I Schmidt, You Not @BestBitMachine
I just flew in from a conference on the implementation of gender neutrality in the workplace, and boy or girl are my arms tired! cabinlaughs.com/shows/252516 Milwaukee Joined April 2013-
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The funniest thing about referencing Sophie’s Choice is most people don’t get that reference anymore. So you have to explain it. And by the time you’re done, they no longer care about which kind of bread you’d like your Subway sandwich on.
Taylor Swift is being thanked for the shout-outs by everyone except her ex-boyfriends.
Taylor Swift: I inspire young girls! Courtney Love: Talk to me after you’ve killed a man.
You think people hate Joe Biden now, imagine if he wasn’t hot as f**k.
Held the door for this guy and he said thank you and I don’t know what went wrong but for some reason I replied, “You’re Malcom!” The look on his face told me he wasn’t.
Hate when I buy something I don’t need just cuz it’s on the impulse rack—especially when shopping the black market. I get home, and I’m like, “Why’d I buy all these snuff films? I don’t even own a DVD player!”
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” —Iran
There wouldn’t be so many drug users if drugs weren’t so darn useful.
@InternetH0F Tyson’s gonna hit Paul so hard that the ‘a’ in his first name is gonna turn into an ‘o’, making him the thing you find at the end of a punchline—a JOKE!
Zone of Interest was a better movie to watch at home because when I saw it in the theater I spilled nachos all over myself, and when I yelled, “Holy sh*t, I just spilled nachos all over myself!” everyone told me to shut up, and no one offered to help clean up.
Me, in an opium den: Funny thing is even if I caught the dragon, I wouldn’t know what to do with him *nods off*
Is there a market for an R-rated Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film? We shell see.
I thought Civil War was pretty good, but my friend said it was dumb…so now we're trying to shoot each other.
Eating lunch next to a yoga studio and every woman who walks by is wearing giant sunglasses and looks like a celebrity trying to not be harassed by TMZ.
Sat through all of Civil War and *spoilers* no Captain America or Iron Man😤
O.J. Simpson passed?? I thought he was a running back!?
Josh Ballew @FernBallew
2K Followers 3K Following Currently: Contributor at @theonion | Formerly: @WhiskeyJournal, @pitchjokes | Rejected by: @REALpunknews, @Reductress, @StephenAtHome, @verge, TK
A.J. Grill @Grill_You
618 Followers 641 Following In the forest by day | Telling jokes by night | Eating soup in-between
Greg Bach @iamgregbach
2K Followers 1K Following I tell jokes on stages. I co-run a comedy club. I produce & talk on radio. I've made Bon Iver laugh. I'm a trash icon who's worth a million in prizes
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname
11K Followers 2K Following slowly backing away. TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/K8oKqyuL84 click below for recent. I’m the same guy at the other places.
POOPSCRUFFIN4U (alpha.. @POOPSCRUFFIN4U
12K Followers 3K Following i can't read or count. triple threat, baybeeeeee
Ryan Mason @qdobagoodingjr
1K Followers 3K Following Comedian. Bucks fan. Opinions are my own. Insta: ryanmason18
Schmrrrrrlex @alexlumaga
6K Followers 1K Following Mouldering lump of organic matter trapped in a bizarre social and technological matrix. Recent tweets: https://t.co/sDiQmQSsjj
KC Sarkisian Phillips @IdiotBrainGuy
180 Followers 215 Following Disgusting Sewer Person he/she/they/we booty now
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
23K Followers 5K Following BLACK LIVES MATTER. Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Doofus. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. Mastodon: [email protected]
Jamie “hubie hallow.. @AJamieCarbone
2K Followers 626 Following don’t explain the Seinfeld tweet to me. BLM, They/them
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
Dan Shafer @DanRShafer
29K Followers 8K Following Political columnist from Milwaukee. Exhausted Dad. I write The Recombobulation Area (subscribe!), an award-winning newsletter/blog/column/thing. BUCKS FAN.
