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Fly J @FlyJ_

I tried to push an alien out of my vagina, but it didn’t work. Wannabe writer. twitter.com/search?q=from%… 📍In my head Joined June 2014
  • Tweets
    76K
  • Followers
    25K
  • Following
    4K
  • Likes
    80K
Fly J retweeted
nayele18maybe Profile Picture

Nayele18 @nayele18maybe

2 years ago

I know I seem unapproachable. That's the plan.

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Fly J @FlyJ_

3 years ago

Men are such idiots

Fly J retweeted
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Ron Perlman @perlmutations

3 years ago

Woke up to see twitter is now “X”. The real question is “Y”

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Fly J @FlyJ_

3 years ago

@wiseconnector Sex

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

12 years ago

Pro Tip: Feel the need for a good relationship? Get a dog.

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

10 years ago

The great thing about getting older is the ability to fall and hurt yourself without even drinking.

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

11 years ago

Quit crying, it only gets worse. Start drinking now and you'll be fine. -Me as a high school guidance counselor.

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

11 years ago

I can only assume that when people disappear from Twitter for months at a time that they're doing well in rehab.

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

11 years ago

Remember when we were kids and we couldn't wait to grow up, move out of the house and get a job? God, we were dumb.

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

11 years ago

My sex tape is 30 minutes of me trying to get back on the floaty I fell off of in the pool.

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

9 years ago

People keep inviting me to attend their events like they don’t know I have a dog at home who I’d rather hang out with.

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

8 years ago

Is it ok to say, “Fuck you, I want a divorce” in a text or no.

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

11 years ago

I wanted to get off the couch and get a glass of water, but I'm too lazy to move, so I decided to tweet about it instead.

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

9 years ago

I wonder how many bodies are buried in Boyd's backyard.

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

10 years ago

please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here... -me opening the dryer

Fly J retweeted
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Fly J @FlyJ_

10 years ago

Your call is important to us. Please wait on the line until you're dead and an agent will be with you shortly after that.

Fly J retweeted
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Man of Letters @manofletterz

4 years ago

Twitter is for people who want attention while being left alone.

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Fly J @FlyJ_

3 years ago

@netflix

Fly J retweeted
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Extra Strength Tylenol 🏴‍☠️ @MissesDread

4 years ago

Looks like the red wave was actually just some mid-cycle spotting.

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