNT4Life @CANMNT4Life
477 Followers 956 Following Fuck the fascists... #Refused #BlackLivesMatter #Ukraine #ProChoice #NHLJets #Bombers #VaccinesSaveLives #CANMNT #CANWNT #LocalH #TheHip
Carlos J Santiago Can... @KaiPR31
204 Followers 2K Following I like invite people to think different. I Love Science, Philosophy, History and Arts. You can find stories and some articles of mine that I invite you to read.
michael @michael25101277
80 Followers 1K Following
K. @kevinjbac
123 Followers 213 Following Eagle Scout. Gen-X. Anti-Authoritarian. Administrative Law. Guitarist. Beard & Tats. Cold brew enthusiast. Bills by a Billion. Montreal Canadiens forever.
Nady @AhmedEl55338849
156 Followers 455 Following Interested in well crafted designs, creative ideas, deriving meanings. Encourage positive morals and beliefs. support good manners, humor, mindfulness and love.
Pessimus Prime respaw... @_pessimusprime
627 Followers 323 Following They tried to cancel me. They failed. No one will stop me tweeting about Barry Chuckle. YOU HEAR ME ELON?
Jelly Sock @JellySock
938 Followers 2K Following Astrophysics geek, true crime, darkness, comedy connoisseur, dog lover, book lover, giggler, Nerdfighter, strange crafts~
PieGuy @ilovepie84
28K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
💯ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕫�... @Crazy_ButCute2
272K Followers 13K Following I lift things up and put them down. link in bio 💁🏼♀️ Lupus/Fibro warrior! Every day stronger 💪🏻❤️💯 no DMs
♿ ☭ krisko.bsky.s... @KriskoDisko
298 Followers 745 Following mostly cat pictures, disability talk, left-wing politics and animorphs content. (he/him)
The Anxious Cat 𓃠 @iPhonePhobic
2K Followers 5K Following A broken brain, a box full of badge pins, and a PS4 .. Let me have a smoke and come back to you on this.
NyNameIsJack @YCFC_Jack
326 Followers 825 Following
Ashley @mom_guiltaf
371 Followers 489 Following Everything’s made up and the points don’t matter. Unapologetically codependent on @AndrewL_87 💍 No DM’s. Yes, that includes you.
Queen Melissa @queenmelisasnrr
736 Followers 4K Following Welcome to my fuck up world Just Only On Twitter & Tiktok
cutty @momisapornstar
92 Followers 748 Following
octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
35K Followers 2K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokes
Piece @Piecezilla
6K Followers 200 Following Giving away little pieces of myself every day, FOR FREE! CEO: 🧩Zilla Entertainment
Buc 🆓️ @BucMarvin
4K Followers 3K Following inter-galactic purveyor of nonsense and pun connoisseur - reply guy extraordinaire - now available in snickerdoodle
Sprinkles the clown �... @fozzie4prez
3K Followers 2K Following we laughed, we cried, we went home happy.
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
25K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
Shenanigans @Shenanigans_luv
21K Followers 679 Following dangerously hydrated. 💍@aboveaveragetom / tweets ➡️ https://t.co/RTw61Q1cLz
Schmrrrlex @alexlumaga
5K Followers 1K Following Mouldering lump of organic matter trapped in a bizarre social and technological matrix. Mostly gone until Elon...well you know
Kristi Yamaguccimane @TheWapplehouse
155K Followers 4K Following •𝓐𝓶𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓬𝓪’𝓼 𝓢𝓽𝓮𝓹𝓭𝓪𝓭•@jortscenterpod•turn notifications off•
PieGuy @ilovepie84
28K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Scully McDonnell {+_+... @TiftonAsher
324 Followers 421 Following counting calories, so i'm usually angry.
♿ ☭ krisko.bsky.s... @KriskoDisko
298 Followers 745 Following mostly cat pictures, disability talk, left-wing politics and animorphs content. (he/him)
Barely Baked Beans @BarelyBeans
1K Followers 433 Following We are all a figment of our dog's imagination... My dog just happens to be weird AF. https://t.co/CQyXiYv4BQ
𝙴𝚗𝚗𝚞𝚒 ... @blueeyesgreene
10K Followers 3K Following let's get out of here ☁️: https://t.co/LvCPQHcNOj more tweets @ link ⤵️
Mike Mentalpause @mentalpause1
4K Followers 1K Following The glass is half-full AND half-empty. I can be in 2 places at the same time. This rabbit hole never ends @mentalpause1/exclude:replies
Aubrey Plaza (fake) (... @_glassduster
8K Followers 942 Following presently not Aubrey Plaza. Both the victor and the vanquished are but drops of dew, but bolts of lightning - thus should we view the world.