Bill Gevirtz @Bill_Gevirtz
2K Followers 5K Following
A LIST OF WET CELEBRI.. @MrZachPeterson
3K Followers 1K Following The Red Skeleton of our time. moving at the speed of business
Charles📉 @_charlestrades
527 Followers 6K Following Trader | Foun Manager | AMU $3.2M | Head of fx execution | Crypto 📊 | Global Market Research 🧐 | Rates
Joe Degand III @WhoIsJoeDegand
482 Followers 1K Following I'm a Comic from the Chicago and surrounding suburbs area and anywhere else that will have me. I eat only where Action Bronson and Anthony Bourdain tell me to.
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
John “BrewersRaptor.. @BrewersRaptor
7K Followers 3K Following Comedian/Writer. Formerly Brent Suter’s Actual Raptor. Host of “Another Brewers Podcast” Contributor for @ReviewngTheBrew @brewer_fanatic and @ZoneCoverageMN .
Domer $pliffson @UncleM00N414
24 Followers 45 Following 1/3 of the rap group $pliff Gang 1/2 of the rap group The $pliffsons 1 of 1 Domer $pliffson 💪🏾 To checkout our merch & music go to https://t.co/AJFn0EF8D3
Evelyn_Harris @EvelynHarr92421
26 Followers 2K Following
Nate Armbruster @natecomedy
3K Followers 2K Following I like to write jokes. And tell those jokes to audiences in the form of stand-up comedy.
Isabella Gomez 🌹 @isabella264s
250 Followers 4K Following Also love kiss Love fun , and games 🎮 💼 I don't joke with my body 👅 my trust in God ✝️
KC (alt) @idiotbraingf
62 Followers 108 Following she needs to post more annoying. her followers love it.
Luke @Peeffe112223
437 Followers 5K Following See the world on the road, and get to know yourself on the way!
Anne @Nesse334193
311 Followers 5K Following See the world on the road, and get to know yourself on the way!
AnaLongwith @AnaLongwit81230
32 Followers 2K Following
Joe Reams @joe_themeatman
178 Followers 552 Following KFAN rube. Borderline Cy Amundson Show stan. Study finance&econ. Handle meat in my work time. Not in that order or any order because it wasn’t an ordinal list.
Moo sanneh @sannehb609
31 Followers 211 Following
ゃん @fhnshudu111586
2 Followers 286 Following は目で恋をし、女は耳で恋に落ちる。LINEに追加してください【https://t.co/WBpv4IMzBp】
Comedy Cabin @ComedyCabinwi
82 Followers 81 Following Comedy Club in Janesville WI. [email protected]
Quintin @Mydaily_Q
960 Followers 2K Following
Philia (name) @WaiPhilia
615 Followers 802 Following The bosom is no longer bitter, the realm is no longer tired.
Ricky Hollywood @YSufferer
11K Followers 1K Following You think I don't appreciate art? You think I don't understand fashion? You think I'm not hip? You think I'm pathetic? A nerd? A lard-ass fat-so?
Julia from Palmdale @JuliaInPalmdale
545 Followers 135 Following Devoted to my kids, bulldog, poker, and lawyering.
1MotionOutReach @1MotionOutReach
287 Followers 469 Following COMEDIAN. Whatever motion we move in God is there. Spirituality, Personality & Business. #1MOTION ☝🏿
ً @3___0__0__0___
6K Followers 3K Following
Geoffrey Hughes @Geoffre07012985
236 Followers 785 Following
Annette Todd @AnnetteTodd
2K Followers 5K Following Daughter of God, Mother of many. Devoted to personal freedom. Love living in California but hate the single party rule!
The Fledglings Contes.. @The_Fledglings
2K Followers 1K Following 🐥 For accounts under 2K followers! 🐣 Contest runs Friday AM to …?? Avi/Header by @Invisichad
canned id @canned_id
312 Followers 549 Following Experiment in candidly expressing one’s id, aka not giving a fuck. (he/him)
Vegeta ♐️ Versace @ike_loud
839 Followers 2K Following new account. locked out at 7k . Las Vegas x Salt Lakecity https://t.co/bZH9TIOEe2
Brandon Wells @Highpint2
16 Followers 56 Following
fredoandme @fredoandme
2K Followers 3K Following
jenny @jennyS1231455
40 Followers 183 Following Life is like a teacher, the more we live, the more we learn
nacho libra, P.E. @nacholibraa69
11K Followers 8K Following big fan of the double slit experiment and having big boobs
Jonathan Edward Durha.. @thisone0verhere
28K Followers 14K Following Writer of Speculative Literary Fiction • Generalized Anxiety Wunderkind • Already Sorry • Sneaker Addict •🐰👀🌾 Author of “Winterset Hollow” 🌾👀🐰•
Ray_Wisbrock @raywisbrock
93 Followers 116 Following Chicago-area comedian. If life is one big joke, make sure you're not the punchline. YouTube Channel: https://t.co/q7Ok4PhHW7
The Hot Seat Show @theseatishot
250 Followers 962 Following Tom Klein, William Krolowitz, and Molly Westenberer put each other and their guests on the hot seat asking all of the burning questions.
Aristhotle @aristhotleawe
137 Followers 393 Following aspiring person • perspiring person • let me bleed on you and you pay me • any pronouns
The Lucky Cat Comedy .. @theluckycatcr
127 Followers 475 Following Your home for comedy & events in Cedar Rapids! 11/4 Chris Schlichting. Trivia every Sunday at 5:30! Tickets at https://t.co/ed57uRuMnq
Josh Ballew @FernBallew
2K Followers 3K Following Currently: Contributor at @theonion | Formerly: @WhiskeyJournal, @pitchjokes | Rejected by: @REALpunknews, @Reductress, @StephenAtHome, @verge, TK
A.J. Grill @Grill_You
618 Followers 641 Following In the forest by day | Telling jokes by night | Eating soup in-between
Greg Bach @iamgregbach
2K Followers 1K Following I tell jokes on stages. I co-run a comedy club. I produce & talk on radio. I've made Bon Iver laugh. I'm a trash icon who's worth a million in prizes
cap’n watsisname @capnwatsisname
11K Followers 2K Following slowly backing away. TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/K8oKqyuL84 click below for recent. I’m the same guy at the other places.
POOPSCRUFFIN4U (alpha.. @POOPSCRUFFIN4U
12K Followers 3K Following i can't read or count. triple threat, baybeeeeee
Ryan Mason @qdobagoodingjr
1K Followers 3K Following Comedian. Bucks fan. Opinions are my own. Insta: ryanmason18
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Schmrrrrrlex @alexlumaga
6K Followers 1K Following Mouldering lump of organic matter trapped in a bizarre social and technological matrix. Recent tweets: https://t.co/sDiQmQSsjj
KC Sarkisian Phillips @IdiotBrainGuy
180 Followers 215 Following Disgusting Sewer Person he/she/they/we booty now
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
23K Followers 5K Following BLACK LIVES MATTER. Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Doofus. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. Mastodon: [email protected]
Jamie “hubie hallow.. @AJamieCarbone
2K Followers 626 Following don’t explain the Seinfeld tweet to me. BLM, They/them
President Warren G. H.. @PopeAwesomeXIII
13K Followers 2K Following Commercially Inviable. ✌️ 29th US President (1921-1923) 🧐 Tip jar! https://t.co/Igf16XkzWv ❤ He/Him 👍 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️ ❤️ See pinned for migration info
Dan Shafer @DanRShafer
29K Followers 8K Following Political columnist from Milwaukee. Exhausted Dad. I write The Recombobulation Area (subscribe!), an award-winning newsletter/blog/column/thing. BUCKS FAN.
Joe Degand III @WhoIsJoeDegand
482 Followers 1K Following I'm a Comic from the Chicago and surrounding suburbs area and anywhere else that will have me. I eat only where Action Bronson and Anthony Bourdain tell me to.
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
John “BrewersRaptor.. @BrewersRaptor
7K Followers 3K Following Comedian/Writer. Formerly Brent Suter’s Actual Raptor. Host of “Another Brewers Podcast” Contributor for @ReviewngTheBrew @brewer_fanatic and @ZoneCoverageMN .
SGW @soft ground wres.. @SGWug
33K Followers 438 Following Softgroundwrestling Uganda is a backyard wrestling promotion in Uganda east Africa that develops talents of young athletes all over east Africa in wrestling.
KC (alt) @idiotbraingf
62 Followers 108 Following she needs to post more annoying. her followers love it.
Out of Context Simpso.. @OOCCouchGags
110K Followers 4K Following Run by @LorcanHedgehog A Irish guy acts American. Age 25. Posts non couch gag tweets. (Not associated to Disney, Fox nor Simpsons Crew)
Nate Armbruster @natecomedy
3K Followers 2K Following I like to write jokes. And tell those jokes to audiences in the form of stand-up comedy.