Nobody @JustADr3amer67
51 Followers 130 Following Sometimes funny. Sometimes dark. Always random. She/Her
Mtnbear @GrnMtnbear
260 Followers 702 Following A guy. Taking it a day at a time. I think I'm friendly. DM ok, be nice.
Dammit Kenny @KennyDoIt2
1K Followers 2K Following Sorry but all of the puns are non-refundable. I draw things. See IG for more. https://t.co/4WDsGEuKXx
'THE Fabulous' Mickie... @MickieMarieLove
672 Followers 799 Following Post-British, Demi-Fluid, Polyamorus, Fabulous Anarchist Queer. Member TST 😈, Post Hot Topic Riot🏴☠️ Xrrl. Head Up, Horns High 🤘 (He/She/They) 💖🫂
Jason Not Evil @JasonNotEvil
16K Followers 4K Following Screenwriter and fart joke enthusiast Popular tweets: https://t.co/cVlfPJFRBK
Rolandia Travel @RolandiaTravel
1K Followers 2K Following Reveal #Romania in a balanced and appealing way so as to discover the culture, the people, the cities and the many fascinating places #travel #Bucharest
shoping cart lunatic @CarroDeRumiante
239 Followers 727 Following
Tundra British Columb... @BeeeejEsq
7K Followers 5K Following Lawyer, Fundraiser, ally, huzbin, daddy. #AmWriting. Cornell Hockey. Poker. He/Him. My wife @dsschatz is the funniest woman I know. #BlackLivesMatter #ProChoice
K. @kevinjbac
123 Followers 213 Following Eagle Scout. Gen-X. Anti-Authoritarian. Administrative Law. Guitarist. Beard & Tats. Cold brew enthusiast. Bills by a Billion. Montreal Canadiens forever.
Mental Masochist @SentientSadist
4K Followers 3K Following Ambers love was like a marble. https://t.co/HQ53v3uAjM
TimTam🍫 @CandymanTimTam
3K Followers 1K Following Twitters favorite candy bar 🍫. (he/him) as seen on Today. com (hit the link ➡️) https://t.co/bKRAbwFu6D
tazz @noneofyours99
78K Followers 42K Following Army Veteran, atheist, here to share some laughs, it's the universal language I ❤️Animals #supportmentalhealth squirrel mama ,wildlife rescue 🔥Memphis🔥
Jenny Doesnt Know @HighlyIngenious
4K Followers 2K Following Books, snacks, horror movies, dark humor, cheese, & insanity covered cat by fur. Navy Veteran. Fuck MAGA. She/her #BlackLivesMatter #Pride
Marly @VerbsRProudest
9K Followers 4K Following Mom, Wife, Scribbler - Tweets https://t.co/fmOqFyUryK OR exc replies https://t.co/oKTHFtbaqK header by talented friend @bucmarvin
AbbyDabbyDuh @DearAuntAbby
19K Followers 5K Following Trying to laugh through the shitshow that is my life. My tweets in link below 👇
DON WIZZY @DONWIZZ45688539
8 Followers 116 Following
Bob Heller @Bob_Heller
11K Followers 3K Following I’m Bob. My penis is 4 in. but thick as a beer can, has 2 heads and can kill a pair of doves from 17 feet. https://t.co/By5LfHNZLy
Calvin @SpiffyCalvin
470 Followers 214 Following Spaceman Spiff spins out of control above the vile wasteland known as Twitter. Will he survive?!?
Christopher Ashman @CAshmanActor
10K Followers 656 Following @christopherashmanactor on instagram. I’M NEVER ON HERE NOW. This is a relic of what once was. 💀
King Glouis XI @king_glouis_XI
1K Followers 314 Following bed wenches, get schillings || avi by @russissippi
ModestSpouse @LemonyKlem
2K Followers 1K Following amateur mushroom photographer. creep. $lemonyklem https://t.co/MrBgMC6MNl
Trouble @troubleinheels1
10K Followers 5K Following An extrovert who’s just too tired to vert at all.
Lance Said This @Lance_Said_This
3K Followers 1K Following Wrote for Rules of Engagement on CBS and then for Disney. Still a fun loving souse. I like crosswords and people who don't litter. https://t.co/cqikMIMgjXTrends for United States
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