GrappleClips @GrappleClips
35K Followers 83 Following Pro Wrestling Clips & Moments BACKUP ACCOUNT 👉@GrappleKlips #LostMoveAlert *all content owned by others
Joe Reams @joe_themeatman
178 Followers 552 Following KFAN rube. Borderline Cy Amundson Show stan. Study finance&econ. Handle meat in my work time. Not in that order or any order because it wasn’t an ordinal list.
Alejandro Casañas Ro.. @AlejandroCasaas
1K Followers 5K Following Periodista Deportivo Total. Columnista SD Padres:https://t.co/6eEE46ua0u MLB: EfektoTV. NFL,UCL,NBA, NHL, UFC @Planeta_Wrest: WWE, NJPW, STARDOM, NOAH, MARIGOLD
Drainmaker 🌧️ �.. @DrainBamager
42K Followers 1K Following Avid watcher of pro wrestling because it's just the best. AEW, ROH, NJPW mostly. Wrestling Observer aficionado. Bryan Danielson is the greatest wrestler alive.
Comedy Cabin @ComedyCabinwi
82 Followers 81 Following Comedy Club in Janesville WI. [email protected]
Ricky Hollywood @YSufferer
11K Followers 1K Following You think I don't appreciate art? You think I don't understand fashion? You think I'm not hip? You think I'm pathetic? A nerd? A lard-ass fat-so?
Cartoons Hate Her! @CartoonsHateHer
24K Followers 936 Following working on myself (figuring out all the ways I’m better than everyone who has wronged me.) she/her, follows/RTs =/= agreement. please publish my book.
What Had Happened New.. @WHHNEWS
2K Followers 3K Following PEEP THE POD! @WHHNews @XLComedyShow on IG YouTube link: https://t.co/XM6SvrbEZt
Lance Storm @LanceStorm
293K Followers 620 Following Former Pro Wrestler, Producer/Coach with Impact Wrestling.
Dark Side of the Ring @DarkSideOfRing
116K Followers 841 Following Season 5 is airing now on @vicetv — Tuesdays at 10pm ET. Created by @evanhusney & @jasoneisener. Trailer 👇
Adam Ellis @adamtotscomix
1.1M Followers 437 Following goblin • he/him • inquiries: [email protected] • Bad Dreams: https://t.co/AXc5WlFb1N (As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases)
JOE @LeBron_Eames
1K Followers 708 Following comedian. Come to The Humboldt Jungle the last wednesday of every month.
➖ @HornyImbecile
254 Followers 655 Following neurodivergent landlord looking for love on Nextdoor 😶🌫️ once prolific
The Many Debuts in WW.. @TheDebutsInWWE
91K Followers 1K Following Account changes gimmick ever so often. Owner: @tribal_chef My other account @matchpromoswwe DM me any WWE Debuts you wanna see, credit given.
Ann Lesby, PhD (she/h.. @AnnLesbyPhD
198K Followers 12 Following Reinstated Head of Gender Studies at ACL University. Bestselling author ANTIRACIST FETUS. 1/8 Black semitrans lesbian who dates men. RIP S.A.Tyre.
Matt @matthew_maddock
2K Followers 5K Following I tend to just retweet excellent posts. see me as a conduit... IG: https://t.co/7th0xt2bcu
Elon Musk @elonmusk
181.3M Followers 584 Following
OVP - Retro Wrestling.. @ovppodcast
27K Followers 273 Following Drama-free 80s/90s WWF podcast every week since 2016 Retro pop culture: @awmpodcast hosts: @the_joe_marotta & @silentq15 Fan/Parody.Not affiliated with WWE
fredoandme @fredoandme
2K Followers 3K Following
nacho libra, P.E. @nacholibraa69
11K Followers 8K Following big fan of the double slit experiment and having big boobs
Cyanide & Happiness @Explosm
258K Followers 165 Following Cyanide & Happiness is created by @_KrisWilson_ @robdenbleyker and @daveexplosm Buy Master Dater, our new card game, here: https://t.co/dWsHTCmEyG
cozy superkick ♻️ @cozysuperkick
21K Followers 2K Following PWG | AEW | Puro | 90s. Ignoring IG until further notice- @cozysuperkick Half-assed fun af rasslin' vids: https://t.co/0CAHrE8EXD
Missing The Point @MissingThePt
2K Followers 2 Following Ask not for whom the point is missed. It is missed for thee. I am funnier on Mastodon ([email protected]) and Bluesky (@MissingThePt.bsky.social).
Dan White @atdanwhite
155K Followers 2K Following comedy writer | reps: Framework Entertainment | I perform weekly on @improvisdead
John Frankensteiner @JFrankensteiner
57K Followers 243 Following That Nirvana song from The Beavis and Butthead Experience
Vintage Puroresu プ�.. @vintagepuro
63K Followers 966 Following
Deep Cuts - a WCW Tri.. @DeepCutsWCW
27K Followers 407 Following A tribute to the WCW shows you might have missed. Not affiliated with WWE or any of its properties. (backup is @WCWCuts)
Dark Puroresu Flowsio.. @PuroresuFlow
66K Followers 1K Following Gifs/Clips/Discussion/Q&A’s & Puroresu Flowsion Clothing Wrestler Exclusive. Limited Drops.
Jonathan Edward Durha.. @thisone0verhere
28K Followers 14K Following Writer of Speculative Literary Fiction • Generalized Anxiety Wunderkind • Already Sorry • Sneaker Addict •🐰👀🌾 Author of “Winterset Hollow” 🌾👀🐰•
Cosmo Nomikos @Ferrariomopeds
175 Followers 151 Following Bunch of snakes in a trench coat. Don't trust. 1/3 of @ajlpodOne of my favorite things ever is the combination of 2000’s independent wrestling & 2000’s active rock radio. ROH x NOAH. 📻🌟
Sometimes I wonder when I’ll meet my baby reindeer.
@vintagepuro This was one of Williams last matches before signing with WWF and doing brawl for all in summer of ‘98. Think his last one was singles vs. Inoue. Then I remember WWF allowed him to do Baba tribute show in May of 99, and Williams was wearing these weird yellow trunks 😵💫.
Gary Albright & Steve Williams x Yoshihiro Takayama & Masahito Kakihara. As the major shootstyle feds faded out in the 90’s, most of the rosters either migrated into full scale mma, traditional pro wrestling or a combination of both. (5.1.1998) 🌟
@GrappleClips Wrestling is better when moves like this end a match. I don't mean that it needs to end every match it happens in. But it should happen frequently enough that the near-fall pop is honest. Sami Zayn has seemingly always understood that. That's a big reason fans are so invested.
@GrappleClips I believe the move is called Rolling Yoshi Tonic.
While WAR wasn’t at the mainstream level of NJPW & AJPW, its tapes were highly coveted by western fans scrambling to see the matches of Ultimo Dragon & Rey Mysterio Jr. who had ascended to the forefront of the WCW Cruiserweight scene. 📼
Mitsuharu Misawa x Kenta Kobashi. No caption necessary. (10.31.1998) 🌟
The DX State of the Union Address UNCENSORED!
Choose ONLY 1: The Midnight Express’ Veg-O-Matic or The Brainbuster’s Spike Piledriver
18 years ago today Marufuji hit Kenta Kobashi with one of the most unhinged Dropkick’s in wrestling history.
I quit my last job because it’s hard to making a living solely from tips. I’ll never try to be a detective again!
2 years ago today Will Ospreay hit Blake Christian with one of his best Hidden Blades ever!
Will Ospreay removes his elbow pad for the Hidden Blade. Bryan Danielson closes his eyes and feels all the YES chants. They collide and Ospreay wins. Might be my favorite part of the epic Danielson/Ospreay showdown. Just goosebumps.
Dark Match Dwayne Johnson vs Skip/Chris Candido March 11, 1996 *The Rock’s 2nd WWF match
watching roh back in 2002-2008 had to have been the coolest shit. you were really there watching the best wrestlers in the world go at it knowing it was just you, the couple hundred people in the audience and a few thousand people on forums who knew about them. what the fuck
@BestBitMachine Frankly it's safer just to call him "Buzz Roadkill"
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